Need some advice. I can't get over my wife's sexual past.

[aminoman74]

Without her experiences she wouldnt be who she is. Accept that. She is no stranger to sex and chose you to be the one to fulfill her desires. You should never have asked the number and don't ask anything more. Shit doesn't matter! If you are mates with a person, understand that they are molded by their past.
You dwelling on this is all on you and it ain't love. It's obsessive behavior. Go to a pschyatrist. There's nothing wrong with it. I go to one. He has saved my marriage several times and my wife is Gods Gift! Things like this bring you closer or they lead to behaviours that will destroy your marriage.[/QUOTE

why would it be obsessive before?why do it act like that? I told her maybe it's meant to be and it will bring us closer. She is God's gift to me. We have so much in common and had and does everything I ever liked our wanted in a female. We have so much in common and she was single for 7 years never dated or seen anyone and thought she would be single for ever then the month i moved out in to my friends house that month she walked into my friends house and she was very interested in me and wanted to get to know me. She used to work with my buddy At a old job like 7 years ago and they just started talking that same month i moved out into his house. We both truly believe God brought us together as the timing the wants and likes that she has that the ex didn't like our do. We have allot of the same likes. We took a pre marriage counseling test our preacher told us by looking at the results that he would of thought we cheated it was so perfect on our answers we truly think we are soul mates. I just need and find out why. i think this way so this is why I post my problems. When I don't think about the past I'm so loving and caring and get that feeling in my chest when I'm with her. I just know I have that feeling that you can't explain. Like I told her i don't know what it is about her I just have that feeling. I'm always telling her she is so pretty and I'm always looking at her non stop. I haven't had these feelings about her if ever.

 

[aminoman74]

One question:

Will worrying about her past change it?

Not at all bro. I tell myself this all the time. I tell myself why does it matter. I feel like how good in oral she is that she must of done it to everyone to get this good and i wasn't it to be special to us. She is better then I used to.

 

[soonerfanatic]

Maybe the oral is so good and special because of how you feel for each other. Did you always feel this way off and on cycle? Have you had your e2 tested lately. When mine is out of wack I feel sorry for myself a lot.

 

[stageking]

Talk to a therapist bud. I had the same issue with my girl. But for some reason I just stoped thinking about it . I guess because I relized life is to short to to have that shit rent space in my head. Good luck bro

 

[47yearoldman]

Your a NUT

Without her experiences she wouldnt be who she is. Accept that. She is no stranger to sex and chose you to be the one to fulfill her desires. You should never have asked the number and don't ask anything more. Shit doesn't matter! If you are mates with a person, understand that they are molded by their past.
You dwelling on this is all on you and it ain't love. It's obsessive behavior. Go to a pschyatrist. There's nothing wrong with it. I go to one. He has saved my marriage several times and my wife is Gods Gift! Things like this bring you closer or they lead to behaviours that will destroy your marriage.[/QUOTE

why would it be obsessive before?why do it act like that? I told her maybe it's meant to be and it will bring us closer. She is God's gift to me. We have so much in common and had and does everything I ever liked our wanted in a female. We have so much in common and she was single for 7 years never dated or seen anyone and thought she would be single for ever then the month i moved out in to my friends house that month she walked into my friends house and she was very interested in me and wanted to get to know me. She used to work with my buddy At a old job like 7 years ago and they just started talking that same month i moved out into his house. We both truly believe God brought us together as the timing the wants and likes that she has that the ex didn't like our do. We have allot of the same likes. We took a pre marriage counseling test our preacher told us by looking at the results that he would of thought we cheated it was so perfect on our answers we truly think we are soul mates. I just need and find out why. i think this way so this is why I post my problems. When I don't think about the past I'm so loving and caring and get that feeling in my chest when I'm with her. I just know I have that feeling that you can't explain. Like I told her i don't know what it is about her I just have that feeling. I'm always telling her she is so pretty and I'm always looking at her non stop. I haven't had these feelings about her if ever.

Man-up and get over it, you sound like a (little Drama Bitch).. Holy crap someone snatched this mans Balls from him. Sounds like a little teen-aged girl talking. Are you guys sure this guy is not about 13 years old.

 

[aminoman74]

Man-up and get over it, you sound like a (little Drama Bitch).. Holy crap someone snatched this mans Balls from him. Sounds like a little teen-aged girl talking. Are you guys sure this guy is not about 13 years old.

Your no help so go and jump on someone else's thread.

 

[aminoman74]

Maybe the oral is so good and special because of how you feel for each other. Did you always feel this way off and on cycle? Have you had your e2 tested lately. When mine is out of wack I feel sorry for myself a lot.

How do you or what can you take for e2?

 

[soonerfanatic]

How do you or what can you take for e2?

Need to get bloodwork done. Have your estradiol (e2) checked. If it is out of wack your emotions can be all over the place. Makes letting things go impossible for me. Are you on an AI like arimidex to control estrogen related sides?

 

[aminoman74]

No I'm not

 

[Cerberus777]

I pray to God every night bro and i think he wants me to work it out my self. He isn't helping any. I now think that at her size what she told me how i wouldn't like her then that they used to call her and then she would sometimes go with it was to make herself feel wanted. I can understand that she said Sometimes she would go couple months with our anything as she was OK being without anyone it depends on her mood.i guess I'm not used to it maybe since i was in a 12 year marriage and don't understand why you would just go out and have sex almost every time some one called. She said she is trying to forget the past as our future is what is special as i told her what we do if it's oral or what ever it is I want it to be special to us and not feel like it's just another thing she did with someone other then me.

