Wife doesn't listen to me.

[buck]

Dr's don't prescribe for their own family members for a reason. if she is not listening to you why do you keep saying anything it is just going to hurt your own case. if you stop pushing her to do it your way she may come around as long as you keep having a power struggle she wont. that is my experience with men and women dealing with each other. you are acting like a guy and she is acting like a woman. get used to it. when she says she is fat tell her you love her. things will work out better in the long run.

 

[cmp007]

Me and my wife have had a rocky road for awhile now. She's not been happy for awhile because of her family causing problems in her life and depression and it caused her to gain alot of weight which made her feel worse. She's the same way when I try to help her or give her advice on how to fix herself but it's me so she doesn't want to listen. We started back in counseling which has been the best for us because she Will listen and open up to a Dr because it's a 3rd party (which drives me insane because he will tell her exactly what I do). I've been trying to get her on anti depressants for over 6 months and she finally got on some about a month ago because of our doc. That has helped her tremendously. She's getting back to her happy loving self and just being happy her weight is falling off like crazy. I didn't read through all the comments but seems like others are suggestion a doc and probably would be the best thing. It will help her, you, and your marriage. I wouldn't have a family without one. Coming from someone with serious mental health problems even if you know what you have to do or people are trying to help when you're depressed or anything you just don't want to try or listen. Just sit her down one night and tell her you love her and you know she's not happy and you want to help fix that because you want her to be happy and you think going to a Dr would be the best thing so you two can keep a happy marriage. Maybe she would be better going by herself or you two both together but let her decide what would be best for herself. Just make sure you put It out there you love and care for her and all you want is to help her and your marriage and your willing to do anything. And how my wife is she doesn't want to be told what she needs to do or even feel that way which makes that talk hard so I have to really watch the way I say stuff. Most of the time whatever I say she "feels" it as being told what to do when I don't say it that way which honestly shit gets annoying, but its something I've had to learn to do and how to talk to her and not make her feel that way. Just my .02 because I've been through it before. Sometimes there's things that can't be fixed on your own and you need that help. Hope this helps bud.

 

[Barbie81]

oh now he's just looking for attention. :roll eyes: sounds exactly like thats what his wife is doing. you know everything about these two people just from a few posts? or are you just doing what most women would do, and taking the woman's side regardless.

hes man enough to seek out advice when he's not sure what to do and you call him an attention seeker?

I think they both could be..every seeks attention from time to time..im not claiming i know them ive stated what he has said ..2 children, good marriage are his words...i gave my opinion..and yes i am inclined to favour the female more given the circumstances...He should man up and talk it out with her at the end of the day problems arnt going to get sorted from a computer.

 

[Chode Logan]

I was going to side more on the being stern and confronting the problem and explaining to her that it affects you...but didnt realize she gave birth that recently. For the year following birth you should just feel lucky her head isnt spinning around in circles. She is probably having a difficult time hormonally and doesnt realize it. Be patient with her and supportive as long as she doesn't become too self destructive.

I must admit that I don't know how you guys could be with someone who doesnt respect what you do though...I mean of course they will never listen to you (hire a trainer), and my wife is always the first one to knock me down a peg if I get ahead of myself...but my wife is my biggest supporter and thinks I can achieve anything.

I must admit it's a special feeling hearing her brag to her friends about me doing something that seems normal.

Shit now I feel lucky, I should go give her a hug.

 

[Chode Logan]

And trust me, you don't want to be invested in her fitness and diet. Try to help her find some kind of activity she enjoys, whether you like it or not, and encourage her to pursue it. If she needs help with diet either help her find a trainer or just leave a few websites for her to look at and act like you are learning WITH her. She doesnt want you to teach her she wants you to be beside her while she does it herself, even if it means you holding back.

