Wife/girlfriend issues with lifting, bodybuilding

[TheKenpoKid]

my input

women like to feel important and significant...if you're dedicating too much time to BB and not as much to her she is probably jealous f the time you spend at the gym, take her out some night with out the kids (if possible) treat her to a very time consuming evening just with her and tell her dude...look her in the eye, even if it's a lye...and tell her you did it for her, tell her that she is such an outstandingly beautiful woman and no other womans beauty could even match hers and you spent all this time in the gym for her so she could feel the same way you feel with her...tell her that her body is voluptuous and gorgeous and she deserves that in return...

 

[triathloncoach]

Question and comment

Are you taking gear? (Dont answer). My wife hates the gear and laughs off my gains as all gear related. I looked very good before.

It is common among bariatric surgery patients to have huge relationship problems after a successful surgery. You are now a different person. And the world interacts differently with you.

Also - on a related note - plastic surgery patients also may have higher marital issues post surgery.

 

[mikennrg]

The most important thing in a marriage is compromise. For the man compromise means doing exactly what the wife wants.

 

[aussiebulldog]

Counseling bro. Before it gets out of hand and believe me it will. It's stemming from an insecurity on her part and she doesn't know what to do about it. If you value the relationship and want it to remain you need to have a counselor help the two of you through this.

*4

taking her for a"talk" without guidance can cause more harm , she might just get defensive and the all situation escalate.

 

[thebiggest]

The most important thing in a marriage is compromise. For the man compromise means doing exactly what the wife wants.

fuck that i will never let my wife have my nuts in her pocket i would tell her straight up i will never stop working out and if u keep fuckin wit me about it then u will be gone

 

[SIR-LOIN]

I've kinda been there done that too, except when my wife and I met over 20 years ago, we were both working at a gym, I had been lifting hard at the time and was in great shape, preparing for my first contest at 22 years old. She was a 6' drop dead knock out, great shape, worked out some, but mainly youth and genetics. We married, I continued to bust my ass with very little interruption for the next 20 years, didnt eat well the whole time, so my weight got up a little, just as her's did, along with her insecurities. She had the upper hand on me, I admit, and would ridicule my bbing if I went more than 3 days a week, or talked too much about it.
The last 3 years I started watching the diet, got cut up, looked better than I did 20 years ago, leaner, and with 30 lbs more size. The resentment toward me grew as I got in better shape, we even separated, came close to divorce, rough on the child, dont let anyone discount that. But then something happened that turned the tides, she got wind that there were other women(very nice looking fitness types) that openly admred me. So from that point, after she satisfied herself that I wasn't straying, everything changed for the good; she supported me in my bbing, she got in (better) shape, sex life went through the roof. I even came out of bbing retirement last year after 20 years and competed, she stood behind me the whole way, very supportive, unlike the previous 2 decades. Once she realized that maybe she ahd something worth a shit to hold on to, she changed.
Not advocating seeking attention from anyone outside of the marriage, just telling you what changed the direction for me. Hold your course on the training, but at the same time don't throw away your family without a fight. Never act on impulse, being on gear makes this hard to do sometimes

 

[norwegiann]

Are you taking gear? (Dont answer). My wife hates the gear and laughs off my gains as all gear related. I looked very good before.

It is common among bariatric surgery patients to have huge relationship problems after a successful surgery. You are now a different person. And the world interacts differently with you.

Also - on a related note - plastic surgery patients also may have higher marital issues post surgery.

My girl just had her boobs redone .. replaced her salines with silicone . . . then came two weeks of bitchiness. I mean, she was a different person . . . for two weeks . . . talk about getting yelled at for nothing. It was incredible.

I never thought things could get to me like they did there. We don't live together to begin with, but we spend lots of weekends and occassionally 3-4-5 day weekends together. But I took care of her at my place after the surgery, so there was no way out. I questioned a lot of things about our relationship during that time.

But she finally came to her senses, or to her old self, rather, at the two week mark .. She's looked back and realized how much of a bitch she had been during that period, and she's apologized time and time again . . .

 

[gassy]

well, Im not quite sure where to begin, some advise is ok, some not....I will focus on you now....You are getting angry, and will eventually, if not already, become recentful ...You look better and feel better, why can't she just be happy for you? Sounds like theres recentment on both sides..thats not good.

her negative comments are creating a bad enviroment for you....negative people are poison........I don't get people that are negative towards others, or hurtful with their verbal attacks and stupid insecurities.

