Wife threatening to rat out stash. (married to a psycho older woman)

[SecondAct]

I answered the questions in the quote. That must be what she has. Im serious, that sounds just like her, and she has an intense fear of true intimacy. Sex is great but its mechanical like a really good porn, but it has always lacked true intimacy. Im not sure if that is another sign of BPD.
She also has a need to please. A psychiatrist one time said that about her after an evaluation session we both had to go through. My evaluation was fine.
If it is BPD, what can you do?

Nothing in the short term that is going to help you in your situation. Medications can take the edge off a few of the symptoms on occasion, but you are talking years and years of cognitive behavioral therapy like dialectical therapy with very limited success. And what little success those have is with patients generally younger than she is, and in patients with an incredible desire to get well. You are talking 6 figures worth of therapy, and a patient has to be highly motivated to get well, to the point of working 2 jobs to pay for it if you aren't independently wealthy. It takes a therapist years to even get through the lies and distortion and form even the lowest level of rapport that can start to help. The great majority of psychologists are ill-equipped, or simply realize the futility and low success rate and choose not to take them on. John Hopkins and Harvard have programs, but they don't take insurance iirc, require lengthy commitments, and are more geared to a younger patient.

Trust me when I tell you I am sympathetic to her, as she's in incredible internal pain, but for practical purposes as far as you're concerned, she is broken, and has been since before she started kindergarten.

I'd rather have cancer and full blown AIDS over what she has, because I would have a better prognosis when dealing with those illnesses. What she has doesn't only put her in pain, but causes tremendous pain to anyone around her. And I have had a 7 year battle with cancer personally, so I don't say that lightly. If you loved her beyond words, and she was 15 years younger than you rather than 15 years older, there would be ways to approach it that would likely fail, but at least be worth the effort, but honestly, just gtfo wisely, as hard as that is. You have to view your situation as you 2 children with severe conditions because she's really an emotional child, and you are obligated to do your best for the one that you can help, which is your son.

 

[raw33man]

My kids and I watch Storage Wars. How awesome would that be if one of the abandoned lockers contained Gear? It's strange how they never find anything illegal. I love the show, but it's all fake.

It's not Fake, they do not show when they find illegal stuff and ... My uncle does that type of job, it's gambling

 

[mace123]

It's not Fake, they do not show when they find illegal stuff and ... My uncle does that type of job, it's gambling

The show is about as real as Greg Valentinos biceps.

The concept is very true though. The storage place my PMB is at has been inviting me to storage auctions far before those shows were around, and the rules are largely the same. You bid, you can only look inside but not go in, and when you win one you MUST take every last thing and sweep/clean up the unit.

 

[pimpman]

Sorry to hear you going through this crap
If I was you first thing I do is get off the gear so your levels drop.go see a doc and get on legal try.then rent a safe lock in a bank and keep your gear there.then go get a restrain order on her and move out and file for divorce.if she calls the cop and tells them about your gear use she be shocked when the cops tell her you have a script for it.if she tries to call the cops and say u beat her it will back fire on her cuz u had a restrain order on her already cuz of her crazy attacks on you.and if you fight for custody of your son you be ok cuz every channel you took was legally done and she will look like the crazy chick she is in court.good luck bro wish you the best.not to scare you but crazy chicks like this are the one's who kill there man and then spend life in prison and the kids are the one's who suffer cuz they are left without the parents

 

[Cito33189]

get a safe and put your gear in it and hide that thing.

Then push her down the stairs

 

[Wesley Inman]

1) The storage wars stuff..you guys seriously made me nearly spit my drink out..thanks for the laugh I needed it. Storage war comment got the most Likes.

2) To the OP...listen man, I have read this whole thing twice. You still love her. You always will. That's the issue. I know it. I dealt with it. It get's easier. Been out of your situation for 3.5 years. It's hard seeing the person you have a child with, with a different person every month..at first. It is. But then you understand they are not a normal functioning person.

But at the end of the day, you have the unconditional love of your child. That's all you need. He needs you. You have to be sound and stable for him. She will try to tear that away from you, because that is the only power she has left over you...Trust me, happened to me. I feel for you. The situation sucks. Do your best, take it day by day...and never for a second take your sights off your son. Find support now in friends and family. Do what you need to for him. Screw Bodybuilding, screw AAS at the moment, he is more important. I gave it up. You can too. You can still workout and train your ass off, just do it naturally. At the end of the day he needs you. In the meantime your Pro Muscle family is here. When I went through this, I got letters, cards and even money from friends from forums to help my custody battle. You find out who's there for you in times like this. And we back each other regardless of any mistakes you have made. Wishing you the best.

 

[taintted]

seeing a story like this makes me very thankful i have a fiancee who is 100% ok with whatever i do. i would definitely find another place to store any dvds, come off of any and all supplements, and then go see a specialist. god forbid the they walk through again and find something in plain site.

 

[maldorf]

In the back of my mind I would also be worried about her capacity to physically hurt you. I guess you've been living with her long enough to know, but I would be concerned about having weapons in the house that she might use against the family or herself. Not sure I bipolar sufferers had tendencies to act you violently. I guess the reason this comes to mind now is with what happened in Newtown and here in my city just a few days ago a high school boy took his father's 45 to school and shot himself.

