How Porn can Ruin Your Sex Life and Your Marriage

[dirtywork]

Hmm, I think you're over thinking this. Either a chick turns us on physically, and or mentally, or she doesn't. It's a proven fact, the less physically attractive a women is, the nicer she needs to be to keep us interested. I think if a chick turns us on, we'd hit that shit regardless of how much porn. I think the author of that article must be an old, fat, bitch, looking for excuses..?

Your brain is already trying to justify your actions...

 

[Deleted member 121863]

rock, you even try to just focus on pleasuring your wife, instead of even thinking your gonna get off? Just make love to her. Can you get that far? Not working? The look and sound of my wife getting off gets me off even if I`m not close.

You could also teach your wife some magic. Tell her to make you cum all she gotta say is "I want you to cum on my _____ (face, pussy, inside, anything)" and that does it for me. Not that you even have to finish there, but just to hear it

 

[BigDM]

It doesn't sound like many of you are understanding what this bro is telling us? He finds his wife attractive, wants to please her, but he has all this crap in his head from watching porn all the time that is making it difficult at times to perform. That alone can create big issues, not to mention having little ones at home. I can really relate to that. My 2 y/o daughter is still sleeping with us, too

 

[rock75]

rock, you even try to just focus on pleasuring your wife, instead of even thinking your gonna get off? Just make love to her. Can you get that far? Not working? The look and sound of my wife getting off gets me off even if I`m not close.

You could also teach your wife some magic. Tell her to make you cum all she gotta say is "I want you to cum on my _____ (face, pussy, inside, anything)" and that does it for me. Not that you even have to finish there, but just to hear it

LOL, hogan86 - Yes, we can start the foreplay and all that and I can get aroused etc but then it stops, like that's not enough - I don't want her to have to talk to me like a porn star, she shouldn't have to do that. AND then when the thought gets in my head then all hell breaks lose and down he goes - it's really fucking depressing.

It doesn't sound like many of you are understanding what this bro is telling us? He finds his wife attractive, wants to please her, but he has all this crap in his head from watching porn all the time that is making it difficult at times to perform. That alone can create big issues, not to mention having little ones at home. I can really relate to that. My 2 y/o daughter is still sleeping with us, too

THANK YOU BigDM you understand exactly what I'm saying.

 

[Test-o-lean]

Why in the hell do you guys lets these kids sleep in your bed?? There is absolutely no excuse for this. Dont ever let it get started and you won't ever have to deal with it. And I've heard every excuse from other parents as to "why they let them" sleep in bed with them and none of them are valid. Don't let the habit ever form.

 

[BigDM]

Why in the hell do you guys lets these kids sleep in your bed?? There is absolutely no excuse for this. Dont ever let it get started and you won't ever have to deal with it. And I've heard every excuse from other parents as to "why they let them" sleep in bed with them and none of them are valid. Don't let the habit ever form.

You make a good point test, but here's the deal. She is my last child (got a vasectomy after she was born). I also have 3 other daughters (23, 21 and 8) and 7 y/o son. I wasn't too keen on the idea at first either, but went along with it. My wife and I have discussed how long we'll let her sleep with us and agreed upon 3 y/o, which is only about 6 months away.

Anyways, there are places other than the bedroom where you can have sex

 

[rock75]

Why in the hell do you guys lets these kids sleep in your bed?? There is absolutely no excuse for this. Dont ever let it get started and you won't ever have to deal with it. And I've heard every excuse from other parents as to "why they let them" sleep in bed with them and none of them are valid. Don't let the habit ever form.

I understand your point, but it's not really a question of how or what we allow our daughter to do. I don't really recall asking for parenting advise.

 

[BigWave]

Your brain is already trying to justify your actions...

Quite possibly, experience create bias. However the article is written from a feminist position, and treats the lack of attraction to a current partner as a male illness or disease. It also fails to mention that women make up 40% of internet porn viewership. I'm just not so quick to blame the male porn watching pig. Quite simply, we are attracted to what we are attracted to, and it may change. The article is talking about a physiological and psychological aspect of attraction and shouldn't be confused with the morality of our relationship decisions. Maybe I'm missing something?

 

[Test-o-lean]

I understand your point, but it's not really a question of how or what we allow our daughter to do. I don't really recall asking for parenting advise.

It's fine that you don't "really recall" asking for parenting advise. However, I wasn't really trying to give you any either. I asked a question....."why" do you people let your small children sleep in your bed with you? I am not qualified to give any parenting advise, however if you will read up on the subject, you will see that the so called "experts" will tell you to never let this habit get started.

 

[iceman74]

It's fine that you don't "really recall" asking for parenting advise. ....however if you will read up on the subject, you will see that the so called "experts" will tell you to never let this habit get started.

Thanks for the advise, Dr. Phil... I'll keep that one in mind with another child on the way and all.

