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I feel like a failure

NGL34

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Yes I see ugly people with ugly people. Unfortunately for me I am only attracted to attractive women. If I don't like her looks then my dick won't get hard. I tried it one time with a woman. It didn't matter how much she sucked it. I didn't like what I was looking at and my dick stayed limp. Its as simple as that. Like I have said before when doing online dating a woman has no clue about your confidence, personality, etc. Its all about looks.


Anyone can be friends with attractive women. Why don't you start their first. Makes friends, don't expect much more, just use them to network to meet their hot single friends and hopefully get opportunities to hang out with them when your with your friend(s). I think what you need is more opportunity to be in close proximity to these women and often so they can really get to know you.
 

UsmcOldSchoolMuscle

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Pretty much what it says. Yes on one hand I should feel like a success. I have been on my own since I was 18. Been working for the same company for almost 22 years. So I'm stable. I make $50,000 a year. Not really much money but decent for the South and being a single person. I own my own place. So all that is good. But here is the bad. I'm almost 42. Never had a girlfriend. Well I thought I had one but from the first day I met her she was lying and cheating. So to me she was never my girlfriend. Still only one "supposed" girlfriend in 42 years. I can't get a date. I think women basically vomit when they see me. Sucks to say it but I am just ugly.

Then on top of all that my training is just not what I want. I weigh 285-290lbs roughly. But it just seems I look in the mirror and nothing ever changes. I swear I'm the same size I was at 240lbs with the exception of my gigantic head, neck and gut. I'm tired of people saying "do you workout"? And now I am going to need a surgery. I had an injection of kenalog put in my right bicep tendon a couple weeks ago. Pain had just gotten so bad I basically could not do much at all for my upper body. Waited a week before doing any thing heavy like the doc said. After the third heavy workout this week the pain is basically just as before. He said the only alternative after that is surgery. Which means unattaching the tendon and then reattaching it somewhere else to remove the stress that lifting puts on it. I really do not want to have another surgery. But its either that or quit lifting. No other option.

I just really look at the future and see absolutely nothing in it for me. I have no wife or kids. Too late for kids anyway at my age. No girlfriend or hell anyone that gives a damn. Yes I have family. But that's different. I mean someone who loves you not because of familial ties. I just look at myself and see a real failure. I mean its pathetic I can't even get a date. I have all the qualities that they say a woman wants in a man but nothing. That is the qualities a woman wants in a man who she also thinks is hot that is. You know I just wish I was dumb, had no personality, no sense of humor, was unemployed, broke and a scumbag. Being a great guy but being ugly just makes you feel worse actually. If I was a complete loser it would match the bad looks so much better. I go to sleep every night and I just ask God to not let me wake up. I just don't want to bother anymore with life. Sorry this is so long. I am venting I guess.

Your salary doesn't seem to be bad. You didn't mention anything to the sort that your fiscally irresponsible. If you have savings is there any way you can take some time to travel?
You definitely don't seem like a looser just that your self image and confidence with women is hindered. Perhaps some traveling could help tremendously. I'm speaking of some international traveling. Not to the typical vacation destinations either. Pick out a few places. Try and think of some unorthodox reasons to go and activities you can take part in while there. And if at all possible try and work something out were some humanitarian efforts can be performed. Then perhaps you can see that there are people who aren't so shallow. You'd come across some woman that actually care to have a respectable conversation with a nice guy opposed to just trampling all over them, like many nice men have become accustomed to.
To be completely honest, the common impression is that Americans are vain and cantankerous, and with good reason. There are many places were the locals would actually revil to meet an American who is subtle and kind.

If you can swing some travel time one place I'd definitely recommend is Finland. Enough time spent in the saunas with welcoming and friendly Fins I'd predict that you might realise your being a bit to cruical of youself. It's definitely not the typ Euro trip but for someone such as yourself that could be all for the better. Hopefully with just browsing some tourist info of Finland a desire to travel can start to develop. This would be a good thing.

Perhaps you need to broaden your perception. I recommend traveling opposed to local therapist that may just help in dealing with troubles of a narrow perception but never truly opening to heightened thought and perception.

