Was asked to be a sperm donor !!

[Gunsmith]

I have a close frined that I've know since grade school , we have been pretty close friends the whoile time and since getting married my wife and become her best friend. She and her husband have been trying to get pregnant since early June last year with zero success , come to find out he is sterile.

Last knight they invited us to dinner and the topic of pregnanacy cane up and talk for a while and then she just flat out asked if I would donate some sperm for them to have a baby. Since she has known me so long and that I have to very healthy kids with a long family history of long healthy life , she figures that I'm a good cantidate and that we will be close and I will be some sort of uncle figure ??

I'm not sure what to think about all this , the wife says she doesn't mind and that it would be a great thing to do for them. Im just concerned on what will happen win 10-15 years when the child finds out that I'm the real father.

This is probably the hardest question I have ever been asked and I don't know where to take it

 

[maldorf]

Wow, thats a big favor to ask but it sounds like you are really close with her. I think that I would do it as long as my wife was ok with it. Find out what the recipients want to do as far as telling the offspring. Would they tell the offspring when they reach a certain age, or would they just keep it secret?

I am wondering too how you will go about donating it. Most insurance companies dont cover such things, and it will probably cost many thousands of dollars to do it. I would be tempted to take things into my own hands and just take care of the manual transmission of the sperm on my own rather than pay docs all that money. I would think you could give the sperm to them in a container and have them implant it inside her canal. Its not rocket science if she is plenty fertile. Is it just him that has trouble and she is perfectly normal? If thats the case, I would have them do it on their own. Kinda gross, but well worth saving all that cash.

 

[Oldlifter]

WARNING! WARNING! DON'T DO IT! MORE THAN MEETS THE EYEHOLE!


.

 

[maldorf]

WARNING! WARNING! DON'T DO IT! MORE THAN MEETS THE EYEHOLE!


.

Well, you know, there are some legal problems you might want to clear up before you try this. If you do it on your own like I describe, youll want to draw up some documents stating that you will not ever be financially responsible for the child or have any responsibility whatsoever. Have it witnessed and notorized by a notory.

If you go to the doctor for this, im sure they will take care of all the legal stuff for you but at a price.

 

[thebrick]

do you already have kids now? …and there's a reason I ask.

 

[mekanikal]

How close is your friend to his wife? Do you think your friend can accept and love a child that did not come from him? If you truly believe they will be happy and accepting then I think it would be a good thing to do. I don't know a thing about the legal aspect though if things changed later down the road.

 

[DrivingForward]

DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

In 5 years, they get divorced... Shes going to come looking to YOU for child support.

Even if you have a signed agreement, in some states she can still petition the court to let her seek child support from you!

 

[maldorf]

DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

In 5 years, they get divorced... Shes going to come looking to YOU for child support.

Even if you have a signed agreement, in some states she can still petition the court to let her seek child support from you!

Well, if it went through a fertility clinic that would never happen, otherwise nobody would ever donate sperm. there is some legality there to protect men, otherwise sperm banks would not exist.

 

[Thor]

Personally...

I'd be flattered, but yea I would just tell her that you want to research the long term legalities first.

 

[Gunsmith]

I have two kids of my own 12 and 5 , they are both awsome very giving and loving children and I'm sure that they would understand.

from what the couple is saying they have done tons of research and everything as this is the only way that they will be able to have their own child. He is completely sterile but she is fine

I think they just kinda ran it past me I think to get my first reaction (which was realy cool and collected on the outside but freaking out on the inside) I told that that its somthing that I would have to think alot about and disscuss with my family at which point they said that they would not even be thinking of trying again till next spring.

as for money that the least of their worries , he is a 3 generation owner for a company in the oil field and she is a lawyer.

for what its worth I tried to lighten the mood some buy telling them i could save them ALOT of money and do it the natural way , unfortunatly I was the only one that smiled

 

[wasp]

i dunno, it would bug the fack out of me, unless the kid is gonna know who his real dad is

 

[7_Deadly_Sins]

I have two kids of my own 12 and 5 , they are both awsome very giving and loving children and I'm sure that they would understand.

from what the couple is saying they have done tons of research and everything as this is the only way that they will be able to have their own child. He is completely sterile but she is fine

I think they just kinda ran it past me I think to get my first reaction (which was realy cool and collected on the outside but freaking out on the inside) I told that that its somthing that I would have to think alot about and disscuss with my family at which point they said that they would not even be thinking of trying again till next spring.

as for money that the least of their worries , he is a 3 generation owner for a company in the oil field and she is a lawyer.

for what its worth I tried to lighten the mood some buy telling them i could save them ALOT of money and do it the natural way , unfortunatly I was the only one that smiled

hahaha
Get a turkey baster, not quite the old fashion way, but still effective.

 

[thebrick]

I have two kids of my own 12 and 5 , they are both awsome very giving and loving children and I'm sure that they would understand.

from what the couple is saying they have done tons of research and everything as this is the only way that they will be able to have their own child. He is completely sterile but she is fine

I think they just kinda ran it past me I think to get my first reaction (which was realy cool and collected on the outside but freaking out on the inside) I told that that its somthing that I would have to think alot about and disscuss with my family at which point they said that they would not even be thinking of trying again till next spring.

as for money that the least of their worries , he is a 3 generation owner for a company in the oil field and she is a lawyer.

for what its worth I tried to lighten the mood some buy telling them i could save them ALOT of money and do it the natural way , unfortunatly I was the only one that smiled

Then you already know how having children will affect you. You already know, as they grow, kids can have really unexpected similarities to you. Besides the obvious (appearance), they can have the same tastes, mannerisms, habits, etc as you, especially as they mature, even in your absence. It can be uncanny. I would always be somewhat curious knowing I had kids out there somewhere… what they were like, personality. Just something to think about. You may the type that can "let go".

 

[Gunsmith]

Then you already know how having children will affect you. You already know, as they grow, kids can have really unexpected similarities to you. Besides the obvious (appearance), they can have the same tastes, mannerisms, habits, etc as you, especially as they mature, even in your absence. It can be uncanny. I would always be somewhat curious knowing I had kids out there somewhere… what they were like, personality. Just something to think about. You may the type that can "let go".

Well your right , both of my kids are like little clones of me but my son is ADD like his mom.
As for letting it go , from the way they are talking is that this would make us even closer friends. They had already asked if we would be their childs "God parents"

I know it would bug me even more doing this and never seeing the child , but having it grow up with the family , man I just don't know.

Lots to think about

 

[dece870717]

Did the the couple do ANYTHING to try to boost fertility? Having the guy run hcg+hmg+clomid for 3 months is supposed to be a real good sperm booster for infertile men.

 

[godzillaballs]

I'd do it without giving a shit for a single moment.

 

[qwerty_uk]

Could cause all sorts of problems.

 

[nickman1978]

thats gotta be a really hard decision......

 

[Norbert]

NO ! All i can say. You will run into trouble i am sure.

 

[RexHead]

You mentioned this is for a close friend. Are you or your wife going to have any issues with someone else raising your child? Biologically that will be your son/daughter. If they are close to you then I'm assuming your going to see the child a lot unless the relationship goes bad.