LittleMack-Down...but not out...

[littlemack]

Man, just had a quick scan of all the relationship threads in here now and its pretty amazing.

So, I've been pretty much through it all with my ex-gf who became my gf who has recently become my fiance. lol.

Lots of you guys know about my gf Crystal who is the love of my life and who I recently broke up with, only to discover what a mistake that was, and recently proposed to her. A lot has happened since announcing my engagement with her. I proposed to her on a Monday and Friday night I am at her place and she tells me that she needs to talk to this guy she had been dating and sleeping with during the 3-4 weeks we were apart. So I said "cool. no problem." and stayed at her place. The night gets longer, I tried to sleep, and at about 4 am I'm getting really worried and my mind is going crazy thinking if she is ok or not. Not a good sign if you guys know what I mean. I didn't know what to do. So I called this stripper friend of mine who I hardly talk to and went over to their "party house" to hang out with them until 9am. lol. Nothing physical on my part, just needed a friend to listen, and calm my ass down. Man I was panting, my hands were shaking, I was really wanting to physically hurt someone.
So anyway, she finally called me the next day and apologized for not coming home, and I really let out my anger over the phone for shitting on my like that. This officially started TWO weeks of pure hell between us. Neither one of us went into work that week, I don't remember my days from my nights, and I've gotta tell you that I saw hell that week and rose again to surface. All we did was hurt one another. Something that I did not tell you guys about in my breakup thread, was that I cheated on this poor girl before we broke up(the day we broke up), and then while we were apart decided to fess up and tell her about it b/c she couldn't understand what she had done wrong. I had to tell her that I screwed up..not the other way around.
So, during this two week time period we started out really...really bitter towards one another. She couldn't forgive me for cheating, I cried and felt rotted to the core, put a knife to my heart and gripped her hands around the handle to help me thrust it in. Man. Your bro littlemack was hurting inside, inflicting more hurt on himself, and was letting Crystal hurt me with her words and actions. I deserved it. I honestly felt like I deserved to die for what I did, and told her that if she didn't want me in her life anymore then I would kill myself so that I could always remain in her heart. Some serious fucking shit here guys. I had no one to talk to about this stuff. I didn't know if I was going to be let into the house everytime I went somewhere and came back home. The whole thing was a blur, but eventually she started to feel just a little more trusting everyday. She keeps asking, "How do you know you will never do this again?" My response is always, "Because I will be more open in communicating with you. Because I will never hurt her again like this. Because I now know that this doesn't just affect one or two people." Her whole family knows I cheated on her. I went to her family's house for a birthday party this past weekend and it was about the most uncomfortable thing I've ever been through. To top this all off...I'm coming off my Lexapro for my anxiety issues...and I've been dizzy as shit for a week. Can't move my eyes without feeling like I'm going to fall over. It all has been getting better everyday though. We both still want to marry each other. We both know that we are in need of some serious counseling. This guy she was seeing was still having issues b/c he fell for my girl fast and hard. Bought a new SUV just so he would have a family car for Crystal and her little girl. Told her he wanted to marry her and provide for her. He kept calling and calling. So I told crystal to invite the guy over so that we could all talk. Am I nucking futs or what? lol. I've truly got to be one of the craziest, whacked out, people on this planet. I even told her that if she needed to go back to this guy b/c she needed someone to comfort her and reassure her then I would wait for her. She told me she doesn't love the guy but considers him a friend and someone who listens to her. So I had us all meet and had him come over to the house. Super nice guy. A real gentle kind of guy. Small. The guy is tiny. Not much bigger than Crystal. I'd say I've got a hundred pounds on the guy. lol. I knew Crystal needed a friend in her life b/c she was going through so much depression, suicidal thoughts, and anger. Awkward. Man. Talk about awkward. More so for them, not for me at all. ha. I could actually see myself becoming good friends with this guy. Really nice guy. So anyway, that's where I'm at now. This guy's attached to her, but I can tell this is sort of healing for him as well.
I've got Crystal setup for some counseling next week. She worries about me, you know, b/c I've taken so much abuse these past two weeks and so many people need me in their life right now(mostly family and friends). I keep telling myself that I'm strong and that I can endure anything God or anyone else can throw at me. The stuff wears you out though. This past two weeks, I've rarely eaten, haven't gone in to work, and haven't even thought about working out or taking care of myself. Yesterday, I told myself that was going to stop and so I went into the gym. Crystal was let go from her job, and her bosses were REALLY pissing me off b/c they are not giving her all of her personal belongings or a computer a bought her a while back. I don't know what the deal is with that, but my family sat me down yesterday and told me I had to get back in the gym and start taking care of myself again.
I'm doing a lot better now. Crystal is doing a lot better now. We still are both very excited to get married and have some littlemackattacks running around the room.
I'll keep you guys updated with things and let you know how the counseling and treatment goes for us both.
Thank you everyone for being so supportive in the past.

