Sounds like some of the symptoms of OCD....I had it bad from a child up to my early 20s. I'm talking BAD such that I was a lab rat at Yale University at the age of 16 for Luvox before it was FDA approved in a double blind placebo controlled study.
Problem was I had to come off my Prozac which worked wonders and after a month I gave up on the study and wanted my Prozac back... I probably had the sugar pill anyway as I noticed no relief from the Luvox during the study.
A lot of it is behavioral but at the age of 21 I was fed up and told doc I'm done with all the drugs and I'd deal with it on my own. I also realized why they kept taking blood from me. One of the reasons for the blood work was Prozac really rasies liver enzymes and I wanted nothing to do with that shit.
As you age and mature you grow out of a lot of it and just deal with it every day. It's also the main reason I've been so successful in business as well in developing my physique. It's true OCD where you are addicted to something you put your mind too. Most creative businessmen are like that. Most of them are millionaires and billionaires.
Back to your issue. The thoughts are fucked up yes and still today those nutty things run through my head. I just try to move on and that's it can't help it. Not sick thoughts like doing bad things but visualization of bad things happening to people I know. Really fucking stupid nasty shit you see in movies and then my mind applies it to loved ones. So fucking stupid but I deal with it.
The focus it gives me in the gym is beyond amazing though. Meaning the OCD and deep thoughts.
In your case the truth is you just have to tell yourself to fucking man up and move on. This is not an insult at you just shit I've done over there years to grow out of shit like that .
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