I want another man's wife

[Phrmdude]

I post here fairly often, but set up this name just in case someone I know reads this.

I have found myself in a frustrating situation and I am not sure how to fix it. For almost 10 years now, I have worked with a woman who I have liked. We only ended up seeing eachother at business functions 2-3 times a year, but each time we would really hit it off and do some innocent flirting. In fact, there was a company rumor going around that we were having an affair becuase we were always hanging out, but we were not fooling around.

About 3 months ago, I moved and now she works for me and lives about 10 minutes from me. We are now spending a lot more time together and often go on business trips together to resorts where you can't help but have fun. The tension between us has been growing and so has the flirting. We both acknowledged that we have feelings for eachother but have set up some boundaries that seem to work. The only time we crossed this boundary was when she asked me to see how her breast implants felt. I felt them through her shirt and it wasn't really very sexual, but I shouldn't have done it (I am weak).

We are both married. I don't want to leave my wife and I do love her. I think this girl feels the same way about her husband. We both have 2 kids.

The problem is that I can't stop thinking about her. It is driving me crazy. I still love my wife, but after a few days on a trip with this girl, I am a complete mess for a week because all I do is think about her, fantasize about her, etc. I try to limit my contact with her somewhat, but there is only so much I can do. And, I like spending time with her. I don't think I will "slip" and end up sleeping with her becuase we both realize that is a bad idea. I just can't get her off my mind. It is negatively affecting my marriage because I am distant to my wife after I spend time with this girl, or if we fight, I end up thinking I wouldn't be fighting about this with this other woman.

Any ideas? I don't think this is just a temparary crush becuase I have known her for 10 year. I actually think I am in love with her. I can't quit my job, I can't fire her, I have to see her for my work. And, I can't get her out of my mind.

 

[A50#]

You had better be careful my friend. Bad things are bound to happen if you continue on having these feelings. Put yourself in these shoes. What if your wife was having feelings for a male friend she knew? That wouldnt feel good would it? Lifes can be destroyed in situations like this. Think about how this could effect your family and your children. Your a married man and a grown man. Get a grip, and let it go!

 

[ELIMINATOR]

Damn, that is a sticky situation. Are you sure you can't avoid spending so much time with her? I think being around her so much, is just a bad thing waiting to happen. If you really do love your wife, then i think you will be fine. When i was in love, i had no desire to be with any other woman. However, if you love your wife, but aren't in love with her, then maybe a divocre is in order. Its a tough call and i think you need to really think about whats going on here.

 

[HOUSE OF PAIN]

A50 IS RIGHT ON THE MONEY BRO! everything looks like a sweet apple till you have had it!~if you love you're wife(you made vows) then get you're head on strait and stop thinking that this is an option! thats where the problem lies!
as long as you as you think that this is a possibility than it will hound you!
Stop looking at her in that way and rekindle yer relationship with the wife. this may be just what you need to realize what you have at home!!!!!!!!!!
just for a couple minutes think how another man could have these exact feelings for you're wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you have at home what many will never find!!!!
NO FLAME BRO----JUST FEELING FROM A BRO THATS BEEEEEEEN THERE!

 

[Snarf]

I knew I would catch some heat from this post and I guess I deserve it. But I do want to clarify a couple of things:

1. I do love my wife and while our marriage isn't perfect (we have had our ups and downs) I think overall things are better now than they have ever been.

2. I have not done anything with this woman that I think most people would consider cheating. I also don't plan on doing anything with her. And, I do not see her outside of work. It is not like we are sneaking off to see eachother, I just have to see her as part of my job.

3. I don't want to be in this situation. I am frustrated that I seem to be so preoccupied with her. It's easy to say stop thinking about her, but I have a hard time with this at times.

Anyone else been in this situation. I hope it just goes away but it is kinda driving me crazy.

 

[JETHRO TULL]

THAT WOULD BE HARD IF SHE'S A GAL YOU ACTUALLY LIKE AS A FRIEND.

