Nos and Hgirl (from BN's thread)

[nosmas]

OTH…….
I know where she is coming from on this issue. I had a lot to do with it. As I read her posts, I know she is talking to me more than she is talking you or the bald-one. We have had a rough first year of marriage because of an issue like this. I think she might like to talk about it some and this thread is as good as any to do it.
So, go ahead Goo. You have my blessing. Tell um where your coming from.

 

[nosmas]

The hardest part of doing what I do is getting people to come to their own conclusions WITHOUT telling them outright, what they need to do. You think I'm not tempted at times to just say "Hey, you need to do this, this, and this!"

People would love that. That would be easy! But...

It will not work like that. A person has to come to their own realizations. When they do that, then they have learned something about themselves. If someone just tells you what to do and you do it, you gain nothing.

She and I have had enough counseling to know that you are right. That is exactly how any of the "professional" cousilors we have talked to went about it. She didnt mean it about being mad at YOU. She is talking to me. If she is ready, she will talk about our situation and you will then understand a bit more about what she is thinking.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

I wasn't flaming her. She can be mad! That's okay. But let's not hijack this thread. Start a fresh one for me to avoid... LOL

 

[hngrygrl]

OTH

Ouch. I love ya. I didnt mean any disrespect. it just seems in this day and age that ppl feel that as long as your not married there's no boundaries. I just feel that the trust and honesty bonds that you develop before you get married are just as important. I promise, no jacking threads this time.
And yes, the info that you shared with BN was good and just. I would like for a counselor to just come out and tell me what to do sometimes tho. Big decisions seem to just be easier when someone else tells you what to do

AGAIn, OTH---I love ya!!!

 

[hngrygrl]

She and I have had enough counseling to know that you are right. That is exactly how any of the "professional" cousilors we have talked to went about it. She didnt mean it about being mad at YOU. She is talking to me. If she is ready, she will talk about our situation and you will then understand a bit more about what she is thinking.

baby, I wasnt talking to you. Just trying to give BN some help from a girls perspective. thats all. I promise

 

[OuchThatHurts]

LOL... "It's a woman's right to change her mind"

Hngrygirl, had you posted what BN did, I may have been more inclined to tell you what I think you should do. Why? I think because, by nature, women are more emotional creatures. That's what makes you so beautiful. Unfortunately though, for women, the same emotions can sometimes wreak havoc on their ability to make clear and firm decisions and stand by them. It may help them to have someone they respect to give them ideas on what they might want to do in a given situation.

Now the emotions from which a woman gathers her strength, a man may find his weakness. A man gathers his strength from the mastery of his emotions. He needs to make a choice because if he cannot then where is his strength? Men do have emotions and women have strength but clearly not in equal portions and most certainly not it the same areas.

I've been reading too much Nietzchie...

 

[OuchThatHurts]

She talks about time, but I think we both have a scare because of our troubles that will never fully be fixed. She will never fully trust me again. You have to earn trust, but I will never actually get her full trust again. All I can do is stick by her as much as she does me and work with the broken pieces as best I can.

No way dude! Your troubles WILL heal in time if you work at it. Your troubles WILL be fully fixed when trust is reestablished. You don't need to work with pieces. You're already whole. Every couple has a few bumpy spots. When you get past this, you'll be growing together in another part of your relationship.

 

[hngrygrl]

ooooooooohhhhhh!!!! you have cool internet powers that I was unaware of! I'm impressed!

 

[OuchThatHurts]

See? Now we can talk all we want! I messed up a couple times but I finally got us moved over.

 

[nosmas]

Sorry about the hijacking BN/board.
Thanks OTH.

 

[nosmas]

Im glad were doing this. This is a particularly........well, difficult week in regards to all of this.

(ten minutes pass of me stairing at the computer screen)

..........To difficult to discuss I guess.