***Prayers for my marriage***

[MonkeyBoy]

Rock, sorry you are going through this rough time.

Just something to think about...My Dad told me a long time ago. Woman and relationships are like picking up a hand full of sand. The more you squeeze, the more sand falls out of your hand. Relax....

Woman will not change there mind by you talking, expressing or saying sorry. Time, giving her space to think about what she really wants or even to miss you. I understand you have to fight for what you want and I agree, you tell her how you feel and than leave it at that. Let her make a the choice and if that choice is to leave you, than let her go.

All I am saying is...if you are going behind her back, looking at phone numbers, hounding her with how you feel, you are just going to push her away further.

 

[BillHilton]

Rock,
I have been though an evil divorce... it is such a bad experience that I would not wish it on even my ex-wife.

My advice will be a little different angle. You clearly believe that things are headed south right now. Even while you hope and pray that things resolve toward staying together, you must (IMO) prepare for divorce starting immediately.

You must not underestimate the planning abilities of women. If anything, if there is no there there, she will end up respecting you and attraction may be reignited. If there is a problem, then she has been lying to you and that isn't the only one. I would bet a dollar that she has a plan, and it doesn't remotely relate to what is good for you. Whether or not your words or actions are the cause, you must take responsibility for your future and that of your kids.

If it goes to court you are fucked, believe me. Get your assets now... there is plenty of advice out there on how to do it.

As far as your kids -- do you want them? Prepare now. I got 3 out of 4 of mine but the cost was huge. A big part of that cost was because I was blindsided and unprepared.

This may or not be a false alarm, but the costs of doing no preparation far outweigh any wasted time if it turns out ok in the end.

 

[Bio]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation Rock. A break up is hard, married or not...Kid's make it even harder. Ask for a moment of her time and meet in a public place to talk. Don't make the conversation about you not matter how much you love her, or how much you're hurting...You want her to feel comfortable around you. Approach her with the idea of going to a therapist for marriage counseling...Be sure to go to someone who is qualified. I think this is the only way to really work through your problems and get to the bottom of things. It will give a lot of insight into each of you. It will also let you know if there's something left to repair. Either way, you'll know if your marriage can move forward or if it's over. Best of luck!

 

[Gators]

Been through 2 divorces, was such a slow learner i did a rebound, only lasted 15 mths... First marriage, 3 kid, 19 yrs.

If you're of Faith, then pray often, it helps, sometimes subtly, sometimes fairly dramatically. Those coming here talking about their faithlessness should be ashamed, it's very telling.

All i can say is it sucks, there's no short cut around the pain, but i promise that with time, it gets easier to deal with, the pain lessens, you'll move on in due time, if in fact it is over. Use this time to do a bluntly honest self inventory, and start working on making changes in yourself, that's really all you can control. If it helps, i cried every day for months, i'd feel it, get somewhere by myself, and let it out, best to let it out than suppress those emotions.
i read this a lot:
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed,
It is because I find some person, place, thing, situation --
Some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me,
And I can find no serenity until I accept
That person, place, thing, or situation
As being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober;
Unless I accept life completely on life's terms,
I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much
On what needs to be changed in the world
As on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

 

[IronManRep]

Time often heals old wounds between couples, but it's the waiting period that can really break you down. Try to stay busy doing projects that you've put off. I know from personal experience how hard it can be and I am sorry you are going through this. I wish the best for you and your family.

 

[fartsack]

2 hands working will do more than 1000 clasped in prayer

 

[richiec]

2 hands working will do more than 1000 clasped in prayer

Great contribution to the thread.

Rock, any updates brother?

 

[chidoman]

2 hands working will do more than 1000 clasped in prayer

This Advice pretty much sums it up!....:headbang:

 

[pesty4077]

This Advice pretty much sums it up!....:headbang:

You pretty much sum up you are a troll and contribute nothing to this thread.


Rock, I hope you are doing good, let us know if you need anything.

 

[swolen22]

Religious or not, divorce happens frequently in the world today. You can try to fight it through "prayers" or by force but you are not guaranteed to win.

It's a sad truth but if you except reality, you will not be let down by any prayer not answered.

 

[workhard2121]

Hope all is well rock. Thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[Ehren]

Hang in there, Rock. Been down this road a piece and it's no picknick.

Here's an alternative view, which I hope helps.

Perspective and a plan of action. Doing something (while you hope and pray) makes a world of difference in how you get through the day. It's empowering and it's just a good idea with good results. The emotional side if this can just make things so muddled and confusing, so step back and outline a set of goals.

Whenever I get into a situation that seems too much to bear emotionally, it's time to step way, way, back and see it fully. Don't dwell in the details and the very clear picture your mind is projecting about the disaster that might (but hasn't yet and may not) happen. Because it may not. So step back. And rather than seeing what you may lose, line up what you need to do to get what you need. Prioritize.

Step back and ask yourself what your top priorities are now.
Save your family?
Secure your assets?
Find out about custody possibilities?

Don't dwell in the emotion of these, just the process.

Getting very general about big goals MAKES you look past all the bullshit you can't control. Who's fault it is, how sad it is, regret and blame. Those are all just useless and none will help you achieve the goals you've set forth. "Save your family" for example includes all you must do to achieve it. Looking past what you did, what she did. Acknowledge these, sure. But don't get sidetracked. If it doesn't go towards the "save your family" goal, "assets" goal, or other goal, whatever the subject is, drop it.

This forces you to shove Ego and blame aside and see what's important. It gives you time to deal with the details once the main goal is satisfied.

This is a long winded way (sorry) of saying, "Keep you eye on the prize".

Anything that does not go toward that objective, gets tossed. Ego and blame are liars and NEVER have our interests at heart. The question is not "What happened and who did it?" The question now is, "What's important now and how do I achieve it?"

Good luck, my friend.

 

[Cerberus777]

2 hands working will do more than 1000 clasped in prayer

Than you dont understand prayer. Praying is communication with God. Proper prayer has you doing much more to help others, not some hands clasped, fetal position by your bed shit.

Rock, hope all is well, PM me if you need anything, or just an ear.