PLUS, THE FACT THAT SHE WORKS WITH YOU JUST MAKES IT HARDER. I THINK YOU MUST BE A PRETTY STRONG WILLED PERSON TO HAVE FELT SUCH A STRONG ATTRACTION FOR SO LONG AND HAVE DONE NOTHING ABOUT IT. GOOD JOB, MAN! MOST GUYS WOULD HAVE ALREADY DONE SOMETHING THEY'D HAVE FELT BAD ABOUT. WE ARE ALL TEMPTED IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. I LIKE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES AND THEY SEEM TO BE EVERYWHERE! HAHAHA.....DAMB, DAMB, DAMB!

 

[bigbaldbulldog]

Snarf you changed your MO..Phrmdude...your already making mistakes that will get you in trouble...There is no glory in STEALING a mans wife and ruining others people life cause you can not get a grip on things...Love or Lust you both are married and should remember that..dude you took an oath in front of friends,family and GOD...Think of all the people you will hurt and destroy with your actions...She may be a great women we are not saying she isn't but she is not your women..

Honestly i would go to a professional a few times and sort your feelings out for your wife and for this women they may help you get a different look at things that you may not see and clear things up for you..i can only say this..think of everyone but yourself ...if i were a friend of yours what woudl you tell me to do ??

relationships have ups and downs...you need to go back to your wife and look at her and remember why you fell in love with her in the first place ...

I knew I would catch some heat from this post and I guess I deserve it. But I do want to clarify a couple of things:

1. I do love my wife and while our marriage isn't perfect (we have had our ups and downs) I think overall things are better now than they have ever been.

2. I have not done anything with this woman that I think most people would consider cheating. I also don't plan on doing anything with her. And, I do not see her outside of work. It is not like we are sneaking off to see eachother, I just have to see her as part of my job.

3. I don't want to be in this situation. I am frustrated that I seem to be so preoccupied with her. It's easy to say stop thinking about her, but I have a hard time with this at times.

Anyone else been in this situation. I hope it just goes away but it is kinda driving me crazy.

 

[Vander_V]

Its taken me my ENTIRE life to finally get on the right track ,,, i was a sick pig and would cheat on every girl i had , it didnt even seem to phase me it was so bad at times id get the girls names mixed up along with alchohol and other stuff i was a walking SOB i didnt care about there feelings and only wanted what i wanted after awhile girls would become sick of it and then leave me for ever id try calling them but they would never even return my calls , I was living a pretty fucked up life but then came along my Lil Lady and she was amazing stuck by me through alot of shit even when i was an asshole she was there for me and told me she was never gonna give up , so to this day i love her more then life itself , she made me a man and changed my ways and i would never hurt her ever again and plan on marrying her when shes done with school .

If you think cheating is the answer think again brotha , its the easy way out , who the fuck cant fall for a co worker or the girl from the gym or your friends best friend ,,,ITS FUCKING WEAK AND LAME ASS SHIT THAT I KNOW HAVE REALIZED WAS THE WORST PART OF ME. You need to be a FUCKING man think about your wife cheating on u??? think about your pain and the disgusted feeling youd have ,, AND THE CHILDREN WELL YOUR A FUCKING PUNK FOR HAVING THEM WHEN YOU CANT EVEN BE A FATHER ,,,,,,, I WAS YOUNGER WHEN I HAD THESE PROBLEMS BUT IVE LEARNED AND CHANGED MY WAYS ,,, YOU SEEM LIKE THE CHUMP WHO NEVER GOT HIS IN HIS DAY AND NOW THINK ITS OK ,,, LET ME TELL U STRAIGHT UP ITS NOT OK AND IT WILL CATCH UP TO U AND MAY POSSIBLY BE SOMETHING YOU REGRET FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE .

OH AND ONE MORE THING IF YOU WERE MY FATHER ID ALREADY HAVE KNOCKED YOUR ASS OUT COLD .

 

[MrJuiceHead]

1st off this is not uncommon for both men and women who have been together for a while.


