Hey guys, I am a new member but long time lurker looking for some help.
I am pretty much just venting for the whole thread until the end but if you want to read and help me out that would be great.
My girlfriend of over 2 years broke up with me a few days ago and I don't think I have ever been so devastated. I am 23 and this is the first serious girlfriend that I ever had. It really took a toll on me. She is bipolar, and I really lost focus on what I needed for myself. I was always trying to make her happy, which in the end caused her to push me away, either because she was scared, or just wanted to go a different direction in her life (I hope this was not her bipolar talking...).
I had helped her through a serious bout with depression which took every ounce of energy from me as well (I quit training for about 5 months just to spend more time with her and make sure she was ok) and her life is finally turning around. She moved out from her parents house, got promoted at work and that keeps her working 60 hours a week and she decided she just did not have the energy to deal with me anymore even though we both loved each other so much.
We just got back from travelling south america for a month, just a month ago. We had talked about moving in together at times. Then I moved 2 hours away for school and she was supposed to come visit me every weekend but that never happened as per her job. I kept nudging her to come visit me, and this put pressure on her, making her feel guilty and she just couldn't handle it anymore. I got stuck in this give give give mentality like I needed to take care of her because that was what she needed for so long and now it isn't. It may have been a rocky relationship at times but I was willing to stick it out with her. If I were sick I would not want someone that loved me so much to leave me either...
I think what I have discovered about myself the past couple days is that I need to work on myself. I have a pretty addictive personality and have been using gear since I was 19 pretty much non-stop. I actually got a lot of insight from the "Reality Check" thread from Phil, John Meadows, and Shelby, as far as my health and relationships go which is what brought me here.
I am not going to quit training or using gear, however I am certainly going to take my health more seriously, stop using so much gear and stop putting so much effort into bodybuilding until I have my life in check.
I think it was John Meadows that posted about bodybuilding being a hobby, and your life should not revolve around your hobby, your hobbies should work around your life - or something of the sorts.
There were times where I would be putting myself through hell running anadrol dealing with the headaches and fatigue. All I would do is sleep, train and barely muster up the energy to have a good time with my girlfriend. When I look at it, had I put that effort into our relationship or into myself for that matter and not into gaining a few lbs and feeling like shit to get there, it may have been different...
I got so mixed up focusing on bodybuilding the last month after returning from our trip that I neglected the woman I loved so much which ultimately I think is what caused her to leave me as we were very distant the last month and did not speak much other than me visiting her a few times and text messaging. Had I talked to her more the last month I think this would have been a different story.
She had told me a couple of months ago that I was smothering her and I needed to take care of myself and it is unfortunate it took something like this to finally get the message through to me.
I also have a very intrinsic personality and have realized I focus on bodybuilding too much for my age and my goals. I could go to the bar with her and her friends and if I wasn't drinking I wouldn't say a word to anybody. I have a really hard time socializing because I was grumpy and would rather be in bed so that I can have a good training session the next day.
It sucks to be the awkward dickhead at party that doesn't talk to people they don't know. its obvious what I need to do in that regard but its easier said than done.
Is there advice you guys could give me or any books you would recommend to get out of this stage of low self-esteem and to become more social?
I am not trying to change myself for her so please don't take it that way, I think this really is what I need work on for me. However saying that, if she wanted to get back with me I probably would because I still love her, but only if I am feeling better about myself but I am not planning on perusing her at this point.
thanks guys/gals
das-freak
I am pretty much just venting for the whole thread until the end but if you want to read and help me out that would be great.
My girlfriend of over 2 years broke up with me a few days ago and I don't think I have ever been so devastated. I am 23 and this is the first serious girlfriend that I ever had. It really took a toll on me. She is bipolar, and I really lost focus on what I needed for myself. I was always trying to make her happy, which in the end caused her to push me away, either because she was scared, or just wanted to go a different direction in her life (I hope this was not her bipolar talking...).
I had helped her through a serious bout with depression which took every ounce of energy from me as well (I quit training for about 5 months just to spend more time with her and make sure she was ok) and her life is finally turning around. She moved out from her parents house, got promoted at work and that keeps her working 60 hours a week and she decided she just did not have the energy to deal with me anymore even though we both loved each other so much.
We just got back from travelling south america for a month, just a month ago. We had talked about moving in together at times. Then I moved 2 hours away for school and she was supposed to come visit me every weekend but that never happened as per her job. I kept nudging her to come visit me, and this put pressure on her, making her feel guilty and she just couldn't handle it anymore. I got stuck in this give give give mentality like I needed to take care of her because that was what she needed for so long and now it isn't. It may have been a rocky relationship at times but I was willing to stick it out with her. If I were sick I would not want someone that loved me so much to leave me either...
I think what I have discovered about myself the past couple days is that I need to work on myself. I have a pretty addictive personality and have been using gear since I was 19 pretty much non-stop. I actually got a lot of insight from the "Reality Check" thread from Phil, John Meadows, and Shelby, as far as my health and relationships go which is what brought me here.
I am not going to quit training or using gear, however I am certainly going to take my health more seriously, stop using so much gear and stop putting so much effort into bodybuilding until I have my life in check.
I think it was John Meadows that posted about bodybuilding being a hobby, and your life should not revolve around your hobby, your hobbies should work around your life - or something of the sorts.
There were times where I would be putting myself through hell running anadrol dealing with the headaches and fatigue. All I would do is sleep, train and barely muster up the energy to have a good time with my girlfriend. When I look at it, had I put that effort into our relationship or into myself for that matter and not into gaining a few lbs and feeling like shit to get there, it may have been different...
I got so mixed up focusing on bodybuilding the last month after returning from our trip that I neglected the woman I loved so much which ultimately I think is what caused her to leave me as we were very distant the last month and did not speak much other than me visiting her a few times and text messaging. Had I talked to her more the last month I think this would have been a different story.
She had told me a couple of months ago that I was smothering her and I needed to take care of myself and it is unfortunate it took something like this to finally get the message through to me.
I also have a very intrinsic personality and have realized I focus on bodybuilding too much for my age and my goals. I could go to the bar with her and her friends and if I wasn't drinking I wouldn't say a word to anybody. I have a really hard time socializing because I was grumpy and would rather be in bed so that I can have a good training session the next day.
It sucks to be the awkward dickhead at party that doesn't talk to people they don't know. its obvious what I need to do in that regard but its easier said than done.
Is there advice you guys could give me or any books you would recommend to get out of this stage of low self-esteem and to become more social?
I am not trying to change myself for her so please don't take it that way, I think this really is what I need work on for me. However saying that, if she wanted to get back with me I probably would because I still love her, but only if I am feeling better about myself but I am not planning on perusing her at this point.
thanks guys/gals
das-freak
Last edited: