need some input on my dilemma

[HeavyHitter2]

1

 

[sadie]

ok, so I've been married for 8 years now. my wife is a wonderful supportive woman, beautiful and hard working. right before we were married I took a part time job as a bouncer at a gentlemen's club 1 night a week as I had a full time job with the highway dept. so i've been working at this club for 8 years and only now am I tempted to do what I never thought i would. Now, I know what some of you will say, " stay away from strippers" but there was an instant attraction on both parts. she is actually intelligent and goes to college in Boston and commutes on the weekend to work. i've met her a couple times and she's telling me that she already likes me after only 2 weeks and has asked me when I'm getting divorced. she really is a cool girl and we get along great. she told me that I wouldn't be meeting her if I was truly 100% happy at home and she's right. she doesn't care that I am married, she's 24 and I just turned 40. maybe i'm starting my midlife crisis. anyone else been in this situation?

Is some chick you barely know worth betraying a woman who has loved and supported you for 8 years? I personally think cheating is the worst thing a 1 person can do to another and if you have ever love or respected the person you are with you wouldnt do it. I say either fix the reason you are unhappy at home or divorce THEN go for it.. just my 2cents..

 

[pesty4077]

ok, so I've been married for 8 years now. my wife is a wonderful supportive woman, beautiful and hard working. right before we were married I took a part time job as a bouncer at a gentlemen's club 1 night a week as I had a full time job with the highway dept. so i've been working at this club for 8 years and only now am I tempted to do what I never thought i would. Now, I know what some of you will say, " stay away from strippers" but there was an instant attraction on both parts. she is actually intelligent and goes to college in Boston and commutes on the weekend to work. i've met her a couple times and she's telling me that she already likes me after only 2 weeks and has asked me when I'm getting divorced. she really is a cool girl and we get along great. she told me that I wouldn't be meeting her if I was truly 100% happy at home and she's right. she doesn't care that I am married, she's 24 and I just turned 40. maybe i'm starting my midlife crisis. anyone else been in this situation?

It makes an older guy feel good when a young girl looks are way. The bottom line is it is your wife, the one you love and you married her because of that. That girl is no good, if she says she doesn't care about your marriage. If she told me that, I would answer, you might not, but I do. Do you want to throw away your marriage for her? I personally, don't know your situation with your wife, but think about it, she has given you years of her life, she deserves some thought. I am not a saint, I see girls checking me out, that I wouldn't mind jumping them either, but every time I do, I bring up my wife in the conversation and tell them how much I love her. Just slow down, take a breath and think it out.

 

[HeavyHitter2]

1

 

[sadie]

sadie and pesty, thanks for the replies.
No, she is not worth betraying my wife for, and if I had to pick the main reason that things haven't been great at home I would have to say the lack of initiation of sex on her part. Now I know she doesn't feel very good about herself right now cuz she's slightly overweight so it's safe to say that that is probably the only reason i'm thinking about this is just to release some sexual tension and nothing more, and probably because it feels good to feel wanted like pesty said.

have you talked to her about the sex? sometimes a real calm open convo can make a difference

 

[pesty4077]

sadie and pesty, thanks for the replies.
No, she is not worth betraying my wife for, and if I had to pick the main reason that things haven't been great at home I would have to say the lack of initiation of sex on her part. Now I know she doesn't feel very good about herself right now cuz she's slightly overweight so it's safe to say that that is probably the only reason i'm thinking about this is just to release some sexual tension and nothing more, and probably because it feels good to feel wanted like pesty said.

About a month ago when I went to a club with my friends, a group of young girls, very hot, were trying to invite me to sit at their table. I told them thanks, but I am married, and they respected that. I was so thrill about these girls wanting to be with me, I went home and told my wife about it. Why? It made me feel like I still got it! I would not cheat, but it does wonders for your ego. Kiss your wife, tell her much you love her, no matter what. Now, I will give you advice, that a man can relate to. Think of sex with your wife like a football game, you have to make so many plays up the field to evidentually score a touchdown. In other words, romance her!

 

[HeavyHitter2]

sadie, yes we have and the outcome was that she just doesn't feel sexy and is very self conscious about her self weight. she's not obese my any means but she's 5'6" and when we met she weighed 140 but she was very athletic. she now weighs 200 BUT she carries her weight very well and doesn't look it at all.

 

[sadie]

sadie, yes we have and the outcome was that she just doesn't feel sexy and is very self conscious about her self weight. she's not obese my any means but she's 5'6" and when we met she weighed 140 but she was very athletic. she now weighs 200 BUT she carries her weight very well and doesn't look it at all.

well if it bothers her then can you help her lose it? that really is in her hands now and if you assure her that you are still sexually attracted to her etc maybe it will matter.. sometimes we need reassurance ya know hehe

 

[oldfella]

Relationship, marriages, partnerships!!!

