Today I injured myself again in the gym. 4 years before I tore my pec and I'm fearing I tore my other side. I'm not sure I can handle the surgery and recovery time again, it might be easier just to throw in the towel. I ask myself why do I keep pushing myself to the limit each day? The answer I know, I love it.. But I'm not sure my body can withstand the punishment anymore. I have a competitive attitude so it ends up eventually pushing myself to the max. Every week I have knots in my stomach knowing this might be my last big lift, knowing a injury is around the corner. Once you have been injured big time you know how fragile the body is and how quick a injury can change your life. With my experience it seems like I take 5 steps forward and end up taking 8 steps backwards. I need to find a happy medium and be content with my body and not having the need be the huge. Why can't i settle with the athletic look. The problem I know, I can't stand feeling small, and not pushing big weights. The scary thought that I'm struggling with is people are easy to think less of you. You have been above average size and soon as you loose it everyone is quick to point it out. This past year I have already gone through heart issues and have dropped 35lbs and even family members are quick to let you know how much smaller you look. I'm only 30 years of age. When I was a teen I had big inspirations as most of you to be truly something in the sport, but have come to realize I do not have the genetics to bring a damn thing to the table. So why? I feel completely defeated today and that's not something in my vocab.
Thanks for letting me Vent... I guess this is a big transition in my life. and I must choose health.. But why is it so hard? One would think its a no branier. I must be truly screwed..
Thanks for letting me Vent... I guess this is a big transition in my life. and I must choose health.. But why is it so hard? One would think its a no branier. I must be truly screwed..