Son asks about condoms at 14

[pesty4077]

I posted this on Muscular Developement and had the most idiotic advice. I tend to think that Pro Muscle has more intellegent people. If your son is asking you about condoms and he is 14, what would your advice be? I try to be a Christain parent, but I am not naive about certain things that happen. Be honest, TY

 

[MAINEVENT]

I posted this on Muscular Developement and had the most idiotic advice. I tend to think that Pro Muscle has more intellegent people. If your son is asking you about condoms and he is 14, what would your advice be? I try to be a Christain parent, but I am not naive about certain things that happen. Be honest, TY

Honestly, the best thing you can do it be....honest. Im sure his friends already talk about it and it would be naive to think that in this day and age at 14 he doesn't know alot more than you think. I would just say, look im against this and this is why........but if you think you may be sexually active then be safe. If its not from you, he'll get condoms from somewhere else.

 

[EasyEJL]

If its not from you, he'll get condoms from somewhere else.

or he may get a girl pregnant....

So definitely be honest with him, and talk to him about all parts of the decision, and if in the end he asks you to buy the condoms for him, buy them.

 

[aeliop]

Pesty we all did things and behaived a certain way in our past. Many of us drove while drunk, had unprotected sex, cheated on a test, whatever, etc....
That does not make it right or does it make us hypocritical for telling someone to do something different then we did in the past. If anything we were lucky, blessed, whatever that something bad didn't happen as a result of our actions. You are a Christian and a conservative man with strong beliefs and convictions. If you don't believe it is acceptable for you son to be having sexual relations at 14 then that is where you stand. If it were me (because you asked) I would sit him down and have a man to man with him. Try to explain to him the consequences of his actions and also ask him who the girl(s) is. I would explain to him that we would have to notify her parents of his and her intentions and how you stand on the issue. Stick to your guns Greg, the threat of him getting it somewhere else is valid and if he does, well at least you did your best to prevent it not in anyway encourage something that you were against.

 

[marilyn]

and...........

Pesty we all did things and behaived a certain way in our past. Many of us drove while drunk, had unprotected sex, cheated on a test, whatever, etc....
That does not make it right or does it make us hypocritical for telling someone to do something different then we did in the past. If anything we were lucky, blessed, whatever that something bad didn't happen as a result of our actions. You are a Christian and a conservative man with strong beliefs and convictions. If you don't believe it is acceptable for you son to be having sexual relations at 14 then that is where you stand. If it were me (because you asked) I would sit him down and have a man to man with him. Try to explain to him the consequences of his actions and also ask him who the girl(s) is. I would explain to him that we would have to notify her parents of his and her intentions and how you stand on the issue. Stick to your guns Greg, the threat of him getting it somewhere else is valid and if he does, well at least you did your best to prevent it not in anyway encourage something that you were against.

you left the part where you would drive to the girls house and speak to them all face to face....lol.

 

[sadie]

I posted this on Muscular Developement and had the most idiotic advice. I tend to think that Pro Muscle has more intellegent people. If your son is asking you about condoms and he is 14, what would your advice be? I try to be a Christain parent, but I am not naive about certain things that happen. Be honest, TY

my opinion is its better he ask about condoms then ask about child support. i think its really important that you dont freak out on him about this.. right now he is comfortable coming to you with things like this. if you over react he will stop coming to you and start going to his friends.. trust me.. that is the last thing you want him to do. good luck

 

[mooshue]

i was going to post the same as sadie, if you appear upset or try to instill your beliefs on him it could scare him away from ever coming to you again with anything serious.

When my son starts asking, i plan to not rely on schools or anyone else to tech him anything. I have tried to place myself in his situation and mindset. I will get out a condom, show him, tell him what they do and what they dont, and that if he is embarrased to buy them, i will gladly get them for him rather than him not use one and get someone pregnant or wore, contract a disease.

Of course when it actually happens i will probably freeze up on him !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[HOTROCKS]

If I asked you the same question how would you answer it ?
Do it the same way .

Ok ! I’m asking the question.

Hey dad the guys were talking about condoms and I wasn’t totally sure about what they are and how you suppose to use them and why ?

What is you answer

 

[PHIL HERNON]

And

As a parent of daughters.......I am scared to death that they will come to me and ask about taking steroids.......

 

[HOTROCKS]

As a parent of daughters.......I am scared to death that they will come to me and ask about taking steroids.......

What would you say ?

 

[PHIL HERNON]

Well

What would you say ?

I would tell her how all the women I know that have taken steroids have masculinized themselves.....NOW, if she wants that at all costs its her choice..........as long as she knows what she could expect. I will ask her how attractive it is for a man to take estrogen and look/act like a girl....thats how attractive she will be to the opposite sex.

