To all my bros and sis @ promuscle.....

[particleacc]

Lucian,
From experience, I can tell you that the pain does not just disappear. However, over time, you can indeed be able to handle it better. I will tell you that by living a "cleaner" life you will be in a better position to let time help you in coping with this pain. Let me explain-

After my loss, I developed a more "socially acceptable" numbing method. I used heavy quantities of alcohol, instead of the heroin in your case. You are right though, either substance does a great job of numbing and pushing away the element of having to come to terms with the actual REAL pain of the the loss. However, what I learned over time was that by not allowing time to help me come to terms and deal with the pain by numbing my brain, the same, intense pain was still there waiting for me when I sobered up.

My point is simply that there will always be pain in remembering a loss like this. However, when you are sober and clear-minded, time actually does heal the wound. You will ALWAYS carry the scar and it may hurt a bit when you poke at it, but it will not always be an open wound like when it first happened IF you are able to reflect on it with a CLEAR mind. Now that you are over the mind numbing, you can get on with allowing time to heal this wound. It will. TRUST ME, it will.

You have my deepest sympathies and I wish you the best in taking this experience and being able to appreciate what you had from when you had your brother with you.

 

[alecaf]

Bro, i can only imagine what it would feel like to loose my bro, its a horrible thought. I am sadden by your story and we're always here to support you bro, this is a family.

 

[mikeyt869]

lucian i can only amagine how hard it must be but your brothers in a better place now and your a strong person with a good women. If you need to vent or people to talk to promuscle is hear for you brother. I wish you the best in every goal you set aswell as this!

 

[doubler1964]

to my friend

sometime god works in funny ways. u never know what he going to do or why . but he most have a plan for all of us . god bless

 

[vablows]

I also believe everything happens for a reason.
Sorry for your loss, bro.

 

[Phidias]

just think that your brother is now in a better place where theres no suffering and injustice done to anyone.

I hope you're right bro. That's one of those things you just can't stop wondering about. Having faith in a better "after" is something I wish I had.

Lucian, stay strong man. I don't know where your brother is right now, but he's probably having an eye on you and lkg.

 

[Cerberus777]

I lost my grandmother in 02....She was the only person to raise me and later show me love....Later she was the only one there through a cocaine addiction...lost marriage etc. when she died i lost it.....and im still not right.....if it wasn't for God and my new wife i probably have gone back to coke and be dead by now.........I just visited her grave for the first time since her funeral....trying to find "myself "again.....that large part of me that was lost that day........i know i will always miss her, but it shouldn't be this crippling.....If i figure something out i'll let you know.......i feel for you and will keep you in my prayers.

 

[dragonfire101]

I 'm sorry for your lost Bro. Stay strong and your brother and family are in my prayers.

 

[thebrick]

i appreciate all the support and you sharing your life experiences with me. honestly i have a feeling i will never get over it. and thats ok. i just have to find a way to deal with it.
there are many types of pain i have felt in my life but none like this. this is one i can not just push away and forget about it. we are heading back to see my family for xmas. thats the one day of the year that even if none of us talked we were all together on xmas eve at my gramps house. chris was always the last to show up, usually drunk, and boy did the party liven up then. now its almost morbit. we all sit around and try and act normal, but its not the same. we all miss him very much. i guess i didnt realize till he was gone how muc i am like him. how much i learned. me and lkg went to a pizza place a few weeks ago in RI where me and chris usd to work together. i made pizza and he cooked the other food, it was sureal. nothing had changed, but he wasnt there and nobody mentions him as they all know how close i was to him. one thing ill never forget, carrying his casket along with his best friends and my lil bro, that day lingers in the front, back and side of my mind always.

Sorry to hear this. The holidays and old familiar places you shared intensifies the feeling of loss. You are right, you will never really get over it. Getting to the point of acceptance helps though.

 

[marilyn]

Lucian

very sad to hear you're sad Lucian... everyone has said some great things here and I wanted to add... know that you have friends that care, and you can always share your pain. It's cool with me.

 

[bigfatandugly]

Its about 530 am and im not sleeping. on july 1st 2001 i lost my older bro christopher in a drunk driving accident. almost 8 years has gone by and still, the pain has not even let upa lil bit. there are times like now i just cant bear it. i try and not stress out lkg cuse there is nothing she can do. he was 2 years older than me. born march 16,1973. form day one he watched out for me, taught me and led me not always by example but showed me which way to go. he always knew when to zig and when to zag. he was superhuman to me. well him and a buddy went out drininkng, and his friend decided he could drive and lost control. chris was killed the guy lived. he did some time in jail but who cares. i dont remember much from the point of the funeral, my family doctor medicated many of my family for a few weeks with valium. as we grew up we didnt hang out that much as people get busy and life just goes on around you, but hollidays we wre all together. the last time a spoke to him he came into the club i worked at and had a lil buzz goin. i got the owner to let him stay afer hr with us while we counted the money. all he spoke of was how he finally met the girl he was gonna marry, her name was candy. he spoke of us moving closer to each other so we can have kids and we can keep our kids close and bring a family back together. after our grama passed,our family kinda came unglued. thats another whole story.
my question to all of you is , for those of you who have lost someone tragicaly who was close to them.....how do you cope with it? does it ever get easier? there are times i just break down and it feels so hopeless. i miss him. im still pissed. after his death i went sideways. to those of you who dont know, i began partying and using drugs which eventually led to a fullblown 250$ a day heroin habit! yes heroin! i still worked, competed, dieted and everything. nobody knew. i just numbed myself. not till i met lkg did i get back on track and begin to live again. but i still feel like something is holding me back. here is the last pic we have of him. he looked a lot like vin diesel and when i went to see the fast and the furious i began to cry cuz it looked so much like him.
thanks for letting me vent.

