nice guys finish last

[bigriz]

Hey everyone I need some advice, I've been rather unlucky lately in the dating field, heres my problem I have this big bad ass macho bodybuilder look (probably because my arms burst thru my shirt), most girls think I am this bad ass guy, but when girls get to know me I am the most respectable guy, nicest guy, and a softie around girls. I have met two girls over the past 6 months that I never have been able to follow up with, its always a few weeks and then something happens, I was always told by girls that I am a respectable guy, which is not a bad thing, but I am 20 years old and around my age that might not be what girls are looking for. Any advice on how to not be so nice?

 

[phoenix13]

my advice, stay nice & date older women. someone who will appreciate your physique and personality/character. plus, women come into their sexual prime a little later in life than males...it could be fun.

or just be patient and stay nice. the world needs more well built respectable young men.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Hey everyone I need some advice, I've been rather unlucky lately in the dating field, heres my problem I have this big bad ass macho bodybuilder look (probably because my arms burst thru my shirt), most girls think I am this bad ass guy, but when girls get to know me I am the most respectable guy, nicest guy, and a softie around girls. I have met two girls over the past 6 months that I never have been able to follow up with, its always a few weeks and then something happens, I was always told by girls that I am a respectable guy, which is not a bad thing, but I am 20 years old and around my age that might not be what girls are looking for. Any advice on how to not be so nice?

Maybe your bad ass macho bodybuilder look is not so bad ass after all? A quick observation of your post (not necessarily a conclusion) is that you spent your entire post telling us how bad ass you are and how respectable, nicest, blah blah blah.... yeah right. You probably have somewhat low self-esteem and it shows through... even through a bad ass image like yours. Just do your best to be comfortable with yourself and then the women folk will be comfortable with you. Also, don't go out alone. Women are far less apt to take a chance on a lone wolf with the psycho factor and all. But a guy who has some pretty decent pals? Well he just might be alright. Make sure they (girls) know that it's really not all that bad being you in fact... it's pretty damn cool.

You're 20 though so you have a bazillion fuck-ups to make yet which is perfectly fine and you will eventually hit a stride but it might take a few years. On the other hand, you could find the one right away and live happily ever after. It's a gamble.

Just have fun with it and remember, be safe.

 

[thebrick]

Nice guys don't finish last. Insecure guys finish last. Work on that. Be comfortable with yourself and who you are. Then the right woman will come along that likes you for who you really are... not some macho act.

 

[JustWannaBeHuge]

Nice guys don't finish last. Insecure guys finish last. Work on that. Be comfortable with yourself and who you are. Then the right woman will come along that likes you for who you really are... not some macho act.

great quote brick. I had that issue for a long time, trying to "fake" high self esteem, and it always shown through. great advice.

 

[oliveironni]

Think like this: " I'm the most important person in the world, because I'm ME"

Then when your dating someone, act like yourself and don't care about details.

And have always present in your mind that no matter what no matter you your happines is the most importante thing.

Ps. I think like this but I'm not selfish, I love my girlfriend and I respect her much.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

trying to "fake" high self esteem, and it always shown through. great advice.

Yes and people can smell it a mile away no matter how subtle.

 

[JETHRO TULL]

Griz, I hear what you're saying.

I had friends who treated women like crap. They were mean to girls they dated and it seemed as though the girls couldn't get enough of this sort of treatment.

That says a lot about those girls. Think of how many end up with jerks who beat them or run around on them. That's what they end up with when they choose those guys. Then if they finally break up with a person like that, it isn't long before they choose another of the same caliber.

That is an example of low self-esteem.

The comments Ouch and the others made previously are also true. If you are unsure of yourself in a social situation, it's really obvious. The best thing you can do in my opinion is to develop all the other facets of yourself to the fullest extent. Become well read, watch the news, have a knowledgable opinion on important topics, have interesting hobbies, develop a close spiritual relationship with God. I happen to be a believer, so that's just my opinion.

Let the least important thing about you be the physical. Don't let HOW BIG YOU ARE define you as a person. Just in case these guys are correct and you have some insecurities that are showing and you don't feel you have 'game' with women, abandon that thinking. Don't play the game.

If you are a nice guy, go where the nice girls are. Meet them at places that interest you. For me that was in college classes, in the cafeteria, at sporting events, in the gym, laying out in the sun, or in study groups or at church. I enjoy reading and it turns out there are a lot of women who visit book stores like Barnes and Noble etc.

