O/T Married guys

[knucklehed]

What is marriage like for the rest of you?

I am happily married. My wife is my best friend, training partner, pretty much everything to me. We spend all our free time together,and we both like it this way.Together 14 year,s married for 8, 2 boys 7yo and 2yo.

We have several friends (couples) and typically thier relationships are very different form ours. They seek to be appart from eachother. We think they're strange, they think we are strange.

I was reading some posts from the counselling forum about marriage problems etc. Just got tme thinking; How and why do people grow apart. Why all the infidelity etc. Why be married to someone you don't want to be with.

For me; When the wife walks in, the room lights up. There is not another person in the world I'd rather spend my time with. Makes me wonder, are we psycho, co-dependent, or just lucky.

KH

 

[brandonjpowell]

That's the million dollar question. Why do people who love each other grow apart?

I think it's do to a lack of honest communication. People try not to cause waves in a good relationship by talking about things that bother them. They feel it would ruin a good thing, but what they don’t realize is that not talking about the issues that bother them they are killing passion. Over the years, as the mystery of the relationship becomes routine, the passion fades even more, and the unresolved issues seem to become more prominent.

Eventually they become unbearable and after all this time you might not even remember what it is that's bothering you about your partner. So you end up fighting over the wrong reasons and that adds to the situation. Eventually, you loose all desire to be with your partner because it becomes too stressful for you to be with them. Believe it or not you can become "conditioned" to feel a certain way when a person walks into the room.

I think that's how relationships fall apart. Lack of honest communication when something is bothering you.

 

[alpha-longhorn]

if your wife is the only person in the world you never lie to, then you'd never have a problem...

 

[Gone1]

" Makes me wonder, are we psycho, co-dependent, or just lucky."

Bro -
I have been with my wife for 18 years. I have spent every single day of those 18 years with her. I went only a total of 6 days without actually seeing her face in those 18 years. We do everything together. We dont have "guy night out" or "women night out" because to be quiet honest we would rather just do things with each other.
I met her in highshcool and she was 15 and i was 17. Started dating and never looked back.
I cant imagine my life without her. I can still feel the first kiss she gave me and made my knees go wobbly. She still has the same effect now.
To me, she is the most beautiful woman on earth - and her personality and character are even more beautiful then her looks.
We also have alot of couples we hang out with and all the guys are just like your friends - they seem to try to find ways to get away from there wife.
When we walk in a mall my friends will drop there women and head the other way - me? I would rather walk with my wife because i do not feel she is a burden to me - or it will kill my chances of "checking out" other women. I dont want to check out other women. I have my soul mate and i am 100% happy with her. In my eyes i couldnt replace her with 100 Angelina Jolies mixed with 100 Jenna Jamesons .
Communication is a big part of keeping a healthy relationship..and honesty of course but you have to keep that "flame" going. Do anything and every thing to spice things up - try not to be routine and get in a rut.
Dont dress every day to impress the secretary, or the chick who works down the hall or the gym whore - you get up to impress your wife. Think about it - when you first start dating and get into the googly, inlove stage - everything you do is to make sure she stays attracted to you. You cant ever stop doing that. No matter if its 3 months - or 20 years, you have to make her your priority and do everything to keep her attention. Be it - looks, communication - playing - whatever.
For all you guys who think "ah - one time wont hurt and try and run out and bang the chick that caught your eye" ... thank about this - what if your wife did it to you? If you TRUELY love her as much as i do my wife - it will make your inside hurt just to imagine your wife with another man .. well that hurt you feel is what your going to do to someone who loves you unconditionally.
Also - if the woman your going to cheat with KNOWS your married then what kind of person is she? Plain and simple - a whore. If you get caught with her and your wife leaves you, is the grass going to be greener at the whores house? No.
Just do everything it takes to "stay in love" and thats all you can do.

My opinion - yes we might be strange to all the other couples we hang out with -but WE ARE THE HAPPY ONES.
Life is so fragile - so short - i feel so lucky to get to spend half my life with the soul mate that God intended me to be with.
I hope all my friends can find the piece - happiness and love that we have.

