O/T--down in the dumps...

[bigbadasian]

|--[\\\]>---------- Many of you may remeber that i moved out of my home state for a girl i had been dating for over 2 years. i have been down here now with her for about 6 mths now and i thought everything was going great. Of course, we had our fights and stuff, but we were living together, both working long hour jobs so we really didn't see TOO much of each other, so we weren't sick of each other even though we lived together. well about 3 weeks ago, she came to me and said that she thought the relationship was missing s'thing, we were 'bored' i agreed, all we ever did was watch tv or go to movies, so i started planning htings, dinners, Cirque De Soliel, drinks at laid back bars, stuff that couples should do, well, last nite, it all came crashing down. I found out that she has a 'friend' from work that she talks to (says he has gf problems and she talks to him about it) on the phone BUT she put HIS # in her phone under a GIRLS name so just in case if i chcked or saw who was calling, i'd think it was just a girl! She says she did that not to hide the fact that she has a friend, BUT that i get so upset and mad/jealous that she was 'scared'---yeah, i have gotten out of hand in the past, but that is the past, i have changed. i don't care if she has a guy friend, just be up front about it. I even talked to the guy, i made her call him and he said he wasn't trying to cause problems and that he knew i was with her...blah blah blah...anyways, after all this, she said she still felt the same. She felt as though maybe she should move out and live on her own. She wanted the relationship to be like it was back home, where we were together, but lived seperately. she had her friends and friend-time, and i had my own friends and friend-time, then we had our time together. i am not one to stop anyone from what they feel so i said that i agreed, we would remain bf/gf, but live seperately. the more i think about it, maybe we did move in too soon together. I just have never had this type of prob. with a gf in a relationship. i am empty inside, even though we are still together, it FEELS like we broke up. When we talked on the phone tonite, she said that she still loves me a lot and misses me and thought about me all day....it just made me more confused. I refused to sit at home and think about it, so i went down the road to a dance club and got a job bouncing again. i thought i left that part of my life back home, but i have to get out and meet ppl. i don't have but 3 or 4 friends down here so i can't go out with them (they have their own gf's) and i dont drink, so the next option was to start bouncing again. I hope that the little time apart, will bring us closer together again. i know this post was long, but you guys are family and i feel i can share this with you. any suggestions, pls. give them to me.

 

[Skip]

[B---yeah, i have gotten out of hand in the past, but that is the past, i have changed. i don't care if she has a guy friend, just be up front about it. I even talked to the guy, i made her call him and he said he wasn't trying to cause problems and that he knew i was with her...blah blah blah [/B]

You "made" her call him. *shrug* Your words, bro.

I can understand your situation about feeling depressed, though. It seems she is being a bit sneaky about the calling/phone number thing. I would be suspicious, too. It is just that your words struck a cord with me.

Skip

 

[Armageddon]

That sucks. But there is one thing I don't understand. How can you regress. You have to move fowards and it seems like you just took two steps backwards. You move locations for someone, live with them, then the next obvious step would be marriage or atleast some type of extremely committed relationship. There's more too it than what is being lead on by her. I think she has some deeper issues about it.
I have a buddy that just went through the same problem. Him and his girl were together for 3.5 years, lived together for around 2 of them if not more. When the lease was about up she decided that she wanted to live on her own but stay together. That didn't workout soo good. Now there not together and she's stringing him along for all it's worth. Mostly just cash.

It's called body building not body maintenence, there always needs to be some sort of progretion. That's just the nature of things. Hope it pans out for ya and she turns it around. Have fun at the bar!

 

[joedokes]

Sorry to hear that bro. I've been in the same boat myself. What it comes down to is you have to make your girl your best friend. That's where I'm at now and ti works great. In three years, we haven't even fought, I haven't even called her a bitch yet.
If you're not feeling the same thing back, maybe she's not in it for the long haul. I'm sorry to say that, but that's been my experience.
I wish you the best, and can only say that time tends to fix these things. Getting out and meeting new people will definately help.
Joe
I know a hot little blonde here in Milwaukee that loves Asians. Better get here before that S. Carolina boy does.

