- Joined
- Dec 21, 2011
- Messages
- 59
Looking for some advice from guys who have been in long term relationships and have been through the ups and downs.
Kind of a long story here but I'll be as short as I can.
My gf and I had been together for a while and have been friends for about 13 years in all. We had been planning on getting a house this fall, and getting married and all that happy stuff was in our plans for the future.
She's a full time teacher, part time waitress, night time grad school student (working on 2nd masters). She's been super busy this semester, and I could see it visibly taking a toll on her emotionally. I've been very accommodating to her schedule and very supportive of her, even though I was feeling left out I know that this is only a temporary situation and she NEEDS to get it done.
Well she dropped a bombshell on me a few nights ago (mind you she had just gotten back after leaving my place and this was all text message crap), telling me with how stressed and busy she is she feels that she's not meeting her standards for being good to me and that she needs time off from the relationship.
Followed 2 minutes later by her saying she doesn't want to lose me and she hopes it's just the hormones talking (it was that time of the month and she has a medical condition that lends to a rollercoaster ride on the hormone train) because she doesn't want to lose me. I responded by saying I wasn't going anywhere and completely support her but that I had no idea what she meant by needing a break.
She comes back to say she just needs some space for a few weeks to get her shit together and that she just doesn't want to be a half of something she can't focus on at all and it's just stressing her out.
Followed by telling me how great I've been and how she looks forward to spending time with me and my dog and how much she loves me. I stopped responding because I was pissed off and hurt and didn't want to make things worse for her.
And it's been almost a week and I haven't heard from her at all. I'm not a stupid guy by any means...usually a break is the first step to a permanent breakup...breaks are for highschool kids anyway.
So here's where I could use some insight. Obviously she can't just quit jobs or end school, these are things she needs to be doing, and I can understand her need to focus without worrying about other things. But to me, saying "hey i just need some space to get work done" is different than "needing a break from a relationship". I mean, I'm not a dog, and relationships don't have on/off switches...this is a huge kick in the nuts.
So I've done the most logical thing, considered the relationship over, started my winter/spring cycle, and try not to go through the self loathing/anger at her thought process that leads nowhere, and generally just do my own thing while keeping my head down and letting the wounds heal. My appetite is not there cuz of this and despite getting deep sleep i have nightmares about her/us. I do miss her, but I'm also let down.
Now IF she does call in a week or month or however long her workload is this intense to resume the reltionship, how should I handle it? Do I eat getting hurt swallow my ego and remain supportive and loving? Do I go WW3 on her and make her hurt too? I know life is long with ups and downs, just looking for some insight as to what other people have gone through in rough patches.
Kind of a long story here but I'll be as short as I can.
My gf and I had been together for a while and have been friends for about 13 years in all. We had been planning on getting a house this fall, and getting married and all that happy stuff was in our plans for the future.
She's a full time teacher, part time waitress, night time grad school student (working on 2nd masters). She's been super busy this semester, and I could see it visibly taking a toll on her emotionally. I've been very accommodating to her schedule and very supportive of her, even though I was feeling left out I know that this is only a temporary situation and she NEEDS to get it done.
Well she dropped a bombshell on me a few nights ago (mind you she had just gotten back after leaving my place and this was all text message crap), telling me with how stressed and busy she is she feels that she's not meeting her standards for being good to me and that she needs time off from the relationship.
Followed 2 minutes later by her saying she doesn't want to lose me and she hopes it's just the hormones talking (it was that time of the month and she has a medical condition that lends to a rollercoaster ride on the hormone train) because she doesn't want to lose me. I responded by saying I wasn't going anywhere and completely support her but that I had no idea what she meant by needing a break.
She comes back to say she just needs some space for a few weeks to get her shit together and that she just doesn't want to be a half of something she can't focus on at all and it's just stressing her out.
Followed by telling me how great I've been and how she looks forward to spending time with me and my dog and how much she loves me. I stopped responding because I was pissed off and hurt and didn't want to make things worse for her.
And it's been almost a week and I haven't heard from her at all. I'm not a stupid guy by any means...usually a break is the first step to a permanent breakup...breaks are for highschool kids anyway.
So here's where I could use some insight. Obviously she can't just quit jobs or end school, these are things she needs to be doing, and I can understand her need to focus without worrying about other things. But to me, saying "hey i just need some space to get work done" is different than "needing a break from a relationship". I mean, I'm not a dog, and relationships don't have on/off switches...this is a huge kick in the nuts.
So I've done the most logical thing, considered the relationship over, started my winter/spring cycle, and try not to go through the self loathing/anger at her thought process that leads nowhere, and generally just do my own thing while keeping my head down and letting the wounds heal. My appetite is not there cuz of this and despite getting deep sleep i have nightmares about her/us. I do miss her, but I'm also let down.
Now IF she does call in a week or month or however long her workload is this intense to resume the reltionship, how should I handle it? Do I eat getting hurt swallow my ego and remain supportive and loving? Do I go WW3 on her and make her hurt too? I know life is long with ups and downs, just looking for some insight as to what other people have gone through in rough patches.