god bless
lucian

R.I.P CR

there is no defining moment when things get easier. i dunno if they ever do.

the pain seems to visit a little less as time goes by ago by, but it always returns and invariably you are left coping with the reality that they are gone and that all you have are memories, good or bad. it is in this place that time doesn't matter so much anymore. there is no time. all there is is getting thru until the next time you have to deal with the loss again.

eventhough the pain visits less and less as time passes, the one thing that does not lessen is the intensity of the grief that accompanies it. it is as tangible and real a thing as the first time you felt it. the longer it settles itself in, the hurt of the loss increases proportionately. a fleeting memory of happiness with that person brings a smile. but all to often we don't stop there, do we? we go deeper. it isn't enough for us to smile and enjoy their company for that brief moment, nah we let that brief memory of happiness turn to one of grief. it isn't enough to have that good moment and thank whoever sent it to us for it, we have to crawl back into the hole it took us so long to cope with being in and get out of until the pain is the same as it was the first time. it is almost comforting isn't it? yeah, you know what i'm talking about. the pain is almost welcomed like an old friend- 'come on in and take off your shoes and stay a while, buddy. been so long since your last visit, nice to have you back.' and then it starts again. it's sick. so sick but so true.

there are no answers. there is no cure. there is only you and how you chose to deal with the those memories when they do come back, because they always do. invite them in and ask them to stay a while, or just smile as a memory passes by. it's up to you. and of course, it's just never enough to smile, is it? it never really is.


BFU

 

[juced_porkchop]

I dont know if the pain ever gose away but think about how he would have wanted you to lead your life and do it the best you can atleast you can feel that in a way you doing all you can to make him happy.
just always remember how he would want you to go when not to zig or when to zag.
I have al lil bro and cant even imagine how i would be.

I dont ever cry much but reading this thread and typing this has made me.


I hope you can keep clean and atleast do best you can to not just loos it . justtry to remember the people who care for you still.
if at times you cant keep clear for you atleast do it for them and HIM.

:'(

 

[zephyr22]

Lucian....

I know how you feel. I lost my father at the age of 9. He died in a tragic care accident. I can remember the funeral like it was yesterday. It has been 21 years. It is hard sometimes, I break down and cry. I never really cry much, but man when I do I know its pretty bad. Im sorry for your loss. Time heals these wounds but they never fully close. At least thats how it is with me. The crazy thing is In medicine I see death everyday as I treat patients etc.... It doesnt seem to affect me as bad. It does bother me but I know im doing my best to help these people. Ive had a few recent deaths in my extended family and it has been hard as hell. My nephew recently died in a tragic car accident about 3 weeks ago. 16 years old, never had a chance to live at all. Ill pray for you, hey maybe you could send a prayer my way. Ill pray for the lord to heal our heavy hearts. Got this shit has got me to start crying as Im writing this. Sometimes it is a good thing to remember these special people that were in our lives.

 

[confuzed_guy2000]

No, you probably wont get over it. I have the same issues as I lost someone close to me as well. Sometimes I think about her and I remember the good times and smile but other times I get a wave of such grief and emptiness that I wonder how I will make it through the night. True love is eternal - whether it's you siblings, your parents, a friend, or your soul mate. Stay tough as they would want you to be that way.

 

[Coopie]

Lucian

Lucian -

I have not posted here in close to a year but reading this thread I am sitting here crying.

I too lost a brother; mine was younger by 6 years and he passed away Dec 30, 1999 at the age of 20. It's been almost ten years but I can remember standing with my parents by his bedside in the Intensive Care Unit watching the heart monitor as it slowed to a stop. An alarm went off and a nurse came in and turned off the equipment. I was holding my brother's hand as he died. It was the single worst moment of my life and it will be with me forever.

Most of the time I am fine. Sometimes it's hard. Everyone deals with loss in their own way. I'm so sorry for your pain. I know of no advice that can help you. It's a personal process and you must figure your own path through it.

I wish you love and happiness and strength...

Coopie

 

[ironone1]

I feel your pain lucian. I lost my sister a few years ago. She died a freak accident at only 35 years old. She just got her Master's degree and had a great career ahead of her. Truly sad to lose a sibling

 

[lucian]

guys,,,,

i really didnt mean to upset any of you. and i certainly didnt want to bring back bad memories. i just wanted to know if this whole thing goes away. from what i get....it doesnt. so at least now i can move forward and know its not going to be gone. i guess this helps me move on to another level as i have been waiting for it to just go away. now its time for a new plan i guess.
thank you all for the advice and sharing your experiences.

lucian