Advice on breakup and pride

[OuchThatHurts]

you are correct tho, it's not right to draw conclusions when all the evidence has yet to be put on the table.. people have just given their personal experiences, and based on those experiences, things aren't looking great for OP.

Exactly right. That's the point I'm trying to make here. How many times did this cat say, "I know she's not cheating." Yes, he could be blinded to the truth but from the sounds of it, when would she have time? She doesn't even have time for him. This forum is all about people giving their opinions and experiences. But damn man, don't make it a fact. We have no idea what's really going on in this situation, other than

and you're right.

It doesn't look good for OP.

 

[LS3 Power]

OP, first of all I'm sorry to hear of your plight. I know firsthand how matters of the heart can turn even the best organized life upside down.

Amidst the trails of conjecture in this thread, have you asked yourself whether or not you're emotionally sound enough to be making what could easily be considered a massive life altering decision? Perhaps patience is your only companion at the moment.

It is true that you are not some 'convenience' for her to dismiss at her given whim. However, she could be making a mistake and quickly realize it AFTER you've done something irrevocable (more conjecture).

I'm not 'in the know' of the exact time frames you are dealing with but the one thing I do know is as follows. Patience, compassion and understanding are prerequisites to friendship and all subsequent love. It would appear that she is making a mistake. I'll bet you've made a few in the annals of your relationship.

Love her, stand by her even through her failing moments. Conversely, do not give so much of yourself that you become some patsy in her myopic, self absorbed game of aspirations (if it goes that far). Know when and where to draw the line. Only YOU know that.

Be strong(er) bro. You will beat this.

 

[ouija]

OP, first of all I'm sorry to hear of your plight. I know firsthand how matters of the heart can turn even the best organized life upside down.

Amidst the trails of conjecture in this thread, have you asked yourself whether or not you're emotionally sound enough to be making what could easily be considered a massive life altering decision? Perhaps patience is your only companion at the moment.

It is true that you are not some 'convenience' for her to dismiss at her given whim. However, she could be making a mistake and quickly realize it AFTER you've done something irrevocable (more conjecture).

I'm not 'in the know' of the exact time frames you are dealing with but the one thing I do know is as follows. Patience, compassion and understanding are prerequisites to friendship and all subsequent love. It would appear that she is making a mistake. I'll bet you've made a few in the annals of your relationship.

Love her, stand by her even through her failing moments. Conversely, do not give so much of yourself that you become some patsy in her myopic, self absorbed game of aspirations (if it goes that far). Know when and where to draw the line. Only YOU know that.

Be strong(er) bro. You will beat this.

Good thoughts here. I have certainly made mistakes, albeit not this big, this certainly isn't a time to be a bean counter.

And with making mistakes, comes the hard part of admitting it...and when you get people as stubborn as her or I, it takes a while, and you usually see your bad idea through before you give lol. Even if she knew she was doing something wrong, the damage is done, and she's going to keep to herself until she gets things done her way...and then work it out after. And to her credit, she is putting a lot of faith in me still to still be there when this is done.

She definitely is over ambitious and excels at over extending herself with family/church/work related stuff. And while I think she needs to prioritize better...I could win boyfriend of the year in her eyes or some shit if I stick this out.

Anyways, after thinking, I decided I will be laying low for a while, no one night stands or exotic dancers...but also not sitting around waiting on her either. Maybe shoot her one supportive text on the weekend or something like that. Till then I'll just try to keep my mind busy. If she comes around she comes around, if not I'll be busy anyway.

Stay tuned for updates on my shitty reality show.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

OP, first of all I'm sorry to hear of your plight. I know firsthand how matters of the heart can turn even the best organized life upside down.

Amidst the trails of conjecture in this thread, have you asked yourself whether or not you're emotionally sound enough to be making what could easily be considered a massive life altering decision? Perhaps patience is your only companion at the moment.

It is true that you are not some 'convenience' for her to dismiss at her given whim. However, she could be making a mistake and quickly realize it AFTER you've done something irrevocable (more conjecture).

I'm not 'in the know' of the exact time frames you are dealing with but the one thing I do know is as follows. Patience, compassion and understanding are prerequisites to friendship and all subsequent love. It would appear that she is making a mistake. I'll bet you've made a few in the annals of your relationship.

Love her, stand by her even through her failing moments. Conversely, do not give so much of yourself that you become some patsy in her myopic, self absorbed game of aspirations (if it goes that far). Know when and where to draw the line. Only YOU know that.

Be strong(er) bro. You will beat this.

