You guys feel my pain?Engaged and married guys please read...

[BALDNAZI]

I will preface my story by saying I am totally in love with my fiance, she is good to me, and everything between us is GREAT. We are getting married and thats that.

Now, I have a situation that came up today that I know has happened to alot of you. I came to visit my family's business today and who was in there on her way out, not just a customer but a GODDESS. I knew her for a couple years since I used to work there, and since I had commited to my girlfriend (at the time) and this girl was in a relationship nothing ever happened.

Let me backup first with her description. About 5'6" 125 lbs AMAZING body,everything is perfect. Her father came from Afghanistan and her mother is from Barbados. Unique and exotic are not even good enough to describe her. Her eyes are a platinum/silver, bright as lights next to her really smooth light brown skin.The type of face you just want to look at, so damn pretty. There is no way my description will do her justice, but she turns heads wherever she goes, this is model material my friends.HOT! Easily one of the hottest girls I have ever seen in person.

My mother and sister always said the same thing about her,and my friends who have seen her also were mesmerized, its like she puts a spell on you with those eyes. You can't look away!!

Anyway, we exchange pleasant hello,how are you etc. She says "I JUST found out you were engaged,congratulations" and the usual crap then bye.

My mother and sister look at each other and are smiling, like they do not want to say what went on. I force it out of them.

Turns out, this amazingly gorgeous girl came in to ask about ME.Where has he been?Whats going on?Its so hard to find someone. She tells my sister she recently broke up with her man,and she is single and she always wondered about me and if the feeling was mutual.

So my sister drops the bomb on her and tells her Im engaged. LOL My mother said her face had that little girl look of disappointment. Thats just around the time I walked in.

Ok so thats the story. Now I will not leave my girl, and I will not cheat, those days are over. But can you imagine the irony of life? Here she is, the most exotic, hottest woman you have ever seen and it was right there for the taking, and you cannot do a damn fucking thing!!! Life sucks, please let me know this has happened to you guys too....

Why is it we always want something else when in reality what we have is great?My girl is beautiful and she loves me and I love her. Yet,this DEMON LOL shows up and trys to tempt me?? Life sucks!!!!

 

[Tyrone]

I feel ya BN...It just seems to happen to me more now that I'm hooked up...It's some sort of gravitation pull once that happens lol...Besides that, for me at least, the other thing is the grass is always greener in fact

 

[LEX]

I feel your pain bro.....I got a few regrets or things that I wonder what if about but I made the right choice and got the right chick. Everything worth anything is a constant sacrifice it seems....Hey at least it nice to feel wanted huh? like you still got some game...thats always a good thing.


Pm that girls info pls....I mean if she's all alone....and heartbroken...lol

 

[PHIL HERNON]

BN

YOUR MOM AND SIS WERE JUST TEASIN YOU........I CALLED THEM AND TOLD THEM TO SAY THAT. SHE WAS NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, SHE WAS THERE SELLING AVON. NOW, BACK TO PLANNING YOUR MARRIAGE.

 

[MAINEVENT]

Everything worth anything is a constant sacrifice

True'r words have not been spoken.

BN....brother it doesn't get any easier, but sometimes temptation needs to be left at that....temptation.

 

[BALDNAZI]

Hahaha

I knew you would say that Phil. My sis would do that, but not with my mom there. Mom is a strict Catholic and she is very religious, wouldnt lie to save her life. So unfortunetly it was no joke.

You got to understand something Phil, I am a sexy bastard. I never show my face in my pics,but you can tell from my jawline damn..thats one hot boy!!LOL

Time to plan the wedding,your right.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Hmmm... this one is really up to you BN... as I see it, you have three choices:

1. Concentrate on your first relationship and forget you ever saw this girl.
2. Pursue something with this girl and kiss your fiancee goodbye.
3. Pursue what you can with both.

Okay by the numbers...

1. Probably the lowest risk option. You love the girl you're with so why take a chance on something that may or may not be. Course, life's about taking chances. No reward without risk.

2. The honorable thing. Break things off clean with your fiancee and really make an attempt at a relationship with this new girl.

