Relationship Advice needed please - Should i try and make it work?

[Fit2Serve]

leave her

The age difference alone is a difficult thing.
you were on a dating site so you are definitely still "looking"
you don't say much positive bout her

have the balls to tell her you REALLY like the sex and would like to keep that going if possible. but serious relationship not so much. I know that sounds TOTALLY crazy but at my age (almost 40) that arrangement happens more than one might think. but at her age it doesn't.... getting off topic...

leave her. I have had..... prolly 5-6 girlfriends that I had AMAZING sex with. tbh, little bit better than my wife in some circumstances. but I RESPECT my wife so I don't make her do the weird shit I was into when experiementing with girlfriends lol

leave her.
oh and leave her.
EDIT: leave her
-F2S

 

[asteelz]

this thread is quite comical, but instead of making comical response like I planned, something constructive instead..

Sounds like you need to move on from this one, she will end up like her mom and grandmother, its only a matter of time. Whatever it is that kept you with her, which sounds like the sex, can be replicated or beat with the right person minus all the extra nonsense.

 

[Fit2Serve]

this thread is quite comical, but instead of making comical response like I planned, something constructive instead..

Sounds like you need to move on from this one, she will end up like her mom and grandmother, its only a matter of time. Whatever it is that kept you with her, which sounds like the sex, can be replicated or beat with the right person minus all the extra nonsense.

well said. that's the answer.

funny tho, all of us that can give advice yet in his shoes it feels sooooo tough. life is crazy.... I nearly had a nervous breakdown over a few girls. looking back I couldn't care less now.... I never loved ANY of them. I love my wife. very very different......
-F2S

 

[tenny]

this thread is quite comical, but instead of making comical response like I planned, something constructive instead..

Sounds like you need to move on from this one, she will end up like her mom and grandmother, its only a matter of time. Whatever it is that kept you with her, which sounds like the sex, can be replicated or beat with the right person minus all the extra nonsense.

but he says "HE LOVES HER"......

does it matter what she "ends up like"...???

 

[tenny]

well said. that's the answer.

funny tho, all of us that can give advice yet in his shoes it feels sooooo tough. life is crazy.... I nearly had a nervous breakdown over a few girls. looking back I couldn't care less now.... I never loved ANY of them. I love my wife. very very different......
-F2S

lolol careful brother....thin ice ahead.

 

[superbigd]

but he says "HE LOVES HER"......

does it matter what she "ends up like"...???

You must be the perfect human being with the perfect life, never made a mistake, never had a broken heart. I'm sure by the way you talk you either drive in a Lambo and live in a Mansion, or really are dissapointed in your own personal life. To bash another person for no reason other than to exert your yellow tag or your status must make you feel pretty big, cool that's fine with me. Since your having such a hard time playing nice why don't you go troll another thread. That's the sad thing about online forums these days, there's always that one person. And today that was you Tenny. I have never had an interaction with you, but i can assure you if you did have a thread asking for help, and i were to respond, it would only be with positive intent and assumption. Unfortunately you and I were raised different as well, my mom always says if you don't have something nice to say don't say it at all.

I came on here asking for help and opinions, so thank you for those that chose to participate and to offer their advice - I appreciate it.

I do love this girl, she is beautiful inside and out. I have tried to show her a better life and each of us have had hurtful things happen to us by each other. I know she loves me to death and she knows I love her to death. I'm just a couple days removed from a big break up so I am emotionally shook up right now.

 

[Mr OZ]

Move on bro, people who love someone to death dont go on dating sites

You already know the answer to your question, quit lying to yourself

 

[tenny]

what are you asking....???? help....


or conformation that you didn't do anything wrong..
she did right...??? its her fault.. right...???


what did she do wrong....??? put a veggie tray in the freezer..???
OMFG.....what a dumb bitch....

did you catch her on a dating website...???

did you catch her talking shit about you and YOUR family
ON OPEN FORUM...????


you are delusional.....BUDDY



i told you what to do when you PMd me.....

beg for this thread to be deleted.

