The BALDNAZI Scar!! Be careful guys,you don't want this

BALDNAZI · Feb 26, 2007

First of all I'm a fat fuck right now.245 lbs of slop,but Im strong as shit again,so that makes me somewhat happy.What a difference from what 245 used to look like on me,even what 267 looked on me,I have never been embarassed to post my pics,but this time I was hesitant.But I feel like I have a need to bring closure to my liver story,I want you guys to see what happened to me.

This is my scar.Im showing this in order for people to realize that these chemicals we play with have consequences.I paid a very dear price for what I did to myself, but I blame only me.

HELLA SWOLE · Feb 26, 2007

Damn bro, I know you explained it to me on the phone, but I sure did not picture it to be that big. Thanks for posting that.

BrooklynBB · Feb 26, 2007

Respect to you BN!

BN,

Although you paid a price, I personally think you've gained so much more in character and in your personal life. Those who were close to you are closer, things are put into perspective, and who cares if you're holding some more fat now? I'd say that in this condition, you're probably healthier than you were when you were putting that stuff in your system.

But the bottom line is, I'm glad you're ok and still posting here. I know you will continue to recover and continue to improve your health and spirit in general.

And as a side note, i respect you for putting this picture up. Maybe this will convince some of those wondering what effects certain chemicals have on thier body to think twice and not overreact when people criticize thier cycles.

Again, nothing but complete recovery and success to you BN.

HELLA SWOLE · Feb 26, 2007

BrooklynBB said:
BN,

Although you paid a price, I personally think you've gained so much more in character and in your personal life. Those who were close to you are closer, things are put into perspective, and who cares if you're holding some more fat now? I'd say that in this condition, you're probably healthier than you were when you were putting that stuff in your system.

But the bottom line is, I'm glad you're ok and still posting here. I know you will continue to recover and continue to improve your health and spirit in general.

And as a side note, i respect you for putting this picture up. Maybe this will convince some of those wondering what effects certain chemicals have on thier body to think twice and not overreact when people criticize thier cycles.

Again, nothing but complete recovery and success to you BN.

Ditto on ALL accounts.

You are still a THICK mofo anyways. You could easily diet down and be holding some good mass still...definitely. I am glad you psoted this, b/c like you said I am sure it gives you closure, but also it makes your story become a lot more "real" and a lot more tangible. I am sure many guys read over your story and didn't think twice about it. Well....now I am sure they will think twice.

I hope everything is going well for you man. Keep me updated on everything.

flexmaster · Feb 26, 2007

BALDNAZI said:
First of all I'm a fat fuck right now.245 lbs of slop,but Im strong as shit again,so that makes me somewhat happy.What a difference from what 245 used to look like on me,even what 267 looked on me,I have never been embarassed to post my pics,but this time I was hesitant.But I feel like I have a need to bring closure to my liver story,I want you guys to see what happened to me.

This is my scar.Im showing this in order for people to realize that these chemicals we play with have consequences.I paid a very dear price for what I did to myself, but I blame only me.

wow BN, thats horrible. i never imagined a scar would be that bad from a surgery like yours. much respect to you man

BALDNAZI · Feb 26, 2007

It fucking sucks

Just imagine whats its like to have a scar like that on your body.Everyday Im reminded of what happened,which to this day I look back in amazement that I actually made it.

This is real brothers.Thats not just a scar,its a link to a nightmare.I will admit that I cry sometimes,I literally stare at the ceiling,or I'm driving in my car,I hear a song on the radio,and I break down. I know I am a better person for going through all this, my life has changed,I'm getting married, Im not that angry sonofabitch anymore.But this is a memory that will never fade,I suffered,and went through hell,I will never forget it,nor can I.

I spoke to Hellaswole on the phone,and he knows what he needs to do.Just take care of yourself man,forget the drugs,you will be fine.Thank you for the kind words.

BrooklynBB, thank you for your comments.Your a good guy dude.

Walter E Kurtz · Feb 26, 2007

BALDNAZI:

I read your posts on these boards for years, and the level of development that you acheived was a big motivator for me. I never really post here, but I read the board every week, and I really felt terrible about what happened to you...I posted the link over on anabolex.com when it happened.

