depressed about my age

rocco-x · Jun 28, 2009

in a few months i'll be 42.42 years old.sometimes i can't beleive that i'm now into my 40's and still haven't acheived shit yet.now mind you i played a huge part in this whole scheme of things.i started working out in my late teens and at one time had a chance to actually compete in a small show.a gym owner where i lived took was willing to sponsor me and help with all my supplements and even gave me the keys to his gym so i could train anytime i wanted to.around that time i had a few friends die on me,the last one by suicide and i snapped.i was working for the Dept. of Corrections at the time so i was under enough stress as it was.i started doing more and more percs and xanax that was prescribed to me but i took it a few steps further.i started using hardcore crap like heroin,coke,you name it.if i could fit it into a spike i'd do it.needless to say i lost my career,not just my job but my whole career,my house,all my toys(Harley,boat,truck,Mustang),my body was falling apart and finally my wife split.i've gotten clean a few times and have done rather well but always went back to the shit again.every year i say "this is it.this is gonna be my year to look the best ever".i'm now clean and sober going on 9mnths now,got back into the gym after a 2yr layoff,and i'm getting ready to start my first cycle in 2yrs this week.sometimes i just feel like i'm never going to get to where i want to be.physically that is.i know,stay off the pity pot and just do it.that seems to be the motto thrown at me nowadays but i look at some of these guys in their 20's-30's and get a little jealous b/c i didn't or couldn't acheive what they're doing now.i've been studying everything from different workouts to aas for quite a while now and would love to be a personal trainer.to help someone reach their goals and be better physically.i really want to take the exams for the certification but i keep listening to that little voice in the back of my head telling me"you ain't gonna make it.look at you,you're a loser.just give up and go get high."i try not to listen but it's in there,deep in the back of my head.my self esteem is at its lowest i think it's ever been.i don't know if anyone can relate to my story but would love to hear some positive feedback if possible.thnx again guys for always being there when i need to rant and rave.right now this is the only thing keeping me sane.rocco-x.

littlenutz · Jun 28, 2009

are you the guy wit 22 in arms you should be pretty proud of that, most guys can never hit 18's , go for that pt man, im going for it to i took it already once and failed but will try again,

sharkey · Jun 29, 2009

Same Boat

Bro, I totally feel you. I've been enjoying exercising for yrs. but I also got hooked on IV heroin and coke. I got clean for a year and a half and started working out with a trainer, had 2 jobs, went back to school for nursing, looked incredibly good at age 35, only to go back again. Now I got 4 months again and I just started training hard ( doing AAS in small doses.) and I'm feeling good again. Life is truly a gift just for today, bro. And you sound like you got a good attitude. Never give up, bro. People like you who share from the heart are the reason I'm alive and clean today, and I'm truly grateful. One little suggestion, if you can't kick heroin after several tries, suboxone helped me a lot. Good luck and stay strong.

rocco-x · Jun 29, 2009

littlenutz said:
are you the guy wit 22 in arms you should be pretty proud of that, most guys can never hit 18's , go for that pt man, im going for it to i took it already once and failed but will try again,

lol! no that's not me,i wish tho.i know i'll be able to do this with guys like you here to help me out and give me support.sometimes i just let myself get down in the dumps and whine alot.since i've been on here i've learned so much more than i thought i knew from training to aas applications.thnx for the encouragement tho.

marilyn · Jun 29, 2009

You should feel good about the fact you are alive and can make plans for the future...........I think you should go for your dreams and set goals for yourself that are of course attainable and short term...that way, your taking baby steps for now, and not get overwhelmed...Be strong.

Opportunities is knocking and you really can improve and change your life for the better.

Make a decision, get a plan and go for it! You can do it!

marilyn · Jun 29, 2009

one more thing....

You are young and just need to live life right to live a long happy life

PHIL HERNON · Jun 29, 2009

Hey

Cheer up and learn to laugh...YOU ARE ALIVE........PLUSsss..........if thats you in your avatar you are lookin pretty sharp!

thebrick · Jun 29, 2009

First of all, congratulations on getting clean. You have empowered your future with that all all-important step. The doors are now opened to you. Second, quite beating yourself up about your age! 42 is YOUNG! You have a LOT of life left to live. I can say that because I am in my mid 50's. Don't piss your life away regretting that somehow you missed your opportunities. Live your life TODAY. Really, its all any one of us have.

roddy · Jun 29, 2009

http://maniacworld.com/are-you-going...sh-strong.html this may help...bro ur never to old to improve ur life. if u live n the past u want have a future. u made the best so far by knowing ur mistakes. u this has ur advantage. u have over came the biggest obstacle by becoming clean.

Pekkerwood · Jun 29, 2009

Rocco:

Congrats on being clean! Thats true strength. Remember, it is not weakness to question, its strength. We have to grow physicall, mentally, and spiritually. I think the best way to exercise the latter two and grow is to question.