The support forum need more of THIS. Fantastic and well thought out, sound advice. When I see comments like this, I feel I don't have to moderate the counseling forum as tightly.

I apologize if I contributed to the convolution of your thread. And I have no hard feelings towards anyone in this thread and wish you and the above members ALL find fulfilling and happy relationships.

Thank you.

OTH

 

[davidvc]

sounds like you have a good plan for dealing with her but you might want to explane to her how she made you feel

 

[Deleted member 121863]

it's just one of those things that girls do.. it's like their reputation.. it's a lot like saying "girls go for assholes". that sounds just as judgmental, but we all know it's pretty much true lol.

standard jack ass, I mean donkey, that`s what they are called right? Anyway, why do you believe woman cheat? Because "that`s just what they do"? An answer like that says you don`t have a clue. Woman cheat for different reasons than men, what do you think they are?

 

[Cerberus777]

Piggy backing off what OTH said. Regardless if she is cheating with a guy, she's chosen something above you. And have a few questions that may help you out out.

you said she has emotional/hormonal issues. Have you seen mania? Insomnia? Rapid speech?
Is she approaching 30?

 

[standard donkey]

standard jack ass, I mean donkey, that`s what they are called right? Anyway, why do you believe woman cheat? Because "that`s just what they do"? An answer like that says you don`t have a clue. Woman cheat for different reasons than men, what do you think they are?

hey there tough guy.


I have actually done substantial research into this.. the reasons are all over the map.. I named a few in the other thread but ill rewrite everything here.

these are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

women cheat because:
-they feel neglected
-they feel unattractive and want to comfort themselves/self esteem
-revenge
-drunk (as if that's an excuse)
-can't get over an ex
-other guy has more money
-other guy has no money but is into drugs/has a garage band
-it's "exciting"
-fantasies they had during youth
-want to try something "new"
-turn current husband into a meal ticket while she tries to relive youth

and the list goes on.. the politically correct thing to say is "it's always the man's fault"....but yeah..

 

[OuchThatHurts]

hey there tough guy.


I have actually done substantial research into this.. the reasons are all over the map.. I named a few in the other thread but ill rewrite everything here.

these are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

women cheat because:
-they feel neglected
-they feel unattractive and want to comfort themselves/self esteem
-revenge
-drunk (as if that's an excuse)
-can't get over an ex
-other guy has more money
-other guy has no money but is into drugs/has a garage band
-it's "exciting"
-fantasies they had during youth
-want to try something "new"
-turn current husband into a meal ticket while she tries to relive youth

and the list goes on.. the politically correct thing to say is "it's always the man's fault"....but yeah..

With the exception of the money item, aren't these the same things men claim as reasons to have cheated?

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Plain and simple, the OP needs to see where he stands in her list of priorities. If he's not number one, then he's second place. And that's not a good place to be in a relationship.

Really, there's not much more to say on this.

 

[triathloncoach]

but to answer the question, ive never been cheated on... but I do have a lot of female friends,

Do you know how many guys I know who say that? And some of them I know personally to be wrong. I wish I haven't been cheated on, and no doubt more than I know of too. Damn you women who are like me! I bet your personality attracts adventurous women. Ask your multitude of female friends if they think you have been cheated on. Just saying. The man who plays alone never loses, everyone else loses sometimes.

 

[triathloncoach]

Plain and simple, the OP needs to see where he stands in her list of priorities. If he's not number one, then he's second place. And that's not a good place to be in a relationship.

Really, there's not much more to say on this.

Bingo.

I know marriages that thrive while one of the spouses is deployed for the military. Those amazing people make it work. OP, wait till you have kids with this woman, (extrapolate the make believe) then you will see a reshuffling of the priorities. At best this may be the wake up call that you need.

PS - I think she is banging Donkey, he's a stud. Ummm, sorry.

 

[standard donkey]

With the exception of the money item, aren't these the same things men claim as reasons to have cheated?

yes but we aren't talking about men cheating.. I said earlier in the thread my closest guy friend cheated on his gorgeous girlfriend with fat ugly heifers..lol


that one really made me scratch my head. ill never understand cheaters

 

[OuchThatHurts]

yes but we aren't talking about men cheating.. I said earlier in the thread my closest guy friend cheated on his gorgeous girlfriend with fat ugly heifers..lol


that one really made me scratch my head. ill never understand cheaters

Again, girls cheat on their sometimes very good-looking and fit husbands, with skinny, leathery little freaks. I'm trying to drive home the point that cheating and the desire to cheat can be very complicated and often men don't do it for the same reasons as women and sometimes they do. But to just put that rubber stamp on every troubled relationship I think was a bit premature on your part. Point is, we have no idea.