I did meet some women when I bounced at bars but it didn't appeal to me to see drunk girls acting like loud whores. I've never had a girlfriend I met at the bar.

Lastly, if you choose to ignore all this advice or think it doesn't apply to you, then lift up your shirt right now. Do you have abs? If not, lose some lard.

Make sure your "BIG" isn't "FAT". Many make that mistake.

 

[bigriz]

hey thanks guys for your input, I know I have low self esteem or may not be as confident as I can be, It seems like I worry about to much about what other people think, I need to make my self happy first before I try to make others happy, I think alot of bad things in my life have been happening lately and its really affecting my head, which i think is creating low self esteem, I need to get out more and start having fun again, I also need to stop smoking weed heavily because I think that has changed my life in this past year or so, truly being addicted to smoking pot every day. Any opinions on this? thanks PM you guys are great.

 

[nosmas]

I also need to stop smoking weed heavily because I think that has changed my life in this past year or so, truly being addicted to smoking pot every day. Any opinions on this? thanks PM you guys are great.

Do you honestly need any of us to voice an opinion on this? I think you know the answer already dont you?
When it comes to the subject of addiction (a subject on which I am familiar) the bottom line is always this... you need to seek help for whatever the addiction and this is not the place to do so. None of us are in a position to give you the kind of care and advice you need regardless of the addiction. Seek out a professional doctor and get the help you need from them.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Do you honestly need any of us to voice an opinion on this? I think you know the answer already dont you?
When it comes to the subject of addiction (a subject on which I am familiar) the bottom line is always this... you need to seek help for whatever the addiction and this is not the place to do so. None of us are in a position to give you the kind of care and advice you need regardless of the addiction. Seek out a professional doctor and get the help you need from them.

nosmas, I'm glad to see you say this. Nothing could be more true in this circumstance. Of course marijuana is addictive. If anyone doubts this, ask a daily refer head to quit and see how far it gets you. It is a psychotropic recreational drug and it's depressing qualities indicate in a person that he/she is trying to self-medicate. An occasional user will just be looking for a good feeling. A daily user is different altogether. I can't abide the drug user. This is not the forum for such help. We are in the business here of promoting health and fitness through clean living and hard work. Marijuana use has no place here. You do of course, but your usage does not. You need to seek professional help on this right away.

And for bigriz, I know it will be difficult but you need to get that monkey off your back and you can. Do you know how much training is neurological? Do you know how badly the effects of a psychotropic drug can affect that training? NO MORE WEED!

 

[lilkoreangirl]

Truly nice guys don't finish last

Don't change to fit some paradigm you've witnessed. Be yourself. The right one will come along. NICE GUYS RULE, ASSHOLES DROOL. Remember that.

LKG

 

[Leviathan]

Don't change to fit some paradigm you've witnessed. Be yourself. The right one will come along. NICE GUYS RULE, ASSHOLES DROOL. Remember that.

LKG

Absolutey short and to the point... don't get caught up in the game (as I did and often find myself drifting into now and then) and just work on developing yourself for the sake of developing yourself. Have a lot of interests and passionately persue all of them. I started doing this at the beginning of the year ( had a very bad year last year) and have been having a blast! Next on the agenda, headin' to the ASC with some friends!

 

[bhumik]

1.) seek help for ur addiction. marijuana is one of the easier drugs to quit.. there isnt a withdrawal like in coke

2.) are u really a nice, humble person.. or are u just like that (subconsicuosly) around people that dont know u cause u want to portray taht image. Lot of guys think they are nice, but sometimes they are just nice to girls cause htey want to impress..
Test this.. take a person really close to u.. liek maybe ur mom or ur dad or ur roomates or someone like that (cousins aunts uncles dont count).. tkae a person that u spend lot of ur day with. And see what they think of u.. if they think u are nice and humble then u are..

life has ups and downs.. When time is bad rember good times are right around hte corner.. and soon u will find that "one" .. and then u ll lose that "one" and find another one and so on.. keep ur head up.

 

[flatblack]

great advice from everyone...u have to learn how to feel comfortable in yer own skin and that means accepting yerself for the kind of personal u are right now and that includes all yer faults n foibles, both mentally and physically...yer only 20 so u hardly even know yerself yet but that will come as u grow and mature...i'm 43 bro and believe me at my age and even older women still like a guy who's buff and in shape and looks like he's making the effort...but in reality a women really wants a man who can keep their interest in a conversation, is relaxed and confident, and can make them laugh...being in great shape is just a deal closer with a little icing on top for em, cuz if u cant do it on a verbal level, chances are it aint gonna happen...good luck hookin' up,............

