Marriage in trouble

[blondie74]

My husband and I both have full time careers plus I have returned to school to advance my career. I am very busy with work, school, taking care of the house, etc... I virtually get NO free time to myself because I get NO help around the house. My husband wont even do his own laundry or help in anyway with the house. Instead, he spends all his "free time" out at the bar, at least three times a week. When I do finally get some time to spend with him, we go tho his favorite bar and I sit there while he is talking fooling around with his bar buddies. Now keep in mind that we are not young, I am 41 and he is 55. We have been together for 10 years and married about 2.5 years. This is not new behavior for him but at the time we decided to marry he had taken a sabbatical from the bar and had not been there in almost a year...things were wonderful. About 4 or 5 months after we married he returned to his old ways. When he gets too drunk the smallest things will set him off and he has explosive outbursts often breaking things. The last being my $700 cell phone. He refuses to communicate; he will not talk, answer emails, or texts. I am at my wits end!!! I never thought that I believed in divorce and that all issues were fixable but it is impossible when only one person is willing. Advice please!!! As I see it I have two options, stay and deal with his behavior or divorce.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

My husband and I both have full time careers plus I have returned to school to advance my career. I am very busy with work, school, taking care of the house, etc... I virtually get NO free time to myself because I get NO help around the house. My husband wont even do his own laundry or help in anyway with the house. Instead, he spends all his "free time" out at the bar, at least three times a week. When I do finally get some time to spend with him, we go tho his favorite bar and I sit there while he is talking fooling around with his bar buddies. Now keep in mind that we are not young, I am 41 and he is 55. We have been together for 10 years and married about 2.5 years. This is not new behavior for him but at the time we decided to marry he had taken a sabbatical from the bar and had not been there in almost a year...things were wonderful. About 4 or 5 months after we married he returned to his old ways. When he gets too drunk the smallest things will set him off and he has explosive outbursts often breaking things. The last being my $700 cell phone. He refuses to communicate; he will not talk, answer emails, or texts. I am at my wits end!!! I never thought that I believed in divorce and that all issues were fixable but it is impossible when only one person is willing. Advice please!!! As I see it I have two options, stay and deal with his behavior or divorce.

Marriage counseling or it won't last. It may help in counseling to have a third party tell him he's piece of shit but I doubt it.

So why have you clung to this guy for this long? I'd focus on that. Do you need him? Does he support you and/or can you fully support yourself? The only thing that can be done right now is for you to consider him the way he is and for what he is and change the way YOU deal with him. It will take some time for him to change if he every does which at 55... yeeesh....

Best wishes. If you're looking for someone more your age, come support me so I can be a worthless bum and go to the bar all week! Wash my shorts and do my dishes! Sounds great!