Do you put your physique before women?

[AllLoadedUp]

Oh c'mon now.....I'm sure she would give you a hand job for 3-fiddy

She'd probably make me buy her a pair of gloves first.

 

[Mike Arnold]

I'll bet you another $700 she wouldn't have a thing to do with me.

Assuredly, a big part of your problem has to do with your self-image. Look at how many times, just in this thread alone, you have said something negative about yourself. There are tons of ugly men out there (and/or overweight) who have average to very good looking wives/girlfriends.

If you make OK money (i.e. average), have minimal debt (which you say is the case), take care of yourself AND have a high degree of self-confidence in concert with a positive self-image, you can most certainly find a decent woman. I don't know you, so there could very well be something you're not telling us, but if I had to guess I would say that 90% of your problem is in your own head...and could potentially be rectified if you were willing to take the right steps. Just being 45 years old with one relationship behind you will do a number on your head, thereby resulting in a poor self-image, followed by self-pity and a barrage of other negative psychological effects...all of which women will find unattractive. The longer this goes on, the more this self-defeating mentality will be reinforced, making it more and more difficult to pull out of, but you can...

...if you are willing to put in the work.


You still have hope, brother.

 

[AllLoadedUp]

Assuredly, a big part of your problem has to do with your self-image. Look at how many times, just in this thread alone, you have said something negative about yourself. There are tons of ugly men out there (and/or overweight) who have average to very good looking wives/girlfriends.

If you make OK money (i.e. average), have minimal debt (which you say is the case), take care of yourself AND have a high degree of self-confidence in concert with a positive self-image, you can most certainly find a decent woman. I don't know you, so there could very well be something you're not telling us, but if I had to guess I would say that 90% of your problem is in your own head...and could potentially be rectified if you were willing to take the right steps. Just being 45 years old with one relationship behind you will do a number on your head, thereby resulting in a poor self-image, followed by self-pity and a barrage of other negative psychological effects...all of which women will find unattractive. The longer this goes on, the more this self-defeating mentality will be reinforced, making it more and more difficult to pull out of, but you can...

...if you are willing to put in the work.


You still have hope, brother.

I think you're taking a lot of it too seriously. I use a lot of self-deprecating humor. I make fun of myself. I'm not remotely attracted to an "average" woman. Not on a physical level or an emotional level or intellectual level. Here's the thing. Every day of my life, with rare exception, someone tells me I look like Goldberg. Evidently that is not a look women like. Now some grossly obese ugly women do. But I'm not attracted to them. I do not have a poor self-image.

I can wake up every day and think I'm the biggest stud on earth and I'm gorgeous. My thinking that will not convince a woman who looks at me I am in fact those things. I do online dating because its the only way for me to meet a woman. Problem is not one single woman ever responds back. Now is it because I haven't said or written some magical words down. Or is it just a plain matter of fact that she looks at my face and my body and just doesn't find it appealing so she's not going to waste her time talking to me. I sure as hell wouldn't send a message to a woman I don't think looks good.

Recognizing basic simple truths does not mean I have a poor self-image. Lets face it most people are not "good-looking". Most people are ugly. Does that mean not a single woman on earth thinks I am good-looking? No of course not. But good-looking people tend to be with good-looking people and ugly people with ugly people. If I went on dates on a somewhat regular basis with women I found attractive but they never went anywhere. Then I would do some introspection and really take a look at myself and ask "is something wrong with me on a deeper level". That is what any emotionally/intellectually mature person would do. Which I would. But I never get to the point of either needing to do introspection or not. Because there just simply is never a single attractive woman interested.

Believe me I'd love for the issue to be something as fixable and simple as just working on my self-image or self-esteem or confidence. You can ask my one ex-girlfriend, who I am still very good friends with today, and she will tell you I am the most confidant, self-assured person she has ever met.

 

[maldorf]

Perfect for Slice

This featured model, covermodel, would be perfect for Little Slice.

Self magazine features plus-size model Tess Holliday on first digital cover | Fox News

 

[maldorf]

Ha ha ha. My favorite scene in ESB. I'm actually VERY confidant. But that doesn't make a woman look at your pictures and go "I think I'll message that guy back". Confidence, Intelligence, etc only matter if a woman likes your looks to begin with. Its the same with us and women. If I think a woman is unattractive physically then I don't give a shit how smart she is or her personality is great. We're all vain when it comes to physical attraction. Its just human nature. 90% of all information the human brain processes is visual. To say "looks" are not the single biggest factor in determining attraction is to simply not understand basic science.