 

[mewalrus]

Test o lean is right bad habit. I was actually resistant but now I'm so glad we moved our 2 yo out at about 22 mo, A few weeks before the next one came home. Now we have 4 mo old in cosleeper but that dont stop anything. I couldnt
imagine the nightmare of having our 2.5 yo still in our room.
Sent from my LG-P999 using Tapatalk 2

 

[rock75]

Why in the hell do you guys lets these kids sleep in your bed?? There is absolutely no excuse for this. Dont ever let it get started and you won't ever have to deal with it. And I've heard every excuse from other parents as to "why they let them" sleep in bed with them and none of them are valid. Don't let the habit ever form.

The first sentence was your only question.

The remaining part of your post was your advice on how I raise my child which wasn't requested.

There are plenty of experts that state how dangerous steroids are but yet here we are, are you going to now stop using steroids because of those experts?? Didn't think so!

 

[rock75]

Quite possibly, experience create bias. However the article is written from a feminist position, and treats the lack of attraction to a current partner as a male illness or disease. It also fails to mention that women make up 40% of internet porn viewership. I'm just not so quick to blame the male porn watching pig. Quite simply, we are attracted to what we are attracted to, and it may change. The article is talking about a physiological and psychological aspect of attraction and shouldn't be confused with the morality of our relationship decisions. Maybe I'm missing something?

How was this written from a woman's point of view when one of the authors is a male? It has nothing to do with being attracted or whatever you are trying to say. I've stated several times my attraction to my wife is not an issue, it's my ability to get and maintain an erection consistently. Nothing more than the hypothesis of basis of this article, not sure why you fucking guys are having an issue understanding this.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

I have plenty to say on this but it's just too late here so I'm going to crash. I'll catch up on this tomorrow because this is a frequent and often misunderstood topic.

 

[pesty4077]

It's fine that you don't "really recall" asking for parenting advise. However, I wasn't really trying to give you any either. I asked a question....."why" do you people let your small children sleep in your bed with you? I am not qualified to give any parenting advise, however if you will read up on the subject, you will see that the so called "experts" will tell you to never let this habit get started.

The so called experts probably don't have children either.

 

[BigWave]

How was this written from a woman's point of view when one of the authors is a male? It has nothing to do with being attracted or whatever you are trying to say. I've stated several times my attraction to my wife is not an issue, it's my ability to get and maintain an erection consistently. Nothing more than the hypothesis of basis of this article, not sure why you fucking guys are having an issue understanding this.

First off, my opinion is in reference to the article not you or your relationship. I disagree with the article, not you. Feminists come in many genders.

Feminist conclusions-
"You probably know that from an evolutionary standpoint, a man is rewarded for spreading his seed."

"Meet the Coolidge Effect (or, What You Have in Common With an Oversexed Rat)"

"As comedian Bill Maher once observed, that’s what led Hugh Grant, who had Elizabeth Hurley at home, to end up with “Marvin Hagler in a wig.”

Psychological conclusions-
"First, an ancient biological program in the brain overrides natural satiety when there are lots of mates begging to be sexed."

"Second, too much stimulation can numb the pleasure response of the brain for a time, pumping up cravings for more novel stimuli."

"And finally, too much stimulation of the brain’s sex and mating circuitry obstructs the mammalian instinct toward monogamy."

Psychological conclusions-
"The more the rat copulates with the same female, the less dopamine he gets for his efforts—until he heads for the recliner, toting the remote."

Hilarious-
"Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation’s expectations. How could you be constantly synthesizing an orgasm [with a person] based on dozens of shots? You’re looking for the one … out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don’t finish. Twenty seconds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back and continue your shot hunt and continue to make yourself late for work. How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to."

What!-
"but because I had been watching so much Internet porn that she’d have needed to be juggling with her feet, sucking off a horse, and rimming a [transsexual] for me to be fully engaged during lovemaking."

I disagree with pretty much all of this. I jerk off to internet porn because I want to. But I'm simple that way...

 

[rock75]

First off, my opinion is in reference to the article not you or your relationship. I disagree with the article, not you. Feminists come in many genders.

Feminist conclusions-
"You probably know that from an evolutionary standpoint, a man is rewarded for spreading his seed." - That's not a feminist conclusion, that is a basic evolution theory

"Meet the Coolidge Effect (or, What You Have in Common With an Oversexed Rat)" The rat used in the experiment was a male rat who was oversexed

"As comedian Bill Maher once observed, that’s what led Hugh Grant, who had Elizabeth Hurley at home, to end up with “Marvin Hagler in a wig.” - Again, used males in the quote, not sure how these are all feminist

Psychological conclusions-
"First, an ancient biological program in the brain overrides natural satiety when there are lots of mates begging to be sexed." Is this not possible?