Later bros - JJ Insane1

 

[alpha-longhorn]

" Makes me wonder, are we psycho, co-dependent, or just lucky."

Bro -
I have been with my wife for 18 years. I have spent every single day of those 18 years with her. I went only a total of 6 days without actually seeing her face in those 18 years. We do everything together. We dont have "guy night out" or "women night out" because to be quiet honest we would rather just do things with each other.
I met her in highshcool and she was 15 and i was 17. Started dating and never looked back.
I cant imagine my life without her. I can still feel the first kiss she gave me and made my knees go wobbly. She still has the same effect now.
To me, she is the most beautiful woman on earth - and her personality and character are even more beautiful then her looks.
We also have alot of couples we hang out with and all the guys are just like your friends - they seem to try to find ways to get away from there wife.
When we walk in a mall my friends will drop there women and head the other way - me? I would rather walk with my wife because i do not feel she is a burden to me - or it will kill my chances of "checking out" other women. I dont want to check out other women. I have my soul mate and i am 100% happy with her. In my eyes i couldnt replace her with 100 Angelina Jolies mixed with 100 Jenna Jamesons .
Communication is a big part of keeping a healthy relationship..and honesty of course but you have to keep that "flame" going. Do anything and every thing to spice things up - try not to be routine and get in a rut.
Dont dress every day to impress the secretary, or the chick who works down the hall or the gym whore - you get up to impress your wife. Think about it - when you first start dating and get into the googly, inlove stage - everything you do is to make sure she stays attracted to you. You cant ever stop doing that. No matter if its 3 months - or 20 years, you have to make her your priority and do everything to keep her attention. Be it - looks, communication - playing - whatever.
For all you guys who think "ah - one time wont hurt and try and run out and bang the chick that caught your eye" ... thank about this - what if your wife did it to you? If you TRUELY love her as much as i do my wife - it will make your inside hurt just to imagine your wife with another man .. well that hurt you feel is what your going to do to someone who loves you unconditionally.
Also - if the woman your going to cheat with KNOWS your married then what kind of person is she? Plain and simple - a whore. If you get caught with her and your wife leaves you, is the grass going to be greener at the whores house? No.
Just do everything it takes to "stay in love" and thats all you can do.

My opinion - yes we might be strange to all the other couples we hang out with -but WE ARE THE HAPPY ONES.
Life is so fragile - so short - i feel so lucky to get to spend half my life with the soul mate that God intended me to be with.
I hope all my friends can find the piece - happiness and love that we have.

Later bros - JJ Insane1

OMG bro are you a real person?

 

[manfromyard]

Majority of people marry the wrong person. Many women are in love with the idea of marriage and not the guy himself. But its really lack of communication and honesty that does it in, of course if the people were honest, then they might not have been married in the first place. Short answer, most people don't know the person they married due to omission, lies, etc...

 

[big4nuthin]

You are right in many ways.

Majority of people marry the wrong person. Many women are in love with the idea of marriage and not the guy himself. But its really lack of communication and honesty that does it in, of course if the people were honest, then they might not have been married in the first place. Short answer, most people don't know the person they married due to omission, lies, etc...

I have been married for only 1 year come this march, but have been invloved with this one and only woman for the last 5 years. I have learned more about relationships and the need for honest communication in this realtionship than all my past relationships combined. It does not get any more real between two people than marriage. When its good its unbelievabable, but when its rough. Whoa, it can be ugly. I assumed way too much when I got married, and of course was dissapointed, but I have learned to be more patient and understanding. Always trying to at least see things from her perspective as a women. It's hard because I am not a women and am not governed by her chemistry. So I have to ask to break it down to me as far as what she would like the outcome to be in a given situation. Sometimes I can give her what she wants other times we have to work harder to find something more comfortable. All I know is its a work in progress. I am inspired by some of the other members comments about their relationships being so full of love and harmony. I would really like my marriage to be like that.

 

[Dad]

Knuckle and JJ,

You guys have said it all, so there's really not much I can add.