 

[pesty4077]

Wow, good responses! In a perfect world as a Christain, we are suppose to wait until marriage. Fact: At 15 I started having sex without condoms(I know not to smart) I really don't get angry as much as wanting to think level headed, although I do give my kids that mean look sometimes. He actually went to my wife, with this question, she told me I should explain. Rather than say something stupid, I merely waited and thought about it. My advice is this, wait, but to be safe, I will probally end of buying a few condoms. My biggest problem for many years, was lust and I rather be safe than sorry. Just my .02

 

[h8tr3d]

If you don't believe it is acceptable for you son to be having sexual relations at 14 then that is where you stand.

Stick to your guns Greg, the threat of him getting it somewhere else is valid and if he does, well at least you did your best to prevent it not in anyway encourage something that you were against.

Couldn't have said that better myself! I think when people say " kids will be kids!", Its BS all the way. If your a christian man, than I know you are against pre-marital sex, and you should stick by it strong and stern. Don't be a pushover like most parents and conform to the world. Its a nasty place, and we have to make the best out of it. Good luck brother

 

[pesty4077]

Couldn't have said that better myself! I think when people say " kids will be kids!", Its BS all the way. If your a christian man, than I know you are against pre-marital sex, and you should stick by it strong and stern. Don't be a pushover like most parents and conform to the world. Its a nasty place, and we have to make the best out of it. Good luck brother

Well, like I said, that is easier said than done. Yes, that is what I want, but you are not around your teenagers 24 hours a day and they have outside influences. Fact: teenage pregancy is rising at an alarming rate. So, to conform to the world is not the issue, we forget that what we did as teenagers. I am a happy, I don't have someone like me. Being a pushover is not the issue, my wife can tell you how set I am in my ways. I guess as parents, we just do the best we can and pray it all works out.

 

[h8tr3d]

Well, like I said, that is easier said than done. Yes, that is what I want, but you are not around your teenagers 24 hours a day and they have outside influences. Fact: teenage pregancy is rising at an alarming rate. So, to conform to the world is not the issue, we forget that what we did as teenagers. I am a happy, I don't have someone like me. Being a pushover is not the issue, my wife can tell you how set I am in my ways. I guess as parents, we just do the best we can and pray it all works out.

I guess I have a hard time understanding that, because as a teenager I wasnt having sex, nor was I drinking, or smoking. Maybe I am the exception, i dont know. At any rate, im sure you know best for your boy, and will make the right decision.

 

[pesty4077]

I guess I have a hard time understanding that, because as a teenager I wasnt having sex, nor was I drinking, or smoking. Maybe I am the exception, i dont know. At any rate, im sure you know best for your boy, and will make the right decision.

That is a rare thing, a very admirable trait, you should be proud.

 

[HOTROCKS]

I would tell her how all the women I know that have taken steroids have masculinized themselves.....NOW, if she wants that at all costs its her choice..........as long as she knows what she could expect. I will ask her how attractive it is for a man to take estrogen and look/act like a girl....thats how attractive she will be to the opposite sex.

Exactly !
The truth .

 

[Theatrix]

I read this earlier and refrained from commenting because my thoughts at the time were being affected by a harsh day in the office.
First I will qualify my comments by telling you two things. The first being that I have three sons 20/18/13 and a daughter 9.
The second is that I am agnostic and live in the NorthEast of the USA.

Having said that, I can appreciate wanting to shelter your children as long as possible and not de-sensitize as long as you can. However, I wonder what advantage a child of 14 would have in todays society, being sheltered from its realities. He certainly can think and see for himself and most certainly is exposed to conversation in his circle of peers. The Truth at this age is what he needs. My 13 y/o son is capable of critical thinking and problem solving, I would think he has the ability to comprehend what is already being shown and discussed all around him.
I don't know about you, but I was already curious by that age. If your son is anything like my son, he has already begun and perhaps is in the middle of puberty. If not now, by the time you have that conversation with him, he will already know.
Just my thoughts from the cold harsh NE. LOL

 

[Ursine Muscle]

Condoms & kids

I am not a parent but I have taught sex education and ethics. My suggestions:

Social:
1) Good news, you son obviously trusts you enough to talk to you. You're doing something right. Keep the communication open, make it a dialogue.
2) Don't freak out--curiosity is normal. It means your son is thinking--you've done something else right. This may be absolutely nothing but his curiosity.
3) Be honest & matter of fact, kids can smell beating around the bush.
4) Understand that when you were 14 and right now, might be different times. We are drowning in confusing, perhaps overpowering images that sexuality is marketed as the solution for everything, It is often an exploitive sexuality and one in which responsibility is left out of the equation.