 

[rAJJIN]

BBA my brother!!

I need to come down man or you need to come up.
I wondered about this chick and the situation before you up and moved.

Skip, Damn rite he made her call "Her-HIM"
exact same thing I would have done if not made the trip to
his home or work Immediatley! Thats a bunch a sneaky shit
right there And this is just what he Knows about.. who kows whats realy going on. I hate to say it but chicks dont just boot there long time B/f -husband or whatever out for Just no reason.
something is up imo (BUT dont listen to me,lol Im a Jealous insecure, Possesive,controlling etc etc.. All that shit Oprah warns em about) So keep that in mind as I give My thoughts

Women are a messed up breed my friend. (no offense to any of our ladie members posably reading..) Since there are no kids involved that leaves 2 main things for them...
MONEY and SEX

She said she Is Bored with the reationship?? Gimme Fkn`break
what is that suppose to mean?? I think she is Bored with my bro BBA. Free time my ass, Free time leads to Troubletime when your trying to have a serious relationship.

From an outside view as your friend its not soundin real good.
Did she think it was a good idea to Move out before or after
the Phone# thing. I think your doing the rite thing by getting your bouncing job back. I can tell your broken up a bit and head ovr heals for this chick,but the Last thing you wanna do is sit around like life is over or let her see you all upset about it.

Id say Give her the Space she asks for and in the meantime do your own thing. Dont cheat around and let that get back to her
then you would feel it was your fault... Just play it cool and let her make that decision. Only 1 of two thing will happen.. she will move on or come back to you. goodluck man and hope it works out for you, Maybe this is just a stage she is going thru, women are weirded out. Either way remember your a BigBadAsian
with a new Escalade an Manya chicks would love to be in her position. LMK if you need anything.
Raj

 

[PHIL HERNON]

BBA

I KNOW IT HURTS, BUT THIS TIME REALLY HELPS YOU GROW. IT LETS YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO BE BY YOURSELF FOR A WHILE. SHE IS NOT THE ONLY FEMALE ON THIS EARTH, BUT IT SURE DOES FEEL LIKE IT AT THE MOMENT.

 

[bigbadasian]

Reply

|--[\\\\]>----------- The reason i made her call him was b/c i asked her, "does he even know about me? does he even know you have a bf?" she replied by saying "yes, everyone at work knows about you and our relationship"--i told her i did'nt believe her and that i wanted to hear it from HIM. The other nite when all this shit hit the fan, i said to her, hey, it's all on the table now, it can't get any worse, we're on the verge of break-up anyways, just tell me the truth, do you have feelings for him or are you attracted to him and she said NO. I maybe lying to myself, but to me, if she really wanted out of this relationship, if it were me, i would have said YES if in fact it was true, but she said NO, so maybe theya re just 'friends" She moved out last nite and went back to her uncle/aunts. B4 she left, we talked and she said how much she loves me and how much she wants this to work. B4 i went to bed last nite, she called me on the phone and said the same thing(s)....how much she loves me and how much she misses me already.

 

[stomper1]

BBA

hey bro,

I don't know you personly only through reading on this board. however, I certainly have experience in your situation.

first of all living together is a big step. you are know handling finacial responsibilities together(which is stessful). when I moved in with my girlfriend(who is now my wife) we where not really spending a whole lot more time together. but we fought like crazy. even though we saw alot of eachother it wasn't like when we lived seperately. before the time we spent together was romantic, of fun going out with friends, tce,,,,etc But now we would see eachother at night after a long day of school and classes and spend time together cleaning or sorting through bills, doing hoemwork(more stressful activities you could say. this can be very difficult

it's a fact that if someone in the relationship is pushing to hard to fast the other person is gonna start stepping back. there where times early in our relationship that I was very jealous. I would always accuse her of flirting, or tell her she's not acting interested enough in me when we where in public. I was very clingy and it caused her back away even more from me.....but after getting some great advice form my mother. I decided to play cool and just step back form her. I wasn't gonna accuse her of flirting any more, I was gonna go out with my friends when I had the oppertunity, I encouraged her to spend more time with her friends. I stopped always being the first to initiate touching with her.....and I'll tell ya what, when I started stepping back it was like she said "oh shit,I gotta chase him now"

so I agree with rajjin. You need to get your old job back, go out with your old friends, take some of that energy you where putting into this girl and throw it into training.....basicall, step back and wait.
and if she truly wants a relationship with you, when she's sees that you will be fine without her and that she might lose you, she is gonna start walking to you.