There is no doubt you can do this. If you can be clean for nine months you can do anything. I would suggest some things I've thought were stupid and inane. I was wrong. Some very successful together people prompted me to do them anyway. I listened to tapes like the Anthony Robbins series. I still go back and listen to them. It helped remind me to focus on the positive and to push forward. It sounds corny but it works. I was a huge skeptic. I was wrong. You can get them on ebay for very little. You will be amazed. Listen to them while you do your cardio. I have listened to other series as well, that are "pop culture" but have given me many benefits, to keep me from "stagnating" personally and professionally.

It aint not all about just lifting. Sometimes its about listening too.

Be at Peace,

Pekkerwood

Gambel · Jun 29, 2009

Rocco,

Congratulations on your recovery to date! When each of us feels down it is because we allow our conscious negative thoughts to impact our subconscious mind. The key is to identify the negative thoughts as just "thoughts" and nothing more. Forcefully ignore them and think about something positive. For example, all of the positive accomplishments you have made in life. The fact that you have been through so many challenges and conquered those challenges is a testament to your inner strength and courage.

I was a pessimist by nature so I can relate to the negative thoughts. Once I just realized that they were only "thoughts" and I could ignore them or act upon them, I just started ignoring all of the negative ones and focused on the positive ones. Over time, I noticed that I naturally was in a better mood and became friendlier to those around me. The net benefit was everyone else around me was more pleasant in response to my mood, which multiplied the positivity around me.

Remember, all of your bros here at PM are supportive and proud of you! Stay positive and you can accomplish anything you set your mind to regardless of age!

G

Tsunami Labs · Jun 30, 2009

Mr. X

Hey bro... Good to hear that you are clean. That little voice can be irritating, but workouts, and good times can fade that out. Good luck

superbeast22 · Jul 1, 2009

i know someone who is 56, doesnt have shit to her name, she used to be a great female body builder, was married, had tons of stuff, made some bad choices, got a divorce, economy went to shit, house went into forclosure... she has NOWHERE to live!

EasyEJL · Jul 1, 2009

I'll be 42 in october.

We all make the choices we make, and have to live with the consequences of some of those, but we dont have to keep making the same bad choice over and over.

ERC · Jul 1, 2009

Its always darkest before the dawn bro......

Keep your head strong. If you ever need to talk, just email me.

STAY STRONG. YOU ARE ALIVE...

GymDudeVA · Jul 2, 2009

For what it's worth, I'm 48 and just got certified as a trainer a few months ago. "Starting over" with stuff like that is actually GOOD...keeps you young...It's actually a matter of STILL getting better and doing new things, NOT doing them too late. I have reconnected with lots of high school and childhood friends on Facebook, and oh man are they BORING. Locked into the same situation (job, routine, family) for decades now. If you are able to do new things, start training, start a new cleaner life, etc. at your age, those are in many ways PLUSES. Most people do not have the motivation or the FREEDOM to do so.

Also, we have a tendency to compare ourselves to those who have achieved more, not to an average person. As bodybuilders, we see the younger, more built guy and feel inadequate and unsuccessful in comparison, and fixate on that. Instead, look in the mirror, then go out in public and compare yourself to the first random 20 people you see. Voila. Heck, even in your gym, you're probably in the top 20%

I have some clients who are pushing 70, and they keep telling me how they'd do anything to be 48 again.

thebrick · Jul 2, 2009

GymDudeVA said:
For what it's worth, I'm 48 and just got certified as a trainer a few months ago. "Starting over" with stuff like that is actually GOOD...keeps you young...It's actually a matter of STILL getting better and doing new things, NOT doing them too late. I have reconnected with lots of high school and childhood friends on Facebook, and oh man are they BORING. Locked into the same situation (job, routine, family) for decades now. If you are able to do new things, start training, start a new cleaner life, etc. at your age, those are in many ways PLUSES. Most people do not have the motivation or the FREEDOM to do so.

Also, we have a tendency to compare ourselves to those who have achieved more, not to an average person. As bodybuilders, we see the younger, more built guy and feel inadequate and unsuccessful in comparison, and fixate on that. Instead, look in the mirror, then go out in public and compare yourself to the first random 20 people you see. Voila. Heck, even in your gym, you're probably in the top 20%

I have some clients who are pushing 70, and they keep telling me how they'd do anything to be 48 again.

Very true. Good post!

shivastool · Jul 2, 2009

Congrats bro. I celebrated 15 years in April...give yourself a break. You cant live a life full of addiction and expect everything to look up all of a sudden. The bitch about life is that most good things take TIME and EFFORT.

I started training about 10 years ago because I was eating like a pig and realized I may be clean but i was still hurting myself.
I am now 46 and in the best shape of my life. I am at 12% BF and have the physique of guys in thier 20's. But it takes perseverance and hard work...still.

Another thing, you may want to wait for a few years before "cycling". This is a form of self-medication and you should have a strong foundation in recovery before attempting. I had 10 years clean before I even tried anything hormonal...