You are 40, the little girlie that has taken a shine to you is 24. I was in the game years ago also. Most of these girls have a thing for bouncers. If it is not you then it will be the next one. You however have a devoted wife who has stuck by you for 8 years. Thick and thin she has been there for you. You will not be able to say the same about the stripper. I also agree with sadie, there is nothing worse than a cheater. I would politely tell the stripper that you in fact are happy with your marriage and you have no problem being friends. But you will need to resist her advances as she may try to swing you to her way of thinking. Your choice though, you can live with the decision you make. You will not know if you have made the right choice until you make it. But one thing I can tell you for sure..........Your loving wife was 24 once also!!!! She chose to grow old with you, not someone else and not alone. Think about it bro!!

 

[HeavyHitter2]

About a month ago when I went to a club with my friends, a group of young girls, very hot, were trying to invite me to sit at their table. I told them thanks, but I am married, and they respected that. I was so thrill about these girls wanting to be with me, I went home and told my wife about it. Why? It made me feel like I still got it! I would not cheat, but it does wonders for your ego. Kiss your wife, tell her much you love her, no matter what. Now, I will give you advice, that a man can relate to. Think of sex with your wife like a football game, you have to make so many plays up the field to evidentually score a touchdown. In other words, romance her!

I hear what your saying and the funny thing is is that I tell my wife when that happens to me too, and on occasion, we'll go to the club together and she knows most of the girls I work with and is very secure about herself, and the girls have nothing but good things to say about my wife.

 

[sadie]

Relationship, marriages, partnerships!!!

You are 40, the little girlie that has taken a shine to you is 24. I was in the game years ago also. Most of these girls have a thing for bouncers. If it is not you then it will be the next one. You however have a devoted wife who has stuck by you for 8 years. Thick and thin she has been there for you. You will not be able to say the same about the stripper. I also agree with sadie, there is nothing worse than a cheater. I would politely tell the stripper that you in fact are happy with your marriage and you have no problem being friends. But you will need to resist her advances as she may try to swing you to her way of thinking. Your choice though, you can live with the decision you make. You will not know if you have made the right choice until you make it. But one thing I can tell you for sure..........Your loving wife was 24 once also!!!! She chose to grow old with you, not someone else and not alone. Think about it bro!!

Very well said

 

[HeavyHitter2]

Relationship, marriages, partnerships!!!

You are 40, the little girlie that has taken a shine to you is 24. I was in the game years ago also. Most of these girls have a thing for bouncers. If it is not you then it will be the next one. You however have a devoted wife who has stuck by you for 8 years. Thick and thin she has been there for you. You will not be able to say the same about the stripper. I also agree with sadie, there is nothing worse than a cheater. I would politely tell the stripper that you in fact are happy with your marriage and you have no problem being friends. But you will need to resist her advances as she may try to swing you to her way of thinking. Your choice though, you can live with the decision you make. You will not know if you have made the right choice until you make it. But one thing I can tell you for sure..........Your loving wife was 24 once also!!!! She chose to grow old with you, not someone else and not alone. Think about it bro!!

A very valid point my friend.....

 

[HeavyHitter2]

well if it bothers her then can you help her lose it? that really is in her hands now and if you assure her that you are still sexually attracted to her etc maybe it will matter.. sometimes we need reassurance ya know hehe

believe me I have tried!! and she knows I am still attracted to her, but part of me is dying to see her back in shape again cuz I know the potential she has, but I tread lightly on this subject because I don't want to insult her or make her feel bad.

 

[sadie]

here is the thing about cheating.. even if it isnt emotional to you.. and purely a physical release.. it isnt that way to the person being cheated on. i can speak from experience that it really fucks you up for quite a while.. especially after a long committed relationship.. everything your wife thought she knew about you and men in general would basically be shattered.. i am sure she completely trusts you after 8 years. You could only hide it for so long but one way or another she would find out and honestly.. think about what that would do to her from that point on? You question what you think, how you think.. your judgement.. if i couldnt trust him then how can i trust anyone.. etc.

hopefully you make the right decision

 

[sadie]

believe me I have tried!! and she knows I am still attracted to her, but part of me is dying to see her back in shape again cuz I know the potential she has, but I tread lightly on this subject because I don't want to insult her or make her feel bad.

if it bothers her this much why doesnt she WANT to lose it though? i guess i dont understand because i know what i want to look like etc and if anything gets in the way of that i correct it immediately.. not for my bf or people around me but for MY piece of mind

 

[oldfella]

sadie, yes we have and the outcome was that she just doesn't feel sexy and is very self conscious about her self weight. she's not obese my any means but she's 5'6" and when we met she weighed 140 but she was very athletic. she now weighs 200 BUT she carries her weight very well and doesn't look it at all.

