similar situation to jrmuscle

bubbadiddit · Mar 13, 2008

I've scanned jrmuscle's post below mine and I'm in a similar situation. I'm 28, married (June will be 2 years- together total of 5) and I am having some issues. We don't fight, at least we didn't until about the past 3-4 weeks. We have had some financial issues which I won't go into very much. I will say that it is due to the mother of my child. She has given us nothing but hell since we started dating by using my daughter against me/us. Now, my wife has willingly endured this hell and I am proud of her. I don't know that I could have done the same. I'm the type to eventually throw in the towel when I've had enough. Since all of this shit is supposedly over, and we're now $30,000+ in the hole on top of everything else, I made the decision to sell our house which was given to us to get us out of debt and try to start over. The house was still in my mother's name and I didn't change it over due to the legal issue that was at hand at the time. My sister in law bought the house from my mom and had the papers written up to say that I would recieve the money. My mom disagreed and had the check made out to her to keep us from paying taxes since I had no interest in the house(signed over rights when dad died). All of a sudden the Sis in law and dad in law start this panic of how my mother's not going to give us the money and my wife starts hounding me and my mother about giving us a check. My mother has never lied to me about anything but Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy so I never doubted her. The check she recieved was not certified funds, so the bank puts a hold on a check that large. This, evidently only added to the paranoia. She gave me a check and asked me not to deposit it for 3 days to which I agreed. Once I got the check my wife immediately hounds me about depositing it and getting her money that I promised her so she could pay off her credit card and a medical bill. This pissed me off to no end as I took this as very greedy sounding. Also, in an argument had a couple of days before that started about this subject, she tells me (in anger), and I quote, "your mom hates me and ***** (child's mother) hates me and I'm married to you, so I guess I'm just fucked all the way around." I told her in no uncertain terms that if she was so unhappy, to unfuck herself. She replies, "Oh, that's nice. Is that your answer?" To which I replied that if she wasn't happy that I would not ask her to stay a minute longer than she wanted to. Of course at this time I was very angry and hurt and walked away and she left. This stuck with me and I still haven't gotten over it. I told her how it made me feel and about the other stuff with her and my mom, the money, and the ex-girlfriend to which she calmly took the defensive. On Sunday, I come in from work and she asks can we just agree to disagree. I said, "No, I need to really sort through this." I know she's confused, and probably hurt that I've been staying out with friends until late most days the past couple of weeks, but I haven't wanted to come home (my in-laws until we decide on a new house). I now feel like I've been through a bad break up and just don't care anymore. I still love her and I didn't marry her with any intentions of a divorce. There are also the issues of my daughter, who has a strong bond with her, and the fact that I feel like I owe my wife for everything that she's endured for the past 2 years. At the same time, I know my daughter will pick up on the tension (she's 6) between us and also my wife endured this because she chose to. I just feel like it would be hard now, but easier in the long run to walk away. Part of my doesn't want to quit, but the other part of me doesn't want to deal with it anymore. All of my friends have been from "I don't know what to tell you" to "you need to get out of that house first and then see". Not real comfortable with that because as of right now, there is no community property, I may just be looking at that as a matter of convenience..... All insight is welcome and I apologize about the single paragraph form that this is in.

BOOMSHAKER · Mar 14, 2008

Damn bro, that's a tough situation to be in. The only thing I can tell you is, if your wife put up with your ex for some time now. Then you at the least should try to calm her down. Talk to her. Tell her you appreciate everything she has done for you and put up with thus far. I realise that's better said then done. But I too have a wife that put up with a ton of crap from my ex-wife. Untill I told my ex-wife if she didn't stop her crap I would make a phone call and make her dissapear.

But none the less I thanked my wife for sticking with me. 17 years later we are still together. Thank GOD. So just talk to her bro. And thank her. And let her know you will do the "RIGHT" thing with the money. For you and her both. Good luck to you my friend.

thebrick · Mar 14, 2008

Bro, I think you should try to make it work. She has stayed right by your side in tough times. Money problems and vindictive ex's can put HUGE pressure on ANY relationship. That doesn't mean you should walk away because it may sound easy and you are tired. Why did she say that your mother hated her? Is there any basis for that? Really, it sounds like you could do with a little less family interference on all sides including in-laws. Just tell them, look, we love you but get out of our face will all these unsolicited opinions. Build a good family with your wife and your daughter. You still love your wife, right? She just wants your love and support first, before anyone else, including your mom. They are your primary family now. You will be a richer man for it.

bubbadiddit · Mar 20, 2008

I don't know why she thinks that my mother hates her. My wife is very headstrong and opinionated and my mother is very passive at most times, but they have butted heads as mother/daughter-in-laws will. Yes, I still love her. I just don't know that my heart is in this marriage anymore. If I left, it would destroy her and I don't want that. We had a pretty good "come to Jesus" meeting the other night. Actually, would call it more of a personal meltdown. Regardless, I pretty well put everything out on the table. And, of course, there was a lot that she didn't understand and I couldn't explain for a couple of reasons- 1. I was pretty fucking drunk and 2. I didn't know how to word some things correctly so that they would not come across in the wrong way. I told her that I was ready to walk but that I love her and can't leave her. Also, that I was very confused about everything. Of course, she had already gotten her mother up and had been talking to her. My mother-in-law and I have a very good relationship, but I expressed to her that I was not interested in talking to her about anything. The next morning I found a 2-3 page letter from her that to this day (almost a week later) I still have no idea what it says because I don't want her influence in this. At least not on my side. I'm trying guys. No one ever said that a marriage would be easy, but that shit is an understatement at times. Oh, well. Let's look on the bright side.... I lost 10 hard earned pounds in a week!!!! Yippie!!!!!