3. You are not married. I know there's a lot of unwritten rules out there but the fact is, is that you are FREE to do and see whomever you like until you make that oath. There may be an "implied" faithfulness to any relationship and you may or may not be morally obligated to honor that faithfulness. But no law by God or man says you have to.

Okay, all that being said. You have those three options. If you can think of others add them to this list and LOOK at each one closely. Weigh pros and cons of each, your gut reaction, what your own conscience will allow and make a firm decision and don't look back. You have the power in this situation (and in all situations) to go left, right, up, or down if you catch my meaning.

So that leaves us with just one inescapable question...

What would YOU do?

 

[BALDNAZI]

The choice is made..always was

Im not turning my back on my girl for a "what if". Sure, I would probably have a great fucking time with this chick, but it still would not be the same as what I have with my best friend. Thats my girl,my best friend,the one who was with me day and night in the hospital. So there never was any doubt, I just wanted to vent my frustration. Its like having a really sick fast Benz and then a Ferrari screams by you in the left lane and your like WHOA! Both cars are awesome to have, but in reality be happy you have the Benz and not a Kia!! LOL

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Im not turning my back on my girl for a "what if". Sure, I would probably have a great fucking time with this chick, but it still would not be the same as what I have with my best friend. Thats my girl,my best friend,the one who was with me day and night in the hospital. So there never was any doubt, I just wanted to vent my frustration. Its like having a really sick fast Benz and then a Ferrari screams by you in the left lane and your like WHOA! Both cars are awesome to have, but in reality be happy you have the Benz and not a Kia!! LOL

I never doubted you for a second bro.

 

[Tom]

irony

Same thing happened to me BN. Shortly after I got engaged I found out this gorgeous hot bodied blond had it bad for me. I chose to stay loyal to my fiance. Ironically I ended up divorced 5 years later and got in touch with the blond. First time we got together the whole thing tanked. We were just going to a movie, nothing fancy no dinner or clubbing just a movie on a weekday after work. So what the hell I show up in levi's and a nice pullover (hilfiger) shirt and she's dressed to kill. She tells her friends I show up looking like a bum and is totally disillusioned with me....wouldn't take my calls or even answer my emails. So I think I'm an assclown and blew it with the hottest damn babe I ever had half a chance with. Well brother I saw her 2 years later and she's up about 80 lbs looking like a moo-cow and still holding out for Mr perfection. I tell her have a nice life and think to myself everything happens for a reason. Keep what you got BN cuz she's stuck with you through the worst of times and she aint ever gonna do anything to hurt you. That other one could just as easily turn into everything you never wanted. You got a keeper so don't let her get away.

Tom

 

[tattoojr]

BN, I did/mt use the same restraint /resolve you have and when both relationships ended badly it took a long while before I got into another relationship. Now this wife keeps me on a short leash cuz she knows about my past history, I know thta I won'tdo it again but she doesn't want to take that chance. My advice is put it out of your mind or you'll start obsessing about it and that won't do ypu any good, I hope you have a good end to your dilemia. J.R.

 

[hngrygrl]

Im not turning my back on my girl for a "what if". Sure, I would probably have a great fucking time with this chick, but it still would not be the same as what I have with my best friend. Thats my girl,my best friend,the one who was with me day and night in the hospital. So there never was any doubt, I just wanted to vent my frustration. Its like having a really sick fast Benz and then a Ferrari screams by you in the left lane and your like WHOA! Both cars are awesome to have, but in reality be happy you have the Benz and not a Kia!! LOL

You have just gained more respect from me with this statement then you could ever know. Sure, everyday in everyone's lives there is someone or something that makes us say "what if". I'd be a complete liar to say that Ive never had temptation for another. What it all comes down to is plain and simple: is it worth it? Should I pine and obsess and lie to get closer to this person that you dont know is soulmate on this earth or should I blink my eyes a few times, shake my head and say to myself, "listen you dumb fu**, what you have is worth more than anything in this world. is it worth losing the person that you love most at his point in time?" Always the answer has been no. OTH, yeah when you're dating or engaged theres not "exactly" the same rules, but I do have a bone to pick with you about your views on that. =) I've quit a job before to keep myself away from a temptation when my husband and i were just dating.
BN, as for your girl. She would be heartbroken to know that you possibly had went after someone else when you had given an oath to her. Imagine her broken heart at knowing that the nights you were sitting silently with her it was because you were thinking of someone else. Nothing but time ---and A LONG TIME-- at that can heal the heart. Can you go threw a relationship like that. Its been tainted by lies and distrust. And sometimes when someone has gone outside the relationship its best just to say FU** it and end the relationship.