Some years ago, I got knocked on my ass when my health went south. It wasn't related to AAS, but it really destroyed me mentally. Going from being powerful and feeling invincible to feeling crippled (or in your case, fighting for your life) is really a terrible thing to have to navigate. I got gun-shy after that...its like I lost some of my intensity...things started to scare me that didn't before...

Overtime, we bounce back from these things, or we just wither away and die. That is sort of what separates the real men from the feint of heart. I think that ultimately you will get back to where you were, but you will be tempered by reason and a healthy acknowledgement of your own mortality and consequences. I mean, let's face it...the place you were at before yields an incredible rush, but the endgame isn't anything good.

In a lot of ways, I think myself better off for what happened. That probably doesn't make you feel any better now, and it probably sounds pretentious...but I think that 5 years from now when this is far behind you, you will think about it differently.

Anyway, I don't know you but I followed your posts for years and all I can say is thank God you made it.

All the best man.

-WEK

abadseal · Feb 26, 2007

Wow, I give you mad credit for posting that picture. I haven't been on this board that long but both of your stories have made me take a step back and think about the long run. Thanks, you may have helped me more then I'll ever know.

BALDNAZI · Feb 26, 2007

Thanks

Flexmaster,walter,badseal and gear99.As I always say words always seem to help when it comes from people on this board.

Walter,your post is the real deal.The rush was great when I was on,unstoppable,but the end result is total shit.

I train with alot of the big boys in the gym,and they are for the most part on.I can keep up on some lifts,but others I just don't have it right now.To see them power through big weight,weight that was easy for me at one point,it hurts in a sense.

Like I said I am getting pretty strong now,not quite what I was,but being clean and natural it is so much more satisfying now.Getting up every morning and going in the gym,knowing it is all me and not the chemicals,thats a pretty good rush.

But,I can't lie....I MISS IT

JETHRO TULL · Feb 26, 2007

I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR HAVING THE COURAGE ENOUGH TO POST THAT PIC.

HUMILITY....I READ IT IN YOUR POSTS THESE DAYS. I THINK BEING A HUMBLE PERSON IS A GREAT CHARACTERISTIC. I RARELY SEE ANYONE IN THIS COUNTRY BEING WILLING TO ADMIT..."HEY, IT WAS MY FAULT"....YOU'VE DONE THAT HERE. ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ONES OWN ACTIONS. SO MANY FOLKS ARE ALWAYS POINTING FINGERS..SO EAGER TO BLAME OTHERS.

I'LL TELL YOU BN.....I RESPECT IT. THAT SCAR IS A REMINDER TO ALL OF US....I GET ALL PRISSY THINKING..."WELL, I BARELY TAKE ANYTHING, SO I'LL BE OKAY"....THAT'S JUST ME FOOLING MYSELF....THAT SHIT COULD HAPPEN TO ME....MY LIVER ENZYMES HAVE BEEN HIGH AT TIMES....IN FACT THEY USUALLY ARE AFTER ORALS.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THOSE OTHER GUYS...YOU STILL LOOK THICK TO ME...THEY DIDN'T GO THROUGH THE SHIT YOU JUST DID...HELL, MOST PEOPLE WOULD USE THE HORRIFIC STUFF YOU JUST WENT THROUGH, AS AN EXCUSE TO QUIT.

AS FOR BEING FAT....A GUY ISN'T GOING TO BE IN TOP CONDITION AFTER HE'S HAD HIS ABDOMINAL WALL SLICED OPEN THAT BADLY. I HAD A HERNIA SURGURY AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS BAD. HOLY SHIT....THEY REALLY OPENED YOU UP.

ANYWAY, MUCH RESPECT TO YOU AND PLEASE KEEP TELLING OTHERS ABOUT YOUR STORY...IT MAY MAKE A FEW OF US WAKE UP....MYSELF INCLUDED.

