Help with beating self-defeating thoughts

[Testosterone Junkie]

So I know that I do it but don't really know how to stop. I constantly compare myself and my performance to others and instead of getting motivated I end up thinking "I'll never be that good" or whatever and it winds up hurting my training.

Classic example: today at the gym I'm doing widegrip cable pulldowns and some dude is doing incline cable flys on the machine in front of me and using more than twice the weight that I was doing those at yesterday. Yes, he was a lot bigger than me and I imagine been at this game a lot longer than I have. The logical part of my brain knows this but something triggers an emotional response like "I might as well just give up since I'll never be that good". I don't like that way of thinking and want to change it but I'm not really sure how. Any advice?

 

[OuchThatHurts]

So I know that I do it but don't really know how to stop. I constantly compare myself and my performance to others and instead of getting motivated I end up thinking "I'll never be that good" or whatever and it winds up hurting my training.

Classic example: today at the gym I'm doing widegrip cable pulldowns and some dude is doing incline cable flys on the machine in front of me and using more than twice the weight that I was doing those at yesterday. Yes, he was a lot bigger than me and I imagine been at this game a lot longer than I have. The logical part of my brain knows this but something triggers an emotional response like "I might as well just give up since I'll never be that good". I don't like that way of thinking and want to change it but I'm not really sure how. Any advice?

If you want to change it you can. It's won't be easy and it won't happen in a month but over time, it will. I know because I have watched it occur in front of my eyes. This is a text-book self-esteem issue. Your case is not so acute as to warrant any drastic action in my opinion unless it leads you to unhealthy (physical) ideations or considerations. Hell everyone feels like you're describing sometimes. I see someone do a lot more weight than me in a givin exercise, I think about it. I just do. We all measure our performance to at least a small degree against others.

Here's just a suggestion. You learned to think the way you do over time and you can unlearn to think that way. Will it be total? Probably not. Can you get to the point where it doesn't affect your activities (lifting)? Absolutely. First step is you have to learn to gain control of your own thoughts. If you feel yourself drifting down a particular train of thought, recognize it, and stop it. Change your thoughts to something else. Change your thoughts to something more productive preferrably. You can think of an episode of Lassie for all that matters but just make sure it's something different.

Once you learn to control the way you think, that is to say, not based on your emotions but on your own logic (you said yourself you know you shouldn't feel this way). Once you achieve at least some degree of control, than you can work at your self-esteem in general. Even accomplishing overcoming not being able to control your thoughts will begin to help your self-esteem.

[start edit]Btw... thanks for the PM... It was good to hear from a new member. I'm glad we here at ProM made a difference for you.
[end edit]

 

[buffbabeca]

So I know that I do it but don't really know how to stop. I constantly compare myself and my performance to others and instead of getting motivated I end up thinking "I'll never be that good" or whatever and it winds up hurting my training.

Classic example: today at the gym I'm doing widegrip cable pulldowns and some dude is doing incline cable flys on the machine in front of me and using more than twice the weight that I was doing those at yesterday. Yes, he was a lot bigger than me and I imagine been at this game a lot longer than I have. The logical part of my brain knows this but something triggers an emotional response like "I might as well just give up since I'll never be that good". I don't like that way of thinking and want to change it but I'm not really sure how. Any advice?

We ALL have been through this.. and Im sorry that you are still going through it. You need to believe in yourself. If you want to talk in further detail PM me... or hit me up on yahoo im....

 

[nosmas]

If Your profile pic is actually you, then I just thought to myself, dam! I wish I could look like that!

 

[Testosterone Junkie]

Thanks guys. It's good to know it's not just me. I'll start doing what you recommended Ouch. And nosmas, yes that's me and you made my freakin' day man