It has to be a balance. I was never interested in beautiful girls if they didn't have intelligence too. At the same time, like you pointed out, if a girl is just fugly but smart as a whip then I wouldn't be interested either. Heck, most of the girls I was just friends with were at least somewhat attractive. Some turned into friends with benefits.

So a girl that is just all out beautiful isn't necessarily attractive to a lot of guys unless you can have an intelligent conversation with her. An annoying voice can ruin things too, or annoying habits.

 

[maldorf]

Assuredly, a big part of your problem has to do with your self-image. Look at how many times, just in this thread alone, you have said something negative about yourself. There are tons of ugly men out there (and/or overweight) who have average to very good looking wives/girlfriends.

If you make OK money (i.e. average), have minimal debt (which you say is the case), take care of yourself AND have a high degree of self-confidence in concert with a positive self-image, you can most certainly find a decent woman. I don't know you, so there could very well be something you're not telling us, but if I had to guess I would say that 90% of your problem is in your own head...and could potentially be rectified if you were willing to take the right steps. Just being 45 years old with one relationship behind you will do a number on your head, thereby resulting in a poor self-image, followed by self-pity and a barrage of other negative psychological effects...all of which women will find unattractive. The longer this goes on, the more this self-defeating mentality will be reinforced, making it more and more difficult to pull out of, but you can...

...if you are willing to put in the work.


You still have hope, brother.

I agree. I think the best thing you can do is go to a club or somewhere public to meet women with a guy friend that is confident, single, outgoing, and attractive. Quite a few times I took some friends that were suffering from low self esteem out and we both had a great evening meeting women. Once a girl starts talking with you she will discover that you have a lot to offer. The other guy can break the ice and since most women travel in groups there will be another that you can chat with.

 

[maldorf]

I think you're taking a lot of it too seriously. I use a lot of self-deprecating humor. I make fun of myself. I'm not remotely attracted to an "average" woman. Not on a physical level or an emotional level or intellectual level. Here's the thing. Every day of my life, with rare exception, someone tells me I look like Goldberg. Evidently that is not a look women like. Now some grossly obese ugly women do. But I'm not attracted to them. I do not have a poor self-image.

I can wake up every day and think I'm the biggest stud on earth and I'm gorgeous. My thinking that will not convince a woman who looks at me I am in fact those things. I do online dating because its the only way for me to meet a woman. Problem is not one single woman ever responds back. Now is it because I haven't said or written some magical words down. Or is it just a plain matter of fact that she looks at my face and my body and just doesn't find it appealing so she's not going to waste her time talking to me. I sure as hell wouldn't send a message to a woman I don't think looks good.

Recognizing basic simple truths does not mean I have a poor self-image. Lets face it most people are not "good-looking". Most people are ugly. Does that mean not a single woman on earth thinks I am good-looking? No of course not. But good-looking people tend to be with good-looking people and ugly people with ugly people. If I went on dates on a somewhat regular basis with women I found attractive but they never went anywhere. Then I would do some introspection and really take a look at myself and ask "is something wrong with me on a deeper level". That is what any emotionally/intellectually mature person would do. Which I would. But I never get to the point of either needing to do introspection or not. Because there just simply is never a single attractive woman interested.

Believe me I'd love for the issue to be something as fixable and simple as just working on my self-image or self-esteem or confidence. You can ask my one ex-girlfriend, who I am still very good friends with today, and she will tell you I am the most confidant, self-assured person she has ever met.

Well, if you are a really big muscular guy like Goldberg most women do not find that attractive these days, at least the younger ones don't. My wife used to tell me I was getting too big when I put on more muscle. I think also some women are intimidated/scared of big guys until they get to really meet them.

Not sure what to make out of the online dating girls not even replying to you. That is strange IMO. Ive never done that though. My buddy I mentioned before dated quite a few women that way and two he has married.

 

[chinaboy]

Yes, it's very hard for me. I think back on my previous flings and I literally don't think I've had more than maybe 1-2 sexual experiences ever that I regret. They're always fond memories even if it wasn't the best sex, and my only regrets are not doing more. For instance the girls I passed along to friends, I think back at times and think of the fun I could had with them instead. It's probably not the healthiest mindset. I wish I didn't think this way. I wish that nothing sounded better to me than a monogamous relationship with one woman for the rest of my life, but I know that's not truthfully how I feel, even if I end up in that situation.