 

[Turtleneck]

I didnt read all the replies but im sure the over whelming consences is the same as mine. Move your stuff and leave the thing. Theres no way id live like that and woman are EVERYWHERE...

 

[Elvia1023]

I was gonna ask if she was still using and you answered that in your last post. So she is on tren... that's only gonna make things 10x worst. I can't really say anything else others haven't. I think you need to leave her but by your words I don't think your mentally strong enough for that. Due to your current weakness I think this could end up in a really bad way with you looking the guilty party. She has evil in her so she would be prepared to make you suffer but I don't think you could do that to her. Your relationship is spiraling out of control and the outcome I can see it is her phoning the police and saying your beating her. You need to make the first steps.. you need to be strong and look out for your little boy.

Ideally you would do what some of mentioned and make it apparent who is the aggressive one. You should clean house and get evidence of her horrible behaviour. You need to do what is best for your son and I imagine the same thing will be best for you. I hope in a few years your in a nice new home with your son and dating a lovely woman who is great for you and your son and what you deserve.

 

[LK3]

Nothing in the short term that is going to help you in your situation. Medications can take the edge off a few of the symptoms on occasion, but you are talking years and years of cognitive behavioral therapy like dialectical therapy with very limited success. And what little success those have is with patients generally younger than she is, and in patients with an incredible desire to get well. You are talking 6 figures worth of therapy, and a patient has to be highly motivated to get well, to the point of working 2 jobs to pay for it if you aren't independently wealthy. It takes a therapist years to even get through the lies and distortion and form even the lowest level of rapport that can start to help. The great majority of psychologists are ill-equipped, or simply realize the futility and low success rate and choose not to take them on. John Hopkins and Harvard have programs, but they don't take insurance iirc, require lengthy commitments, and are more geared to a younger patient.

Trust me when I tell you I am sympathetic to her, as she's in incredible internal pain, but for practical purposes as far as you're concerned, she is broken, and has been since before she started kindergarten.

I'd rather have cancer and full blown AIDS over what she has, because I would have a better prognosis when dealing with those illnesses. What she has doesn't only put her in pain, but causes tremendous pain to anyone around her. And I have had a 7 year battle with cancer personally, so I don't say that lightly. If you loved her beyond words, and she was 15 years younger than you rather than 15 years older, there would be ways to approach it that would likely fail, but at least be worth the effort, but honestly, just gtfo wisely, as hard as that is. You have to view your situation as you 2 children with severe conditions because she's really an emotional child, and you are obligated to do your best for the one that you can help, which is your son.

i totally understand why you say what you say. but there is far more to it.

not sure if you saw my post but i have bpd and bipolar. im far from perfect but nothing at all like what is being talked about here.

i knew something was wrong my entire life and but had no real help or direction. through my own efforts i learned the ins and outs of all of this. if a person is motivated they can do anything. but just like diet and training you can help a person along a little but it is there moment to moment decisious that determin the outcome.

i agree that most will fail particularly without deep pockets but that is only because the system has failed us, nothing is about health its about making money.

all the information and tools one needs are available and i guees thats the worst part, people do have the ability to help themselfs they just choose not to.

 

[HOOLIGAN]

She's on Tren?!! WTF!! That explains alot.
I think both of you need to get completely off AAS and get your hormones straightened out.
Both of you obviously have some emotional/psychological issues and should probably not be using, EVER!

 

[gabe walker]

Shit bro.... Get out leave now.. I've been in your shoes..almost exact including your son and his disability..(mine was 10 when I got out) Ex has BPD with depression.. yelling, screaming, threatening, suicide attempts, false 911 calls, jumping out of cars, threatening my family and friends till they stay the F away, fueled by alcohol, "I hate my life", "I want to die", etc.. ..

Broken promises, "I'll get help", "I'll start taking my meds", "I'll go back to counseling"... The BS you tell yourself, "maybe this is the last time", "I'm stuck, I can't leave", "she might kill herself if I leave" on and on..Your caring for her only makes it worse for you and her...


She will not get better bro, BPD is very very difficult to treat and takes years to do so, they usually chill out on their own as they get older.. ... She will take you all the way down with her. You will loose everything if you continue with her.. One day she will make that call, you will go down.. As far as your school, what happens if you have a conviction?

What happens if she harms your son to get to you? I never thought in a million years she would go that far but it happened to me...

Get off of that roller coaster ASAP bro, clean out anything/everything out of house that can screw you, get a restraining order, find a lawyer to do custody if need be, talk to your parents, ASK for help, Take a quarter off from school, get it all together without her knowing any of it, then move, If she has a diagnosis use that for your restraining order, threat of violence, mental illness etc. document everything she does for your protection(I didn't do this and regretted it later)... Does he go to school, have an IEP team? Talk to his counselor, get them on your side, you need everyone.. Her parents know what's going on, will they help you when the shit hits the fan, if so tell them as well..The more who know your situation the better for you and your son when you need to get out cuz when it happens you will be her # 1 target...

