Terrible sex life, don't know what to do.

[bmcjames]

Beware the birth control pills. They completely shut down my girl for over a year!

Look into an IUD. (copper one not hormone one).
Will have her hormones back to normal (may take 6months to a year after her last pill to be back to normal though)

 

[ericraven2003]

say its number 2 and i was in same boat and thinking of cheating (cant leaver her even if i wanted to) what would you say?
ina way to save the relationship?

sorry to hijack thread but its kinda close, but your story is almost like mine besides the age and job lol

If it was depression, then I would think there would have to be a time frame. She works with a dr and/or therapist, she takes meds or whatever is recomended,etc. I would have that time frame in mind after that period, say a year or so, if it wasn't better then I would have to consider leaving. Sex is a critical part of a relationship for both partners.
I just don't believe in cheating anymore. When i was younger it was a different story, because i didn't understand the problems that come along with it. I regret dearly the times I cheated, and would take them back if I could. When you cheat it takes away something from yourself and the other person. No one will like this, but I think it shows a lack of character. Thats how I felt about myself.
Happiness has to be a part of a healthy relationship, and no matter the cause to stay, example kids, long term relationships without happiness is a horrible way to live,and I promise you cheating won't help that.

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

This is very embarrassing for me but I don't know what to do.
I have been with my current girlfriend for 5 1/2 years we get along great definitely my best friend. I am very very attracted to her she is the perfect girl for me 100% italian black hair tan skin huge implants and nice big ass. She has never been a huge sex freak or sexual person. It has always been the last thing on her mind. She is currently in nursing school and getting ready to graduate her schedule is hectic and I understand completely. But we never ever have sex any more. An estimate would be since the new year probably 5 times. I am 24 she is 22. I don't want to be an asshole I bring it up sometimes and shell say shes tired and she has to study or wake up early and shes stressed. So I dont push the subject on her. I feel like I am crawling out of my skin sometimes shell walk around the house naked out of the shower and I am so horny I want to throw up. I hate watching porn my g/f is so hott I just want to have sex with her. It's starting to take a toll on my self-esteem I ask her if shes attracted to me she says yes. I ask her if I am bad in bed she says no shes just tired and stressed and I dont understand. Our lease is up in May and its so bad I am debating on whether or not to break up with her. I refuse to cheat on her because I would be crushed if she cheated on me. But this has taken a toll on me and I dont know what to do. Am i being an idiot is she right is it me?

You're gonna have to decide if this is indeed the right girl for you after it's all said and done. Nursing school and finals will turn her into the terminator before, during, and after. Then she has to apply somewhere, and then she will be under the old 90 day probationary period. You're talking about another 5-6 months of hell my friend. As you said yourself, you lack in the romance dept. That would be a big plus for her as she is going to go through a huge change in her schedule and personal life style. NOT to mention she will be working probably 12 hour shifts. Some rotate 14hr shifts for 4 days and then have 3 days off. And the last thing she wil want again is "SEX". SO, you can either show her your support by being there for her. Or think long and hard about finding someone else who fits your sexual needs.

Good luck my friend.

 

[triathloncoach]

I have been there thinking I was with the "one" girl for me despite all the problems. But she wasn't. It hurt to move on. It hurt a lot. But you get over it.

She is not making you as happy as a woman should. Not even close. You can do better.

And I'm sorry, but it's time to consider her cheating. I know, everyone says "not my girl", but it's someone's girl. And there are a lot of them. Hopefully this isn't your situation.

But in any event, this is a girl who doesnt care about your needs. Nope. Many times a gf/wife will say yes even if she doesn't want too, just to make her partner happy. Not yours. Your needs just don't count.

You should be happy. You aren't married with kids. You have options. No sex? What else is she not doing for you.

Sorry bro, your gf isn't worth it. And I apologize, but this is tough love. You need to accept your reality. Don't cheat. Leave.

I wish you happiness. Shes all about her.