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

I just pray the kids look like their mother and not father! BAHAHAHAHAHA j/k
thanks for sharing brother and keeping us filled in!

 

[littlemack]

Thanks Boom....

We go way back on this stuff... ha...
Dude, I gotta get back over to our spot for those jams. I was really raging all day yesterday and went into the gym playing Moby just to keep my ass calm. hahaha... I was training heavy to Moby like most guys train to Death Metal. hahaha

Boom. Did you hear what I said? M....O.....B.....Y.....


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

It's funny how different tunes make us do different things! Glad your enjoying the tunes bro! I believe there is more to download lately!

How has Kaylee(?) feeling with the marriage stuff? IS she excited bro?

 

[littlemack]

It's funny how different tunes make us do different things! Glad your enjoying the tunes bro! I believe there is more to download lately!

How has Kaylee(?) feeling with the marriage stuff? IS she excited bro?

Man. She's all over that like white on rice on a paper plate in a snowstorm.

Yeah. She's really excited....

She said she wanted that as bad as a new Nintendo Wii. hahaha


**broken link removed**

 

[oldfella]

LM, That is def. some seriuos shit! Are you both sure the marriage thing is what you want? You both have some real issues to sort out before you dive into this. It is hard to trust after the trust has been betrayed by either end. The feeling of being cheated lives on and lingers for a long time you know. Sitting down with the three of you was probably a good thing to do, if nothing else then clear the air and get everyone's feelings out in the open. Honesty and communication are the only things that will help your situation out! Sounds like the two of you have very deep feelings for one another, but the hurting and hating has to stop! It will ruin you both. I don't know you personally but here on the forum we tend to reach out our feeling a bit more than we would face to face. LM you are a good, caring person. Do what your heart tells you too. Don't make threats of violence against yourself to gain advantage over her heart. You may think it is the end of the line and you can't take it anymore, but this is selfish and insensitive on your part. Does not fit your character. Be you, this is the person she wants. Try to beat this anxiety thing without the drugs. These do not let you think clearly or rationally. Go out and do some fun things together and have a laugh. Put the love back in the relationship! It is there but has been buried under an avalanche of bad feelings, the past and other negative emotions. Sit down and pour your hearts out to one another and let the love bloosom again. It will work out if it is meant to! Keep us informed LM, we all care about you and do not want to see another brother fall!

 

[maxsupplements]

WELL.....