 

[superbigd]

what are you asking....???? help....


or conformation that you didn't do anything wrong..
she did right...??? its her fault.. right...???


what did she do wrong....??? put a veggie tray in the freezer..???
OMFG.....what a dumb bitch....

did you catch her on a dating website...???

did you catch her talking shit about you and YOUR family
ON OPEN FORUM...????


you are delusional.....BUDDY

Man i hate to take away from the positive responses i have received on this thread by responding to your negative posts.Your welcome to partake in another thread man, as i don't know why your still posting here. I was stating facts and no i haven't included everything that has happened in our relationship...i was simply giving potential readers a looking-glass view into my life the past year.
And isn't the whole point of "community" to discuss things? She doesn't know about this forum, and haven't included any personal information so i'm failing to see where your coming from? From your premise about 3/4 of the threads should be deleted then. That's the great thing about the internet is the anonymity of it.

 

[tenny]

i don't sugar coat my responses like others.

either you "love her" (and if you do your making a HUGE mistake
airing this out for her to see) if she ever sees this and what you said about
her...pissing the bed..ect....

or you don't (which is what i think).

i also think you are a shallow, superficial, overblown, blowhard
who thinks his SHIT does NOT stink....when you BUDDY have the
stinkiest shit of all.

she is innocent.....you are guilty.

what more do you need to hear...???

should you "make it work"...???......YES
SHOW HER WHAT YOU WROTE ABOUT HER AND HER FAMILY,
AND LET HER DECIDE IF SHE "wants to make it work"....

hows that sound...??

 

[pesty4077]

I won't be as blunt as Tenny, but you do not love this girl like you think. I read how you say how hot she is and great sex. I have heard not one good thing after that about her. You are just putting her down in the worse way and saying you love her. Then to top in off, you are going on dating sites. You knew a year ago what this girl was like, but you are trying to mold here into your cute little barbie doll. How is that working out? Move on and let this girl have a life where she can figure her life out and see true love.

 

[maldorf]

I won't be as blunt as Tenny, but you do not love this girl like you think. I read how you say how hot she is and great sex. I have heard not one good thing after that about her. You are just putting her down in the worse way and saying you love her. Then to top in off, you are going on dating sites. You knew a year ago what this girl was like, but you are trying to mold here into your cute little barbie doll. How is that working out? Move on and let this girl have a life where she can figure her life out and see true love.

I agree. The two of you are at different points in your lives and come from different backgrounds going by what you have stated. You just don't have enough in common and you cannot change a person like you want to. You really didn't tell us the other reasons besides the good sex that you love her. Its not for her intellect, its not for her work ethic, its not for her leadership and skills as a mother, what is it? You are trying too hard to make this work when its really just not meant to be. Let it go. You will feel so much better about things in a month or so. You will meet another girl that is a better match for you.

My first wife had an affair on me and that was a woman that I was trying to change in some ways. We just weren't compatible but I tried to make it work, forced it because I wanted it to work. After the divorce she came calling on me again, wanting to try it again but I had already moved on and was dating my current wife of 20 years. My ex then ended up marrying again and had a child with the man. Within a few years they were divorced and had to declare bankruptcy losing their house. After that divorce she had a boyfriend with whom she had two more children out of wedlock. So now she is single with 3 kids. I dodged a bullet getting rid of her. Consider yourself lucky now and cut it off.

 

[FrancisK]

Hahahaha shit Tenny take it easy killer, I'm not disagreeing with anything you're saying but sometimes a fellow bro just needs to hear in writing what's he already knows especially from like minded people, it's natural. I've been through this type of shit before and I wish someone had slapped me in the face to wake me up, your criticism is making the guy feel worse about it and will end up having the opposite effect.

Maldorf put the sex out of your mind for a minute. Is there any other reason you love her, would you still be with her? I think you're in love with the sex and the fact that you left your ex for her is making leaving her exponentially harder. You left your ex because this girl is sexy as fuck and fucks you good, it's cool man it happens we're men we think with or dicks when decideding between Pepsi and Coke.