My wife and I have been together 20 yrs, married for over 18. We, too, train together, both work at home, and are together most of the day. We;ve never had to "work at" our marriage, and could never understand those who did or talked about how "hard" it can be. WTF - maybe you're with the wrong person then!

Can't honsetly even imagine my life without her! I must have done something right in a past life!

 

[MikeS]

JJ-

You are one lucky man. I am happy for you. A great story.
I had that with my wife the first 4yrs, the last 3 progressivly worse until seperation. We still 'have it' but she is not humble enough to work hard.
I filed for seperation. I have never chased her down, she keeps coming back crying saying I love you, and I have trouble resisting. Taking it one day at a time, we are still semi together and sexual. I wish we were trouble free like we were for so long.

 

[Gone1]

JJ-

You are one lucky man. I am happy for you. A great story.
I had that with my wife the first 4yrs, the last 3 progressivly worse until seperation. We still 'have it' but she is not humble enough to work hard.
I filed for seperation. I have never chased her down, she keeps coming back crying saying I love you, and I have trouble resisting. Taking it one day at a time, we are still semi together and sexual. I wish we were trouble free like we were for so long.

Thanks Mike -

Bro - you obviously love her alot. She obviously loves you because she hasnt just dropped it and moved on. Just keep trying bro. Something like this is worth fighting for over and over again.
Now - My wife and I have had our fair share of problems. There always will be - no one is perfect. Your wife might just be overly hard- headed. Alot of women wont give in for shit.
Tell you what - try and remember the "little" things you did when you first started dating. To some women, those things mean more then anything. Some times when people get in that comfort zone, they forget the little things and men are bad to do that. I have before but i realized it and try to do them now. Calling her up just to tell her you are thinking about her - sending a flower for no reason what so ever. Wrestling her around in bed - not trying to "get some" just play and have fun. Women are 100% emotional and less physical. Men are more physical and not so much emotional... so its easier for a man to forget the emotional part
I wish you the best bro... you are one of the best bros i have ever known via the internet and you do not deserve to be unhappy and worried.
Just stick by her and if Gods willing, it will all click together.
JUST KEEP FIGHTING - NEVER QUIT.

JJ Insane1

 

[G.E.R.M]

..

What is marriage like for the rest of you?

I am happily married. My wife is my best friend, training partner, pretty much everything to me. We spend all our free time together,and we both like it this way.Together 14 year,s married for 8, 2 boys 7yo and 2yo.

We have several friends (couples) and typically thier relationships are very different form ours. They seek to be appart from eachother. We think they're strange, they think we are strange.

I was reading some posts from the counselling forum about marriage problems etc. Just got tme thinking; How and why do people grow apart. Why all the infidelity etc. Why be married to someone you don't want to be with.

For me; When the wife walks in, the room lights up. There is not another person in the world I'd rather spend my time with. Makes me wonder, are we psycho, co-dependent, or just lucky.

KH

i had 2 relationships like that; one was a wife the other a girlfriend...

i fucked them both up by being selfish


never again

 

[luckyone]

THE SECRET!!!

Having worked in the counseling field for 20+ years and having runed my 1st marriage, I feel quailified to offer some advice.

Read: HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS by Willard F. Harley Jr.

If I had had this book during my first marriage, things would have been very different. My 2nd marriage is wonderful and I cannot recommend any resource more highly than HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS!!

Harley also has a web site where much of his theory and philosophy is available free. http://marriagebuilders.com

If your marriage is wonderful, you are already doing the right things and have your priorities in the right order. If your marriage is hurting, READ THE BOOK!!

'nuff said

Your brother in Christ,

Lucky

 

[brandonjpowell]

You know I clicked on the line to the site and according to him, everything that my wife is doing right now means she is having an affair. He said that in 99% of the cases where these certain things are occurring an affair is happening…damn, that means that she is cheating on me!

Thanks for the link bro!!

Having worked in the counseling field for 20+ years and having runed my 1st marriage, I feel quailified to offer some advice.

Read: HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS by Willard F. Harley Jr.

