recovering from a breakup with a borderline exgf?

[sluggy]

What's not to love, best sex ever,adventurous, charming, magnetic personality....she'll just blame you for everything. Argue all the time, and might shank you in your sleep.

You're out of the relationship. Consider your self a recovering addict, and stay away, you want what isnt good for you...I'm speaking from experience here.

Yep, it really is like an addiction. Logically I didn't want to be with her... but the high, oh the high...

 

[discohornet]

The difference in behavior isn't very much. Borderline doesn't respond to medication, and tends to be more toxic....but I've attracted both. And they both will mess your world up if untreated.

Both conditions are usually comorbid (they will often times have both issues). But borderline can really screw with your heart, while bipolar screws with your head.

In the end, it's about learning what part you played in it, and how you can learn to relate to someone healthy, in a healthy way.

I feel for anyone that gets into a relationship with borderline personality afflicted people. Or NPD. But I also hope that when you realize this is what's going on, that it's time to make solid boundaries and take care of your own shit rather than get hooked on the other person and get lost in more drama/trauma.

 

[seala8]

IM going through something kinda similiar right now. Broke up 3 months ago after 7 years. Met another girl and started going out with her in the 3 months. Out of no where she says it's not going to work and pretty much quit talking to me a week after i spent thanksgiving with her and her family. Now im back talking to the exgf however going back is like jumping in the lion's den. So confused as to what to do.

 

[anarchocapitalist]

DiscoHornet has it right.

I've been married to a BPD woman for 15 years. I've had a lot of counseling over the issue. Probably get a divorce soon just getting my ducks in a row.

Its important to recognize why you fell into this relationship to start. What lessons were you suppose to learn. I'm probably going to get a divorce when my kids are a bit older but for now its important to understand yourself so you don't fall for the same type of woman in the next relationship.

Boundaries, and following through, are so important in these relationships. These woman can have your head spinning and soon you've lost yourself to fill a role that she needs.

 

[anarchocapitalist]

https://shrink4men.wordpress.com/

This is a decent site. I'll post a few good books later that helped me.

 

[rturk]

let me tell you a story. i met a girl at my work super hot super funny. we ended up hooking up not too long after that. a day-2 days later she said "be with me" im thinking wow this girl is special i really like her. a couple days later she said "i love you". omg shes great. next couple weeks she brings up getting married. and is serious saying she wants to. so me being the hypnotized dumb ass buys her a ring......... one month since we hooked up. dont get me wrong. i loved her, but she wasnt who she came off as. she said yes and then hid the ring at work and wouldnt tell anyone. this is when i knew she was crazy. she was a liar like this all the time. we fought EVERY DAY for 2 years. sex was bomb though. she would get mad about such tiny things and she would stay mad for days. another time she said she wanted to have kids so she told me she stopped using birth control. til one day i find her nuva ring in her back pocket. a lot of bullshit like that. telling me everything that makes her seemperfect then going back on it. i wouildnt have proposed if she didnt tell me to. we finally ended things when she gave me the clap (thank god). i seriously think she was a sociopath. it was horrible.

 

[2swole79]

Wow! fellas old thread, I'm up at night right now over my recent break up of a 5 year relationship with a BPD....we finally started to come undone around March, it s now the first week of August...I'm still thinking about this girl all day every day, never experienced anything even remotely close to this before...Girls have been the least of my problems, she has hacked into all my social media and is constantly forwarding me pics of her out with other dudes, I've had my phone swiped clean, etc etc somehow even without being in physical contact she's able to still do this shit. as if a 5 year relationship with a BPD isn't traumatizing enough, then the next day she wants to just show up at my house begging me back....the sex oh damn the sex drugs and rock and roll were always so over the top I've fallen back into it time and again. This is the first time I've been strong for months like this, but seriously without a geographic change I'm not sure I'll always be strong enough to say no to her, because she sure is persistant. To anyone else out there with advice or experience a PM of anytype would be very appreciated. The level of craziness in this relationship is something pretty much nobody else would either #1 believe, or #2 understand...I've more or less become a hermit these past few months, just avid all social contact, couldn't be further from the guy I was my whole life....quite a life changing experience...

 

[ketsugo3]

I am a mental health professional over 25 years- Borderline Personality Disorder is pretty much , " untreatable" most clinicians are reluctant to label someone as most psychiatrists and psychologists even dont want to work with them- Its like when you meet a vampire and flash the cross in her face LOL.
BPD are not capable of having healthy relationship, the hallmark is creating chaos, drama , being selfish - learn from this- the break up is a blessing RUN as fast as you can the other way and never look back. Just google and research BPD- red flag after red flag ect ect- one of the most serious Mental disorders in existence - personality disorders are essentially characterized as to how the person relates to others- in this case BPD is like the undefeated champion of ruining relating to others and unable to consider others , unable to accept responsibility - the highest degree of sociopathy a person can be - YOu are lucky to be ok - thank your god that its over

 

[kreativsniks]

Was into LTR with a suspected BPD (undiagnosed, untreated) for almost 5 years. if you ever been with a BPD.. oh man, the stuff other guys have said before me - its all true. Never in my life I imagined that breaking up with a woman could be this devastating! I had plenty of women before, plenty of LTR's and once they end, ofc, i feel sad for a while, but breaking up with a borderline is like a good chuck of off your flesh.. i fking hurts the soul. It's like a drug, it changes your neurotransmitters, rewires your brain, you become addicted to these constant "peaks and valleys", from being the best man in the world to being scum of the planet on the next day..
And you know whats the most fucked up thing about all this? That once you break up with them, in a little while you are wanting it all back.. intelectually you understand that is bad for you, but emotionally (with your heart) you just can't let her go.

Reading others posts where they have almost exactly same experience gives me hope, that this feeling i have with time will pass and it gets better, eventually.

Sorry for bumping up an old thread, as BDP is still a hot topic in 2019.

 

[Zero2100]

My ex has bpd. Sex was amazing but at the same time very unhealthy.

 

[aphextwin]

Gentlemen, I get that it's painful and these woman are fucking with your heart or dick...lol. Here's the thing, and think about it very hard and be honest with yourself. Why would you want to be or stay involved with any woman with these disorders? They will drain you and it's not worth it.....even in the short term. Yes, the sex is great, but they will flake you on a moments notice. Take your time, and be truly honest with what you want. I say stay clear of these woman....they can't be fixed or helped in any way possible.