 

[Designbuilt]

A couple of things, I was married for over ten years and the lack of sex was hurting the marriage a lot... By lack of sex, I mean only once or twice per week... However, I do have a problem and I know that I do, if I was allowed I can go 5 times a day every day... Sometimes it interferes with work, I even had sex the night of my two competitions and I heard that was unheard of...

OK, enough about me, now let's get to the problem and what I figured out, because I figure shit out...

First of all, Romance only works on another guy's girl, it never works on your own... I tried that a lot of time, this is what happens... She'll say that you're smothering her, or if everything is fine, she'll get sick of you... One trick I use is to ignore them and act like an asshole, see the best way to find out what a woman wants is by listening to her... Listen very closely to what she wants in a man, then... Do the opposite, because what they really want is to change you...

HOWEVER... If you've been together that long and she does have a legitimate reason for not having sex, you have to do the grown-up thing and that is to talk to her about it, in a serious tone... Tell her that you feel that she's being selfish and that the lack of sex is affecting you, let her know how important it is, that's all you can do... If she really is a good friend, she'll listen... Although, when I had that talk, I made it clear that I felt uncomfortable for her to have sex with me just because I wanted it... I mean you're a lifter, so you're probably desireable to most women out there, so it's a bit of a blow to the ego... If she does look good and has implants, she must be at least somewhat into sex, otherwise why install the boobs?


I just read tri coaches' response and that could be a possibility, along with the selfishness... She really is being selfish from an impartial point of view... Not only that, let's say she's not cheating and she already lost interest, do you really think that It'll get better as time goes by?

So regardless of best or worst case scenario, they're both pretty bad... Because eventhough the motivation is different, the outcome is the same, no sex for you...

 

[bmcjames]

I would say look at my post again at the top.

Changing from a hormonal contraceptive to a non hormonal contraceptive can be a major blessing!

My sister is on the pill and from what my bro in law and her say everything is A ok.

My girl was on the pill for 6 months and it shut her down!
We went from 6-8 times a week to maybe 1 time a month
She said she didn't even think about sex and could totally live without it.

After some long talks with her, and alot of google/research, we decided to try the non hormonal IUD contraceptive. It took a bit of time for the hormones to get back to right (roughly 8 months) but you could tell things were coming back to normal. Within the first 2 months it went to about 4 times a month, then about 10 times a month. Now it has been a little over a year since making the change and now we are about 100% back to the good ole 6 times a week

Obviously if she is not on any contraceptive though, there is a much bigger problem and she isn't concerned with your needs.....

 

[Mota]

If she is on the pill I would get her off ASAP for sure. It was night and day with my girl, the pill ruined our sex life, she is off and all is good again.

 

[Cito33189]

A couple of things, I was married for over ten years and the lack of sex was hurting the marriage a lot... By lack of sex, I mean only once or twice per week... However, I do have a problem and I know that I do, if I was allowed I can go 5 times a day every day... Sometimes it interferes with work, I even had sex the night of my two competitions and I heard that was unheard of...

OK, enough about me, now let's get to the problem and what I figured out, because I figure shit out...

First of all, Romance only works on another guy's girl, it never works on your own... I tried that a lot of time, this is what happens... She'll say that you're smothering her, or if everything is fine, she'll get sick of you... One trick I use is to ignore them and act like an asshole, see the best way to find out what a woman wants is by listening to her... Listen very closely to what she wants in a man, then... Do the opposite, because what they really want is to change you...

HOWEVER... If you've been together that long and she does have a legitimate reason for not having sex, you have to do the grown-up thing and that is to talk to her about it, in a serious tone... Tell her that you feel that she's being selfish and that the lack of sex is affecting you, let her know how important it is, that's all you can do... If she really is a good friend, she'll listen... Although, when I had that talk, I made it clear that I felt uncomfortable for her to have sex with me just because I wanted it... I mean you're a lifter, so you're probably desireable to most women out there, so it's a bit of a blow to the ego... If she does look good and has implants, she must be at least somewhat into sex, otherwise why install the boobs?