And like I said...I probably wouldn't want to date a girl who thinks like me. Always wondering what other partners are out there even if yours is great. My brother is the same way...I don't know if there's a genetic component to it (scratch that, I'm sure there is, but I don't know the extent).

When I was in high school all I wanted was a girlfriend, before I had good options. I never understood why anyone would cheat. "Just break up with them if you want other women!". Once there are a lot of options, things change. Unfortunately there will probably always be younger attractive options if you intend to stay with one woman for a long time. Maybe my libido will just go to shit one day lol.

Funny, when I was dieting severely I didn't have these concerns at all I was just happy to go home to my girlfriend and eat some Halo Top.





Well that's interesting lol. I've had one man ask me to fuck his wife but never been asked to fuck a husband before lol.




Look up the recent studies on Ambien brother



In which situation are you suggesting most uneducated men are found?

I agree with your first sentence for the most part.



That first sentence makes no sense lol perhaps you mean "Only insecure and ridiculous people continually compare themelves to the appearance or wealth of others."

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one with this mind frame. For some reason I'm stuck on a previous fling that I "fell in love" with. I know its not right but I'm definitely not perfect. I often wonder when I'm going to change and become normal. Sometimes the thought of settling down depresses me. I wish I could live 100 life with 100 different girls. I truly don't think people were ultimately designed to be with one person for the rest of their lives.

I know at some point I should "lock down" the best you can get when you can still attract a quality companion prior to your own decline. What scares me is the idea of becoming single and having some medical issue that would prevent me from one upping from where I'm currently at. Its a selfish though but I feel thats how men's minds are wired.

I say this while Im in a longterm relationship and most would see me as a good person. But my internal thoughts are still the typical male stereotype. The struggle is real.

You are a better man than most I think. I commend you on taking such care with your girlfriend's daughter and mother. That should feel very rewarding to you and you should be somewhat proud of what you have done. You say you don't plan on being with her for life. When do you think you will leave her? Waiting until the daughter is through college or financially independent?

Thanks Maldorf. I appreciate your words. Hard question to answer. I have tried to end it several times. Its weird. You think...should I break up this weekend or just go for pizza, watch TV for the night and then wake up and have eggs. Ah...maybe next weekend. A few years go by and its hard still. When is the perfect time. I never broke up with a girl. Ive always been the one kicked to the curb. In the back of my head I always have the time and place where I should do the breaking up but these times pass and time goes on. I was just talking to my best friend and had a similar talk to this thread. He mentioned how I've sung the same tune for years and he knows one day the time will come.

My current thought is wait until her daughter gets settled in college. That would be in 2 months. Tick tick...

I also fear not being my girlfriend's "dad" any longer. Being an adult is hard.

Its funny that the definition of "being a man" has changed several times throughout my life. At one time the definition was paying my own bills and having a girl to fuck...bro. Thats what a "man" does. Years later my mom had a TIA/stroke and I told her she was going to be alright in the ER and I didn't know if I was lying or not but I smiled and assured her she would be ok. Thank God she ended up doing very well. I think that was a point in which I realized being a man is much more than the superficial thoughts I had as a youngster.

 

[little slice]

I know at some point I should "lock down" the best you can get when you can still attract a quality companion prior to your own decline. What scares me is the idea of becoming single and having some medical issue that would prevent me from one upping from where I'm currently at. Its a selfish though but I feel thats how men's minds are wired.

that's how women think as well..


and it really seems like im what is all of their idea of 'one-upping'

ive never gotten more worn-out, weathered single mothers casting their lines at me... all since i passed the CPA and started wearing corporate casual LOL



they've all had their 'fun'... now they're looking to 'settle down lol'


it brutal out here

 

[little slice]

as is the case with most things in life.. it's good to have options


and while im a monogamous guy when im serious with a girl, i can't guarantee she will be the same way



so i may have options, she may have options..



but her exploring those options while still receiving part of my paycheck will not be an option.

 

[maldorf]

as is the case with most things in life.. it's good to have options


and while im a monogamous guy when im serious with a girl, i can't guarantee she will be the same way



so i may have options, she may have options..



but her exploring those options while still receiving part of my paycheck will not be an option.

Youre not even 30 years old yet right? Heck, youre still young and should enjoy yourself. If you meet "the right girl" someday you might change your mind, who knows.

I used to be set on never having kids because I didn't want the responsibility. After being married for 4 years my wife convinced me to have a child. I am glad that I did. We had another one a year and a half later. I found that I can handle the responsibility and actually enjoy it. You will be surprised at how much you may change your mind on some things as you age and experience life. Politically on some things I have changed my mind, some things I thought I would never.

