Need girl advice (preferably from a girl)

[hawkmoon]

As some of you know I have separated after 13+ years of marriage and live on my own now in Tokyo.
I have said before that I do not intend to become a miserable person and will continue to love women and be as positive as my life allows me. Life is too short to be an old curmudgeon.

Now, suddenly turning free-agent after all these years, I am out of practice to say the least. Mind you, I am not looking for anything more than a lunch date here and there and other casual dating. Thing is, I don't know how to go about it.

I will lay out two current scenarios and ask for input (maybe Marylin can chime in for me?)

1. Beautiful girl at work. Very much my junior, but oh my god gorgeous. I noticed her right away after starting back in 10/2007. Whenever she walked by my desk she would shyly look me in the eyes. (I was on a corner desk at the then of a hall). I would match her look and sometimes she would shyly drop her eyes and sometimes not. Sometimes I would catch her sneaking a look at me as she rounded the corner. She is very quiet and shy. When I see her in the halls, we often lock eyes. When I hold the elevator for her she is overly thankful and happy.
Now it is nearly two years and I am "free". She still acts this way around me.

I am too gun shy to approach her in anyway, I don't really know what to do. What I would like is some opinions. It seems to me that she likes me and is shy about it. Maybe she is just waiting for me to say something...


2. Knock out at my gym. She started talking to me first. In English mind you (not all that common here). Comments on my physique, how young I look for 40, complements me on my effort when training, yada yada...basically hitting on me I think. This has been going one about once a week for a few months and I have let it slide as I had hopes to recover my marriage.
I'm thinking now I should ask her out for lunch...

 

[EVERLAST]

male..............

dude...what is the hold up?
I will bet money that in Japan an AMERICAN stands out big time.
You are over the divorce, yes?
Then my friend...it is time for your "coming out of your shell" party!!!
The two you mentioned...YES.
They both want you but you have waited a LONG time with them flirting and with no encouragment to them.
GET ON IT!

Relax and just talk to them... see what they are like before you get all hung up too. Guess what? You are in for a treat, my friend.
I had some of the best sex of my life after my divorce and I started dating again. Just the newness of somebody other than the ex. Somebody interested in you and wanting to make that first move...
Somebody hot and excited over you, Hawk.
Sound good? damn right it does.

You have waited and that is a GOOD thing.
Now you are ready...

 

[EasyEJL]

on #1, does she drink coffee, tea etc at the office? if asking her to go for a cup of coffee/tea is too much for you, perhaps at least asking her what kind she drinks is more of a conversation starter

on #2, is there a juice/smoothie bar at the gym? if there is you can always start with just offering to treat her to one there

 

[jaybird151]

i would just ask both---not at the same time----of them out

So, where is your favorite place to eat?/ When you go out to eat, what is your favorite type of restaurant?----she answers yad yada yada

you say

When would you like to go?/ Which night this week works for you?


simple, to the point and works

kind of like sales in a way, you are not giving her a question that she can say no to. unless she is just flat out not interested, but it sounds like both of them are.

don't be gun shy----they both have already made the first move.

would you go out of your way to be nice and flirt with a women that you are not interested in? They wouldn't either.


you have to look at it this way. The absolute worst thing that can possibly happen, being a complete disaster and the end of the world, would be she says -----no. Not that big of a deal if you really think about it


just ask her/them out.

 

[Amazon Doll]

I doubt that a girl over there would make the first move on a man, so you are going to have to step up to the plate!

And yes, all of their behavior is flirting. Flirting is the polite way a girl invites a man to ask them out!

 

[notsobig32]

Hawk,

Just throw it out there. There are some great suggestions being given. Me personally, i would probably just go with, "Look i have seen you around and i would like to take you to dinner. When would you like to go?" If she says yes, get her number to confirm plans, Some girls havethis weird thing about calling guys first.....whatever.