 

[Mike Arnold]

Thanks for all the replies I soaked it all in and maybe now I see that im not the nicest husband when it comes to being understanding. Cause when she doesn't listen I basicly just yell that she dont listen to me so leave me alone. I know im worng but u gotta realize when I come home from working 12 hours im on a totally different page then she is im looking to relax and not have to listen cause I was doimg that all day. But from now on ill take a breath and remember to be the bigger person and just baby her threw. Again thanks guys for reminding me that I suck with woman lmao I was better with one night stands.

Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk

See bold above: It's really easy for all these guys (myself included) to preach how you should treat your wife, but do you really think that everyone here is always following their own advice? Yeah...right. Easier said than done. Most husbands try (with varying degrees of effort), but all will fail from time to time...and most will fail frequently in one way or another.

Since perfection is something you will never attain, the key is to make the right decisions more often than you make the wrong ones...and as time goes by, attempt to improve this ratio in favor of the right.

Ohhh...and be careful how you approach any "counseling" suggestions, as I have seen several people here advise you to recommend counseling. Look, we could "all" use counseling for various reasons, but just because we might benefit from it does not mean we run out and look for a shrink every time we have a problem. The point here is that most wives do not take kindly to being told that they have mental issues requiring professional help, especially post child-birth.

In some instances, such as when a wife suffers from severe post-partum depression, they may indeed benefit from anti-depressant therapy/counseling, but any time a husband tries to tell his wife that her head isn't screwed on straight--which is exactly what you would be doing by telling her she needs to see a phsychologist--you walk a very fine line between finding a possible solution and making the situation worse...and let me tell you, the likelihood of making the situation worse is far greater than making it better.

It would benefit you to learn to distinguish between an issue requiring outside assiatance...and one which does not. For some men, especially those new to marriage or long-term relationships, this can be difficult, as normalacy to a woman can be perceived as craziness by a man. However, just because it may seem like the wifre is acting "crazy", it does not mean she is. They just deal with things differently. This type of discernment will come with time...but I will say this, if we sent our wives to get professional help every time they displayed behavior that seems irrational to us, they would never leave the shrink's office, yet it seems pretty obvious to me that this is not an option, nor is it necessary. The point here is that women do NOT require professional help every time their behavior doesn't seem to make sense. Actually, I would suggest getting used to it...because as long as emotion continues to play an integral role in their decision making process, this type of illogical behavior is here to stay.

Personally, I would advise you to refrain from telling your wife she needs professional help in order to deal with her mental shortcomings. Just because she is self-conscious about her lower belly fat does not mean she requires professional help. The fact that she continues to bring it up in your presence is her way of looking for your re-assurance...re-assuarance that no matter how her stomach looks (or any other part of her), that you will continue to find her beautful, love her, and stick around for the long haul. She is not looking for advice.

All women are self-conscious...to an extreme degree...even the "hot" ones...and guess who is going to bear the brunt of this self-consciousness? YOU! You don't have to understand her needs...and neither do they need to make sense to you, but you will need to meet them if you want to have a happy marriage.

 

[cmp007]

That's why I was saying be very careful how you bring it up. I don't think he needs to say you need help go see a shrink because that would be the worst thing possible. That's him telling her she's a problem or has problems. As it seems they are both unhappy. My opinion would be to just talk to her and lay it out that hey I see our relationship is taking a rocky path and I love you and don't want this to happen. Put the blame on himself and don't put any on her so she doesn't feel attacked. And suggest maybe they see someone so they can have thier happy marriage back because he cares for her and he wants to help the marriage anyway he can. She wouldn't feel attacked that way. She would see he's admitting fault to thing he does or has done and he wants to fix himself for them. Then once counseling starts it will be easy to transition into faults or problems of both parties. I've been through it all. I have a very good doc and that's pretty much how he's told me.to handle situations and it's helped majorly. Don't think people need to run to a shrink for everything but a Marriage is one.of the most important things in your life so in my opinion its one of the very few you should get help on.

 

[mitochondria]

she wants out

 

[AshopRep]

Unless your name is:

Dr. Oz
Jillian Michaels
Any member of the tv show, The Doctors

she wont listen to you

My wife wouldn't listen to them either.