 

[EVERLAST]

CARRIAGE...........

EVer notice some guys are always "on stage"
They walk back to the salad bar with a full lat spread.
They're in the line at AutoZone curling the battery they just bought.
Wearing shorts in the cold of winter so that they flex their calves at lunch and the girls will see 'em....(ok, I do that)

So what if you just walked around relaxed.
What if you let people find out about you as they go.
What if you were that guy that everybody said daaaaaaaammmmmmmn...
the guy they "suddenly noticed" is built like a brick shithouse.
Maybe even be a little hesitant to show that bicep.

Dude the women will love that.
Don't emphasize that aspect of yourself, show 'em something else.
They don't expect anything more from a one trick pony than you to jerk off that shirt and jiggle your pecs....

Show them who you are first
cause the package you carry is more than just the package.

Besides,the body is there for them to see for themselves.

 

[EVERLAST]

weed.............................

I will say here that of all the drugs to do
smoking pot is pretty tame.
It's not like you're smoking crack.

But it affects your health.
It slows your drive to lift by making you complacent and lethargic.
Look at your pipe and see the black tarry sh*%@ that is sticking to the insides of your lungs. It aggravates the lungs and throat and is generally not a cool thing for those looking to hook up. It makes your breath and clothes
smell bad and may cut your endurance in the sack.
SO at least cut it out during the week, put some kind of limitation on it.

Or just get over it and quit

 

[plainsman]

I think a lot of people put too much pressure on themselves on being in a relationship. For some reason, they think a relationship will "complete" them (remember that cheesy line form Jerry McGuire). When you take the "all or nothing" approach to dating, your bound to come across as needy and that's a big turnoff for the ladies. My cousin was similar to that. He was nice and went to church every Sunday, but when he went out with a woman, he would turn into the biggest wuss. He would try to get serious on the second date and started buying the girl all these gifts and whatnot. It was sickening to watch. Many guys who follow this route like to claim that they are nice guys when it actuality they are needy and insecure.

I've got a muscular build (5'9", 220 lbs.), but my muscular build is not my selling point with the ladies. It's kidding and joking around with them and being confident in myself and not acting like a damn wuss. I believe someone said that you have to have conversational skills and that's right. My muscular build is just the added bonus.

 

[TooPowerful4u]

The issue is most definately confidence. Think about when you have a gf...women are hanging on you like never before arent they? Its because of your attitude. You dont care any more. You arent looking. Try going out and NOT meeting anyone....just have fun with your friends. Dont even look around at the girls. Chill and have fun. When you learn to do that, it will SEEM like they fall in your lap. Nice guys dont finish last...they just need to find the right girl. I did. Im as nice as they come...and when i found a girl who finally appreciated it....she was more than i ever dreamed of. Trust me...the RIGHT girl will love you for it and she will deserve it.

OTH hit the nail on the head...i was thinking it before i even read his posts. Your insecurity shines through, even in your post. Learn to love yourself before others can. Why do assholes get all the girls? Because theyr confident. THey treat women like shit because they know they can always easily get another one..that confidence is what attracts them, not how he treats them. I have a few friends, who if i showed you pictures you would be like ok he is nobody special...then youd see them in action and be like WTF? What is he doing that im not? Hes not better looking than me! Its the way they carry themselves and how they act.......

This is not something that can be taught or that you are going to change at the drop of a hat. You gotta practice. Like i said....look in the mirror and see your strengths, not your flaws. Train yourself to believe YOU are the prize.....that you can have any girl you want. Make yourself believe it. Then when you put it into action..and you DO get hot girls...your confidence will grow...and so willl your success....

 

[TooPowerful4u]

I've got a muscular build (5'9", 220 lbs.), but my muscular build is not my selling point with the ladies. It's kidding and joking around with them and being confident in myself and not acting like a damn wuss. I believe someone said that you have to have conversational skills and that's right. My muscular build is just the added bonus.

Good point. When a girl sees you looking at her...do you look away quick, do you smile, do you stare right back. What is your facial expression? Your facial expression will express your thoughts every time. She knows right away if you are confident or unsure of yourself. When you talk to them...they can tell if you are stumbling over your own words and trying to carry on a convo all too hard. If it doesnt flow...its a no go. There is no secret to how to carry on a convo and what to say. Heck, i dont think iv said the same thing twice. Its more about how you go about having the convo and how confident and comfortable you appear.