Yeah, God isnt a genie, you'll have some work to do. Forgiving and laying the past to rest takes work. .. Sex is just an act we do based on urges. What makes it special is the emotions and the learning what the other one likes. She had sex to fill and urge, feel wanted, or what ever...if she is trying to make the experience better for you. Thats whats special, not the act. What ever you two do, your neighbors and your neighbor's neighbors are doing the same thing.

 

[Cerberus777]

Need to get bloodwork done. Have your estradiol (e2) checked. If it is out of wack your emotions can be all over the place. Makes letting things go impossible for me. Are you on an AI like arimidex to control estrogen related sides?

Deca/npp makes it worse...norestrogen messes with my head

 

[aminoman74]

Yeah, God isnt a genie, you'll have some work to do. Forgiving and laying the past to rest takes work. .. Sex is just an act we do based on urges. What makes it special is the emotions and the learning what the other one likes. She had sex to fill and urge, feel wanted, or what ever...if she is trying to make the experience better for you. Thats whats special, not the act. What ever you two do, your neighbors and your neighbor's neighbors are doing the same thing.

Ya I think the same as she told me before she was really big and didn't feel good about herself and she never showed her body. I think the same. She did these things to feel wanted or better about herself. I can see why she did that also. She told me last night what we do if she has done it before or not is something we both share as a married couple and is very special to us. IV liked doing certain thinks but never found my ex to like it and my wife now didn't like it but she said since she had been with me she now loves it since she loves me and it's something we both like now. She told me last night that she blocked out her past and doesn't even remember what she had done and hasn't done. She wants and likes to please me and actually does some things to please me even if she doesn't care for it.

 

[aminoman74]

She said she would sometimes go months without sex just depending on her mood at the time when they called. She was fine without anyone. She never cared to date or try a relationship till she seen me and wanted to get to know me.

 

[Cerberus777]

So, what you have is special. Sex used to be about her, her feelings. Now its about yours. And you should do the same...that is what makes it special. And if she is enjoying things that she used to not with others, there's the proof... Its tough, but your on the right track I think.

 

[aminoman74]

Lol ya it sucks but the thoughts go thru my head and I have been keeping a clear head pretty good. I talked to my cosine about this And she is in the medical field and she knows and sees how I treat and act towards my wife and i get laughed at about how I talk about her on Facebook as they never seen my treat and talk about her compared to my ex. I was unhappy and now I'm always talking and showing my wife how much i care. Anyways my cousin said that she thinks I'm so in love that I'm vulnerable to these feelings and get jealous because I love her. She feels concealing would help fix this.

 

[Cerberus777]

Lol ya it sucks but the thoughts go thru my head and I have been keeping a clear head pretty good. I talked to my cosine about this And she is in the medical field and she knows and sees how I treat and act towards my wife and i get laughed at about how I talk about her on Facebook as they never seen my treat and talk about her compared to my ex. I was unhappy and now I'm always talking and showing my wife how much i care. Anyways my cousin said that she thinks I'm so in love that I'm vulnerable to these feelings and get jealous because I love her. She feels concealing would help fix this.

I believe once he finds the right one...men love harder. Once we find someone we can trust...we srart feeling very vulnerable and insecure. We get all wrapped up in ourselves, anxiety turns to jealousy. Just take a few breaths and understand shes with you by choice.

 

[aminoman74]

I believe once he finds the right one...men love harder. Once we find someone we can trust...we srart feeling very vulnerable and insecure. We get all wrapped up in ourselves, anxiety turns to jealousy. Just take a few breaths and understand shes with you by choice.

Oh I do bro. She is all I think about. This crap and the great side as in love. When I don't think think about this crap I'm emotional with her and talk about our love and get tier eyed. I look at our pics non stop like I said before. So it's one thing to another.
So do you think I'm just so in love and feel hard for her? Maybe the eq maid it stronger.

 

[A50#]

If her sexual past was such an issue then why did you marry her to begin with? Asking her about past and how she done it and who she done it with is just asking for trouble in my opinion. Your never going to walk away from those converstions with a clear sound mind.

The great Bears coach made a quote one time that has stuck with me forever
'Only cowards live in the past'. You cant control the past but you can the future. Your only wasting precious time and energy on things that dont even matter anymore.

If you love this women and your holding this up as your guard then your really going to have to FORGIVE her to move forward. I think forgiving is also forgetting. Dont ever bring that hurtful subject up again. Quit thinking about it and if you do try thinking of something else in your relationship thats positive. Never use it as a weapon when you get mad or argue. You have to clean the slate to zero and move on. She's YOUR wife now and that's all that should matter.

 

[aminoman74]

It's been easier last couple days. I totally agree about what you said and I tell myself this when it pops up. I asked her to marry me because I felt she was the one. I was to the point when I was away from her like at work I felt depressed so I asked some friends and looked it up on the net why I felt this way and they all said it's love. When you are at a place where you liked and now is not fun and you hate being there now is because you miss your lover. I asked her also because I didn't have the feeling of not sure our want sure so I figured it must be time. I never had cold feet either from the whole time. We have this bond or chemistry if you want to say. We are so calm and mellow with each other. To tell the truth this hasn't really bothered me the whole time. Most of the time but not the whole time.

 

[Cerberus777]

The gear isnt helping. But I think you really love her and fell intimidated that her experience may make her want to stray or something. Men get wrapped up in the actions and experience of sex. Women its almost all in the head...so its an emotional experience. She's chosen you. So for her its the best sex.