I just read tri coaches' response and that could be a possibility, along with the selfishness... She really is being selfish from an impartial point of view... Not only that, let's say she's not cheating and she already lost interest, do you really think that It'll get better as time goes by?

So regardless of best or worst case scenario, they're both pretty bad... Because eventhough the motivation is different, the outcome is the same, no sex for you...

She had her boobs done because her left one was two sizes smaller than her right one. The left just never developed just happens I guess so she got it fixed.

I've gotten alot of good feedback from you guys and I thank you for the support.

She started her birth control 2 months ago and this is when the decline really started I think its hormones and maybe even a combination of school and clinical rotation. I mean 40 hours plus in clinical plus class and studying. So ill talk to her about the birth control and see whats up.
I probably wouldnt care that much if I was off. Damn test

 

[juced_porkchop]

If it was depression, then I would think there would have to be a time frame. She works with a dr and/or therapist, she takes meds or whatever is recomended,etc. I would have that time frame in mind after that period, say a year or so, if it wasn't better then I would have to consider leaving. Sex is a critical part of a relationship for both partners.
I just don't believe in cheating anymore. When i was younger it was a different story, because i didn't understand the problems that come along with it. I regret dearly the times I cheated, and would take them back if I could. When you cheat it takes away something from yourself and the other person. No one will like this, but I think it shows a lack of character. Thats how I felt about myself.
Happiness has to be a part of a healthy relationship, and no matter the cause to stay, example kids, long term relationships without happiness is a horrible way to live,and I promise you cheating won't help that.

thank you for your input.
and its been over 4 years pf depression and i been with her for about same time. but at first it was non stop sex (like how the first fewmonths usually are)
not its like 1 time every 2 months! if im lucky and i have NEVER cheated on her in this time frame.
but i cant leave because shes soo messed up about fam, ex-bf that robbed her blind (she dotn care about him she cares that she et him get that far), life and how shes in her 30's with nothing to show for it.
I feel bad, I love her, I wont leave her, but i wont stay without sex.
I also dotn feel its right to put myself threw this at the same time, i want to be happy, but i care too much and am not an ass hole liek most guys, or this would be easy for me.

I feel supporting her threw this all and being there for her is the right thing to do and I cant leave , also im worried what she will do if i did.
but i also want to have a freaking sex life. I am aVERY sexual person, i mean if she was up for it 2-3 times a day every day would be me.
id be happy with atleast a couple times a month or even a week.

2 yrs ago it was like 1 time a months this year it seems like about every 2, what next?
I have brought it up a bunch of times. the last time it turned into a fight, i told her straight out Its hard not to cheat on you.

I wont leave but i think im gonna cave and cheat sadly.
I hope it will aleast make ME not so depressed and maybe ina sick way help her?

BTW yes went docs ect. she need cognitive therapy i think, and have mentioned it to her a few times but i can push her to it.

I feel soo fucked up.
and there are 2 girl frinds trhat want me, i mean both one keeps askign me to meet with here, told me she straight up wants my dick. she knows i have a GF, shes been face to face with her.
I kinda felt her "girl" once and got her goign i guess and her frind oddly.

man im lost.
same as thread starter, I feel you man!

 

[Goody]

^She hates to give head.

What?! That says it all...Total dealbreaker right there bro...I think TC's advice is spot on with this one...

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Implants? And she said it was become one was larger than the other? Did you see her breasts before she had surgery? Although a vague possibility, I seriously doubt she spent all that money to correct some asymmetry.

Now, let me qualify that - if she only had enough size inserted to bring her up to what would be close to her natural size, then that would be interesting.

Is she comfortable with her body?

Like men, if there is a lot of stress or anxiety, sex drive goes. If it only started two months ago, LOL, well that's nothing. Some men live that way year after year. Does she enjoy love making when she is willing? There already is a lot of good suggestions; massages, a vibrating toy, romance, bathtub, et al. Those are all fine. But...