LM, That is def. some seriuos shit! Are you both sure the marriage thing is what you want? You both have some real issues to sort out before you dive into this. It is hard to trust after the trust has been betrayed by either end. The feeling of being cheated lives on and lingers for a long time you know. Sitting down with the three of you was probably a good thing to do, if nothing else then clear the air and get everyone's feelings out in the open. Honesty and communication are the only things that will help your situation out! Sounds like the two of you have very deep feelings for one another, but the hurting and hating has to stop! It will ruin you both. I don't know you personally but here on the forum we tend to reach out our feeling a bit more than we would face to face. LM you are a good, caring person. Do what your heart tells you too. Don't make threats of violence against yourself to gain advantage over her heart. You may think it is the end of the line and you can't take it anymore, but this is selfish and insensitive on your part. Does not fit your character. Be you, this is the person she wants. Try to beat this anxiety thing without the drugs. These do not let you think clearly or rationally. Go out and do some fun things together and have a laugh. Put the love back in the relationship! It is there but has been buried under an avalanche of bad feelings, the past and other negative emotions. Sit down and pour your hearts out to one another and let the love bloosom again. It will work out if it is meant to! Keep us informed LM, we all care about you and do not want to see another brother fall!

LM , well, bro, you and i dont know eachother that well, but i have always read your threads about your relationship troubles. i have been there. and done that. i have been married to someone i questioned if she was cheating, and turned out, she was. dude, if this is the case, i suggest you really i mean REALLY think this out before you do it. i hate to be a bad omen on this, but you should really make sure you want to do this for LIFE. if you have already broken up and got back together several times, chances are, you will continue on this path. i suggest you get into some serious counseling. like COUPLES counseling, as well as single counuseling. you need to see eachothers points and understand them.

Oldfella was dead on about all the stuff he said. i highlighted the stuff i found very important.

we all vent our frusterations here, but dude, you need to really pray and think about this situation. you are a bigger man than i am to not have pulverized that fellas face when you all got together to talk. i congratulate you for that. i will say, that if you do decide you want to go through with this, you need to really let the feelings of resentment have about her possibly cheating GO. you should also consider finding some new friends. she as well as you. find some good COUPLE friends. people who are married, who have been, and are HAPPILY married.. ever hear that saying, "you are, and become, what you surround yourself with."

so, with that said. littlemack, i will be praying for you, and your fiance. good luck bro..

and feel free to look up my old thread about my marriage that fell into shambles... it was over a year ago....

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

Man. She's all over that like white on rice on a paper plate in a snowstorm.

Yeah. She's really excited....

She said she wanted that as bad as a new Nintendo Wii. hahaha


**broken link removed**

awesome pics bro! I'm sure you'll do that young lady well!

 

[littlemack]

