I almost screwed up BAD in the gym locker room tonight!

[JonnyO]

LOL too funny...for some reason it reminded me of that guy who used to post those funny stories of that retarded guy going to the gym and doing funny stuff and getting in fights...I think he named the character Nobby or something like that but they were hilarious and your story reminded me of them, hahaha.

 

[JonnyO]

I found one of those stories, they were by Victorian Guy:

Brothers,

We all have people who have inspired us. For most of us here, that inspirational person may be a pro bodybuilder. Well, brothers, let me tell you about the person who inspires me- he's a lad with cerebral palsy named Rupert, and while physically he isn't much to speak of, he has the heart and determination of a LION!!!

I was at the gym giving Rupert yet another free personal training session. You see, bros, I do this out of the goodness of my heart- I've got a soft spot for the marginalized in society, and, BY GOD, I do whatever I can for them!

I was coaching Rupert through some basic bodybuilding movements, though his spastic condition made it difficult for him to perform them right. An idea suddenly occured to me- why shouldn't Rupert use a running machine? The running machine, or treadmill, I was thinking of, was a German made Thiessen TX 230 Olympic trainer- it has a treadmill that is twice as long as the standard, and can reach speeds approaching that of an Olympic sprinter! It has a reverse mode function, and I decided that Rupert could sit on the belt in his wheelchair, and while the belt went in reverse Rupert could turn the wheels on his chair to counter the momentum- what a workout that would be!

We tried it at very low speeds, and Rupert was just able to keep up! My chauffeur, training partner, and former maximum security prison inmate Nobby was overcome with joy at Rupert's success- and, screaming "Bloody FOOKING well DONE, lad!" brought his massive fist down on the control panel, in a gesture of uncontrolled emotion! Suddenly, something went terribly wrong with the TX 230, and it went into forward mode, at top speed! Rupert and his wheelchair were shot forward like a bullet, flipped over the front of the running machine, and went flying through the air into the weight-lifting area! His wheelchair broadsided an old lady, knocking her feeble form unconscious, and Rupert went flying into the large, triple-shelved dumbell rack. The dumbell rack teetered, tottered, and fell over with a thunderous crash, as dumbells of all weights came crashing down, burying Rupert!

We called an ambulance and dug him out of the dumbells. Luckily, the tough young man was still alive- but he began having a grand mal seizure!

Well, he was only in a coma for a week. The tough little lad- you've got to admire his fighting spirit. When I don't feel like going to the gym, I think of Rupert....and, brothers, what an inspiration he is! Sorry...I'm getting emotional...*wipes away a tear*...till next time, brothers!!

 

[Magnolia5]

LOL!!!...that's good stuff...

 

[Skip]

I won't lie: I fucking laughed my ass off when you said the guy behind the counter said he was a retard. In fact, I am still laughing.

Skip

I totally wasn't expecting that. I just pissed myself laughing and people are staring at me.

 

[Ehren]

That is some tragic and funny shit, Jethro!!

Don't feel too bad Bro, I've had a moment like that:

Bouncing at a nightclub when I was about 22, the place was always full of punk-assed little wanna be tough-guys. Right inside the door, there's a tall desk, sort of like a hotel reception desk, where money is exchanged and hand-stamps are given.

So in walks a group of guys, they all pay and Im giving the stamps. "Right hand please", I say. First one, fine, second one, fine. Third one gives me his left and smiles. "Right hand, Dude." He keeps smiling, holding out his left. I think he's fucking with me. "Bro, right hand please, Jesus!" He stops smiling. He holds up his left hand...only there's no hand, just a wrist.

I felt like SUCH and asshole.

The rest of the night the other doormen were walking up the front desk with their hands pulled back inside their sleeves, asking for a stamp. Bastids.

 

[Rictor33]

It has occurred to me for the last decade that there are many retards walking amongst us all.. Some might not be diagnosed, but there are a shit-ton of high-functioning retards about. There are two things that are certain: Infinity and human stupidity.. I live in one of the more affluent areas of this world and what I see on a daily basis is just depressing. I could just imagine what it is like in lesser areas.

 

[Phidias]

I dropped my towel and stepped into my shoes in case I had to get into it with this guy. I don't want to fight bare foot.

...

He gave me this shitty look and grabbed his clothing and moved to the other side of the locker room.

Maybe he didn't want to beat up a guy who was only wearing shoes and nothing else!