I find it very interesting to hear circumstances where a woman has undergone surgery to improve her appearance when naked, only to NOT get be interested in being naked. If you understand what I'm saying.

There's more to this story, you can be certain of it.

And remember: A close loving relationship can move forward without sex. But if sex is all you have, the relationship isn't going anywhere.

 

[Cito33189]

Implants? And she said it was become one was larger than the other? Did you see her breasts before she had surgery? Although a vague possibility, I seriously doubt she spent all that money to correct some asymmetry.

Now, let me qualify that - if she only had enough size inserted to bring her up to what would be close to her natural size, then that would be interesting.

Is she comfortable with her body?

Like men, if there is a lot of stress or anxiety, sex drive goes. If it only started two months ago, LOL, well that's nothing. Some men live that way year after year. Does she enjoy love making when she is willing? There already is a lot of good suggestions; massages, a vibrating toy, romance, bathtub, et al. Those are all fine. But...

I find it very interesting to hear circumstances where a woman has undergone surgery to improve her appearance when naked, only to NOT get be interested in being naked. If you understand what I'm saying.

There's more to this story, you can be certain of it.

And remember: A close loving relationship can move forward without sex. But if sex is all you have, the relationship isn't going anywhere.

Yes I saw them before and it was really bad one was a small A and the other was a full C I wouldnt lie about that or think its funny... That was something she struggled with and if you cant see why she spent the money to fix such a big problem then I dont know what to tell you. They are both a full D's now to correct the problem. Way off topic but that was kind of rude. Thats like saying why do some people take gear or inject synthol to correct symmetry this was just on a larger scale

If she does look good and has implants, she must be at least somewhat into sex, otherwise why install the boobs?
^ someone asked this and I just wanted to clarify why she had them done thats all

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Yes I saw them before and it was really bad one was a small A and the other was a full C I wouldnt lie about that or think its funny... That was something she struggled with and if you cant see why she spent the money to fix such a big problem then I dont know what to tell you. They are both a full D's now to correct the problem. Way off topic but that was kind of rude. Thats like saying why do some people take gear or inject synthol to correct symmetry this was just on a larger scale

If she does look good and has implants, she must be at least somewhat into sex, otherwise why install the boobs?
^ someone asked this and I just wanted to clarify why she had them done thats all

I wasn't accusing you of lying. And I most definitely didn't mean to imply that it was in any way funny.

You freely offered up that she had surgery. Why would you feel compelled to divulge that information? You made it relevant. "tan skin huge implants and nice big ass".

"They are both a full D's now to correct the problem"
Yeah? Well they sure corrected the living hell out of that "problem".

 

[ericraven2003]

thank you for your input.
and its been over 4 years pf depression and i been with her for about same time. but at first it was non stop sex (like how the first fewmonths usually are)
not its like 1 time every 2 months! if im lucky and i have NEVER cheated on her in this time frame.
but i cant leave because shes soo messed up about fam, ex-bf that robbed her blind (she dotn care about him she cares that she et him get that far), life and how shes in her 30's with nothing to show for it.
I feel bad, I love her, I wont leave her, but i wont stay without sex.
I also dotn feel its right to put myself threw this at the same time, i want to be happy, but i care too much and am not an ass hole liek most guys, or this would be easy for me.

I feel supporting her threw this all and being there for her is the right thing to do and I cant leave , also im worried what she will do if i did.
but i also want to have a freaking sex life. I am aVERY sexual person, i mean if she was up for it 2-3 times a day every day would be me.
id be happy with atleast a couple times a month or even a week.

2 yrs ago it was like 1 time a months this year it seems like about every 2, what next?
I have brought it up a bunch of times. the last time it turned into a fight, i told her straight out Its hard not to cheat on you.

I wont leave but i think im gonna cave and cheat sadly.
I hope it will aleast make ME not so depressed and maybe ina sick way help her?

BTW yes went docs ect. she need cognitive therapy i think, and have mentioned it to her a few times but i can push her to it.