I only just read this.

Here is my story at the moment which directly relates to your wifes situation about her weight, self esteem and not feeling sexy!!

First off I am involved in anew relationship of about 3.5 months now. Lauri was very overweight but incredibly beautiful. So I decided based on looks and personality to give this a shot. I have told her and many others that losing weight is easy and can be done. But being ugly is hard and cannot really be fixed. Sounds vain doesn't it? Well while this may sound vain think about what really attracted you two to each other in the very first instant!! It would have been looks. SO the weight issue can be fixed and what do you have, that beautiful woman you laid eyes on. Well Lauri was very overweight and is only 5' 3". I have been helping her to lose weight and she is so very determined to do this. In a short span of time she has lost three full dress sizes. I have told her to stay away from the scale as I really do not care how much she weighs as much as how she looks. I reassure her every chance I get of how beautiful she is and that I am very attracted to her. This alone has done wonders for her self esteem and confidence. It adds fuel to her fire and as far as sex is concerned, well let's just say we both can't get enough. As she loses more weight the sex gets better. See where I am coming from here. Unles she is made to feel sexy then she won't at the moment. She has self esteem issues that YOU need to really help her with. SO what if you have to take control in the bedroom. Do just that. Most women welcome the whole domination thing in bed anyway. WHat did you think? That you would not have to work on this? It takes love and understanding to pull a relationship together. Tell your wife that she turns you on. tell her that you are incredibly attracted to her. Hell talk dirty to her if you have to. It may be just the thing she needs to pull her out of the small rut she is in. You need to really connect with your wife here bro. We can see you love her. It is all good coming in here and reaffirming this with us as your friends. Go and reaffirm this with her!! Go home and climb in bed next to her and wrap those manly arms around her and tell her how nice she feels and how beautiful she is. Watch what happens next! Use your strength in a really gentle sort of way and pull her into you and whisper in her ear the tings you should be telling her!! This is open communication between two people in love with each other. Express your feelings for her even if she is overweight and tell her you will support her every step of the way!! Forget about the 24 year old, she will never give you what you have now. Your wife needs you now more than ever. it is time you were there for her!! Just as she has been for you...............Go for it bro, you have a whole new relatonship waiting for you!

 

[oldfella]

believe me I have tried!! and she knows I am still attracted to her, but part of me is dying to see her back in shape again cuz I know the potential she has, but I tread lightly on this subject because I don't want to insult her or make her feel bad.

Caring about someone that much to tell them about this and help them is never an insult. It is because you care that you should talk to her about this. tread lightly yes of course, but tackle this problem together. Tell her how you feel bro. For fuck's sake you have been married for 8 years, if you can't communicatre openly and honestly by now then what are you doing?

 

[HeavyHitter2]

if it bothers her this much why doesnt she WANT to lose it though? i guess i dont understand because i know what i want to look like etc and if anything gets in the way of that i correct it immediately.. not for my bf or people around me but for MY piece of mind

she really does want to lose it sadie, she says it all the time. she sees pics of herself from years ago and gets disgusted at how she looks now. it's just been diet after failed diet, and the funny part is that she knows what she's gotta do, she's a nurse for christ sake! i'll try and post a pic of her when we met. sorry, it's the best I could find. and I guess it's a little too big!! LOL

 

[sadie]

well speaking as someone who had diet after diet fail i can tell you this.. in retrospect they absolutely failed because i wasnt 100% ready to commit myself to it.. once i got my head straight the weight flew off (170lbs in 7 months kinda fast)

 

[notsobig32]

I am just going to tell you that i failed when i was presented with this test. I betrayed a woman who has been unfailingly loyal to me and loved me unconditionally. I still am unsure of the reasons i did it and i am sure someone can chime in but let me tell you that it is not worth it. When i think of the look on my wife's face when she found out and the pain i could see that it caused her, nothing in the world was worth that. If i could have died right then i would have wanted to. I hurt this beautiful wonderful woman who had put her trust in me and i took solemn vows to be faithful to. It almost cost me everything. I have been blessed that my wife saw fit to give me a chance to fix the things wrong in my life(drugs etc) and rebuild our life. You do not want to have to live with the guilt, you will probably be giving up the best thing to ever happen to you, and think of the pain it will cause her WHEN it comes to light. After having gone to counseling for a while, i can tell you that you can help her to feel sexy and attractive. Flirting, text messages, notes in her lunch for work. Anyway i am rambling, i am just offering my advice, it is never worth it and think of what it could cost you. It almost cost me my wife, best friend, lover, and soulmate!