Clearly though, he's number two to whatever else is in her life. And in relationships, second place is first loser.

 

[jprotein210]

Hey man,

Just thought I would throw my 2 cents in. I don't really see the point in having a break in a relationship, in my experience it has only lead to hurt. My ex has cheated on me in past and she has pulled the "break" on me as well. It is a tough situation but if she really just is overwhelmed with school/work, she would not need a break from the relationship, as relationships are supposed to be supporting and not adding to her stress.

I made the mistake of clinging on to the possibility that we could be happy together. I knew her for almost 8 years and she was my only real serious girlfriend. Just be careful, because once she sees that she can manipulate you and know you will always be there and will never leave her, it will only get worse.


Hope this is not the case and it works out for ya, but, it does sound like the worst.

 

[Deleted member 121863]

women cheat because:
-they feel neglected
-they feel unattractive and want to comfort themselves/self esteem
-revenge
-drunk (as if that's an excuse)
-can't get over an ex
-other guy has more money
-other guy has no money but is into drugs/has a garage band
-it's "exciting"
-fantasies they had during youth
-want to try something "new"
-turn current husband into a meal ticket while she tries to relive youth

and the list goes on.. the politically correct thing to say is "it's always the man's fault"....but yeah..

It is possible to attribute all these reasons to the guy being retarded and not doing what he needs to. I can tell you have ZERO game, a weak pitch at best, don`t understand that so hate on woman, men with more money, etc.

Woman need certainty.... which can usually equal money, stability, no worries about tomorrow. They need uncertainty/variety, w/e you wanna call it, don`t be a lame tool! They also need significance/attention/to feel needed,loved. You mess up one of these and she might just be cheating, BUT all of these can be over come with a good pitch.

A friend of mine is 42, not good looking or in shape, no money... he is banging a hot 25 y/o stripper. He has done this for years with girls 18-25, without spending any real money, not working out, no real muscles to show, its called having game. You sir will never be a jedi, just a hater. My wife looks like exactly like Keira Knightley, you wouldn`t even believe me if I posted a pic.

This girl with the OP, might just be such a dedicated achiever, that she cant stand feeling like she is failing at the relationship, not giving it 100%. Time will tell, let the dove fly and see if it returns.

 

[ouija]

Piggy backing off what OTH said. Regardless if she is cheating with a guy, she's chosen something above you. And have a few questions that may help you out out.

you said she has emotional/hormonal issues. Have you seen mania? Insomnia? Rapid speech?
Is she approaching 30?

Mania...not sure, insomnia and rapid speech yes, shes 26

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Mania...not sure, insomnia and rapid speech yes, shes 26

Okay, okay, let's try to avoid diagnosing this woman with a mental illness as diligently as we have trying to avoid labeling her an infidel. We have no ability to ascertain that here on this board through her ex-boyfriend.

 

[standard donkey]

It is possible to attribute all these reasons to the guy being retarded and not doing what he needs to. I can tell you have ZERO game, a weak pitch at best, don`t understand that so hate on woman, men with more money, etc.

Woman need certainty.... which can usually equal money, stability, no worries about tomorrow. They need uncertainty/variety, w/e you wanna call it, don`t be a lame tool! They also need significance/attention/to feel needed,loved. You mess up one of these and she might just be cheating, BUT all of these can be over come with a good pitch.

A friend of mine is 42, not good looking or in shape, no money... he is banging a hot 25 y/o stripper. He has done this for years with girls 18-25, without spending any real money, not working out, no real muscles to show, its called having game. You sir will never be a jedi, just a hater. My wife looks like exactly like Keira Knightley, you wouldn`t even believe me if I posted a pic.

This girl with the OP, might just be such a dedicated achiever, that she cant stand feeling like she is failing at the relationship, not giving it 100%. Time will tell, let the dove fly and see if it returns.

I sincerely hope that you're not as hopelessly retarded as you've made yourself out to be with this post.

 

[W8Train]

Wow, can't believe all the brain damage this is causing. I understand though, after my last doomed relationship. At least for now, my answer to all this is high end call ladies, once a month. The memories from last encounter carry me through until the next month with a smile. Your gonna end up paying no matter what, so I choose the installment plan, and get a new, amazingly beautiful woman each month. For me it works, no more drama, no more distractions from personal and professional goals, no more major hits to the bank account (divorced, once is enough). Companionship you say? Got my bros and my dog.