Jealousy - HELP!

[DaisyJayne]

Hi everyone....I have a serious issue with my boyfriend. He is extremely jealous of my going to the gym and compteting. He says he wants to be supportive one week and then the next week he's trying to make me feel like I'm "looking for something" and that something is wrong with me for being on stage "almost naked" - he says he thinks I have underlying issues and that I'm seeking attention from other men. I have done everything I can to reassure him, but he just wants to keep on and on about how something is wrong with competing. I'm working really hard and it just seems that I should be getting some POSITIVE support instead of negative all the time. Is this a common thing to go thru?

~DJ

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

DJ, your not the first and you won't be the last woman to want to compete and have an asshole for a boyfriend that is both non supportive and jealous.
Some people will tel you to show him, work it out with him, take him to the shows with you and let him see, blah blah blah. I saw BULLSHIT! If his ass aint supportive from the get go then dump him like a bad habbitt! His jealousy will only get worse and "may" turn violent. Don't put it past a guy or gal to get this way. You are trying your best to compete and do something that is good for you. You don't need anything hold you back like a jealous boyfriend. You are gonna be sacraficing to much as it is and don't need extra stress! Bag him now! (JMO)

I know from what i speak, I am a P.T. in the evenings and won't train any female that I know in advance who has a jealous boyfriend or husband. I am not dealing with it and neither should you!

 

[ScorpioGirl]

I would agree that the stress of pre comp is excessive in itself, and to have someone stomping on you on top of that would NOT be a good thing!

 

[littlemack]

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I think its perfectly normal though. Does he train also? Does he compete? I would say, try and get him involved in the sport for himself. I think this issue gets better with age. Another option is to find another gym or go at different hours. My gf was sort of this way, b/c I trained at a gym with a lot of young attractive people. So I switched gyms. Just some thoughts.

 

[DaisyJayne]

Thank you for the replies! Yes, he trains too, but not to compete - and he's over 35 yo, so i don't think he's going to be changing much! lol He won't go to my gym. He says he never will. We've been together for a LONG time - over 5 years and I've just about had it. He's very attractive and in great shape. I don't know why he's acting like this!

 

[maxsupplements]

hate to say this, and it mightnot even apply

but sometimes when someone is OVERLY jealous, and always is accusing you of something that you would never do, its because they are doing that exact thing.. he may be feeling guilty for doing something, at some point, and now,he thinks that if he points the finger at you, then he will not look one bit guilty, actually when he is the one that is GUILTY!

just thoughts..

i was married to a fashion model. it was hard. seriously. hard to stay UN jealous when everywhere we went dudes were eyein here up and down BIGTIME. but later on, she did cheat on me. and that was the end of that..

so, just keep your eye out.. you are being faithful, its HIM that i would be cautious about..

 

[OuchThatHurts]

"He himself that cannot trust, cannot himself be trusted."

otherwise known as projecting...

 

[Nssca]

The 3 great relationship enders:
1) Expectations
2) jealousy
3) Neediness

 

[flexmaster]

^^^this doesnt represent the board very well...especially to a new poster.

daisy, if i were you, i would continue on with your plans to compete. it is most likely his own insecurities that are causing him to think about this negatively. hopefully he will at least give you support by coming to your show. let him know you really want him to come (if you do). the whole thing about you wanting attention ect...well he would know better than us because he knows your personality, but for him to be so unsupportive of your wanting to do a contest because you'll be up there in front of guys in a bathing suit is rediculous. im sure you wear a bikini out to the beach or pool...is he walking around behind you with a towel around you so no one can look at you. give me a break...i used to get upset if i saw guys checking out my girl, but now i could care less. if they act on it its another story though. tell him to chill out

 

[JETHRO TULL]

I'D SAY IF YOU ARE REALLY NOT CRAVING ATTENTION FROM OTHER MEN...

THEN HE'S JUST BEING A DICKHEAD. EITHER HE'S BEEN FOOLING AROUND OR HE'S REALLY INSECURE ABOUT HIMSELF OR THE RELATIONSHIP.

MY GIRL COMPETES, TEACHES AT A COLLEGE AND GETS A LOT OF ATTENTION FROM OTHER MEN. I DON'T MIND IT...MAINLY BECAUSE SHE'S NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHE WANTS THAT ATTENTION....OR WOULD RATHER TALK TO ANOTHER GUY INSTEAD OF ME. LOL....

IF YOU'VE BEEN COOL ARE JUST DOING YOUR THING...THEN HE'S THE PROBLEM.

 

[Philips]

THEN HE'S JUST BEING A DICKHEAD. EITHER HE'S BEEN FOOLING AROUND OR HE'S REALLY INSECURE ABOUT HIMSELF OR THE RELATIONSHIP.

MY GIRL COMPETES, TEACHES AT A COLLEGE AND GETS A LOT OF ATTENTION FROM OTHER MEN. I DON'T MIND IT...MAINLY BECAUSE SHE'S NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHE WANTS THAT ATTENTION....OR WOULD RATHER TALK TO ANOTHER GUY INSTEAD OF ME. LOL....

IF YOU'VE BEEN COOL ARE JUST DOING YOUR THING...THEN HE'S THE PROBLEM.

Well said. There are always two side to every story. but IMO a man that represents those kind of actions at the age he is at has deep insecurity issues and these things will not likely change while you are with him.