1 talk with the girl at your work and say we really need to limit the time we see each other.


2 Rember this bro--------She is not your wife even though you have known her for a long time.......things are allways great at the flirt level. She might really turn into a shitty person after you have sex with her. ect ect ect THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER ON THE ONTHER SIDE, IT JUST SEEMS THAT WAY.

 

[haze324]

you know the thing is if you hit it....you are only going to think about here even more, and then shits gonna turn bad fast.

You need to talk to her - set things straigh, and then find something to take your mind of her.

 

[JETHRO TULL]

I THINK HE ONLY SAID HE WAS TEMPTED, NOT THAT HE'S CHEATED.

ALL OF US ARE TEMPTED AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER BY DIFFERENT THINGS WE KNOW ARE WRONG FOR US. SNARF IS JUST SHARING A SITUATION WITH US HERE ON THE COUNSELLING FORUM. I DON'T THINK WE WANT TO JUMP HIS SHIT TOO BAD!

HE DIDN'T SAY HE'S SCREWING THE CO-WORKER....HE'S JUST TEMPTED BY THE SITUATION. SNARF....JUST HAVE THE WIFE BLOW YOU BEFORE WORK! HAHAHAHA

 

[massmonster32]

Once a cheater always a cheater. If you two wind up together because you both cheated and lose your mate. One of you will cheat the other again how you meet a person like this is a good indication what will happen later. Good luck why risk your life for 30minutes of fun. MM

 

[TooPowerful4u]

Its taken me my ENTIRE life to finally get on the right track ,,, i was a sick pig and would cheat on every girl i had , it didnt even seem to phase me it was so bad at times id get the girls names mixed up along with alchohol and other stuff i was a walking SOB i didnt care about there feelings and only wanted what i wanted after awhile girls would become sick of it and then leave me for ever id try calling them but they would never even return my calls , I was living a pretty fucked up life but then came along my Lil Lady and she was amazing stuck by me through alot of shit even when i was an asshole she was there for me and told me she was never gonna give up , so to this day i love her more then life itself , she made me a man and changed my ways and i would never hurt her ever again and plan on marrying her when shes done with school .

If you think cheating is the answer think again brotha , its the easy way out , who the fuck cant fall for a co worker or the girl from the gym or your friends best friend ,,,ITS FUCKING WEAK AND LAME ASS SHIT THAT I KNOW HAVE REALIZED WAS THE WORST PART OF ME. You need to be a FUCKING man think about your wife cheating on u??? think about your pain and the disgusted feeling youd have ,, AND THE CHILDREN WELL YOUR A FUCKING PUNK FOR HAVING THEM WHEN YOU CANT EVEN BE A FATHER ,,,,,,, I WAS YOUNGER WHEN I HAD THESE PROBLEMS BUT IVE LEARNED AND CHANGED MY WAYS ,,, YOU SEEM LIKE THE CHUMP WHO NEVER GOT HIS IN HIS DAY AND NOW THINK ITS OK ,,, LET ME TELL U STRAIGHT UP ITS NOT OK AND IT WILL CATCH UP TO U AND MAY POSSIBLY BE SOMETHING YOU REGRET FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE .

OH AND ONE MORE THING IF YOU WERE MY FATHER ID ALREADY HAVE KNOCKED YOUR ASS OUT COLD .

Totally agree. This post was 100% warranted. How can u possibly do that to ur faithful wife and mother of ur children. Jesus christ its not a gf ur cheatin on and even thats bad, its ur wife u vowed yourself to only her for the rest of ur life. Making it WORSE how could u possibly do that to your children? Have u no decency or care for them and what this would do? Il second that, if u were my dad ida put ur head through a wall already for doin that to my mom, i dont care if i was 10yrs old 100lbs and ur 300lbs, id find a way.

 

[TooPowerful4u]

Once a cheater always a cheater. If you two wind up together because you both cheated and lose your mate. One of you will cheat the other again how you meet a person like this is a good indication what will happen later. Good luck why risk your life for 30minutes of fun. MM

Also agreed. Is 30min of pleasure worth u losing everything in your life that you love?

 

[Snarf]

Man, I am taking some heat!

Vander and TooPowerful read my posts again. I haven't cheated on my wife and won't do that. My problem is these feelings I am having aren't going away easily and I don't want to have them.

I applaud you both on your family values but cut me a little slack. A lot of guys write posts like this after they have already fucked up completely and are remorseful. I am a damn good husband and dad and would never hurt my family. I hope one day you find that same joy in your own children. I also hope if you make a mistake or have a moment of weakness in your life, in whatever area of your life, that people will listen and give you some good advice.

None of us are perfect but I am trying to do the right thing here.

 

[Johnny Bravo]

YEAH REALLY

All the sex that you could have is not worth 1 second in ruining your childrens lives, and her's too for that matter. Everytime you think about bending her over, think about your kids and what you would do to them if you did it. It's not worth it. Plus everything you currently have divide in half, plus child support and all that headache. amazing what PU@#Y will do to a man. Temporary pleasure for a lifetime of misery

 

[Snarf]

Oh, and if someone hasn't figured this out, Phrmdude=Snarf. I was trying to be anonymous, but oh well.

 

[Johnny Bravo]

1 more thing too

If she would let you have sex with her knowing your whole situation, aka you still love your wife and kids, plus her husband who I think you stated she loves too. What kind of person are you dealing with. If she will do it to her husband ..SHE WILL DO IT TO YOU! Think about it. I'm sure she got along the same way with her husband in the beginning too

 

[TooPowerful4u]

Oh, and if someone hasn't figured this out, Phrmdude=Snarf. I was trying to be anonymous, but oh well.

lol yea i caught that. So much for being anonymous. Everyone on here has made very good points, once a cheater always a cheater (theres exceptions every so often and no im not referring to myself iv never cheated).

Well bro... even considering it to the point your at i consider bad. I think cheating is anything you cant do in front of your gf/wife, and i know damn sure she wouldnt like that shit. You are playin with fire my man. Why even put yourself on the spot in that situation? If you dont go out with this lady and see her all the time, ur in no danger. Your only in danger when your in contact. Shes not ur friend, u both know that, ur attracted to each other and have sparks... whatever. If you were a friend of mine id tell u break that shit off fast if you think you cant control yourself or just limit it to public meetings. You dont need that friend as much as u need your best friend for life (your wife).

 

[biochemgen]

Bad thoughts

For whatever is worth, here you go........

I have learned many things in my life. And belive it or not, Phil once told me something about 10 years ago to this day is a foundation of my thinking ant philosophy of life. You are control of every thought that enters your mind. And you control which one you react to. He was right!!!

It is normal to have these thoughts in your head. We are all human. What separates us from others is the fact of knowing these are only thoughts and if left to themselves would eventually manifest themselves as feelings. Then we try to convince ourselves that "there is something" there between us. Your mind is full of various ideas and YOU as an intelligent and evolved human being realizes that you are in control of every thought that enters your head and YOU chose on how to react to it.

Have I been in your shoes before? OH MY GOD! If I had a dollar......I have been in situations where drop dead gorgeous woman would just wanna F*** my brains out and I wanted to SOOO BAD!! But I resisted by changing my thoughts. Whenever these feelings pop into my head I would think first acknowledge them and consciosly chose to resist them and think of something else. It sounds easy but in practive its vary difficult. But you gotta come through! Your entire life depends on it and with severe consequences. It is not the terrible forseable things that should be a reason not to cheat but it's the situation that you cannot predict that will destroy your life if you were to proceed with this woman. Use your mind!!!

You don't know for sure if one day she attack you desperately wanting to have sex with you? What are you gonna do then? You gotta resist! You being the evolved individual has to take of the situation and direct where it goes. I have found it best to talk openly and realize that contact must be minimal and no more flirting!

Good Luck!!!

biochemgen