Trust me you'll find another one, a better one. This was a bad investment and you need to cut your losses and move on. She's not one out of a million she's one OF a million, hell from what you described and what you put up with you'll find yourself a unicorn easy. Half the shit you're trying to change about her are things that are good for any sane normal human being and the other half is basic respect for your partner. Youre not asking her to change water into wine if she won't change those things about her life then you need to move on ASAP and specifically tell her that is the reason why you're moving on. She's a hamster running on a wheel, her and her mom, those bs excuses they make enable them to keep doing the same shit over and over and never learn from it, they stay on the wheel. If it wasn't for her looks none of that shit would fly and you're her crutch.

It's hard enough to change a women let alone one that doesn't want to change and doesn't think she is doing something wrong. Just the fact that you typed all this stuff out to a bunch of strangers means deep down inside you know this is all wrong. I think slice was right when he said you're looking for that one person who will validate it, I did that shit myself when I was in a situation with a girl who didn't deserve me. You need to be selfish here and do what's right for yourself. You'll be doing the girl a favor in the long run and saving your own ass big time, this deep into your relationship if it hasn't changed yet it won't. But I promise you the sex will eventually not be worth it and you'll just be deeper in, find me that baddest bitch on the planet and I'll find you a guy tired of fucking her. Don't wait for that! You think this woman will be a suitable mother to your children? You're talking about kids so you eventually want them, if not why waste your time? Beyond anything I or anyone else said that alone should be the deciding factor.

All that shit you said about her and you being on a dating website is what brought your relationship to a head? Come on bro....

 

[FrancisK]

Listen to maldorf!!

 

[tenny]

yea i took some shit out on him.....ehh

i kept it PG.

sorry for being alittle hard you bro.

you took it well.

 

[richiec]

But yes she is a gorgeous girl that is so damn sexy and turns me on beyond belief. But also when i hold her and kiss her and look in her eyes i see a part of me. I dont know if ive ever felt this way about a girl, yet so conflicted because of her upbringing and her family values and morals. Theres a ton of stuff here that i havent even included but like for example:

Why is her older sister a fricken drug addict? Thats her moms fault

After reading everything you said about her I've come to this conclusion, as many others, have but haven't said it; you are infatuated with her, not "love". You are confusing lust with love. There has to be a physical attraction, but that seems to be the extent of this relationship. I went through this when I was in college, head over heels for a girl. We were together for a year or so and everyone around me saw what crap she was for me, I just refused to see it. She was beautiful, sex was good/freaky, but she was just not a very good person for or to me. It was tough to get over because like you, I thought I was "in love", when all I wanted was the hot girl with freaky sex to parade around.

You are acting like her father and wanting to take care of her/improve her (like I did with my ex), which isn't a bad thing, but that's not what relationships are about. I want to take care of my wife, but I am not her father and will not act like it. You aren't going to "change" her, so get that idiotic notion out of your head. If she does change, it won't be because you rode her about it, it's something she has to want to do. If you signed up for a dating site, there's a subconscious reason and you're simply ignoring it. You seem to have thrown away a great relationship for this one and it comes across as that is a main motivating factor to keep this one going, so you can justify being an idiot (sorry).

As far as the sister being a drug addict and it being the moms fault, that is just a moronic comment. You pride yourself on yours and your families intellectual prowess, yet you think that somehow the mom is to blame for the sisters drug addiction. Some of the worst parents in the world have the brightest and successful children, and some of the best parents have the biggest losers in the world. Children make their own decisions, parents have a guiding hand in it, but it ultimately is the persons decision. I have 2 great parents, I'm a recovering addict/alcoholic who now owns my own business and do well for myself and family. I know doctors who have one kid doing great and the other is in prison.

Tenny is a dick, but he's an honest dick. He's not going to sugar coat things, people don't need to be coddled all the time. You may not like what he has to say, but he hasn't been wrong with anything he's said. His delivery is harsh, but maybe you need that right now. You don't want to hear it, and maybe you need to hear what you don't want to hear!

 

[Notch]

Hey guys,
I've been a longtime lurker on the board and currently in a rut right now need some logic talked into me.

