Definatly dont feel sorry for myself. I hate when people feel sorry for themself.. looser do that. I used to use cocaine and benzos to be confident. Got me a lot of trouble with the law.. now im sober and its hard for me to be confident and be around people.. maybe its something i will get later if i keep being sober.
But yes absoultely i think im good looking(i know i am) good built.. i have been sober for 22 days now. Like i said maybe its just temparory.. i been on and off drugs for 12 years and when im on i feel like i can do anything and when im off i feel like a little wimp and let everyone walk over me..
Today i got enough and made me think.. i loned some asshole 2 grants(drug deal) 3 month ago.. was supposed to get it back after 1 month. He started ignoring me.. so i called a guy i used to do drugs with, who is known for collecting debt and it ends up him robbing me.. as im sober know thinking am i really that much of a pussy, letting him rob me or should i just let it go. Because if im gonna move on with my sober life i got to get rid of all this filthy stuff.
You have a rosy picture of yourself as an addict, you could do anything, watch most addicts and they are useless, they just have a false belief that they are capable of anything. What they can do is get themselves into stupid situations and make dumb decisions. That false bravery that drugs instilled in you could have led to some very bad outcomes so you have to stop thinking of that time with such rose colored glasses and see it for what it was, a time that held you back from being where you should by now.
Next write off the money, 2k is peanuts in the grand scheme of things...sure it's a lot right now but you'll make it back countless times over...but trying to get it back by doing anything with other junkies is good way to end up in a worse spot than you started so chalk it up to a final life lesson to move on with your life and kiss it and that life goodbye. Cut ties with any of the dead weight of that life.
As for building up your self esteem, no easy fix, there will be improvements and back tracking but keep at it... do it one step at a time. Every accomplishment is something to build on so start focusing on some goals, short and long term and bettering yourself. Try things you've always wanted to and feared to for whatever reason and go after it. Seek some therapy and somebody to talk to who can help you work thru some of your issues. Nothing weak about admitting you need help and getting it, but big pussy move to hide from your problems and not confront them. Little by little with each achievement, goal met, success you'll feel better about yourself and your confidence will improve. Take some of the most confident people you've ever met and it's usually not just the guy who is good looking cause that isn't an accomplishment it's winning the genetic lottery or the person who had an easy life gifted to them... it's the ones who have accomplished things they are proud of. They've traveled a ton on their own, they've built their own business to a success, they've reached the top levels of their field or sport, their confidence is built on real earned thing(s). So go find things to do that you can be proud of and you'll find you will in time become more confident.
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