 

[Mike Arnold]

That's why I was saying be very careful how you bring it up. I don't think he needs to say you need help go see a shrink because that would be the worst thing possible. That's him telling her she's a problem or has problems. As it seems they are both unhappy. My opinion would be to just talk to her and lay it out that hey I see our relationship is taking a rocky path and I love you and don't want this to happen. Put the blame on himself and don't put any on her so she doesn't feel attacked. And suggest maybe they see someone so they can have thier happy marriage back because he cares for her and he wants to help the marriage anyway he can. She wouldn't feel attacked that way. She would see he's admitting fault to thing he does or has done and he wants to fix himself for them. Then once counseling starts it will be easy to transition into faults or problems of both parties. I've been through it all. I have a very good doc and that's pretty much how he's told me.to handle situations and it's helped majorly. Don't think people need to run to a shrink for everything but a Marriage is one.of the most important things in your life so in my opinion its one of the very few you should get help on.

My post wasn't directed specifically at you. I was addressing the subject in general. Of course a marriage is important, but marriage counseling is quite different than telling the wife she needs to see a counselor for her metal issues, which is specifically what I was referring to.

 

[Elvia1023]

I think they both could be..every seeks attention from time to time..im not claiming i know them ive stated what he has said ..2 children, good marriage are his words...i gave my opinion..and yes i am inclined to favour the female more given the circumstances...He should man up and talk it out with her at the end of the day problems arnt going to get sorted from a computer.

Quite feisty today I see.. I like it

 

[AshopRep]

At least she's smarter than my mom who goes out and buys raspberry ketones expecting to lose weight

My wife buys those. True story.

 

[IronManRep]

My wife buys those. True story.

So does mine.

 

[Thud]

I think they both could be..every seeks attention from time to time..im not claiming i know them ive stated what he has said ..2 children, good marriage are his words...i gave my opinion..and yes i am inclined to favour the female more given the circumstances...He should man up and talk it out with her at the end of the day problems arnt going to get sorted from a computer.

here you go again insulting the guy.... he should man up? in his first post he said he tried bringing her to the gym or even training at home with her. he also tried giving her some diet advice. sounds like he tried talking about it with her and is looking for another angle. excellent help you've given him.

its not our fault as men that all women are fucked up in the head.

 

[SugarFree]

Get the wife her own trainer!

My wife did pretty much the same to me in the past and would not take my advice. Eventually though she asked to start using my trainer who turned around and told her the same things I was saying for years. For some unknown reason she decided to listen to the trainer though and had a great transformation. ::shrugs::

 

[Barbie81]

here you go again insulting the guy.... he should man up? in his first post he said he tried bringing her to the gym or even training at home with her. he also tried giving her some diet advice. sounds like he tried talking about it with her and is looking for another angle. excellent help you've given him.

its not our fault as men that all women are fucked up in the head.

I feel sorry for you Thud...now go thu-ck yourself

 

[pesty4077]

its not our fault as men that all women are fucked up in the head.

Yea, because guys like you are perfect and women don't understand that. They should bow down to your manliness.

 

[Barbie81]

Yea, because guys like you are perfect and women don't understand that. They should bow down to your manliness.

Haha he wishes!! Xx

 

[Thud]

I feel sorry for you Thud...now go thu-ck yourself

no bitch, fuck YOU. you have a condescending way of talking to people and it figures you were first to throw an insult.

why don't you go find a women's only forum so you won't be bothered but us man.

 

[Thud]

Yea, because guys like you are perfect and women don't understand that. They should bow down to your manliness.

no my point at all.. in a situation like this, there is absolutely nothing a man can do to make sense of a womans emotions. women's emotions go out of control to the point where they stop making sense. hence, they are fucked up in the head. we can be fucked up at times too, not denying that.

but looks like you're taking your little barbie's side since you obviously know her from the site, even though she was being a rude little bitch to a guy asking for advice.