I have been with this girl for over a year now and we just broke up because she found me on a dating website. But let me give you the story - im 30 and shes 22.

We met at my old place of work, when i was previously dating someone for 3 years. I fell in love with her working with her and as soon as i was promoted and moved locations we started dating. She has a two year old daughter.

I love the way i feel with her and we have the best absolute best sex that ive ever had in my life. I also feel the most connected with her that ive ever felt in my life.

Here is where i have had my frustrations:
She comes from a family that has no ambition - her mom and grandma live together in the same house. Her mom is 40 and collects welfare and so does her grandma. They eat unhealthy, never exercise and never do anything to develop themselves or to learn or to grow

I have had to teach her since dating her how to clean, how to do dishes, and just basic hygiene things. For example when we first started dating she lived with her mom and grandma, and she didnt have a key to her house. I confronted her then her mom and what i got was a bunch of lies - like "we are moving out soon". They lived there for over a year if not longer so i told her why the hell dont you go to ace hardware and get a copy of a key made for your daughter for 2 dollars. I once went over to her house and she bathroom was disgusting, toilet clogged and mess around the toilet for 3 days. I ask her why she hasnt cleaned it up - she states shes waiting for the plumber. I Tell her the plumber isnt gonna clean that mold around the toilet, they will fix the clog but you have to clean up after yourself.

Last Thanksgiving i had her over to my parents, where we have all family and friends join and eat a ton (as im sure you all do). After we all eat we always sit around and have intellectual conversation about world politics/events and societal changes. Well she winded up falling asleep at the dinner table while we were all talking/listening. Now wine could have played an issue but still this was a big deal to me because ive tried to have deep conversations with her and she gets distracted or just cant listen. Or for example ill put on a movie thats somewhat educational (I.E. The big Short) and she will get bored and start playing on her phone.

Ive also taken care of her twice when shes gotten way drunk with her friends and shes winded up pissing in my bed. Which frankly not only disgusts me but scares me because she has a daughter and i love her.

Now here is the struggle, i did sign up for a dating site but that was pretty much the extent of it. I am so torn right now becuase we havent talked since monday and i love this girl more than any girl. The feeling i get when i hold her is amazing and the sex that we have is mind blowing. I literally feel like she is a part of me and thats why im so torn over all of this. I am so confused and dont know what the right thing to do is.

I left my ex for her, and my ex had her own house, her own car and we always did a ton of fun vacations and saved up for the future and i sometimes look back and regret the decision i made, but i love this girl.

I just struggle with how she will fit into my family, the fact that my parents are completely opposite of her parents (my parents are in their 70s and work every day even though they are retired, whether its reading books, playing golf or working on self development). I also get irritated because my girlfriends mom and grandma feed her fast food all day and unhealthy stuff so when she comes over to my house and i cook her and her daughter food she will just say no i want bread, or eww thats disgusting - mind you my cooking is nowhere near as clean as the majority of yours (im italian lol). And i dont want my kid being raised that way i want my kid to grow up eating somewhat healthy.

I had friends and family over at my parents on Saturday and my mom asks her to take some tomatoes, olives, and pico out of the fridge and to put them into dipping trays for chips, and then to put them back. Well she winds up putting them back in the freezer.... meanwhile my mom was up til 1am cleaning and looking for them.

Should i try to make it work with her? How do i know if shes the one, if i love her more than ive loved any other girl but theres all of these obstacles. I look at her and feel like shes mine and feel like shes a part of me, a feelin ive never felt before and thats why im so confused.

In my opinion and experience move on bro, you need to detox from the relationship, it's obviously not a good one for you and you seem like you deserve better...time heals everything. Dating other women works wonders and you'll see that when you meet another girl that rocks your world again, you'll look back and say to yourself wtf was i thinking....but most of the time we're infatuated with the physical appearance of the other person and we tend to ignore the red flags. Also keep in mind, once you've broken up, 90% of the time it never works out a 2nd time. Because the very things that caused the breakup eventually work their way back in the relationship no matter how much we try to keep them at bay and away.

