Need some advice from the wise (relationship)

[Growman]

She's a very complicated person. She once was caught in a lie as to why she was absent from work, the told her she would be meeting with the boss the next day. Instead of meeting with the boss she instead just said they're gonna fire me I'm just not gonna go and find another job.

I called her job to straighten things out but she didn't even know if she were getting fired but thought she was so instead was just not gonna go and then for sure get terminated..

If I ask to see her phone or else it's the door she will walk out without hesitation that's how she is.

We've had rough patches with arguments and stuff and if she were cheating or flirting around she's had opportunities to pursue them and carry on without me in her life, so if she's hiding something what would cause her not to just walk away and pursue it?

This right here should answer your question. You have only been with her 11 months and you have seen this type of behavior from her. In my opinion this is not a good relationship, so you should not be disappointed if it ends.

I would demand the phone, and whatever happens, happens...

You calling her work for her to fix things? What is she a child?

 

[mytreefiddy]

IMO RichieC has been spot on with ALL his comments.... she's hiding something 100%..... being protective with your phone is one thing being psychotic about it is another.....

 

[bodybuilder0713]

It's kind of hard to just walk away and that's why it hasn't come down to phone or door. Shamefully I bought her the damn phone lol. But after being around her baby for 11 months there's a bit of attachment there.

As I tried stating, I don't think she is physically seeing someone or fooling around so what could I possible find that she isn't wanting me to? Flirty pics/texts? Keeping in contact with ex's? If there's nothing to hide why even politely ask for your privacy regarding the phone?

 

[SugarFree]

If she is willing to walk out of the relationship rather then easing any concerns you have then there is a reason that she is so willing to do so. Dont be gullible and let this slide.

Ive been married 17 years and although happy it would be stupid of me to not think an affair is something that could happen at some time. This is simply resolved with open access. Wife can look through my phone, pc etc all she wants and vice versa.

 

[bodybuilder0713]

Any female opinions? I appreciate everyone's input so far thanks everyone.

 

[buck]

how often have your gut instincts been wrong in the past about the women you have been in relationships with. and if she asks why you don't trust her. well trust is earned, and why is she not trusting you with her phone?

 

[flexdurden]

It's kind of hard to just walk away and that's why it hasn't come down to phone or door. Shamefully I bought her the damn phone lol. But after being around her baby for 11 months there's a bit of attachment there.

As I tried stating, I don't think she is physically seeing someone or fooling around so what could I possible find that she isn't wanting me to? Flirty pics/texts? Keeping in contact with ex's? If there's nothing to hide why even politely ask for your privacy regarding the phone?

Don't do the ultimatum thing... just state your opinion and your feelings as to why you want to see the phone... she should be willing to show you if she cares about your relationship. If she won't she is hiding something... fuck, you can delete texts and pics... what can be going on? Maybe a text from someone while you have the phone?

Attachment or not, you need to think about the future.. yes , it is going to suck, but YOU control your own life... would you rather live unhappy for your life or just suck up some pain now and live the life you want afterwards?

 

[Growman]

IMO RichieC has been spot on with ALL his comments.... she's hiding something 100%..... being protective with your phone is one thing being psychotic about it is another.....

I agree that she is hiding something. Her actions and your gut both point to that being the case. My earlier post was simply to suggest that this relationship might not be a good one.

From what you posted about you buying the phone, and her and her kid living with you; and you being attached to the kid.... I get the feeling that you are paying the majority of the bills. I might be wrong, but i get that feeling.

If that is the case and you are taking care of this girl, demand the phone and get the answers you want. You have every right !!!

 

[little slice]

don't snoop.. women snoop. keep your dignity as a man intact.


kick her out, but keep the baby. as she's leaving, you say, "this is mine now".






which brings me to my next question, why are you dating a single mom?


I have a friend who is my age (24), and he just got engaged to his girlfriend, a single mom (they've been dating for 6 months lol).

I don't see the benefits of raising another man's child. he fucked her, you raise his offspring? idk, id be kinda embarrassed..

they are both white and the kid is half non-white so its pretty damn obvious. (inb4 'only a real man' blah blah etc.)

he is probably the one 'your' girl is talking to.. she's probably taking care of him while ur working long hours to take care of her.

 

[bodybuilder0713]

After the phone thing last night I go why are you so protective and she replies I've just always been that way, and I go all the flags are there so you understand why I get concerned and she replies I know.

I then get quiet and she knows I'm bothered, she goes what's wrong and I reply nothing, and she says no what's wrong and I reply again nothing and she goes I know something's wrong but ok.

Never offers the phone even though she knows that's why I'm upset.

I go what happens if I push this recent call button and she's like idk what happens, uh uh you see your name 99% my parents or numbers I don't answer..

 

[bodybuilder0713]

don't snoop.. women snoop. keep your dignity as a man intact.


kick her out, but keep the baby. as she's leaving, you say, "this is mine now".






which brings me to my next question, why are you dating a single mom?


I have a friend who is my age (24), and he just got engaged to his girlfriend, a single mom (they've been dating for 6 months lol).