Ethical/religious
5) You said you were a Christian. It is a very wide tradition but piggy back on the knowledge that individual decisions have consequences. There is free will. Human relations are to be ethical and honest at ALL times. He may be listening to his hormones, but he is also free to talk about it, and not do it. Ask him to speak to you again.
6) Tell,or remind him that sex is far, far more than a biological act. It might result in the creation of a totally new person (soul), and if done under the wrong conditions it very well could cause great harm to the both of them. It could ruin his future emotionally, economically and perhaps, socially. And even worse for the girl-if there is one. If he truly cares for her, he will think of this.

Biological
7) You son is most likely fertile, Tell him that. He could father a child. Stress that responsibility is what being a man is about, not making babies.
8) He exposes himself to disease and the rates of STD in the US are by far the worst in the industrialized world. (And you don't want to see the figures for 14 year olds.)

Emotional
9) He may think he loves his gf (did he mention on?), Explain the difference between love & lust. He will not hear you, but as a Christian, you've said it before.
10) Even if we do love a person, part of that love is knowing when NOT to have sex with them. Christianity describes many types of love, if you have a good minister who you trust, perhaps this could be discussed. (If not, discuss starting a group with other parents from your church).
10) Make sure he understand that what he hears in the locker room and what really happens are two separate things. Guys bull shit a lot, once again. its normal. (And so do girls...)

Practical, as a parent.
11) obviously, discuss this with your wife. I got the facts of life from both parents, family doctor & my clergy.
12) I would buy him some condoms. Let him demystify adult sexuality. He is exploring his body at this junction in his life and once again, that's normal. (Better his own, than somebody else.)
13) keep him busy as hell. And make sure you know where he is. I didn't have an evening out after 10 PM until I was 18. School, volunteer work, part-time job, chores.
Every study shows that abstinence doesn't work. What does seem to work is to be frank and stress responsibility. I think sex ed has to be integrated into responsible behavior for life (i.e. booze, drugs, etc.). It has worked in the European model (except UK) but it is divorced here in the US.

Hope this may give you some ideas. If something goes wrong, don't blame yourself. Pick up the pieces and move forward.

 

[pesty4077]

I am not a parent but I have taught sex education and ethics. My suggestions:

Social:
1) Good news, you son obviously trusts you enough to talk to you. You're doing something right. Keep the communication open, make it a dialogue.
2) Don't freak out--curiosity is normal. It means your son is thinking--you've done something else right. This may be absolutely nothing but his curiosity.
3) Be honest & matter of fact, kids can smell beating around the bush.
4) Understand that when you were 14 and right now, might be different times. We are drowning in confusing, perhaps overpowering images that sexuality is marketed as the solution for everything, It is often an exploitive sexuality and one in which responsibility is left out of the equation.

Ethical/religious
5) You said you were a Christian. It is a very wide tradition but piggy back on the knowledge that individual decisions have consequences. There is free will. Human relations are to be ethical and honest at ALL times. He may be listening to his hormones, but he is also free to talk about it, and not do it. Ask him to speak to you again.
6) Tell,or remind him that sex is far, far more than a biological act. It might result in the creation of a totally new person (soul), and if done under the wrong conditions it very well could cause great harm to the both of them. It could ruin his future emotionally, economically and perhaps, socially. And even worse for the girl-if there is one. If he truly cares for her, he will think of this.

Biological
7) You son is most likely fertile, Tell him that. He could father a child. Stress that responsibility is what being a man is about, not making babies.
8) He exposes himself to disease and the rates of STD in the US are by far the worst in the industrialized world. (And you don't want to see the figures for 14 year olds.)

Emotional
9) He may think he loves his gf (did he mention on?), Explain the difference between love & lust. He will not hear you, but as a Christian, you've said it before.
10) Even if we do love a person, part of that love is knowing when NOT to have sex with them. Christianity describes many types of love, if you have a good minister who you trust, perhaps this could be discussed. (If not, discuss starting a group with other parents from your church).
10) Make sure he understand that what he hears in the locker room and what really happens are two separate things. Guys bull shit a lot, once again. its normal. (And so do girls...)

Practical, as a parent.
11) obviously, discuss this with your wife. I got the facts of life from both parents, family doctor & my clergy.
12) I would buy him some condoms. Let him demystify adult sexuality. He is exploring his body at this junction in his life and once again, that's normal. (Better his own, than somebody else.)
13) keep him busy as hell. And make sure you know where he is. I didn't have an evening out after 10 PM until I was 18. School, volunteer work, part-time job, chores.
Every study shows that abstinence doesn't work. What does seem to work is to be frank and stress responsibility. I think sex ed has to be integrated into responsible behavior for life (i.e. booze, drugs, etc.). It has worked in the European model (except UK) but it is divorced here in the US.

Hope this may give you some ideas. If something goes wrong, don't blame yourself. Pick up the pieces and move forward.

EXCELLLANT POST! TY