 

[bananas007]

Hey guys,
I've been a longtime lurker on the board and currently in a rut right now need some logic talked into me.

I have been with this girl for over a year now and we just broke up because she found me on a dating website. But let me give you the story - im 30 and shes 22.

We met at my old place of work, when i was previously dating someone for 3 years. I fell in love with her working with her and as soon as i was promoted and moved locations we started dating. She has a two year old daughter.

I love the way i feel with her and we have the best absolute best sex that ive ever had in my life. I also feel the most connected with her that ive ever felt in my life.

Here is where i have had my frustrations:
She comes from a family that has no ambition - her mom and grandma live together in the same house. Her mom is 40 and collects welfare and so does her grandma. They eat unhealthy, never exercise and never do anything to develop themselves or to learn or to grow

I have had to teach her since dating her how to clean, how to do dishes, and just basic hygiene things. For example when we first started dating she lived with her mom and grandma, and she didnt have a key to her house. I confronted her then her mom and what i got was a bunch of lies - like "we are moving out soon". They lived there for over a year if not longer so i told her why the hell dont you go to ace hardware and get a copy of a key made for your daughter for 2 dollars. I once went over to her house and she bathroom was disgusting, toilet clogged and mess around the toilet for 3 days. I ask her why she hasnt cleaned it up - she states shes waiting for the plumber. I Tell her the plumber isnt gonna clean that mold around the toilet, they will fix the clog but you have to clean up after yourself.

Last Thanksgiving i had her over to my parents, where we have all family and friends join and eat a ton (as im sure you all do). After we all eat we always sit around and have intellectual conversation about world politics/events and societal changes. Well she winded up falling asleep at the dinner table while we were all talking/listening. Now wine could have played an issue but still this was a big deal to me because ive tried to have deep conversations with her and she gets distracted or just cant listen. Or for example ill put on a movie thats somewhat educational (I.E. The big Short) and she will get bored and start playing on her phone.

Ive also taken care of her twice when shes gotten way drunk with her friends and shes winded up pissing in my bed. Which frankly not only disgusts me but scares me because she has a daughter and i love her.

Now here is the struggle, i did sign up for a dating site but that was pretty much the extent of it. I am so torn right now becuase we havent talked since monday and i love this girl more than any girl. The feeling i get when i hold her is amazing and the sex that we have is mind blowing. I literally feel like she is a part of me and thats why im so torn over all of this. I am so confused and dont know what the right thing to do is.

I left my ex for her, and my ex had her own house, her own car and we always did a ton of fun vacations and saved up for the future and i sometimes look back and regret the decision i made, but i love this girl.

I just struggle with how she will fit into my family, the fact that my parents are completely opposite of her parents (my parents are in their 70s and work every day even though they are retired, whether its reading books, playing golf or working on self development). I also get irritated because my girlfriends mom and grandma feed her fast food all day and unhealthy stuff so when she comes over to my house and i cook her and her daughter food she will just say no i want bread, or eww thats disgusting - mind you my cooking is nowhere near as clean as the majority of yours (im italian lol). And i dont want my kid being raised that way i want my kid to grow up eating somewhat healthy.

I had friends and family over at my parents on Saturday and my mom asks her to take some tomatoes, olives, and pico out of the fridge and to put them into dipping trays for chips, and then to put them back. Well she winds up putting them back in the freezer.... meanwhile my mom was up til 1am cleaning and looking for them.

Should i try to make it work with her? How do i know if shes the one, if i love her more than ive loved any other girl but theres all of these obstacles. I look at her and feel like shes mine and feel like shes a part of me, a feelin ive never felt before and thats why im so confused.

I coudlnt get through everything you wrote, so pardon me. (ADD setting in)

but general rule of thumb I have realized is as a 30+ year old male, if you are going to date girls around 24 it wont last longer than a few weeks. The mental connection just is not there. A early twenty adult thinks differently than a 30 adults. Dont believe me, go out to a night club which is near a college an caters to young agult and grad students. Spend 35 minutes there (Cause that is all you will be able to spend before you get fed up).
You will not wanna ever go on a serious date with a 24 year old after that.