If I had had this book during my first marriage, things would have been very different. My 2nd marriage is wonderful and I cannot recommend any resource more highly than HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS!!

Harley also has a web site where much of his theory and philosophy is available free. http://marriagebuilders.com

If your marriage is wonderful, you are already doing the right things and have your priorities in the right order. If your marriage is hurting, READ THE BOOK!!

'nuff said

Your brother in Christ,

Lucky

 

[MikeS]

Thanks Mike -

Bro - you obviously love her alot. She obviously loves you because she hasnt just dropped it and moved on. Just keep trying bro. Something like this is worth fighting for over and over again.
Now - My wife and I have had our fair share of problems. There always will be - no one is perfect. Your wife might just be overly hard- headed. Alot of women wont give in for shit.
Tell you what - try and remember the "little" things you did when you first started dating. To some women, those things mean more then anything. Some times when people get in that comfort zone, they forget the little things and men are bad to do that. I have before but i realized it and try to do them now. Calling her up just to tell her you are thinking about her - sending a flower for no reason what so ever. Wrestling her around in bed - not trying to "get some" just play and have fun. Women are 100% emotional and less physical. Men are more physical and not so much emotional... so its easier for a man to forget the emotional part
I wish you the best bro... you are one of the best bros i have ever known via the internet and you do not deserve to be unhappy and worried.
Just stick by her and if Gods willing, it will all click together.
JUST KEEP FIGHTING - NEVER QUIT.

JJ Insane1

JJ-
Thanks for the wisdom and kind words. It means alot.
If its meant to be-it will be. Im hanging in there!

 

[Gone1]

JJ-
Thanks for the wisdom and kind words. It means alot.
If its meant to be-it will be. Im hanging in there!

Na - not words of wisdom (you always have those for me

My words are just words of support for a true friend.

Good luck - True love never dies.

JJ

 

[Tazzy1]

oh you got me started...lol

I think there are some very happy couples out there.. Its rare. But they do exist...

Time changes people, ,expectations changes.. but I tell you more and more I think that Marriage is basically a lobotomization of a mans libido...

I think that alot of people arent meant to stay with one person... I mean, I love my wife.. am I in love like I once was? NO... Do I blame everything on her? Yes.. LOL

My first wife and me.. great.. great sex, love to be with her.. until she discovered that she hadnt sewn all her oats and wanted to numb her mind most of the time.

Second wife.. I married for a more stable relationship. In the beginning it was great.. great sex.. same interests.. (few) but we had some.. Now.. Im still married, i get no sex.. (learn to live without it.. or go elsewhere) I feel for every non action or action there is a reaction.

Just my 2 cents..

Taz

 

[BrooklynJuice]

Im so happily divorced.

 

[knucklehed]

Tazz

long time...
I remember a post you made about that situation a long time ago. It just doesn;t seem right to me, but I guess you can learn to live wtih anything over time. I can't imagine anyone being able to live with me, if I were in that situation. I think i'd be pissed at the world every minute of everyday.
good to see you around bro
KH

 

[brachialis]

Thanks

JJ/Knuck

That's exactly what I'm looking for... I've never been married, but could have several times. Glad I followed my heart. I want exactly what you've described. Thanks for the wealth of good news!
I find that for some people it really simply just happens, she falls into your lap. For others it's the pearl in the oyster, you have to work hard opening several before you find the pearl of great price!!

Thanks for your good examples! THAT'S what marraige should and can be like where two people truly love one another and work at it.

 

[Nemesis79]

I'm not married but if i had the right one i would be..i see marriage as finding the right androgen receptor that never downregulates ...the key to the happiness is ofcourse communication trust..and to keep up the spark that's many things..my parents are like what you guys describe...i want what they have too...but it's hard for my generation i'm 24 and all i seem to get is club hopping whores..you guys have it good i hope i get what you got..at the end of the day some fine chick that you bang still doesnt' give your soul any satisfaction believe me i've been there.

later on muscle headz
btw the vegas trip was the shitttttttt i just got back today