The longer you stay the harder it is to get out as you well enough know by now

All of your reasons for staying I know, I told myself the same Bullshit for years and watched it slowly go away as she spun out of control.... You will not win if you stay, you will never be happy, and every day you stay your son suffers as well.. He already has issues with emotional regulation I'm sure and watching this drama play out does not help him at all..... The violence only escalates..

I literally had everything thrown away when I left, my son lost everything as well. I told him your mommy is sick and needs help.. I can replace all of your toys.. Mine as well as yours is old enough to know whats going on...

 

[mace123]

Shit bro.... Get out leave now.. I've been in your shoes..almost exact including your son and his disability..(mine was 10 when I got out) Ex has BPD with depression.. yelling, screaming, threatening, suicide attempts, false 911 calls, jumping out of cars, threatening my family and friends till they stay the F away, fueled by alcohol, "I hate my life", "I want to die", etc.. ..

Broken promises, "I'll get help", "I'll start taking my meds", "I'll go back to counseling"... The BS you tell yourself, "maybe this is the last time", "I'm stuck, I can't leave", "she might kill herself if I leave" on and on..Your caring for her only makes it worse for you and her...


She will not get better bro, BPD is very very difficult to treat and takes years to do so, they usually chill out on their own as they get older.. ... She will take you all the way down with her. You will loose everything if you continue with her.. One day she will make that call, you will go down.. As far as your school, what happens if you have a conviction?

What happens if she harms your son to get to you? I never thought in a million years she would go that far but it happened to me...

Get off of that roller coaster ASAP bro, clean out anything/everything out of house that can screw you, get a restraining order, find a lawyer to do custody if need be, talk to your parents, ASK for help, Take a quarter off from school, get it all together without her knowing any of it, then move, If she has a diagnosis use that for your restraining order, threat of violence, mental illness etc. document everything she does for your protection(I didn't do this and regretted it later)... Does he go to school, have an IEP team? Talk to his counselor, get them on your side, you need everyone.. Her parents know what's going on, will they help you when the shit hits the fan, if so tell them as well..The more who know your situation the better for you and your son when you need to get out cuz when it happens you will be her # 1 target...

The longer you stay the harder it is to get out as you well enough know by now

All of your reasons for staying I know, I told myself the same Bullshit for years and watched it slowly go away as she spun out of control.... You will not win if you stay, you will never be happy, and every day you stay your son suffers as well.. He already has issues with emotional regulation I'm sure and watching this drama play out does not help him at all..... The violence only escalates..

I literally had everything thrown away when I left, my son lost everything as well. I told him your mommy is sick and needs help.. I can replace all of your toys.. Mine as well as yours is old enough to know whats going on...

Now that is a really good post!

 

[gabe walker]

Now that is a really good post!

Hahaha... That was the G rated version... If I added the details you would think WTF?

 

[Barbie81]

This is sad..I'm sorry you have to suffer this emotional abuse constantly. You are doing a good job looking after your son you should be proud. He's lucky He has you.

You should write a diary of all the abusive things she says/does..date it, write how you feel at the time (nervous, scared,depressed) This will help get negative energy out of your mind, plus you can refer back to these notes/feelings if you need backup.

And you say she is taking Tren...this will be in her blood system so if she ever brings it up just say she will go down with you..could make authority give her blood tests and prove she is a beast!! She is a bully and they should not be tolerated

Small suggestion...get a vodoo doll, burn it :de:il-smi just sayin x

 

[t.c.jones]

get all your shit out when she isnt there. find someone to stay with. dont look back. she is a psycho

That's what I did with my psycho baby mama.

 

[Crazytall]

I left 2 days ago. Its been crazy. She must have seen this coming because when I went to take my DVD's with me, ALOT were missing. Luckily she didnt get my best ones, but she took and hid a good amount.
Im staying at an acquaintances house. She's been trying to call me alot, and texting me to come back.
Im not sure what to do now. Im very uncomfortable here.
This guy has a fucked up lifestyle, and I get no sleep. I know I shouldn't go back, but my summer semester starts May 13th and I need to get 2 A's. I dont see how on earth Ill get any work, studying or sleep here. Plus the temptation to drink is huge!!
Drinking is the worst thing I could do now, and there's vodka all over this place.
She's telling me how she'll act nicer, and I know she will for awhile, then go back to normal. Im trying to find somewhere better to stay, but anything I can afford right now is not that good.
Anyway, I've been sneaking back everyday and grabbing things of value and bringing them to my fathers, so in case I do go back and have to leave again, Ill have nothing to worry about.

I also wanted to thank everybody who posted here. Your words really gave me the strength to realize that I am not the only one who has gone through this. It really helped me out alot.

also my son is doing good. I spoke to him in the phone and he said everything has been very calm.

 

[johnjuanb1]

I'm glad you got out. Continue to be strong.

This would make for one hell of a book. Write it and sell it on kindlefire...get paid!

 

[LW123]

Feel really bad for u op, especially when there are kids involved. This is just a really f'ed convoluted situation.