I think that's what a healthy relationship is about. it keeps things exciting and fresh(which is very important in serious relationships) and it also helps both parties to learn how to meet in the middle.

I feel for you bro...but if this is truly the girl for you, she will come TO YOU when you give her that room do so. so show her you are independent and that your life WILL go on regardless of whether or not it is with or with out her.

good luck brother

 

[Steak Helmet]

I too encourage my woman(when I have one), to go out with their friedns. Yeah she might have a couple guy friends(and we know how all guys think), I trust her. NOw if she befriends someone while you aguys are on the rocks, then that is a problem. The reason we get jealous, is due to the fact that we know how us fellas think.

I hope all works out for you...

 

[jawbreakerkid]

I'm with rajjin, I wondered how this was going to work before you left. She's still in college and living the life of a married woman. Most women have an idea of what their life should be based on where they are in life (high school, college, working, in their 30's, etc...). A girl in college wants to live a college lifestyle. I'm sure she cares for you, but she is torn between wanting the freedom of being a woman in her early 20's and her feelings for you. Just give it time.


Did you ever consider the possibility that she's afraid of your huge asian dong? That thing is silly.

 

[bigbadasian]

Reply

|--[\\\\]>---------- Stomper, you hit it right on the head friend, everything you said is true. JBK, also, you are right, she feels as though she is married and 40 yrs old, and she is only 22. Things have been going good today, i just saw her and she was very happy to see me, gave me a kiss hello, asked if i missed her and that she missed me a lot. so i'm just going to go with it, give her her space and not be so up tight about everything. I get way too jealous easily, but like you guys said, it's b/c i know what guys are like, i just have to trust her enough to know where to draw the line with a "guy friend" and s'one who could be pursuing her.

 

[DamageInc]

Damn bro, that shit sucks. I have been there but way worse. I wish you and her the best but 'to me' it looks bad. Its always at work where shit like this starts with another guy. And his "trouble with girlfriend' approach to her is how most guys I know get in with a girl. THis thread brings back some bad memories. Good luck.

 

[gooey]

hey bud

these trials and tribulations we all most go through in some time in our life, though I should not be the one to be giving advice on relationships cause I suck at them, but if you truly do love her and care for her let her fly, you cannot hold someone back form there dreams and life. If she means the world to you let her have hers. You cannot control a person, there are many guys out there and you have a very beautiful gf guys are going to hit on her till the day she dies, its all in how she handles it. Trust is a huge factor without it there is no relationship. She is only 22 hardly settled, you are settled. If you hold someone back from what they wanna do can you say you truly care, I know it feels though you already have broke up, but relationships need space to grow also, time to collect your thoughts and live your own life. Just do not do what I do spend all your energy trying to fix it and holding on to something if it is not meant to be (not saying your relationship is not) What is meant to be will find a way. Kind of like me being the calendar boy for michelin man tire company, they said I have that ghost white rolly and chuby look going and they could really use me in photo shoots.
peace

keep your head up and worry about things only you can change.
Gooey

 

[draven]

Bro...your young, if she finds another guy and they pursue it you cant prevent it...she truly loves you she wont go no where ....Stop worrying ...you can get another ...there are always a lot.

 

[Queefer]

I noticed the same thing Skip did. " i made her call him " is a very demonstrative comment, if that's the right word here. Maybe she felt like you were too possesive, and now that you guys have some space, she's starting to realize what she may be losing. It seems to me like your best bet is for you to lay back and take it easy and make her think you are moving on. If you love something, set it free........yada yada yada. Hopefully it will ring true in this case. Regardless, good luck buddy.

 

[JETHRO TULL]

HERE IS WHAT I THINK.....

