Really need help / advise

[deanabol]

To cut a very complex situation short
I'm very depressed and have been really unwell for the past couple of years .
I have a Partner And almost 2 year old daughter ,I'm due to get married in may .
Now I don't know if I love my fiancée and don't think I want to Marry her ,

It's not so clear cut because I am so depressed I worry that it's taking over my feelings as my head is so messed up .
I just dint know if I can go through with the wedding but I also don't know if I can mentally and physically cope with breaking up and leaving my daughter and home when I might regret it later .

These feelings have come and gone for the past few years and I don't know what I'm going to do

I'm already unable to wrk full time and cope with daily life because of health matters and I dint know If I could handle any extra stress it's a catch 22 situtation

 

[ROCKEDUP]

Hey bro sorry to hear about the situation. I won't pretend to be a therapist but I will say there is no rush in getting married. I don't believe there is such a thing as waiting too long. Do you have to break up if you don't get married? I'd hold off, be a good father, try to get yourself well, and let the chips fall. Things have a way of working themselves out. Best wishes man

 

[renewlyf]

Can you give us some more info.

Are you doing anything about the depression? Therapy, etc..
What other health issues?
Are you now/past been using gear?
Do you have an idea what might be causing the depression?

Don't rush to conclusions as to it's either marrage or it's over. If you guys have a good relationship talk about the situation. Tell her given your current health condition the wedding is adding additional stress and making it worse.
Get to the bottom of the depression and get treatment and I believe things will work out the way they are supposed to.
I'm praying for you!
Renewlyf

 

[deanabol]

Thanks to you both
I im being treated for the depression but it's not helping much at the moment .

The health issues are very complex and ongoing , I'm not having much success with the national health service and may have to go private in the end .
It's hormone related (adrenal and thyroid as well as gut problems )
I'm a bodybuilder and mentally addicted to steroids if I'm truthful , it's my only focus .

I just don't know how I feel about her any more but I dint know if my feelings could be warped by mental illness . !?
Although I must admit that I think deep down I've known in my heart it's not right .

I delayed the wedding for a long time and eventually bit the bullet as I could see what it was doing to her .

The problem is all me and I dont think there's. Much we could work on .
It just doesn't feel right i know she deserves better and I want to be as eager to marry her as she is

I go through phases where I think itk be ok but I think I'm just kidding myself

I have an enormous amount of stress , I'm trying to juggle two jobs to get out of my current job along with looking after my daughter two days a week and trying to do all this whilst feeling I'll is such a struggle I can't even describe it

Thanks

 

[deanabol]

I feel Like I couldn't find someone else to take on all my problems but can't help but feel that the right person is out there

I think having kids makes it much more difficult and hard to imagine how things would be

 

[renewlyf]

You have a lot of stuff going on. Are you on any anti-depresent, or pain medication, ?? I'm not sure I could make a rational decision about how I felt about anything in your state. Focus on getting better what ever it takes.

What helps me is my faith, spiritual beliefs. It helped me out of a very debilitating drug and alcohol adddiction, depression and saved me from the brink of suicide. If you would like to talk more about that, I'm would be happy to do so. Otherwise that is all I will mention on that subject.

 

[deanabol]

You have a lot of stuff going on. Are you on any anti-depresent, or pain medication, ?? I'm not sure I could make a rational decision about how I felt about anything in your state. Focus on getting better what ever it takes.

What helps me is my faith, spiritual beliefs. It helped me out of a very debilitating drug and alcohol adddiction, depression and saved me from the brink of suicide. If you would like to talk more about that, I'm would be happy to do so. Otherwise that is all I will mention on that subject.

I agree , yeah it's my situation is by far clear cut
I'm on anti depressants but they aren't helping much although these are new ones si have only been on them for 5 weeks , I've had a lot of trouble tolerating various ones

 

[whitewolve41]

Dean:

Im also on Meds for depression:Vistaril And Viibryd. May i ask what your on? You need to find the right combinations. I know,easier said than done..This is a very delicate situation to talk about. I myself tryed to take my life..But seeing my Mental Health Doctor and tryiing different combinations of meds has really helped. Im also on pain meds..Hopefully you can find the help that you need.

 

[matt1164]

hey dean,

my daughter has thyroid and adrenal issues. and some gut problems. she's 8 and her doc just did bloodwork to see if she had an appropriate stress response.

I believe the exact test was an "insulin induced hypoglycemia test" to demonstrate appropriate cortisol and ACTH during hypoglycemia.

you might want to get your cortisol and acth levels checked if you haven't already to see if your body can handle stress appropriately.

good luck

 

[deanabol]

Hi
I'm on Tarazadone right now , i need the sedating ones for insomnia

And yeah I had two synacthen tests which showed my adrenals barely produced any cortisol

I don't beleive I've had any for blood sugar though

I've only been on these anti ds fior 5-6 weeks so I think she plans to increase my dose soon

Even though my mind could be changing how I feel I just think that no natter how low someone is it shouldn't make them loose feelings for someone or am I wrong ?

