sorry to hear about your situation. unfortunitly it is way too firmilar.
first i was married to a much older crazey ladey. i met her when i was 24 she said she was 26 but turned out to be 18 years older then me. took a little while to find this out, also it turned out that she had 3 kids. long story but i can share some if applicable.
second i also have borderline personality disorder. in addition i have bipolar disorder and in general can be a raging maniac.
what i have learned about diet, exercise, training and life is because of these issues. there is no way to "cure" these things. honestly they are not a disease either, they are a way to discribe certin predispositions and thought patterns and how they are coupled with emotion and impluse control.
i have seen people with similar issues who appear better when using traditional meds. however i think that traditional meds are terrible and would never take that poison. there are much better ways to a better end result but they take a lot of work.
you know its funny. for so many years i blamed much of my problems on this woman. we were together off and on for 7-8 years. however as time has passed and i have learned more about my slef and gone through so many difficult times i have realized that my x was probobly the only person in my entire life that really did try and help me. no matter what she has always been there and wanted to help me. and no matter what i did or said she got over it and forgave me. sure she did lots of bad things to me, but im not innocent i did a lot of terrible things to her, yeah i would not have done them if she did things different but to some extent life is a learning process.
id love to tell you to disapear and dont look back, at other times i would have said run, run, run! and triathelon coach is right, in some casses like this the death of 1 person is the only way to end it, if you ar eboth still alive you may never get away.
but sometimes we have to suffer and endure hardship to really learn who and what we are.
some other helpfull stuff. alcohol is terrible! with these conditions you shoudl avoid alcohol like the freaking plague. if you dont know why, i can help. two of the most vital supps/meds whatever you want to call them for me at test and cannabis. i was fat for most of my life growing up, the first tiem i felt "normal" was after starting aas then geeting off and gettign back on, i realized there was way more too all of this. i went to the dr when i was 25, i felt terrible and knew it was due to low t, i was on probation and could not have anything questionalbe around, went to the dr told him what was up he didnt belive me but blood work came back like i said it would. the moral here is control hormones tightly! get your girl to the dr and do full blood wrk then go from there.
cannabis... this is a tricky one. this is the only thing that makes me think calm clear and not violently. really i cant tell you haw important it is to my life. without propper access and dosage i am a dangerous maniac, i do not want to be that way, it hurts me so much to live the way i do. honestly many days im scared to leave the house because of how i may react to certin things. i can tie every major problem in my life to this.
my state recently legalized for medical use, but i am discusted by what i see. i have been very active in this area for several years and honestly i have yet to meet one other person like me,that uses this plant to stay sane and not for the mild change or perseption that most call getting high. this is the only thing that allows me to make sence of life and realize that my violent racing thoughts are not sane. it allows me to recoginze that there is more to life then my momentary pain.
other medications make me worse. benzo makeme depressed and more prone to extreme violent behavior, they also give me blackouts, awsome combination huh? lol! normal medicine is not helping people, its creating clients.
all the neurotransmitter drugs (ssri's, dopamine agents, ect ) are terrible for me. i do have great success with natural methods that target various neurotransmitters.
niacinamide 1.5-2g several times aday is great for anxiety, i take 50mg of zinc with it. theanine is awsome with it 400mg at a time. taurine is helpfull and i include it with my general supp list in large amounts. magnisuim taurate is essential. idebenone is great, especially in the 200-300mg dose range, i get pills with rho and gse in them too, the rho helps with oxygenation and idb hit seratonin as does theanine. glutathione agents should also be included, if you can get inject glut from ergo jump on it, it will keep you from ever getting sick and will improve thought process to a large degree. SOD is also essential, drops in sod levels often are markers for major psycotic/psyciatric eppisodes, and is related to glut. if you cant get the inject go with NAC 3+g ed. i use a natural D2 agonist at times for dopamine howver the person i get it from will not tell me what it is, its an awsome prolactin inhibitor and othe rprolactin inhibitors also are d2 agonists like prami an caber. the pharms have other potential side effects though.
propper sleep and sleep schedule hugely imprtant! pre bed mix is 6mg melatonin wich also helps with gh production, 1g magt, 400mg theanine, 2g niacinamide, 50mg zinc as a base.
diet needs to be strict and low in processed sugars. healthy fats are hugley important. get tons of exercise! not just weights do cardio too, my head is much better with at least a few hrs of cardio a week.
may want to avoid caffine.
i know there is a lot of info here and prob not what you were looking for but if you care about this person and and she has some problems it might be good to try and help her, if she wants to help herself. but you should also try and limit your exposure, you cant have a house full of drugs and the police showing up for domestic disturbance calls, you will get fucked at some point. also if you have not been a part of the systme yet take htis very seriously the system is fucked and far beyond repair, your life will be destroyed if you get involved as will your kids, so try and handle this right. maybe jump on hrt for a bit and try to cool things off? either that or pack your shit while she at work and get the fuck out! go to a hotel if you have to and leave your shit with a friend but dont let her know.
you can not have people in your life that call le.
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