OMFG!!! That's HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[thebrick]

That's funny JT!!!!! It was an honest mistake
It reminds me of something I did years ago. I was out driving in my city when one day I got caught behind a long line of cars in traffic. Of course I was in a big hurry because of my job and was all stressed out. Well, I couldn't get around these cars and I am cussing and pissing about these "slow-ass dumb fucks" that can't drive. Turns out I was behind a funeral procession.

 

[BigChef]

Lmao!! That was a pisser!

 

[pesty4077]

JT, that was funny, but at the same time makes a guy humble. God has a habit of doing that. It is the old saying " You never will know that guy, until you walked a mile in his shoes " In your case that all I would see, is your shoes!

 

[IronCore]

JT that was freaking hilarious! But I dont know what is funnier... the fact that he was a tard or the fact that you where gonna kick his ass with your cock-n-balls swinging.....

 

[wrought]

It's a sad day when I am more worried about my tender feet than my privates!

ROTFLMAO!!!! The story is hilarious and that's the icing on the cake!

 

[JETHRO TULL]

I JUST READ THIS STORY TO MY WOMAN WHILE SHE IS COOKING!

I found one of those stories, they were by Victorian Guy:

Brothers,

We all have people who have inspired us. For most of us here, that inspirational person may be a pro bodybuilder. Well, brothers, let me tell you about the person who inspires me- he's a lad with cerebral palsy named Rupert, and while physically he isn't much to speak of, he has the heart and determination of a LION!!!

I was at the gym giving Rupert yet another free personal training session. You see, bros, I do this out of the goodness of my heart- I've got a soft spot for the marginalized in society, and, BY GOD, I do whatever I can for them!

I was coaching Rupert through some basic bodybuilding movements, though his spastic condition made it difficult for him to perform them right. An idea suddenly occured to me- why shouldn't Rupert use a running machine? The running machine, or treadmill, I was thinking of, was a German made Thiessen TX 230 Olympic trainer- it has a treadmill that is twice as long as the standard, and can reach speeds approaching that of an Olympic sprinter! It has a reverse mode function, and I decided that Rupert could sit on the belt in his wheelchair, and while the belt went in reverse Rupert could turn the wheels on his chair to counter the momentum- what a workout that would be!

We tried it at very low speeds, and Rupert was just able to keep up! My chauffeur, training partner, and former maximum security prison inmate Nobby was overcome with joy at Rupert's success- and, screaming "Bloody FOOKING well DONE, lad!" brought his massive fist down on the control panel, in a gesture of uncontrolled emotion! Suddenly, something went terribly wrong with the TX 230, and it went into forward mode, at top speed! Rupert and his wheelchair were shot forward like a bullet, flipped over the front of the running machine, and went flying through the air into the weight-lifting area! His wheelchair broadsided an old lady, knocking her feeble form unconscious, and Rupert went flying into the large, triple-shelved dumbell rack. The dumbell rack teetered, tottered, and fell over with a thunderous crash, as dumbells of all weights came crashing down, burying Rupert!

We called an ambulance and dug him out of the dumbells. Luckily, the tough young man was still alive- but he began having a grand mal seizure!

Well, he was only in a coma for a week. The tough little lad- you've got to admire his fighting spirit. When I don't feel like going to the gym, I think of Rupert....and, brothers, what an inspiration he is! Sorry...I'm getting emotional...*wipes away a tear*...till next time, brothers!!

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD, THAT THERE ARE TEARS. Only in a coma for a week! lol

 

[madmick]

"I dropped my towel and stepped into my shoes in case I had to get into it with this guy. I don't want to fight bare foot."

ROFLMAO @ this bro!!!!

Thanks, I needed a good laugh today

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

JT, it seems the guy has selective retardism! He knew enough to throw your shit on the floor, but KNEW EVEN MORE not to get into it with you. That is called selective retardism! They pull out the retard card when they need it! When they get home they don't say a word or or do anything that really may get their ass kicked the hood. That's not being retarded, thats called being selective.

Good thing you put your shoes on first though. Never could tell what kind of germs you could have picked up in a fight. hahahahahahahaha j/k

 

[JETHRO TULL]

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

:headbang:

That is some tragic and funny shit, Jethro!!

Don't feel too bad Bro, I've had a moment like that:

Bouncing at a nightclub when I was about 22, the place was always full of punk-assed little wanna be tough-guys. Right inside the door, there's a tall desk, sort of like a hotel reception desk, where money is exchanged and hand-stamps are given.