Aw...thanks guys... Some really good things said here and I really appreciate all the love and support. Good peeps around here.
I know what you guys are saying. I really do. The counseling starts next week for us both. I've told Crystal that I really want to marry her, but that we needed to work on some things first and work on ourselves as well as our relationship.
Its been pretty rough guys. I was married once and that was nothing like this. In my marriage, I handed over the keys, walked away, and never looked back. Just like you would with a used car. ha. This deal though.... My God. You know. Its just like you said OldFella . Man. Its the strangest things, we would both get lost into each other's eyes when we had been hurting one another, see the hurt inside, and be trying to comfort one another at the same time b/c the pain was so unbearable. All of those episodes have stopped now, but we both feel that no matter how much we are in pain, it is ultimately more painful to be apart from one another. It really felt like we both had baseball bats and were smacking the crap out of one another, and then picking one another up off the ground and smacking them back down on the ground again. To tell you the truth, I think there has been some healing to happen. We both feel that we have gotten in touch with the core soul of one another. I've never been the type of guy to cry or let my emotions seen by people, but I knew that if I wanted to make things right with Crystal then I would have to change that and open up to her...and its really turned out to be a good thing. She's been through some couples therapy with past relationships(well actually everyone she's ever dated has cheated on her). So one night when things were bad she made me describe every detail of the sex I had with this other woman. Talk about rough. Shit. That definitely ranks up there with some of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. ha.
We both can feel some healing happening, but I know there is more healing needed.
The drug thing...well...I don't know guys. I tried to get her to stop smoking herb while we were working on things this past two weeks and I think its just too much to ask of her right now at this point in time. She's smoking less than she was two weeks ago. In fact, while we were apart she was smoking really heavy like hourly. This guy that's been coming over has been supplying her with hydro(the weaker stuff wasn't doing it for her). That's all they do and are interested in doing. Crystal's been around the block with everything except Meth and been in and out of meetings since she was 18. AA, NA, PDAP. I will say this for her. She started out in our relationship two years ago like this and went down at the end to smoking $5 worth of grass every two weeks and eventually quit both cigs and weezy. Things in her life were better then. So I'm not pressuring her anymore about the drug thing. She's also on Cymbalta and maxxed out at 60mgs. We're getting her into a pyschiatrist this week to see if she can get something else to help her cope. She's had to be hospitalized for depression before so she's got a real history of it.
As for me. I was stacking a couple of prohormones (KiloSport Trenadrol and Revolt) and was taking a pretty strong dose of them both. She started to blame them for my cheating and anger issues. I got off them b/c I kept having this pain in my liver area that I couldn't figure out. I don't think there are pain receptors in the liver but it bothered me throughout the day. Anyway, she through a big fit when I was recently telling her about this story about how my mom wants me to go make a deposit at the sperm bank b/c she knew how into bodybuilding I would one day get. Crystal basically wanted to call everything off at that point. That was the night she left me alone at her place and took off with this other guy (Robert...but I like to call him little Roberto...lol). So I threw all my shit away and told her I'd never do any hormones again. Right now I need to have clarity of mind, you kow. I have smoked some herb with little Roberto(the herb jedi master) and Crystal, but then I told myself that I wouldn't be led down that path either. I felt like crap, my lungs are all f#$%($ up, and I want to get my health back. Its not me.
This road to recovery is long. Crystal had a dream just last night that I was cheating on her. She has dreams of my cheating on her just about every other night. Can't be on the computer unsupervised. Have to go to the gym at off hours. She's got me on a pretty short leash right now. ha. I don't mind it. I'd probably do the same if I were put in her shoes.
You guys take it easy. I posted a link up there so you guys could see some photos of us and little Kaylee. You guys know how much I love that little girl too. ha. Little kee...kee... She's cute isn't she? Only in the 2nd grade. I'm her big papa. I've moved back in with Crystal and when little Kaylee came home to see us recently, I got to tuck her into bed, and she looked at me and told me how much she missed me, and that she prayed everynight that I would be safe and be ok. Man...that was really special.

 

[Nikopapp]

Not too sure...

I don't know you Littlemack, but as a fellow Hernon trainee I feel a little connection lol.
I have to tell you, this is a very unhealthy relationship and I can't see how this can be a good thing for you two to get married.
It seems like you are both putting the cart before the horse, and that you are addicted to each other and think that marriage is the right thing, but it sounds like you guys have a really sick relationship that needs counseling more than anything right now.
From my vantage point of the outside looking in, this is destined to get worse unless you guys iron out your problems the correct way.
Marriage won't change or solve one thing, I know you think it will amke everything rosy but honestly bro it will only make a bad thing worse.
I think you are also associtaing your fiancee's daughter with your fiancee, and the whole picture looks like the dream to you, but it is a nightmare when it is just the two of you.
I would ask you to look into your heart and ask yourself that if you both love each other so deeply, why would you cheat on her...then you guys break up, and she is already seeing and sleeping with someone else as well?
True, forever lasting love generally should be strong enough to hold off a month while you are broken up before you are dating someone else.
Just my honest .02 bro, becuase I really want you to hear what i say because I have seen this many, many times within my own circle of friends and family and have been through something simiiar myself.
Best wishes to you and the family no matter which path you choose, I really do hope it works out for the best.

 

[buffbabeca]

niko great post... and as for you mack.. this thread makes me sick to my stomach.. i wish u and her the best but i think u need to work on the foundation of the building before u try and put on the roof

 

[maxsupplements]

ok..

well, i smoke herb on a regular basis. i just do... its my only vice.. i hate liqour and beer... but i like some herb.. helps my appetite..

dude, hang in there.

it may get better, and it may not.

but dude, i think the counseling is good. you really need to do that. i think you are headed in the right direction...

hang loose, but seriously you need to just try to regain trust. its something you really need to work at, and also, it takes time to regain trust.

good luck.. keep us posted..