I don't see the benefits of raising another man's child. he fucked her, you raise his offspring? idk, id be kinda embarrassed..

they are both white and the kid is half non-white so its pretty damn obvious. (inb4 'only a real man' blah blah etc.)

he is probably the one 'your' girl is talking to.. she's probably taking care of him while ur working long hours to take care of her.

I got a kick out of this thanks but you're clearly just trying to get me heated when I'm trying to go about this maturely. You tell me to kick her out then keep her baby then ask why I'm taking care of another mans baby? It was funny though. But to answer the way I look at it is that child didn't choose to have a low life piece of shit broke father so taking care of an innocent child doesn't bother me.

 

[Growman]

After the phone thing last night I go why are you so protective and she replies I've just always been that way, and I go all the flags are there so you understand why I get concerned and she replies I know.

I then get quiet and she knows I'm bothered, she goes what's wrong and I reply nothing, and she says no what's wrong and I reply again nothing and she goes I know something's wrong but ok.

Never offers the phone even though she knows that's why I'm upset.

I go what happens if I push this recent call button and she's like idk what happens, uh uh you see your name 99% my parents or numbers I don't answer..

If she didnt show you the phone after that you are in a bad spot, something is up. And you are losing the opportunity to catch her now. She knows you are onto her and there are a ton of ways that women can hide shit in their phones. She can go online and find ways to hide things, there are a ton of ways.

Little Slice is right, she is probably talking to the Ex. And did you see my previous post? I feel like you are footing the bill for her and the kid? Am i right?

Just remember nice guys finish last....

 

[thebrick]

For me… No unconditional trust. No relationship.

 

[bodybuilder0713]

The ex has split custody. They have arrangements and the baby is exchanged throughout the week. Is she wanted to be with him why wouldn't she just move in with him and have a whole family again?

 

[flexdurden]

After the phone thing last night I go why are you so protective and she replies I've just always been that way, and I go all the flags are there so you understand why I get concerned and she replies I know.

I then get quiet and she knows I'm bothered, she goes what's wrong and I reply nothing, and she says no what's wrong and I reply again nothing and she goes I know something's wrong but ok.

Never offers the phone even though she knows that's why I'm upset.

I go what happens if I push this recent call button and she's like idk what happens, uh uh you see your name 99% my parents or numbers I don't answer..

When you say nothing, that does not help... say what is wrong and maybe JUST MAYBE she will see that it DOES bother you that much... You are acting almost the same way by not telling her that is exactly what is bothering you...

If something gets in the way in our relationship, we talk about it... yes, at time it creates a little anger, but then it is resolved and put in the past... You need to understand one another's pet peeves and what gets one each other's nerves... concealing things gets on your nerves, she needs to know that and you need to vocalize it is huge issue with. Do not yell, just express that it means a great deal to you

 

[bodybuilder0713]

For me… No unconditional trust. No relationship.

But this is her outlook too, if I can't trust her why be with me?

 

[little slice]

I got a kick out of this thanks but you're clearly just trying to get me heated when I'm trying to go about this maturely. You tell me to kick her out then keep her baby then ask why I'm taking care of another mans baby? It was funny though. But to answer the way I look at it is that child didn't choose to have a low life piece of shit broke father so taking care of an innocent child doesn't bother me.

I wasn't trying to get you heated.. I was just giving an absurd answer to what looks like an absurd situation.



ill be more to the point this time.

you are raising the child of another man, and of a woman who doesn't respect you.




look bro, you and I are the same age here.. why are you doing this to yourself? you have your whole life ahead of you.

sure, the kid didn't choose its circumstances, but that's not your problem. the child is not your responsibility. if the kid's mother was respectful, then it'd be different (id still never do it lol).

single mom's typically have allllll kinds of baggage.. and unless you want to be swept into the whirlwind that is their life.. you best keep walking on past them.


anyways, best of luck brobro

 

[thebrick]

But this is her outlook too, if I can't trust her why be with me?

You are being completely open with her. The question is, Is she with you?

 

[bodybuilder0713]

When you say nothing, that does not help... say what is wrong and maybe JUST MAYBE she will see that it DOES bother you that much... You are acting almost the same way by not telling her that is exactly what is bothering you...

If something gets in the way in our relationship, we talk about it... yes, at time it creates a little anger, but then it is resolved and put in the past... You need to understand one another's pet peeves and what gets one each other's nerves... concealing things gets on your nerves, she needs to know that and you need to vocalize it is huge issue with. Do not yell, just express that it means a great deal to you

She knew I was upset about the phone this has come up before. I just let it go because i would have said if there's nothing to hide let me see and she would have said if you have to look through my phone then you don't trust me enough to be in a relationship with me, I'd say if it's so easy to prove just do it, and she'd say if I have to prove anything then you clearly don't trust me.

 

[Growman]

The ex has split custody. They have arrangements and the baby is exchanged throughout the week. Is she wanted to be with him why wouldn't she just move in with him and have a whole family again?

Because the guy is broke !!! You said it yourself, and you still have not answered my question as to weather you are paying the bills. That is the key to everything...

And as we speak she is trying to figure out ways to get stuff off her phone or hide things on there.