Anyways, before I get too blah blah blah....BN I'd just like to say that I'm happy you chose to not go after this girl (whom, if she really wanted to be with you wouldnt have waited until she had broken up with someone) and to stick to the promise that you gave to your fiancee. She's stuck by you threw thick and thin and while you were in the hospital. No pretty face could ever replace that kind of love

 

[OuchThatHurts]

...But no law by God or man says you have to.

I dont like you very much right now. give me time. i'll get over it. but i dont like you

That's fine. Take all the time you need. But understand this: Did the words I wrote, even if in just some small way, help bring BN to his conclusion? The conclusion which he wrote so well? Did I lie to him? Did I tell him what to do? The words he posted, did it make you feel good? When you know your options and you know that you have the freedom to live your life as you will and then continually CHOOSE to do what is right, then you are a man. Anything less and you are not. But you have to KNOW all your options. That's all I gave him. Nothing more. I'm not going to insult the man's intelligence by telling him what to do with his life.

I assure you and everyone. I am a man and my motives were just. You admired that I remarked that without law, we have no freedom. So why do we all just obey and observe these unwritten laws? I'm telling you, it's these unwritten laws - this unlawful political and societal correctness that we have to obey out there, and even in here, that is chipping away at the true freedom and laws we do have. If you simply obey what society and popular opinion tell you to do, what have you done? Nothing. To make a stand and make good choices based on what you KNOW is right... not THAT is something.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

The hardest part of doing what I do is getting people to come to their own conclusions WITHOUT telling them outright, what they need to do. You think I'm not tempted at times to just say "Hey, you need to do this, this, and this!"

People would love that. That would be easy! But...

It will not work like that. A person has to come to their own realizations. When they do that, then they have learned something about themselves. If someone just tells you what to do and you do it, you gain nothing.

 

[nosmas]

My reply for BN is this......
I think that as men, we will encounter situations like you had every now and then. What is important is how we react to the situation and you reacted very honorably and with good intention. You should be proud. I am proud of you. You kept your honor and I think you will when this situation replays itself in the future. You’re a good man. Don’t look back with regret for your decision to stay with a good thing. The grass is always greener..........
OTH, I know you went flaming. I just didn’t want you and Lindsay to have any problems because of a misinterpretation. She has a tendency to jump on this kind of issue (faithfulness, obligation, unspoken rules) with great vigor (with great emotion like you just talked about). But you are one of her favorite people and I didn’t want anything to come between you two!
I hurt Lindsay real bad because I was unable to handle my “situation” in an appropriate manner. I never cheated on her in a physical sense, but I might as well have. Having feelings for someone else other than the person you are in a relationship with is complicated to say the least. I went about it choosing OTH’s option #3. I have a few things working in my favor, not the least of which is having a wife/partner/best friend who sticks by me despite my many faults. Second chances are rare, let alone fourth or fifth chances.
Lindsay still has great hurt in her heart because of our “situation”
She talks about time, but I think we both have a scare because of our troubles that will never fully be fixed. She will never fully trust me again. You have to earn trust, but I will never actually get her full trust again. All I can do is stick by her as much as she does me and work with the broken pieces as best I can.
Another good post BN.
To everyone else in a serious relationship or marriage, all I can say is be careful not to let a stranger into your house!

 

[littlemack]

I've got a simple solution for you Baldnazi. I will fly out to see you and rescue you from this "Goddess." You can then go on and marry your fiance....

I will preface my story by saying I am totally in love with my fiance, she is good to me, and everything between us is GREAT. We are getting married and thats that.