I feel soo fucked up.
and there are 2 girl frinds trhat want me, i mean both one keeps askign me to meet with here, told me she straight up wants my dick. she knows i have a GF, shes been face to face with her.
I kinda felt her "girl" once and got her goign i guess and her frind oddly.

man im lost.
same as thread starter, I feel you man!

Do what you got to do,but eventually you will have leave. You are wasting both of your lives. I would also throw to her that I need sex or I need permission to get it out of the relationship. Cheating never helps though.
Leaving doesnt make you an asshole. You cant solve her problems. IMO. Good luck.

 

[juced_porkchop]

Do what you got to do,but eventually you will have leave. You are wasting both of your lives. I would also throw to her that I need sex or I need permission to get it out of the relationship. Cheating never helps though.
Leaving doesnt make you an asshole. You cant solve her problems. IMO. Good luck.

thanx for input

 

[K1]

I find it very interesting to hear circumstances where a woman has undergone surgery to improve her appearance when naked, only to NOT get be interested in being naked. If you understand what I'm saying.

There's more to this story, you can be certain of it.

And remember: A close loving relationship can move forward without sex. But if sex is all you have, the relationship isn't going anywhere.

This is exactly what I was thinking?! If you truly are not a sexual person by nature, then why would you change your appearance to be more sexually attractive?!

I would agree, there's more to the story.....

 

[osiris]

thanx for input

hey juiced,

i tried this for 7 years with my son's mother. We tried everything, counseling(individual and separate), church, romance, getaways etc. It just never seemed to work. We were just iincompatible sexually. She was my best friend ever, hell she still is, she grew resentful because she didn't see the need for me to masturbate etc. We tried the having sex when she didn't want to thing and she put forth one hellvua an effort BUT honestly i knew she wasn't into it and for me(especially with the woman i was in love with and married to) emotional connection plays a huge role in sex. I mean i still like to bruise the walls and knock the bottom out, but that kinda pales in comparison to making love to the right woman. Anyway, i digress. I feel your pain with this. We finally decided to go our separate ways and because we have a child together, i still get to see her for the rest of my life and i always feel remorseful that she is the woman i should be waking up next to each morning

So you need to be true to yourself and i applaud your perseverance, but i honestly think that today(and i am in the middle of a test cycle), if i could go back, i would choose being with her over the sex. Just my experience.

 

[Cito33189]

^ Very deep
THank you for sharing

 

[epoxy]

lotta things can cause this obviously. my girl and are 26, together for 4.5yrs lived together for 2. sex life is non-existent for the most part as well. used to be a LOT different but get her checked out for real.

my girl was MUCH hornier off birth control, but less willing to bang due to not wanting to get pregnant

my girl has hypothyroidism and is on T3/T4. her effed up thyroid causes low sex drive believe it or not. the low dose of T4 they give her doesn't help too much.

if your girl has ever gotten pregnant, had an abortion, or anything like that, will also kill their sex drive pretty much til you are married if you are avoiding trying to have kids.

and finally, the romance factor. i find that the more effort im putting into my cycle, training, eating, the less im putting into my relationship and thus it suffers the most. my girlfriend is ALL about me putting max effort into her, and even then she just gives in to having sex because i paid my dues. she could care less whether or not we actually have sex, as far as im concerned. she also doesn't use the toys or anything else anymore. sex is the last thing on her mind and the first on mine, so yeah i can totally feel you on what you are going through.

hope some of this helps. stick it out if shes worth it but if you put in the work and arent getting what you think you deserve, move on. there are plenty of hot chicks out there who love sex. sometimes i kick myself for upgrading in the looks department because it was a 100% downgrade in the sex department, lol.

 

[osiris]

^ Very deep
THank you for sharing

no problem man. We are all different and i am 34 now and when on test, i still want sex way more than any `18 year old=-) But there were things in my relationship that were so much more fulfilling than having sex all the time. Just being next to her watching a movie, good things happening and me wanting to rush home after work to share them with her so they would seem even better, waking up next to my son every day.

You are young man, take your time, everything will work itself out.