 

[maxsupplements]

It seems like you are both putting the cart before the horse, and that you are addicted to each other and think that marriage is the right thing, but it sounds like you guys have a really sick relationship that needs counseling more than anything right now.


I think you are also associtaing your fiancee's daughter with your fiancee, and the whole picture looks like the dream to you, but it is a nightmare when it is just the two of you.


I would ask you to look into your heart and ask yourself that if you both love each other so deeply, why would you cheat on her...then you guys break up, and she is already seeing and sleeping with someone else as well?
True, forever lasting love generally should be strong enough to hold off a month while you are broken up before you are dating someone else.
.

wow.. some great points here... i would also agree that the daughter is your main thread you are holding on here to keep this "relationship" together. that makes anyone nervous.

also, as far as her moving on so fast, makes ya think huh? hopefully it would take her a little longer to get over you.. lol.. not to really joke about it, but just saying. if she is TRULY in deep love with you, then going out and getting another man so quickly just shows that either A) she has some serious insecurities and needs some sort of sick validation by a man, and ends up sleeping with him or B) she really didnt care that much about the relationship or C) she just needs some counseling STRAIGHT UP...

sorry if i am blunt LM, but im just trying to call it as i see it..

 

[littlemack]

Some of these responses are down right amusing. They really are. Look guys . We are not getting married today, tomorrow, or next week. Chill out with that. I think you guys misunderstood. We are still both engaged, but that is our promise to one another that we hope to be married one day.
I know all of this sounds crazy and sounds like the most messed up screwed up relationship out there. I'll tell you all what though, she and I have never been this open to each other in the past two years that we've been together. She and I both feel that way. We really do. In fact, she's reading these responses and she agrees with you guys on a lot of this stuff. But, she also wants me to point something out to everyone. The day I cheated on her, I was a total mess and didn't know what to do, I called a friend of mine and she told me that if I took it that far then I needed to breakup and quit hurting Crystal like that. I didn't know what to do, so that day I told her that I wanted to break things off with her and I told her that my heart was no longer in the relationship and that I no longer loved her. This is the main reason she is feeling betrayed right now. More so than the actual act itself. I lied to her like this b/c I was too ashamed to tell her the truth about my cheating on her. Now you may understand why she felt like she had to move on with her life. She's also depressed and has insecurity issues so try not to be too harsh on her.

And BuffBeca...well...I don't really understand your friendship one tiny bit. I'm not even going to go there, and will consider your comments for what they are.

 

[balla06]

aright short and sweet(kinda)

littlemack- uve always been a real stand up guy in ur post and u liek south park so that is a HUGE plus! haha but on the real bro, yall do got one big mess and alot to work on, BUT that doesnt mean to jus stop and thro in the towel. love prevails everything brutha! if yall have true love for eachother then everything will come out perfect! everyone and i mean EVERYONE makes mistakes bro, we r human and its ok! we learn from them, i think that mistakes r the best building blocks of life! i can have a million ppl sit there and tell me to do this do that but i dotn ever truly learn till i go down the very road myself. if its abad road and a bad choice i pick up i fix it and find my way out. the road of life is full of curves crash and burns bumps pit stops. jus bc u run into one of those doesnt mean u call it off and jus give up! u push thru them and if u fall u get ur ass back up and keep on keepin on brutha! u sem to have some mad love for eachother jus seems to be a little hecktic and counceling would be a good idea. i think that maybe u and her and the little girl should maybe spend more time together as a family and u and the lady spend at least a night a week with eachother alone goin out or jus ralxin by the fire and watchin old movies. take a stroll down memory lane and reveal all the happy times yall have had and look at pictures together that sorta thing. trust is re buildable u both jus got to want it bad enough and by the sounds of it u def do! keep ur head up bro and make her happy and tell her how much u love her everyday and every min u think about it. u can never tell her enough. make her feel safe with u. if she brings up things jus apologize and dotn give into the fight jus swallow and try ur best to show her ur truly sorry. things might be a little hard at first but bro thats life. if all we had were the good times dont u think life would be a little boring? i do. pain and hurt is not always bad. alot of the time when u go thru a hardship and u over come it u come out that much stronger and that much better of a person. start from ground zero and build a solid foundation and dont skip any steps along the way. the world revolves on time so take ur time bro! time heals everything. i think thats all yall truly need. keep ur head up and stay strong brutha! there is always light at the end of the tunnel, u jus got to be willing to reach the end!!