Ask her why she is doing it?..tell how you feel and if doesnt change, you don't need to put up with it...........

keep going, you will live longer if you are healthier. Good luck.

I'm sorry, I don't want to seem like I'm attacking you but, your advice seems a little cold blooded. "stupid insecurities" we don't know his wife and what her childhood was and what created these insecurities, we all have them and they make us who we are. "negative people are poison" this is his wife who he promised to love forever. "u don't need to put up with it" I don't think giving her an ultimatum is the right thing to do in any relationship that a person wants to stay in. Emery, you have been in shape for EIGHT MONTHS, what if you loose the fitness bug or get injured and get fat again? How would you feel then. I'm going through the worst time of my life right now. I got my wisdom teeth out and ended up with severe nerve damage in my neck, shoulder, and arm. I am medicated and depressed out of my mind. I could barely move my right arm for a month, 4 months later I still can't put it over my head or hold both of my sons at the same time, one their favorite things. I am not fun to be around and am beyond negative. On top of that I am the most unattractive I have ever been. There is a possibility I could never recover and I have NEVER felt more loved and supported by my wife in our 7 years together. If you love her and believe she loves you and you want to stay with her, get into some couples therapy or marriage counseling to provide an even field. Don't let your protein shakes get in the way of what is really important.

 

[dabeast75]

Good post gassy. I would never dump a girl over BB, and nor would I ever dump BB for a girl. They both just need to work and I will keep it that way until i get dumped -- then i can at least say that SHE dumped me over BB and she's a shallow c***

But Emery i totally feel for you bro. My last GF liked me big and loved bellies. She loved teddy bear types and she didnt like it when i went to the gym because she never went. Yes major insecurities. MAJOR. She was a little on the bigger side and unhappy and figured if i got any hotter than i already was (yes I am a total sexy beast) then chicks would fall all over me (even more than now ). At least that was her reasoning.

My current GF accepts that I like to do it, but doesnt do it much herself. Doesnt need to. But she HATES big muscles. She just doesnt like it and she tells me that. She likes skinny people. no joke. and i mean sticks and twigs man. it fucks me up but she loves me and I love her, and we have a great life together so its ok. she hates muscles and i hate her tattoos (she loves them and wants to get more). So we break even on that point. Good luck emery sorting your shit out. Dont dump the girl and dont allow her to dump you. Communicate it often enough and exchange viewpoints and ideas and eventually she will accept it.

 

[marilyn]

gassy

btw, I didnt feel like I was attacked by you, no worries. I always appreciate another viewmany views actually.

I just had to get a point across. It really doesn't matter what I say, and its just an opinion

 

[aeliop]

Great Post

I'm sorry, I don't want to seem like I'm attacking you but, your advice seems a little cold blooded. "stupid insecurities" we don't know his wife and what her childhood was and what created these insecurities, we all have them and they make us who we are. "negative people are poison" this is his wife who he promised to love forever. "u don't need to put up with it" I don't think giving her an ultimatum is the right thing to do in any relationship that a person wants to stay in. Emery, you have been in shape for EIGHT MONTHS, what if you loose the fitness bug or get injured and get fat again? How would you feel then. I'm going through the worst time of my life right now. I got my wisdom teeth out and ended up with severe nerve damage in my neck, shoulder, and arm. I am medicated and depressed out of my mind. I could barely move my right arm for a month, 4 months later I still can't put it over my head or hold both of my sons at the same time, one their favorite things. I am not fun to be around and am beyond negative. On top of that I am the most unattractive I have ever been. There is a possibility I could never recover and I have NEVER felt more loved and supported by my wife in our 7 years together. If you love her and believe she loves you and you want to stay with her, get into some couples therapy or marriage counseling to provide an even field. Don't let your protein shakes get in the way of what is really important.

Gassy this is a great post, I think you really hit the nail on the head and you understand what marriage vows are supposed to be. When one gets married they say their vows, for better or worse is one of them, that means when your other half is down you pick them up. This is like they are swimming in the ocean to the shore. Well Emory is a good swimmer and he is going to make it no problem, while his wife is drowning because she is not a good swimmer. What should Emery do keep swimming, make it to the shore easily and let her drown or go back and help her and risk his own demise.

 

[gassy]

Thanks marilyn, I know u are a kind person. Thank you too tony, great analogy. I hope emery understands the value of couples therapy. Our egos can be our best friends and our worst enemy and they are incredibly complex-its hard enuf to understand our own, much less someone elses. A therapist can help u to understand. Also u will be more likely to discuss and express instead of argue. It WILL be painful. I hope u can continue to bodybuild and improve your marriage at the same time. I'd be intersted if you would update us on this thread in the future, good luck.