oldfella · Feb 26, 2007

BALDNAZI, as I see it this is Professional Muscle, it means just that. We are all in this together, good or bad. You are a good man. To go through what you have and post up pics and your story takes a kind of courage and conviction that many will never have. To take responsibility for what you/we do to ourselves, that takes a real man. I feel for you and cry with you brother. It is a shared pain only the brothers and sisters in Iron would understand. I enjoy your posts and I for one am glad you are still here to share your knowledge and experiences with all of us. It is so important that we learn form each other, so we do not repeat mistakes already made. Real men cry, this macho bullshit is exactly that, BS. You are human, you have emotions just like anyone, the fact that you have given all of us a wake up call tells me you are more than human, YOU CARE!! Scars will heal, you will lift, you will get better and be better for it! I think you should be member of the year on here. The insight into the dark side of our culture is not easy for some to accept and you have shed incredible light on it. I'm glad you are here and Keep posting up BIG MAN! Be well and God Bless Brother!!

oldfella · Feb 26, 2007

JETHRO TULL said:
HUMILITY....I READ IT IN YOUR POSTS THESE DAYS. I THINK BEING A HUMBLE PERSON IS A GREAT CHARACTERISTIC. I RARELY SEE ANYONE IN THIS COUNTRY BEING WILLING TO ADMIT..."HEY, IT WAS MY FAULT"....YOU'VE DONE THAT HERE. ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ONES OWN ACTIONS. SO MANY FOLKS ARE ALWAYS POINTING FINGERS..SO EAGER TO BLAME OTHERS.

I'LL TELL YOU BN.....I RESPECT IT. THAT SCAR IS A REMINDER TO ALL OF US....I GET ALL PRISSY THINKING..."WELL, I BARELY TAKE ANYTHING, SO I'LL BE OKAY"....THAT'S JUST ME FOOLING MYSELF....THAT SHIT COULD HAPPEN TO ME....MY LIVER ENZYMES HAVE BEEN HIGH AT TIMES....IN FACT THEY USUALLY ARE AFTER ORALS.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THOSE OTHER GUYS...YOU STILL LOOK THICK TO ME...THEY DIDN'T GO THROUGH THE SHIT YOU JUST DID...HELL, MOST PEOPLE WOULD USE THE HORRIFIC STUFF YOU JUST WENT THROUGH, AS AN EXCUSE TO QUIT.

AS FOR BEING FAT....A GUY ISN'T GOING TO BE IN TOP CONDITION AFTER HE'S HAD HIS ABDOMINAL WALL SLICED OPEN THAT BADLY. I HAD A HERNIA SURGURY AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS BAD. HOLY SHIT....THEY REALLY OPENED YOU UP.

ANYWAY, MUCH RESPECT TO YOU AND PLEASE KEEP TELLING OTHERS ABOUT YOUR STORY...IT MAY MAKE A FEW OF US WAKE UP....MYSELF INCLUDED.

JT, so good to see you here my man.

Golgo13 · Feb 26, 2007

BN,

I am pretty new here, so I went back and read all of your old threads. I have always been a safety nut about health and juice but your story is inspirational. Thanks so much for sticking around and sharing about what happened. I think most guys that have something happen, just disappear and never tell anyone as they are afraid how others will react. There was a guy on steroidology.com a few years ago that was having liver failure as a result of some pre-contest halo use. He never posted again after. Its like everyone wanted to pretend it didn't happen.

Tom · Feb 26, 2007

Plain and simple ....balls

Hey BN you got balls like a fuckin ox brother. To post your pic and educate those guys who are on the fence as far as ramping up their dosages serves to pull some of them back to the side of sanity. You have saved many more guys than you realize from severely harming themselves with unsafe drug regimens. As for yourself, that scar should fade some with time. I would love to see you train at that bodyweight for a year and then repost your pic at a shredded 210. You will look fantastic and appear to be as thick as any national caliber competitor. As I said before, thank you for your advice and feedback over the years going back to the old UG...and thank you for what you are doing here today.

Tom

Bionic · Feb 26, 2007

Hey Baldy, we don't know eachother but I do feel for you. The main thing that I wanted to impart to you is that you were lucky enough to be given a second chance. Many aren't allowed that luxury. While I know it is hard to think of how powerful you used to be the fact is, you are still that guy. Take the time that you need to grieve and feel sorry for yourself but once you have gotten it out of your system, don't look back! Don't look at the scars as a reminder of how you almost died. Look at em as the fact that you were given a second chance. You WILL NOT FAIL. Just do what needs to be done and you will rebuild yourself and be better than you once were. Easier said than done, I'm sure but you already seem to have a successful character and seem to be equipped w/the mental capabilities to overcome this. God's Speed, brother.