 

[cavdude]

Hi
I'm on Tarazadone right now , i need the sedating ones for insomnia

And yeah I had two synacthen tests which showed my adrenals barely produced any cortisol

I don't beleive I've had any for blood sugar though

I've only been on these anti ds fior 5-6 weeks so I think she plans to increase my dose soon

Even though my mind could be changing how I feel I just think that no natter how low someone is it shouldn't make them loose feelings for someone or am I wrong ?

---------
Dean I read your posts/thread and one thing I can tell you for sure is that if adrenals/thyroid are low you will go thru life in a fog and experience confusion, depression and all that nasty related stuff!

Depress quite often can be offset with excercise but with you having two jobs and depressed, its probably hard to stay motivated enough toget into the gym?

If I were you, I would imediately start taking supps to support/rebuild your adrenals and thyroid levels which in turn will improve Cortisol respones.

However having said that, you Are under a Dr care so it would only be appropriate to follow his/her directions.

PS,
when people are dazed and confused the way you are now, its typical to look for Life or partner changes! Better to get your body chems back in balance first before considering life changes?

 

[dooduu2]

I would say get off the supplements (self perscribed). You never know the way that the drugs are interacting with each other.

I would also be honest with your doctor about your supplement usage. You sure to get read the riot act but at least the doctor knows what they are working with to get you right.

You need to get yourself right for your child and i can tell from the fact that you recognize the problem and talking about it you are a good guy.

Best of luck to you

 

[deanabol]

Thanks for all the advise , things aren't much different

The wedding is in olny 3 weeks and It still feels wrong to be going through with it .
It's on my mind 24/7 and I cant seem to get out off this deppresion

It's a vicious circle as these worries are fuelling the depression

I just dont know what to do

I have been on an increased dose of anti d for 3 weeks but it's not helping much ( I cant help but wonder if I won't get better as long as I have these relationship worries )
It's quite an impossible predicament

 

[SKY_COWBOY]

yo dean...at least you can smile becuase we love you! anyhow...are you stil on the traznadone to sleep? in rehab, they gave us those to sleep....50mg or 100mg...whichever i preferred....wow, did they knock me out...i am sorry for your pain amigo...i hope with some help from your friends here at PM, that your relief will come soon!

 

[deanabol]

Hello
I'm now back on mirtazapine as the trazodone wasn't agreeing with me

I'm on a higher dose of 45mg to my previous 30mg but not seeing much

I'm worried that my relationship worries are just fuelling the depression / anxiety and that unless I come to a decision I wont feel we'll

I Almost called things off a couple of weeks ago But When I could see how devastates she was Abd the reality of leaving my home And daughter I ended up changing my mind
Although I still feel how I did before And don't feel like I should be going through with it

Im so stuck

Thanks for the kind responses

 

[SKY_COWBOY]

hey bro...PM me if u need to talk....

 

[SugarFree]

Depressed? Your happiness is irrelevant. You have a child, its your responsibility to be there for her so man up and get your a$$ down that isle.

Im just one of many here that Im sure is willing to talk with ya if you want someone to talk too buddy. But for now just keep in mind that you are 3 weeks out from your wedding and any sane person would still be questioning if what there about to do is right or if they should tuck tale and run before its too late.

 

[deanabol]

Depressed? Your happiness is irrelevant. You have a child, its your responsibility to be there for her so man up and get your a$$ down that isle.

Im just one of many here that Im sure is willing to talk with ya if you want someone to talk too buddy. But for now just keep in mind that you are 3 weeks out from your wedding and any sane person would still be questioning if what there about to do is right or if they should tuck tale and run before its too late.

I take it you have never suffered real depression or felt suicidal

 

[deanabol]

hey bro...PM me if u need to talk....

Thanks Mate

 

[renewlyf]

I take it you have never suffered real depression or felt suicidal

I can't speak for sugar free. Yes I have suffered real depression and had the obbsesion that killing myself was the only way out. One thing I do know from my experience is there is nothing more depressing than sitting around thinking about how depressed I was. As soon as I made a decision to do something about it I started feeling better. I don't mean looking for the answers in a new anti-depresant. I'm talking about getting to the core. Now it doesn't happen over night but another thing to do is, changing how we look at things. I try to wake up every morning and do a gratitude list . Looking at all the things in my life that I'm grateful for instead of focusing on the negative things in my life. Try that!!
I like Sky Cowboy am available to via pm. Anytime bro.