It is scary, but in some respects every year I become more like my dad!

 

[little slice]

Youre not even 30 years old yet right? Heck, youre still young and should enjoy yourself. If you meet "the right girl" someday you might change your mind, who knows.

i will never give my woman a financial incentive to leave me


FFS maldorf what is wrong with you lol???


you remind me of a couple guys i was talking to in my gym. they asked me when i was getting married

i was like 'lol never' (for all the reasons ive listed here)

they just looked at each other and laughed


"heh! oh LS, just wait until you meet the right girl... you'll fall in love and marry her and be just like us heh!"


then, i shit you not, they both started 'joking' about how much alimony and child support the government forces them to pay their ex wives every 2 weeks..


it was like some sort of twisted, delusional, in-denial boasting..



you guys are out of your fucking minds lol



these guys were old enough to be my dad... but had half of my take-home pay because they gave their women a financial incentive to leave them

and their women took that incentive

 

[Bloxz]

seriously man..


$700 for a fucking wallet... for a side piece


wow.

Don't blame him, blame his parent for he doesn't know any better.

 

[rmtt]

Hey Maldorf......look what my wife just gave me for our 10 year anniversary. Knowing our conversations in the past about our vices (cars and watches)....I figured you would appreciate this.

She saved and bought it on her own.... That was what she was most proud of.

She doesn't even know a thing about watches, but looked through my collection and found one that she liked and seen I didn't have this style.

I was honestly surprised.....kind of shocked as I had only bought her an engraved jewelry box....but she was more excited about me seeing what she had picked out for me.

Sent from my LG-H871 using Tapatalk

 

[NGL34]

Women always down play how important looks are. How often do you hear women say "oh man! he is so funny or so confident Ive got to have him!" Never. But how many times have you over heard them say with so much enthusiasm, "wow he is gorgeous, hot, handsome " usually followed up by some flirtation gesture to provoke you to say hello or at least get your attention. Humor, good job, etc are important it's just usually secondary to good looks (brad pitt) then money and status (donald trump, axl rose) unless a women has low self esteem, lots of baggage, aged, and has no choice but to settle for what she can.

To get a better understand of how important of looks are check out FACEamdLMS on YouTube.

I think you're taking a lot of it too seriously. I use a lot of self-deprecating humor. I make fun of myself. I'm not remotely attracted to an "average" woman. Not on a physical level or an emotional level or intellectual level. Here's the thing. Every day of my life, with rare exception, someone tells me I look like Goldberg. Evidently that is not a look women like. Now some grossly obese ugly women do. But I'm not attracted to them. I do not have a poor self-image.

I can wake up every day and think I'm the biggest stud on earth and I'm gorgeous. My thinking that will not convince a woman who looks at me I am in fact those things. I do online dating because its the only way for me to meet a woman. Problem is not one single woman ever responds back. Now is it because I haven't said or written some magical words down. Or is it just a plain matter of fact that she looks at my face and my body and just doesn't find it appealing so she's not going to waste her time talking to me. I sure as hell wouldn't send a message to a woman I don't think looks good.

Recognizing basic simple truths does not mean I have a poor self-image. Lets face it most people are not "good-looking". Most people are ugly. Does that mean not a single woman on earth thinks I am good-looking? No of course not. But good-looking people tend to be with good-looking people and ugly people with ugly people. If I went on dates on a somewhat regular basis with women I found attractive but they never went anywhere. Then I would do some introspection and really take a look at myself and ask "is something wrong with me on a deeper level". That is what any emotionally/intellectually mature person would do. Which I would. But I never get to the point of either needing to do introspection or not. Because there just simply is never a single attractive woman interested.

Believe me I'd love for the issue to be something as fixable and simple as just working on my self-image or self-esteem or confidence. You can ask my one ex-girlfriend, who I am still very good friends with today, and she will tell you I am the most confidant, self-assured person she has ever met.

 

[maldorf]

Hey Maldorf......look what my wife just gave me for our 10 year anniversary. Knowing our conversations in the past about our vices (cars and watches)....I figured you would appreciate this.

She saved and bought it on her own.... That was what she was most proud of.

She doesn't even know a thing about watches, but looked through my collection and found one that she liked and seen I didn't have this style.

I was honestly surprised.....kind of shocked as I had only bought her an engraved jewelry box....but she was more excited about me seeing what she had picked out for me.