"Second, too much stimulation can numb the pleasure response of the brain for a time, pumping up cravings for more novel stimuli." This is also very possible. Think about the little kid that grows up burning ants with their magnifying glass, then moves on to burning cats, then moves on to cutting their classmates in biology class, then moves on to assaulting people, then moves on to murder - their brain continually looked for more "stimuli."

"And finally, too much stimulation of the brain’s sex and mating circuitry obstructs the mammalian instinct toward monogamy."

Psychological conclusions-
"The more the rat copulates with the same female, the less dopamine he gets for his efforts—until he heads for the recliner, toting the remote." They studied this, so not sure what you don't believe on their findings

Hilarious-
"Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation’s expectations. How could you be constantly synthesizing an orgasm [with a person] based on dozens of shots? You’re looking for the one … out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don’t finish. Twenty seconds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back and continue your shot hunt and continue to make yourself late for work. How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to." - What's hilarious is this article is written by experts in their field that have studied such behavior and are not just making this shit up

What!-
"but because I had been watching so much Internet porn that she’d have needed to be juggling with her feet, sucking off a horse, and rimming a [transsexual] for me to be fully engaged during lovemaking." This guy obviously has issues if he's been watching a horse get sucked off!!

I disagree with pretty much all of this. I jerk off to internet porn because I want to. But I'm simple that way...

I understand what you are saying about wanting to jerk off to internet porn, cause obviously that is the root cause of my problem, but why do you look at the porn on the first place, to provide stimulation for an erection so you can get to your desired outcome. Now imagine this, your brain becomes so accustomed to the stimuli on the monitor that when that imagery is not what your eyes see that then send a different signal to the neurological senses in your brain to respond - it doesn't know what to do because it is not receiving the same message you have programmed it to respond to. Hey I'm happy for you that this hasn't happened, you and I should know that not everyone responds the same considering where we are currently communicating. As for me, unfortunately I have not been so lucky and have admitted this to myself and I am making a change for my marriage and my sanity. I'd rather be able to have sex with my wife then to jerk off to some porn star who I have no chance in hell of ever being with, nor do I want to be with.

 

[rock75]

I have plenty to say on this but it's just too late here so I'm going to crash. I'll catch up on this tomorrow because this is a frequent and often misunderstood topic.

Would like to hear what you have to say OTH.

(are you by chance the resident psychologist)?

 

[BigDM]

I have plenty to say on this but it's just too late here so I'm going to crash. I'll catch up on this tomorrow because this is a frequent and often misunderstood topic.

Looking forward to your post OTH

 

[OuchThatHurts]

After going through the thread, I don't have much add. You either accept the notion that anything that stimulates the pleasure and reward centers of the brain associated with satisfaction can be addictive... or you don't accept it.

For those of us that accept it, it's not a stretch to believe that just like any other stimuli, whether it be cocaine, heroin, food, sex, work, addictions generally require a continually higher degree of stimuli; more cocaine, more alcohol, more food, more sex, whatever. Regarding pornography, this could conceivably manifest itself in a number of ways. It could be simply more pornography or it could be requiring porn of a more obscene and graphic nature. In monogamous relationships, I think it can only do harm and never be beneficial. Harmful in that the viewer is "engaging" with the film in the sense that the viewer is locked in with the actors in such a way that ultimately, there is significant reward and satisfaction (an orgasm). In my OPINION, this is infidelity. Now, that's my opinion, which obviously can not be scientifically proven. From my point of view, if you've masturbated yourself to orgasm along with an actor/actress in full view and still think you're faithful to your wife, you're kidding yourself. Now, it's nothing to hate yourself for because it's perfectly natural. But just because it's natural, doesn't mean it's beneficial to you or your marriage. Eating a candy bar may be natural but it certainly isn't beneficial.

Each and every one of you must decide FOR YOURSELVES what you think is right and what is wrong. Trust your instincts. I truly believe, with healthy persons, you'll find more often than not that if you really, REALLY look at what you're doing (your behavior), you'll recognize good behaviors from bad behaviors. I would go so far as to say that the fate of the world depends on all of us doing just that. I say that to stress the importance of it.

To the OP, I can only say that I would recommend you avoid artificial sexual stimulation for a time. Take a break from all of it. As just a suggestion, I may even also say that you might consider abstaining from all sexual activity for a short time. As evolved creatures we MUST begin to find some discipline in our behavior. There is nothing wrong with fasting from sex for an amount of time in order to gain some mastery over your body's desires. Speak to and talk to your wife gently and lovingly about this topic. Explain what you are trying to do. She may even join with you when she understands the logic of it.

There is very little research in these areas and almost all of what you will read is opinion. What I just wrote is opinion.

Not to mention, what is more desirable than your nude wife lying next to you that you CAN'T touch?



To the other person that asked about my residency here... in a former life, yes. Today, I want you all to just think of me as me. Titles mean nothing.