 

[marilyn]

hey Hawk

I think its sweet that you asked, and its time....I would relax, be yourself as much as you can.........It sounds like you just need to make the move and ask for the date, then don't expect anything back....have fun, laugh, find commonality..you will know if it feels like something you were ready for right away..........If not, at least you had fun and got things going

You will feel more comfortable after a few dates....

 

[triathloncoach]

Girl Advice

I'm not a woman, but just like everything else in life - you get what you go after. Be respectful of course, but you are offering a woman a very nice catch (you). I always say "you can't blame a guy for trying". Be extremely nice - but don't sit around and wait for anything to come to you.

 

[hawkmoon]

Thanks so much everyone. I appreciate the time you have taken to give me your opinions.

Now I suppose I just need the courage to walk up and say something. Especially the first girl in my office, as I haven't spoken with her, will take some work on my part.

I actually had a good opportunity yesterday and locked up like a junior high school boy.
She's that kind of pretty that can stop my brain from functioning on sight.

I'll probably see her again on Friday, and I will ask her to lunch...

 

[EVERLAST]

hawk...

ROFL I felt the same way!!!
Like it was highschool again.
Guess what. Remember sex in highschool?
It is soooooooooooo much better when you know what you are doing.

So just ease in and get comfortable.
No expectations and no pressure....just all good.

I almost envy you right now...
you'll do great!

 

[hawkmoon]

Hey everlast, thanks bro!
I'm not even thinking about that far ahead, but it sure is nice to know a fellow brother who has gone through the same thing and came out alright.

Wish me good Internet luck...

 

[.45acp]

Good Internet luck to you.

BTW, Just ask her out, plain and simple with nothing fancy.

When I got divorced about 10 years ago there was a girl at work that everyone was after, a real knockout. Problem was that they were either afraid to ask her out, had corny come ons or were crude.

I simply asked her if she'd like to go out, plain and simple. Her face lit up with a million dollar smile and she said she would love to.
I didn't actually set a date and I didn't ask her again, about a week later she asked me when we were getting together.
We had some great times.

 

[superbeast22]

just whip it out and see if she goes for it lol

 

[EVERLAST]

errrr........

just whip it out and see if she goes for it lol

errrrrr...maybe not a good idea?

 

[hawkmoon]

errrrrr...maybe not a good idea?

Yeah, not really my style anyway.



On a related note: Had dinner with the (ex)wife last night as she dropped off my daughter for the weekend here in Tokyo. While we are already separated, I had planned to go back to the USA asap. Now I don't want to and I want to continue to my work and do the best I can here.
We agreed to stay married on paper unless we find someone we want to marry (because both of us benefit legally from maintaining status as is).

It's actually nice to have it out in the open and accepted that we can move on as parents of our daughter but do what we want as separate adults. Makes me feel more free to pursue dating options.

All lights are now green. Now I just have to get my head out of my rear and actually ask a girl out.

 

[EVERLAST]

let the games begin..........

Hawk you are on the threshold of a new life...
Now don't get hung up on the first one, or the first three.
You just ease into it and have fun!

Keep us posted on the results!

 

[Iceman1800]

The girl at the gym is an easy one. You tell her you can't seem to find any restraunts that serve healthy type food that you need for bb'ing. Ask her for suggestions then ask if she can accompany you to one of them. That way you will be able to read her reaction right on the spot

 

[hawkmoon]

Lunch with the girl from my office on Thursday.

I finally mustered up my courage and spoke to her. As soon as I did I knew I was good to go. She lit up and started playing with her hair, etc. All those "I like you" girlie signals.

Now, I understand even a one-on-one lunch date in Japan may mean nothing...but I am hoping....

It is nice to feel this way again after being through the nearly two years of shit I have...

 

[EVERLAST]

woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hawk this is great!

Good for you man.
So now that you finally got into the pool....
hows the water feel?

Thought so......

 

[hawkmoon]

Hawk this is great!

Good for you man.
So now that you finally got into the pool....
hows the water feel?

Thought so......

It feels really, really, really good.