Bionic

P.S. Same goes for you Hella!!!

Anabolic_Beast · Feb 26, 2007

Hey Brother

Hey baldnazi,
I do not post much on these boards, but let me tell you man, your experience shook my heart and changed my perspective for good. if it mean anything brother, I thought that you should know that you have definitely helped shift my perspective in reality, as you probably did with a lot of other bros on here too...your sacrifice was for a cause, the pain you went through, all of the aggravation, that big scar of yours....ALL FOR A CAUSE, you have helped a LOT of people including me, wake up. Let me relate with a little story of mine non steroid related. This late June, I had an appendicitis surgery to remove my appendix...no big deal right? Well, 3 weeks after the surgery, on the first day of the gym after taking several week's off because of doc's recommendation, I did a leg workout extremly dehydrated...
went crazy on legs like never before, did 120 reps on leg extension for 3 sets, supersetted with squat drop sets till I fell down and couldnt feel my legs no more. Let me tell you brother...the most brutal time of my life happened moments after that workout, when I couldnt walk anymore, my legs got so swollen, I was sent to the hospital diagnosed with EXTREME muscle damage (Rhabdomyolysis) and stayed in the hospital for a whole week as my ck levels jumped to 40,000, and my blood was poisned to the extreme from the muscle breakdown. Couldnt work out for 6 weeks after that, watched myself shrink from a 28" quad to a 24 1/2! My pride was smashed!!! Those legs that I spent YEARS developing, the many squat till I puke workouts, all down the fucking garbage...I THOUGHT!!! BUT MUSCLE MEMORY TOLD ME OTHERWISE HAHA!!! Keep in mind I did not juice at all. But that didnt crush me at all, on the contrary, I slowly worked my way up to near full strength again. My legs are now 27 1/2 each cold, and my strength is almost back to 100%. This shows you...that fat you got on you is only temporary man (hint: MUSCLE MEMORY!)...trust me on this, you WILL look like you did before (muscle memory

)...just be PATIENCE and give it TIME...you WILL recover take my word for it brother.
Now, I refuse to take any kind of oral steroids and Tren because of your experience, I have LEARNED from you brother! THANK YOU...you may have saved my life and many others. STAY STRONG BROTHER....YOU WILL MAKE IT.
14/88 POWER WHITE PRIDE WORLD WIDE!
FOREVER THE CAUSE!

pimpman · Feb 26, 2007

bn i know exactly how u feel man i have a scar on my stomach just like u just mine runs from top to bottom.mine start about 1 inch from the bottom of my chest and gos all the way down to a little below thw waist.mine was from a gun shot wound when i was young.and let me tell u i suffered for years man.everytime i go to the beach or a pool or just taking off my shirt in public first thing people would look at was my scar.and i mean everybody and even though i was rock solid it would fucking kill me to have this scar specially when people would look and u could see them talk to each other and i new it was about my scar.but the best thing i did man 1 year ago when my second son was born i went and got a tattoo of some fire flames and that change my life.yes my life now i take my shirt of anywhere and people look at the tat and complement me on it all the time.best part is they can't tell i have a huge scar.sometime i tell them and then they look at it really good and say wow u can even tell it great man.maybe something u might to look into bro.and let me tell u they did my scar fuck up because mine was or is indented in like my skinn is not smoth across but the tat covers it pretty well.reason i tell u this is so u dont feel so bad about it .u can cover it up.i used to cry to myself to on how bad my stomach us to look but then i would think man i am alive still.better to be alive with a scar than dead with no scar.if u want i can pm u some before and after pics.god bless u bro hang tough.

p.s i must tell u i have other tats on me but fuck the belly one really really really hurt shit was painfull but well worth it.ha ha ha.i do it all over again if i had too.

Bionic · Feb 27, 2007

Anabolic_Beast said:
14/88 POWER WHITE PRIDE WORLD WIDE!
FOREVER THE CAUSE!

You've gotta be kidding, right?

Anabolic_Beast · Feb 27, 2007

Bionic said:
You've gotta be kidding, right?

No brother I am not kidding. I am not going to hijack this thread, so just click on that link from baldnazi nationalvanguard.org and just read on about the cause.