Now, I have a situation that came up today that I know has happened to alot of you. I came to visit my family's business today and who was in there on her way out, not just a customer but a GODDESS. I knew her for a couple years since I used to work there, and since I had commited to my girlfriend (at the time) and this girl was in a relationship nothing ever happened.

Let me backup first with her description. About 5'6" 125 lbs AMAZING body,everything is perfect. Her father came from Afghanistan and her mother is from Barbados. Unique and exotic are not even good enough to describe her. Her eyes are a platinum/silver, bright as lights next to her really smooth light brown skin.The type of face you just want to look at, so damn pretty. There is no way my description will do her justice, but she turns heads wherever she goes, this is model material my friends.HOT! Easily one of the hottest girls I have ever seen in person.

My mother and sister always said the same thing about her,and my friends who have seen her also were mesmerized, its like she puts a spell on you with those eyes. You can't look away!!

Anyway, we exchange pleasant hello,how are you etc. She says "I JUST found out you were engaged,congratulations" and the usual crap then bye.

My mother and sister look at each other and are smiling, like they do not want to say what went on. I force it out of them.

Turns out, this amazingly gorgeous girl came in to ask about ME.Where has he been?Whats going on?Its so hard to find someone. She tells my sister she recently broke up with her man,and she is single and she always wondered about me and if the feeling was mutual.

So my sister drops the bomb on her and tells her Im engaged. LOL My mother said her face had that little girl look of disappointment. Thats just around the time I walked in.

Ok so thats the story. Now I will not leave my girl, and I will not cheat, those days are over. But can you imagine the irony of life? Here she is, the most exotic, hottest woman you have ever seen and it was right there for the taking, and you cannot do a damn fucking thing!!! Life sucks, please let me know this has happened to you guys too....

Why is it we always want something else when in reality what we have is great?My girl is beautiful and she loves me and I love her. Yet,this DEMON LOL shows up and trys to tempt me?? Life sucks!!!!

 

[The Wolf]

I know what Im about to say is old, but looks realy dont mean nothing at all. She might look like an angel but like Elvis said, she could be the devil in discuise. Speaking about the devil, the devil himself could be tricking you to lust and temptation. You might not be religous or might not believe in the devil and all but nobody has proved that he dont exist.

Weather he exists or not, dont think about no other girl than the one your gonna marry, shes your friend, your soilder, your shoulder to cry on. I dont care how pretty the other girl is. Be true to the game bro.

 

[oldfella]

Temptation

Hey BN, temptation is a bitch. It will come around again and again. You have made ultimately the right choice! You have a beautiful woman in your life. Beauty comes in many forms and is never just skin deep. You are coming of age as I see it! We all make decisions in our lives, some good and some not so good. It is then regret that you must live with. To me regret carries a pain far worse than not knowing/wondering. So you have the wondering what if now? Sounds like that has already passed but the pain of regret will haunt you forever. Very wise choice BN. It is a great thing you have done. Temptation look you squarely in the eyes and you turned it away! A younger more follish BN would have siezed the oppurtunity! It is the younger BN that would have been the fool. I have always had respect for you my brother, I may not always agree with your ways but I have always harboured respect for them. You are a good man and have a true heart. I'm impressed!

 

[thebrick]

Im not turning my back on my girl for a "what if". Sure, I would probably have a great fucking time with this chick, but it still would not be the same as what I have with my best friend. Thats my girl,my best friend,the one who was with me day and night in the hospital. So there never was any doubt, I just wanted to vent my frustration. Its like having a really sick fast Benz and then a Ferrari screams by you in the left lane and your like WHOA! Both cars are awesome to have, but in reality be happy you have the Benz and not a Kia!! LOL

wise man you are!

 

[pimpman]

hey BN you just proved to yourself that you are ready to walk down that church ile with your honey.looks are good but the heart in the person is whats really matter.your honey has been with you through thick and thin.you have a good girl with you and thats hard to find.i know i have one too.we been married for 14 years and have 2 boys i would not trade her for the world.ask yourself this question if she is that good looking how come she cant find a man to stay with her.AAAHHH