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An Interesting Conundrum - Familial Issues (Off Topic)

Yes all my personal problems are long dead and buried in regards to my folks. I posted stuff so PB would see that his mother's response is common. it is not something I personally have even spoke of in years. I am ten years older than him at least and I have chalked it up to they did the best they could . This thread is not about me at all. PB's situation as I have stated is a whole lot different plus its not something I have personally been through. I do understand what you are doing and agree with a lot of what you said but this is something he needs to figure out on his own. It s a path no one is going to come and spoon feed him the conclusion. He doesn't seem to be blaming his problems on his parents he just needs/wants some answers from them. Which given the situation is totally understandable. Trust me bro," that didn't happen and do not talk to me again" is a lot different than "yea you're right and I am sorry" cut him a little slack this is something that does not resolve its self-overnight. You know you have the situation and then the response to the situation. Both are going to take years to process and there is not really a how to guide for this. Anyway I hope everyone has a great day!

Yes. I agree with you. no way I was saying that what PB is dealing with is easy, or even what you may have gone through is easy. I was just giving my input on how I try to move on from it. But yes it will take time to work itself out and wish him luck.
 
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@Performance Based, how did this all work out for you? Do you still maintain a relationship w/ your moms? Since finding your biological father, have y’all forged some type of relationship?

Either way, you have your immediate family and that’s what matters most!

Cage
 
To everyone that has taken an interest/shown care, compassion and thought I sincerely appreciate it. Bananas I greatly appreciate your wisdom, me posting that was foolish at best and removing it was the right call.

@cage99 This is still an uphill battle in all sincerity. There is no relationship what-so-ever with my biological mother and my "father" told me to never contact them again. I am now 36 years old, I left home at 17 and have had minimal contact with them since so there is no change to relationship status/pattern of life from this discovery. "Father" has two biological children and "has done enough for me". My biological father, I hate to say it, seems genuinely interested in beginning a relationship with me - I fear my level of interest/dedication to the relationship does not match his and I do not wish to hurt his feelings.

Over the past several years my friendships have essentially turned into my family, love and respect based off of shares struggles of a very small group of men. In conjunction with this I married into a Spanish/Mexican family, who has essentially adopted me. I swear at times I am more a part of my wife's family than she is. Respectfully, I simply do not have anything in common with my "biological" father outside of music tastes and a love of diving...

@bananas007 To respond to your post mate. I will be the first to admit it - my life is damn easy at this point. To the JK Rowling quote, I have no blame at this point. In all sincerity simply confusion and I will freely admit a level of pain. I have 17 deployments under my belt now; with as much humility as I can muster I have zero emotional/mental problems from this in the slightest. I have this incessant desire to prove myself worthy though to "father" that simply will not be abated. I look back on my childhood and just don't understand how a grown man who is respected in his community can have so much hatred for a child. Never got into trouble growing up, no run ins with the police, home every night by 8PM, full time work, straight A student for the most part. One of his favorite lines I mentioned above "Haven't I done enough for you". Actually had a dream/flash back last night. He would frequently drop me off in his vehicles (of the type PMd about) to essentially flirt with the other soccer moms. I remember one week I got into trouble for having a bite of a sandwhich in a classroom (legitimately that was it). Biological mother that the appropriate punishment was to with-hold lunch money for a week and not allow me to bring a lunch. I remember telling him I was starving and him just coldly looking at me "That isn't my problem, we do enough for you". Its' created this issue with me and the ability so to speak to "be loved", it sounds ridiculous to say out loud but how can someone feel worthy of love when in their most pure and innocent form growing up they weren't worth loving?

Does it sound ridiculous to say out loud? Absolutely. But does it haunt me worse than anything else? Unfortunately so.

I'm rambling now and I apologize...

Bananas it saddens me to hear you are also going through your own turmoil as it seems a large chunk of us are. If we can do anything at all for you in the slightest please don't hesitate to post up.

Stackdizzy I appreciate the kind words and wisdom sir.

If I missed anyone in my response I sincerely apologize. Posts were made. Posts were deleted. I'm
 
I kind of wish there was something I could say to you about the whole situation.

Your feelings definitely don't sound ridiculous. It's a positive thing you can open up about it
 
I appreciate the kind words 3Bills. In all sincerity I have a beautiful life, loving wife and an amazing/fulfilling career. If this is my only "trauma" up to this point I in all sincerity consider myself a lucky man. I have everything I could ever need.

I'm good :)
 
Take it one day at a time… If it were me, I’d definitely be zero contact with mother and father you had growing up. That’s completely toxic and nothing good will ever come of it.

You have a loving family now with your wife’s extended family. Embrace this and move forward without any regrets! Eventually y’all may have children of your own, and you can shape them to never know the pain you encountered.

I myself have very little contact with my parents. It’s been solely for them to see their grandchildren. I was the black sheep growing up and the family let down.

I had warned my wife abt my family’s views of me when we first visited. She thought I was embellishing things. On our flight back home she looks at me and says I don’t know what to even say right now. Your folks are constantly berating you with disparaging comments left and right. I looked at her and just said now you know. She totally understands…

We all have our issues…. I hope things continue to trend upward for you and yours my man!

Cage
 
I appreciate the kind words 3Bills. In all sincerity I have a beautiful life, loving wife and an amazing/fulfilling career. If this is my only "trauma" up to this point I in all sincerity consider myself a lucky man. I have everything I could ever need.

I'm good :)

Awesome 👍
 
I agree to a point..but I’m from a different color of the same brotherhood..

Fuck em brother, you know who your family is
My thoughts exactly you’ve got your USN and USMC family and we will ride or die with you brother. Do what you think is best and dig your heels in. My father destroyed my childhood with his Mormon bullshit and constant judgement and we talk now but I don’t forgive him and I’m at peace with that and NO ONE HAS A RIGHT to tell me to forgive him.
 

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