 

[richiec]

For sure talk to her about how you felt prior to hitting the gym. Like a couple guys said, counseling is a great thing, just don't take her there without talking to here first. My wife goes with me to the gym, but she gets tired of me talking about it all the time, so you might just have to leave it at the gym

 

[marilyn]

Thanks marilyn, I know u are a kind person. Thank you too tony, great analogy. I hope emery understands the value of couples therapy. Our egos can be our best friends and our worst enemy and they are incredibly complex-its hard enuf to understand our own, much less someone elses. A therapist can help u to understand. Also u will be more likely to discuss and express instead of argue. It WILL be painful. I hope u can continue to bodybuild and improve your marriage at the same time. I'd be intersted if you would update us on this thread in the future, good luck.

I really appreciate that....I reviewed my initial comments and they did sound a bit cold, so I offer my sincere apologies to emery for that, as I am a believer in the positive and try to offer good solutions to problems, or another view from experience, or someone I knew that has gone through whatever...but I trully hope things work out for the best....

I used to get mad at Tony at first when all I heard was bb 24/7...seriously, Im not affraid to tell you, it was blah, blah, blah non-stop, lol....but there came a point when he finally realized...what am I doing?...is this really more important?......am I ready to loose my family over bb? then as always I try to compromise as much as I can, and I try new things, and many times like them so, I guess, if you can try to get her more involved somehow, she may like it too...let us know how it goes.

 

[TheOtherOne55]

tough dealing with my gf

I was going to start a new thread but i knew that other guys had similar problems so ill just add on here.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year and everything is good. We rarely EVER fight, have similar views on things and love each others company. Everything is good and she is the woman i want to marry BUUTTT.

She just really doesnt understand my love of bodybuilding/lifting/AAS. Ever since we had been dating she knew that bodybuilding is one of my passions and that i want to do my first show in the next year or so. I know that she thought it was strange that i was so into it but she eventually accepted it and always supports me. The one thing that she deeefinitely doesnt get is AAS usage. I dont know if she is nervous for me or nervous for how people will view her but she is pretty against my cycles. I try to explain my perspective and show that if done properly, it is completely safe, etc.....me doing this has helped some but not much.

I swear it has to do with her insecurities. We have been in fights because she thinks i eat too clean and micromanage my diet which in turn makes her think that she is fat, etc. It just sucks having to deal with everything im trying to do AND deal with her have weird body insecurities.

I really dont know if there is a way to actually FIX this problem, i just wanted to read about other guys going through similar situations like mine. I really think she fears how people will judge ME and the BOTH of us.

Any thoughts here

 

[biggreenstacks]

Not a counselor but...

Try to get her to go with you, maybe she'll enjoy it or atleast see that you're not messing around on her.

 

[Emery]

I'm definitely not perfect but...

I am a caring and compassionate person. I am a loving dad, a compassionate RN at my job and successful in my position. I do many things around the house and support my wife, even though she is often ill, anxious, depressed, etc.

We are intimate maybe once per month and sometimes I feel as though it is just to benefit me. She admits she has problems, as we all do but, her depression has worsened. She tells me it's not me, and I do believe her but, it doesn't make things easier.

I do not think she is straying or cheating. Besides work, she is always at home. Neither one of us goes out without the other one. We don't drink, etc.

She does still seem to be upset by my bodybuilding. She doesn't like it when I wear clothes besides my scrubs to work that show my physique at all. She doesn't like to compliment me on my muscle or anything like that. She accuses me of using steroids and tells me she will have me admitted to treatment if she finds out I use them, even though she uses anti-anxiety meds for her issues.

I sometimes think that a fella can just NOT win an arguement with a woman.

Forget about me wanting to compete. I get no support there.

Truth is, I love her dearly, but I am an individual with needs as well. A little support from her with my bodybuilding would be nice once in a while. It gets frustrating brining home a good paycheck, taking care of everyone else in the world and then catching shit about my bodybuilding/health changes while she is out on our back deck chain smoking!!

Just plain frustrating. I don't want 20 years to go by, be in my 50s and miss out on passion, love, sex, friendship, etc. waiting for some change to happen.
I feel like we got along better when I was fat and had low self esteem.

Anyways, probably said too much! Thanks for your responses ladies and gents! I wish I could get her in the gym with me.