best of luck to u bro!!

 

[balla06]

another thought i jus had bro

u big on music? music heals brutha! im not sure what kinda music u jam but man it really clears my head and eases my soul when i jus sit back or drive around and listen to songs wether they r sad or happy it jus is somethin that relates to what im goin thru and some how some way it brings me to the point to where i know and gives me reasurence that everythings gna be aright

here is some lyrics to a song that fits u and ur lady perfect(in my eyes) like a song from u to her. yall read it together word for word and see what u both come up with for a meaning of the song. music is poetry and life wouldnt be the same without it thats for damn sure! gets me thru the day and many other things!



I was blown away
What could I say
It all seemed to make sence.
Your takin away everything
And I can't do without.

I try to see the good in life.
The good things in life are hard to find.
We're blowin away, blownin away
Can we make this something good?

Well I'll try to do to it right this time around
It's not over,
Try to do it right this time around
It's not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over.

I've taken all I can take
And I cannot wait
We're wastin too much time
Bein strong, holdin on
Can't let it bring us down

My life with you means everything
So I won't give up that easily
Blowin away blowin away
Can make this something good?
Cause it's all misunderstood?

Well I'll try to do to it right this time around
It's not over,
Try to do it right this time around
It's not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over.

You can't let this get away
Let it out, let it out
Don't get caught up in yourself
Let it out.

Let's start over
Well try to do to it right this time around
Its not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over.

Lets start over
Its not over
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over




im sure u have both heard this song before but maybe reading lyrics to it makes it stand out more to u and u can relate to it better. also read the lyrics along with the song playing too, but if i was in ur place this is def one song id listen to alot jus when i felt down bc it would remind me that everything is gna be ok, jus gotta have fate and hope and keep pushin with ur head up!!

sorry to be all damn soft guys!! haha but i feel for us bross that go thru hard times. i myself had a very huge problem and still goin thru it and i can say that ive got more help from u guys on here then i have my friends that im around all the time! if u ever need to talk little mack give me a shout brutha!!

 

[bulldog21]

I don't know you Littlemack, but as a fellow Hernon trainee I feel a little connection lol.
I have to tell you, this is a very unhealthy relationship and I can't see how this can be a good thing for you two to get married.
It seems like you are both putting the cart before the horse, and that you are addicted to each other and think that marriage is the right thing, but it sounds like you guys have a really sick relationship that needs counseling more than anything right now.
From my vantage point of the outside looking in, this is destined to get worse unless you guys iron out your problems the correct way.
Marriage won't change or solve one thing, I know you think it will amke everything rosy but honestly bro it will only make a bad thing worse.
I think you are also associtaing your fiancee's daughter with your fiancee, and the whole picture looks like the dream to you, but it is a nightmare when it is just the two of you.
I would ask you to look into your heart and ask yourself that if you both love each other so deeply, why would you cheat on her...then you guys break up, and she is already seeing and sleeping with someone else as well?
True, forever lasting love generally should be strong enough to hold off a month while you are broken up before you are dating someone else.
Just my honest .02 bro, becuase I really want you to hear what i say because I have seen this many, many times within my own circle of friends and family and have been through something simiiar myself.
Best wishes to you and the family no matter which path you choose, I really do hope it works out for the best.