#1.....GUY FRIEND? WELL, MOST GUYS ARE WANTING TO BE 'FRIENDS' WITH GIRLS FOR ONE REASON. IF YOU LISTEN TO A CHIC LONG ENOUGH, YOU'LL GET LAID. IF A GIRL WANTS TO TALK WITH SOMEONE ABOUT ISSUES....THAT'S WHAT GIRL FRIENDS ARE FOR. NO GUY WANTS TO SIT AND LISTEN TO SOME GALS PROBLEMS UNLESS HE'S THE SOLUTION.

#2.....THE HARDER YOU TRY TO HOLD ON...THE MORE ROOM SHE'LL WANT. DON'T BE DESPERATE, DON'T CALL....GIVE HER TONS OF ROOM. NO ONE LIKES CLINGY PEOPLE. ONCE SHE SEES SHE MIGHT LOSE YOU SHE'LL EITHER DECIDE TO MAKE SURE THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN OR LET YOU GO. AT LEAST YOU'LL HAVE YOUR SELF RESPECT.

GOOD LUCK, BROTHER.

 

[HUTCH]

same thing happend to me and my wife....I went to KY to run track in college and she moved out with me....things didnt work and we broke up and moved back to AZ....She needed space and all that stuff.....that was just a big fuckin hill in our relationship and finally just had to let her go and put myself first....I knew where i wanted to go in life and if she wanted to come along then she was gonna have to catch me.....so i was sleepin around and all that but was still heart broke, but then i started seeing this other girl seriously....I swear as soon as I wasnt thinkin about her anymore she came back....its like they know....Anyway we are married now and have been for a year and a half...She realized what she almost lost and your girl has to do the same......Girls wanna be played man....im not saying to cheat on her but you gotta make her think that you could be cheatin on her..when you go to work (bouncing) she needs have in the back of her mind that some hot girl could be givin you her number right now.....Its sad to say but you gotta have that in a relationship....If I know i got a girl wrapped around my finger i get bored with her.....looks like your already headed though with the whole bouncer thing......But i would definetly not call her and let her call you....even when she calls dont pick up, call her back later and say you were busy or somethin....ya its kids games but they like to play those games....women want a man who is wanted by other women.....i dont know if i helped at all but i hope for you it gets better...

 

[mzright72]

Female perspective..

I have seen this way too many times.. and I am not saying that she's like all the other girls I know.. but, honesty is what builds trust.. and if she couldn't be honest with you about this guy right from the start.. will you ever trust that she is honest with you in the long run??

I know I havent' been on this board long and maybe I shouldnt' give my 2 cents.. but, I hate to see people get manipulated and hurt. I have been there too many times.. getting older and learning from it all has been my light at the end of the tunnel. As for her being 22 and too young to settle?? well.. I was ready to be married at 18.. but, well.. he made a friend at work.. and his friend.. was female.. and the story goes on..

Never have regrets.. and learn to follow your heart.. chances are it will take you to the right place.. no matter how bad things seemed for me.. well.. I got the better end of the deal.. my daughter..

 

[joedokes]

ON June 4th I'm taking you to the Golden Palomino, and buying you lap dances til you smile again.

 

[chewwy26]

ok bed time here but i must speak
brother i will tell you one thing it is a code i live by
when it comes to women i learned a long time ago they are going to do what they are going to do. i have no control over them. If i am with a woman i trust her 100 percent and believe she is with me because she wants to be with me and for no other reason and if there comes a time when she doesnt want to be with me then she will leave and i have to accept that. mistrust like checking cell phones going through her nitestand or drawers and shit like that does nothing good for the relationship because we as men tend to take things we may stumble across and have no businesss looking at and twist it to be something its not then it does the one thing we didnt want to happen and fucks up the relationship because our jealousy rears its ugly head and we start accusing of things that we thought up in our own head but are not true. trust 100 percent or be single and just fuck and have fun till we are ready to trust 100 percent. i learned i wasnt ready to settle with one till i hit about 30. prior to that all i wanted to do was hang out fuck and have fun. i hope it all works out bro