Why not really do something out of the comfort zone that many hoard themselves within? Perhaps a Buddhist retreat were you can detox, not solely substances detrimental emotions and thought also.
In the meantime to were you could swing traveling; hot yoga way really help you to be at peace.

Admittedly I know this really seems of the wall, but I've heard from people that a nudist retreat can do wonders for ones self image. Have a relaxing conversation with a woman while nude and it could really open a new understanding that they're really is more to people then what's skin deep. You self image improves and the fear of woman can be greatly reduced.

Please turn what may actually be a mod life crisis into a mid life transition and elevation into some of the best of your years to come.
 

UsmcOldSchoolMuscle

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BiG Sur Travels

Many books and movies have been published about how the author or person of interest were greatly effected by even a short stint in Big Sur off coastal California.
I can personally guarantee that nobody their will be quick to judge you. Spend some time in the redwood Forrest and truthfully your bodies never felt a rush of that much oxygen. Cognitive think and repressed emotional being positively lifted; are things you can expect right off the bed. A crowd of people inviting you and urging you to join them and contribute your opinion towards the topic of their. discussion
 
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NGL34

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This thread inspired me to do some digging. Anyhow I somehow came across this thread about comparing American women to western women and it is funny as hell. :D But unfortunately what they say about American women is very true.

"American women are like ADD children". :p

Difference between American women and Western European women

here are two post to give to you an idea...

European women are often very thin but don't work out. Outside of fashionable circles and high school girls, this is uncommon in America.

European women don't call you "pervert" or "shallow" for enjoying the female figure, eg saying "Paris has beautiful women." I was in Denmark with a bus full of American college students who had just arrived in the country, and the guys were raving about the Danish chicks. The girls were like, "oh my god, these guys are such pigs." Moments later... "Oh my God! Danish guys are so cuuute."

They're quieter, more submissive, and speak more softly. They dress better, more formally. They're more likely to smoke. More alluring, less raunchy.

You can talk to a European girl about things besides herself. With an American girl, if I stop flirting, teasing, and talk about something more abstract, something beyond her reality, her interest quickly flags. American girls are ADD children who must be constantly entertained.

European girls don't attention whore as much. Their friendships with men seem more equitable. With American women, it's "He entertains me, and I share my problems with him, and ask him to do me favors."

European girls don't immediately try to peg you as a loser.

There's more variety in personality among American girls than European girls, at least within a given country.

American girls get that hard edge by 25, 26.

I'm not meeting European girls with much regularity right now, so this might be a little off. And I definitely do not include Brits when I say European. French Canadians are also more European than North American, IMO.

RE: Difference between American women and Western European women

1. American women are significantly more likely to be mentally ill (read: our bitches be crazier).

2. Feminism is common in both places. The American variety is significantly more hypocritical than the strain found in western Europe, and is much more hostile to men.

3. American women require significantly more devolution from men in order to be approached successfully. You cannot use a calm, measured, intellectual approach on an American girl and expect to succeed sexually. That'll get her rolling her eyes and losing interest rapidly.
For these women, men must remain in touch with their inner caveman (read: devolve). Get sexual earlier, play a lot of games, and essentially treat her like a child.

Basil's characterization of them was right, actually-they kind of are like ADD children. One must provide a lot of stimulation and play quite a few games in order to keep their attention. Then again, that isn't surprising given their having the highest rates of mental illness in the developed world.
 
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ajdos

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This is absolutely true^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The European women who come to the states are good at first, then they quickly adopt the snotty attitude and uppity behavior they see in our society from other women.
Whats ironic is the US women are also the most UNHAPPY bunch of women you will ever meet, but you know, their criteria for a relationship lends itself to them finding themselves as a trophy wife or gf, and guys with enough money, especially the very rich simply lose interest quickly in them and they are quickly relegated to concubine status.
If these women would learn to actually listen, and talk to a man to see what hes REALLY about, they would probably find themselves with someone better suited for them.
Instead they have turned dating into some sort of application process- the date being the interview to see if your pre-requisites are good enough.
Maybe Im old fashioned, but didnt it work better when we were in HS and it was just, hey I like you do you like me?
Somehow the process got VERY complicated and has a ton of rules, all of which do not insure success but in fact reduce the chances of it.
 