Sent from my LG-H871 using Tapatalk

That is great. I bet that is now your favorite watch, means so much more to you since she actually picked it out for you and saved up for it. That is the kind of thing you hand down to a son if you have one.

Just be sure to have it serviced when it needs to. It is an automatic I am going to guess? Those need to be gone over like every 5 years or so, lubed etc. My buddy that is really into watches knows a lot about it. Ive never had mine serviced, haven't had them long enough. I did own one Tisot automatic that I bought at a pawn shop and it broke down. I probably should have had it serviced. Maybe you know more about it than I do.


My wife never picks stuff out for me like that ,I wish she would. I just go out and buy the stuff on my own and she pays for it.

 

[maldorf]

Women always down play how important looks are. How often do you hear women say "oh man! he is so funny or so confident Ive got to have him!" Never. But how many times have you over heard them say with so much enthusiasm, "wow he is gorgeous, hot, handsome " usually followed up by some flirtation gesture to provoke you to say hello or at least get your attention. Humor, good job, etc are important it's just usually secondary to good looks (brad pitt) then money and status (donald trump, axl rose) unless a women has low self esteem, lots of baggage, aged, and has no choice but to settle for what she can.

To get a better understand of how important of looks are check out FACEamdLMS on YouTube.

I think some women are a bit like guys and see some men as just sex material for a fling while other guys are the kind you take home to your parents. They don't all want to have long term relationships all of the time and drain their men financially like a vampire. Some are out to just have fun.

 

[rmtt]

That is great. I bet that is now your favorite watch, means so much more to you since she actually picked it out for you and saved up for it. That is the kind of thing you hand down to a son if you have one.

Just be sure to have it serviced when it needs to. It is an automatic I am going to guess? Those need to be gone over like every 5 years or so, lubed etc. My buddy that is really into watches knows a lot about it. Ive never had mine serviced, haven't had them long enough. I did own one Tisot automatic that I bought at a pawn shop and it broke down. I probably should have had it serviced. Maybe you know more about it than I do.


My wife never picks stuff out for me like that ,I wish she would. I just go out and buy the stuff on my own and she pays for it.

Yeah.... I got a guy local to me that services all of mine. I was surprised as I'm usually in the same boat as you....pay for it myself. But she really put some effort out.

I'm lucky though in that she doesn't usually discourage me in decisions. It's like the other day I mentioned about selling my C6 Z06 and upgrading to a C7.......and she said you work hard and if that is what you really want...go for it.

So now I'm seriously considering it!



Sent from my LG-H871 using Tapatalk

 

[little slice]

I think some women are a bit like guys and see some men as just sex material for a fling while other guys are the kind you take home to your parents. They don't all want to have long term relationships all of the time and drain their men financially like a vampire. Some are out to just have fun.

this is exactly the case.


1. sleep around with all the hot guys when you are young

2. 'settle down later lol' with a nice beta accountant when you are old and the young guys don't want you anymore.

3. grow resentful toward your beta husband... because even though he's a great guy who is just trying to do the 'right thing', he's a constant reminder of the excitement of your youth that you lost.

4. divorce your husband, receive cash and prizes, and try to go back to the hookup culture.

5. realize that guys your age are ALL looking for women decades younger, hop on prozac, and decide to start writing blogs about how unfair it is now that you're basically invisible.

I'm lucky though in that she doesn't usually discourage me in decisions. It's like the other day I mentioned about selling my C6 Z06 and upgrading to a C7.......and she said you work hard and if that is what you really want...go for it.

So now I'm seriously considering it!

that's great that your wife gave you permission bro!



haha jk bro no bully pls

 

[NGL34]

Truth :lightbulb: That pretty much sums it up for 99% of the female population. Its a hard pill to swallow. I dont blame guy who tries to rational it to suit there needs so they can avoid pain. However knowing the truth and knowing lots of it has to do purely with biology, predetremined wiring with years and years of evolution and human nature it's easier to let go of the pain and resentment and learn to accept it for what it really is.

this is exactly the case.


1. sleep around with all the hot guys when you are young

2. 'settle down later lol' with a nice beta accountant when you are old and the young guys don't want you anymore.

3. grow resentful toward your beta husband... because even though he's a great guy who is just trying to do the 'right thing', he's a constant reminder of the excitement of your youth that you lost.

4. divorce your husband, receive cash and prizes, and try to go back to the hookup culture.

5. realize that guys your age are ALL looking for women decades younger, hop on prozac, and decide to start writing blogs about how unfair it is now that you're basically invisible.








that's great that your wife gave you permission bro!



haha jk bro no bully pls