 

[Femlifter]

I was going to start a new thread but i knew that other guys had similar problems so ill just add on here.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year and everything is good. We rarely EVER fight, have similar views on things and love each others company. Everything is good and she is the woman i want to marry BUUTTT.

She just really doesnt understand my love of bodybuilding/lifting/AAS. Ever since we had been dating she knew that bodybuilding is one of my passions and that i want to do my first show in the next year or so. I know that she thought it was strange that i was so into it but she eventually accepted it and always supports me. The one thing that she deeefinitely doesnt get is AAS usage. I dont know if she is nervous for me or nervous for how people will view her but she is pretty against my cycles. I try to explain my perspective and show that if done properly, it is completely safe, etc.....me doing this has helped some but not much.

I swear it has to do with her insecurities. We have been in fights because she thinks i eat too clean and micromanage my diet which in turn makes her think that she is fat, etc. It just sucks having to deal with everything im trying to do AND deal with her have weird body insecurities.

I really dont know if there is a way to actually FIX this problem, i just wanted to read about other guys going through similar situations like mine. I really think she fears how people will judge ME and the BOTH of us.

Any thoughts here

You told her from the BEGINNING, therefore she knew and SHE decided to continue seeing you anyway. Therefore, it was her choice to stay with you. She had the choice then to say “this is just not for me.” Sure, she is entitled to change her mind, but did she just think she can change your views of something you told her you love?
Did you also know from the beginning how she felt? If so, then you too decided to continue seeing her anyway, and just expected her to accept your views too.

So as I see it, it’s about compromise. No one can change another person’s views. It’s about acceptance.

So you either accept she does not like what you do (something that makes YOU happy) and accept the arguing, or she can just accept you are going to continue doing what you do regardless. If this is going to be a lingering issue, then you two should sit down and talk about what you BOTH want because changing for anyone is only going to cause resentment and it will not work out.

Have you tried getting her interested? For instance, offering to train her at the gym, having her lead a clean lifestyle? Now, I am aware this is trying to change HER, but it’s something you can try…and if she is unwilling to accept anything then again, you must either accept her…OR accept that you want to live your life as you see fit and be happy continuing to do what you love. No one is worth changing for; it’s about compromise and understanding.

 

[Femlifter]

I am a caring and compassionate person. I am a loving dad, a compassionate RN at my job and successful in my position. I do many things around the house and support my wife, even though she is often ill, anxious, depressed, etc.

We are intimate maybe once per month and sometimes I feel as though it is just to benefit me. She admits she has problems, as we all do but, her depression has worsened. She tells me it's not me, and I do believe her but, it doesn't make things easier.

I do not think she is straying or cheating. Besides work, she is always at home. Neither one of us goes out without the other one. We don't drink, etc.

She does still seem to be upset by my bodybuilding. She doesn't like it when I wear clothes besides my scrubs to work that show my physique at all. She doesn't like to compliment me on my muscle or anything like that. She accuses me of using steroids and tells me she will have me admitted to treatment if she finds out I use them, even though she uses anti-anxiety meds for her issues.

I sometimes think that a fella can just NOT win an arguement with a woman.

Forget about me wanting to compete. I get no support there.

Truth is, I love her dearly, but I am an individual with needs as well. A little support from her with my bodybuilding would be nice once in a while. It gets frustrating brining home a good paycheck, taking care of everyone else in the world and then catching shit about my bodybuilding/health changes while she is out on our back deck chain smoking!!

Just plain frustrating. I don't want 20 years to go by, be in my 50s and miss out on passion, love, sex, friendship, etc. waiting for some change to happen.
I feel like we got along better when I was fat and had low self esteem.

Anyways, probably said too much! Thanks for your responses ladies and gents! I wish I could get her in the gym with me.

These quotes might help:

You are the person who has to decide. Whether you'll do it or toss it aside; You are the person who makes up your mind. Whether you'll lead or will linger behind. Whether you'll try for the goal that's afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are.

If you're in a situation that you don't like, you can do three things: Accept, change it, or move on….

Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable. If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.

 

[cpesloco]

All great advice given. From my experience, having a partner who doesn't work out will become an issue when you get in good shape. You will change, the way people look at you will change, life changes. Your partner will either resent or become insecure. Communication is key and when you stop caring about your partner and only caring about yourself you corrupt the relationship. A relationship is about both people being happy therefor there is no room for selfishness. I learned this the hard way but all was not lost as I ended up with someone else great and now i am armed with more knowledge for a better relationship.

Counseling only works if both parties want it to work. It takes two to Tango!

Good Luck