Cerberus777

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To those who recommend the Northern VA, DC area. Forget it. Unless you are making six figures a year you can't even afford to rent a place up there. I have family in Northern VA. It so expensive to live there its not even funny. I know a guy who was making 60,000 a year living up there. All he could afford was renting a basement from someone who owned a house already. And that cost $850 a month if I remember correctly.

Outside the beltway(Springfield/South Alex) its cheaper, MD is much cheaper and just as close to the action. Near Baltimore, if your carrier carries over you are upper middle class.
 

ajdos

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Outside the beltway(Springfield/South Alex) its cheaper, MD is much cheaper and just as close to the action. Near Baltimore, if your carrier carries over you are upper middle class.

Yeah or West MD aint bad only 45 min from the city. Germantown, Frederick area is nice as hell too.
 
D

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Yes I see ugly people with ugly people. Unfortunately for me I am only attracted to attractive women. If I don't like her looks then my dick won't get hard. I tried it one time with a woman. It didn't matter how much she sucked it. I didn't like what I was looking at and my dick stayed limp. Its as simple as that. Like I have said before when doing online dating a woman has no clue about your confidence, personality, etc. Its all about looks.

online dating is about WRITING A PITCH! Unfortunately most men, especially doing online dating are clueless! It is not about looks but maybe for 10-40%. You are so wrong, confidence and personality do come through writing an ad.

If your just a big ugly mofo maybe you could check this out: [ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gt4StirOzc"]Mad TV - Lowered Expectations (Gena) - YouTube[/ame]
 

AllLoadedUp

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online dating is about WRITING A PITCH! Unfortunately most men, especially doing online dating are clueless! It is not about looks but maybe for 10-40%. You are so wrong, confidence and personality do come through writing an ad.

If your just a big ugly mofo maybe you could check this out: Mad TV - Lowered Expectations (Gena) - YouTube
As I have said earlier I have read several study's that show that the profile itself is basically meaningless and that for both men and women its basically about the pictures. Now maybe you know something those people don't. I will make a deal with you. You write me a profile and if I get just one date with a good-looking woman I will send you a money order for $100. I swear it on my life and state it right here in front of everyone. I have never broken my word in my life to anyone. Nor have I ever screwed anyone over in my life. I WILL PAY YOU. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I will keep a daily record on here of whats happening. You decide if you want to do it or not.
 

AllLoadedUp

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Outside the beltway(Springfield/South Alex) its cheaper, MD is much cheaper and just as close to the action. Near Baltimore, if your carrier carries over you are upper middle class.
No way I would live in MD. I could never live under those gun laws.
 

lyndonlawrence

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I've never seen ya so I can't say if you are or are not ugly brother...But you are not a failure. Most people go through this life with a smile on their face for all to see. But the way they go through this life, that is what matters my friend. Like ajdos said he had a women for 7 years that did nothing but attempt to bend and twist him to her needs. The world as a whole is turning into something I can barely stand to live in anymore. Making me want to move up into the mountains where I can escape the corruption.

I'm starting to ramble...But my point was based on all that you posted, You are a GOOD man, and GOOD people are few and far between these days. I would break bread with you, which is more than I can say for 99% of the world's population.

Don't give up brother, We can't afford to lose anymore decent people.


On the woman issue, have you tried any of the online dating sites? I hear people having success with this method.

think of online dating like this- people that havent found face to face success but are there for one reason. they want a relationship of a committed person. thats a great start. when i assess my 30 year marriage and success of raising kids, it was built on a basic commitment that 2 people wanted a family and we went from there. bumps and bruises but here we are.
 