So in walks a group of guys, they all pay and Im giving the stamps. "Right hand please", I say. First one, fine, second one, fine. Third one gives me his left and smiles. "Right hand, Dude." He keeps smiling, holding out his left. I think he's fucking with me. "Bro, right hand please, Jesus!" He stops smiling. He holds up his left hand...only there's no hand, just a wrist.

I felt like SUCH and asshole.

The rest of the night the other doormen were walking up the front desk with their hands pulled back inside their sleeves, asking for a stamp. Bastids.

I am trying to stop laughing- AGAIN! Oh, man that is just the sort of thing that happens to me. Terrific story, Ehren.

 

[JETHRO TULL]

LOL!!!...that's good stuff...

I won't lie: I fucking laughed my ass off when you said the guy behind the counter said he was a retard. In fact, I am still laughing.

Skip

Skip, I sort of had my tail between my legs when I left. All the adrenaline had definitely left the arena!

It has occurred to me for the last decade that there are many retards walking amongst us all.. Some might not be diagnosed, but there are a shit-ton of high-functioning retards about. There are two things that are certain: Infinity and human stupidity.. I live in one of the more affluent areas of this world and what I see on a daily basis is just depressing. I could just imagine what it is like in lesser areas.

What is even more depressing is that I am apparently one of those people!

Lmao!! That was a pisser!

My dad laughed his ass off when I got home and told him the story, Big Chef. :yeahthat:

 

[Michaelthomasj]

JT You always post up some awsome stories, but this tops them all! The only thing missing are pictures with the narration. Now that would have been the only thing to beat this!! LOL

 

[JETHRO TULL]

I am having a good morning laughing and reading your responses!

JT, that was funny, but at the same time makes a guy humble. God has a habit of doing that. It is the old saying " You never will know that guy, until you walked a mile in his shoes " In your case that all I would see, is your shoes!

Pesty- unfortunately God gives me lessons with annoying regularity. Like the time I was in the grocery store and said to a lady, "When is your baby due?" Her response- "I am NOT pregnant."

JT that was freaking hilarious! But I dont know what is funnier... the fact that he was a tard or the fact that you where gonna kick his ass with your cock-n-balls swinging.....

Lol, I had taken ephedrine and was ticked off- swinging? lol. Later on after I settled down. Now that I am thinking straight, I am somewhat bothered by my decision to put on shoes first!

ROTFLMAO!!!! The story is hilarious and that's the icing on the cake!

Yep, you gotta wonder who was the mentally challenged guy.

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

That is some tragic and funny shit, Jethro!!

Don't feel too bad Bro, I've had a moment like that:

Bouncing at a nightclub when I was about 22, the place was always full of punk-assed little wanna be tough-guys. Right inside the door, there's a tall desk, sort of like a hotel reception desk, where money is exchanged and hand-stamps are given.

So in walks a group of guys, they all pay and Im giving the stamps. "Right hand please", I say. First one, fine, second one, fine. Third one gives me his left and smiles. "Right hand, Dude." He keeps smiling, holding out his left. I think he's fucking with me. "Bro, right hand please, Jesus!" He stops smiling. He holds up his left hand...only there's no hand, just a wrist.

I felt like SUCH and asshole.

The rest of the night the other doormen were walking up the front desk with their hands pulled back inside their sleeves, asking for a stamp. Bastids.

Now thats some funny shit.

Reminds me of the time I was a teenager. I worked delivering baked good to resturants and such with a truck that had a lift in the back. The guy who was showing me the ropes had all types of health issues. One of them included having half a foot. The front part of his foot was medically take off because of fungus or something. One day we were trainging a new kid. So the guy with the half a foot plays a joke on the rookie. He stands ontop of the lift and tells the rookie to raise him up so he can push the cart into the truck. The rookie starts to lift the gate and my buddy slides his foot forward just in time to make it appear his foot got caught and crushed. My buddy starts screaming bloody murder how his foot was being scrushed, calling him an asshole and screaming my foots cut off damn it. The kid starts turning 5 shades of white. Literally starts to hyperventilate. Little did we know the kids was asthmatic. As the gate is being lower my buddy is flipping the front of his sneaker while screaming "look what you did got damn it"! My fucking foot is cut off! The kid went into a panic and asthma attack, faints right there on the sidewalk. We had to call the paramedics and get him checked out. After the kid came to we let the kid in on the joke, but needles to say he quit 2 days later. HAHAHAHA

Best f-ing gag of all time i swear!