Couldn't have said it better......

Niko where have you been man??....lol.....you start the historical Lana thread then like Kiaser Soze you are poof...gone...lol...

 

[strongmind]

Okay, Mack. I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear... but this is a train wreck of a relationship. You have lied, cheated, and disrespected each other. These are things that permanently change a relationship. And never for the better.

People here have offered you some VERY good advice. (Please read Niko's post again.) I'm not saying that you can't work things out. You may be able to salvage this, but NOT RIGHT NOW. There are too many open wounds. You can still love each other, but you both need to heal and become whole, separately, before you can be together. Listen to what I am saying. You both need time to work on yourselves. She clearly has a lot of issues to work on, and from these posts, I'm realizing you do too. These need to be worked out in individual therapy with a qualified professional. If, after you spend the time doing this, and I'm talking 6 months to a year minimum, THEN you can entertain the idea of being in a committed relationship.

I'm sorry if this seems harsh, Mack. I am posting this with only you and your gf's best interest in mind. I really do hope it all works out for you. I think some of us are just a little concerned that you may be trying to lessen your guilt over making one mistake by making an even bigger one.

Some of these responses are down right amusing. They really are. Look guys . We are not getting married today, tomorrow, or next week. Chill out with that. I think you guys misunderstood. We are still both engaged, but that is our promise to one another that we hope to be married one day.
I know all of this sounds crazy and sounds like the most messed up screwed up relationship out there. I'll tell you all what though, she and I have never been this open to each other in the past two years that we've been together. She and I both feel that way. We really do. In fact, she's reading these responses and she agrees with you guys on a lot of this stuff. But, she also wants me to point something out to everyone. The day I cheated on her, I was a total mess and didn't know what to do, I called a friend of mine and she told me that if I took it that far then I needed to breakup and quit hurting Crystal like that. I didn't know what to do, so that day I told her that I wanted to break things off with her and I told her that my heart was no longer in the relationship and that I no longer loved her. This is the main reason she is feeling betrayed right now. More so than the actual act itself. I lied to her like this b/c I was too ashamed to tell her the truth about my cheating on her. Now you may understand why she felt like she had to move on with her life. She's also depressed and has insecurity issues so try not to be too harsh on her.

And BuffBeca...well...I don't really understand your friendship one tiny bit. I'm not even going to go there, and will consider your comments for what they are.

 

[Nikopapp]

Couldn't have said it better......

Niko where have you been man??....lol.....you start the historical Lana thread then like Kiaser Soze you are poof...gone...lol...

I am always lurking on Mayhem and here, I just rarely post. I work a lot of hours, and I find that when I post I get too addicted and I spend too much time on the boards.
But I do visit everyday. Thanks for asking.

 

[Nikopapp]

Some of these responses are down right amusing. They really are.

Bro, you said you didn't go to work for 2 weeks, you stuck a knife to your chest, you told her you'd kill yourself so you could be in her heart, you guys have been together for 2 years and you say you don't love her and she dates another guy right away-not just sleeps with him, enters a relationship with him, you are both on meds for psycological disorders and depression, and then to top it all off you actually hang out and smoke weed with the guy she's been dating????
That is beyond unhealthy....after 2 years in a relationship, if you are entering these phases, I am telling you, this is not going to get better.
Why did you cheat on her and tell her you didn't love her? What made you think and do that, then a month later you are going through all of this hell?
I really am not trying to rag on you or give you shit, I'm just telling you straight up that when suicide threats and cheating come into a relationship, that is not a healthy thing.
Ask yourselves this: Have your lives gotten better since you have been in this relationship? Generally, they should have.
How was the previous 2 years up until now?
Has there always been an insecurity issue within the relationship?
I really think that if the daughter factor was out of this, you two would not still be together.