D

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As I have said earlier I have read several study's that show that the profile itself is basically meaningless and that for both men and women its basically about the pictures. Now maybe you know something those people don't. I will make a deal with you. You write me a profile and if I get just one date with a good-looking woman I will send you a money order for $100. I swear it on my life and state it right here in front of everyone. I have never broken my word in my life to anyone. Nor have I ever screwed anyone over in my life. I WILL PAY YOU. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I will keep a daily record on here of whats happening. You decide if you want to do it or not.

I would say deal BUT you being 290lbs or so that is not an attractive body to type to many woman, especially if its high on the fat %. Looks do have some importance. With that look your not gonna get a smoking hot 5`10 model. It really sounds like your expectations are off. Ever thought of this... your perfect woman, attractive, slim, w/e... what would SHE WANT in a guy? ARE YOU THAT PERSON!? With the attitude you have, I can say NO. Your size is another obstacle for most woman. You wanna be "swole" (maybe just fat, idk) or do you wanna deliver a package that a woman (a woman you desire) is really looking for?

Feel free to PM me, I`ll still write you an ad.
 

BigDM

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You are not a failure by any stretch of the imagination. You are human and we all have our flaws.

Put your hand over your heart. Feel that? That is life and yours has a purpose. I don't know if you believe in God or not, but He believes in you and can help you through this dark time you're going through.

I don't mean to sound egotistical, but I'm a decent looking guy and have never had problems getting attention from the ladies. My whole life actually. But that doesn't mean jack squat. If anything, it has probably caused me more problems. If a relationship didn't work out, I just found someone else and kept making the same mistakes. I've been married 3 times and my marriage at the moment is not in the best shape. Almost separated a couple months ago. I don't want to make this about me, though.

Hang in there man. You will get through this. And remember, no one, especially a woman, will give you what you really need. Learn to be comfortable with who you are and enjoy your solitude. It could be a blessing in disguise. I will keep you in my prayers brother.
 

M_T Pockets

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This thread reminds me of the Bachelorette show. These dudes are grown who obviously can get a woman but when they get tossed off show they whimper like lil bitches.

Some guys try so damn hard to find a woman I swear. For me I found a few gfs while not even looking and my wife I got serious with and we werent looking. It just was the timing.
 

ajdos

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This thread reminds me of the Bachelorette show. These dudes are grown who obviously can get a woman but when they get tossed off show they whimper like lil bitches.

Some guys try so damn hard to find a woman I swear. For me I found a few gfs while not even looking and my wife I got serious with and we werent looking. It just was the timing.

Most of the time thats held true for me, it would be one day after a long stretch at work, I would be lazy, dirty, unshaven and disheveled find myself needing to go to the store for something, roll up in say Target and be walking around and some hot girl would walk by and look me up and down with a grin like a cheshire cat and then it would hit me....NOW??
I mean wtf women have some kinda timing.

All the times I would clean myself up be looking presentable and I would get no attention whatsoever.
 

AllLoadedUp

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I would say deal BUT you being 290lbs or so that is not an attractive body to type to many woman, especially if its high on the fat %. Looks do have some importance. With that look your not gonna get a smoking hot 5`10 model. It really sounds like your expectations are off. Ever thought of this... your perfect woman, attractive, slim, w/e... what would SHE WANT in a guy? ARE YOU THAT PERSON!? With the attitude you have, I can say NO. Your size is another obstacle for most woman. You wanna be "swole" (maybe just fat, idk) or do you wanna deliver a package that a woman (a woman you desire) is really looking for?

Feel free to PM me, I`ll still write you an ad.
Well now you're kinda changing your tune about looks. But ok. I have no interest in a 5'10" model. I personally think the Victoria's Secret models look like crap. Too thin and no shape. I like a woman with curves. Not fat but prefer a woman a little thick. My "ex" I referred to was 4' 11" and 120lbs. She had a flabby stomach and a bunch of stretch marks and a flat chest. But she had a really pretty face. And the legs and ass were really nice. You ask what would my perfect woman want in a man. She would want a man who would never lie, never cheat and treat her like a queen until the day he died or she died. Sadly no woman really seems to want that. I know my "ex" sure didn't. Because she had it and all she did was lie and cheat. But that's a whole nother story.
 

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