i need your help

[SVFootball]

i posted this over in the womens forum to get their opinions and ill post it here...

ok so heres my problem. lets say "a friend" of mine, who i really care about, is really endangering herself doing these damn beauty pagaents. shes literally starving herself, somedays not even taking in 1000 calories and training to the point of not being safe. i really dont know how to get her to change, shes so set on being perfect and thin. i really wish shed stop doing this to her body...shes TOO thin and doesnt lose weight healthy. i really dont know how to help her. ive tried a heart-to-heart talk and really tell her that shes not safe. she knows i know a lot about nutrition and everything, but whenever i give her a diet she says "too many calories" and wont follow it.

i really dont know what to do...im scared that shes gonna really hurt herself. whenever i say she isnt being safe she says "im breathing. im ok"

someone please give me some advice here as to what i should do...she has a history of eating disorders and i know she throws up alot. at this point i dont know what to do...

 

[pesty4077]

Her problem is more than eating wrong, unfortunately, she needs professional help, but until she reconizes that, all you can do brother, is pray and try to encourage her to seek help. Any kind of addiction, you can not be in denial, you have to want help. She is bless to have you as a friend, who is concerned. FOCUS ON GOD.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

i posted this over in the womens forum to get their opinions and ill post it here...

ok so heres my problem. lets say "a friend" of mine, who i really care about, is really endangering herself doing these damn beauty pagaents. shes literally starving herself, somedays not even taking in 1000 calories and training to the point of not being safe. i really dont know how to get her to change, shes so set on being perfect and thin. i really wish shed stop doing this to her body...shes TOO thin and doesnt lose weight healthy. i really dont know how to help her. ive tried a heart-to-heart talk and really tell her that shes not safe. she knows i know a lot about nutrition and everything, but whenever i give her a diet she says "too many calories" and wont follow it.

i really dont know what to do...im scared that shes gonna really hurt herself. whenever i say she isnt being safe she says "im breathing. im ok"

someone please give me some advice here as to what i should do...she has a history of eating disorders and i know she throws up alot. at this point i dont know what to do...

So obsessed with her looks and winning that she would put her health in danger?!?!? I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE!!!

Well I don't know about the God part, but the rest of what the last guy posted is probably true (hard to say though). She may need help. Actually for what she's doing, as long as it's a healthy 1000 calories, that's actually not too bad. That's a far cry from starving herself. If I were you, I'd add up her 1000 calories and show her how to eat the same kcals with chicken, fish, healthy fats, vegetables, and some low GI carbs. What she's doing is a whole different ballgame than what we do. Much different than even our fitness gals. They care nothing about muscle mass. They want skin and bones and nice boobies.

The problem with what she's doing healthwise is if the 1000 kcals is from a burger, a candy bar, and 11 diet cokes. Because then she'll just look like hell too.

 

[SVFootball]

So obsessed with her looks and winning that she would put her health in danger?!?!? I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE!!!

Well I don't know about the God part, but the rest of what the last guy posted is probably true (hard to say though). She may need help. Actually for what she's doing, as long as it's a healthy 1000 calories, that's actually not too bad. That's a far cry from starving herself. If I were you, I'd add up her 1000 calories and show her how to eat the same kcals with chicken, fish, healthy fats, vegetables, and some low GI carbs. What she's doing is a whole different ballgame than what we do. Much different than even our fitness gals. They care nothing about muscle mass. They want skin and bones and nice boobies.

The problem with what she's doing healthwise is if the 1000 kcals is from a burger, a candy bar, and 11 diet cokes. Because then she'll just look like hell too.

1000 calories is on a good day...i know when shes gone 3+ days with NOTHING.

edit: today she ate a fast food chicken biscuit and a serving of chicken alfredo for her "food." i offered her advice and her response was "ive been to plenty of nutritionists. i want to eat what i want to eat, and im gonna eat it."

i give up

 

[OuchThatHurts]

1000 calories is on a good day...i know when shes gone 3+ days with NOTHING.

edit: today she ate a fast food chicken biscuit and a serving of chicken alfredo for her "food." i offered her advice and her response was "ive been to plenty of nutritionists. i want to eat what i want to eat, and im gonna eat it."

i give up

Well then perhaps an intervention on your part and maybe a few of her friends and other people she trusts. Are you the only one seeing this behavior? Unfortunately, there's not much you can do until she collapses and then needs hospitalization. Then it's on record. That still doesn't mean much in extreme cases. But she really needs to get an evaluation at least.

There used to be a really smart grad student here who specialized in eating disorders and some dysmorphic disorders (like BDD for example). I will try to get her to post in this thread. She's a friend.

 

[SVFootball]

Well then perhaps an intervention on your part and maybe a few of her friends and other people she trusts. Are you the only one seeing this behavior? Unfortunately, there's not much you can do until she collapses and then needs hospitalization. Then it's on record. That still doesn't mean much in extreme cases. But she really needs to get an evaluation at least.

There used to be a really smart grad student here who specialized in eating disorders and some dysmorphic disorders (in your friend's case BDD). I will try to get her to post in this thread. She's a friend.

well her current boyfriend knows about it and does nothing....hes a pussy and wont stand up to her. we have a history and just started talking again recently, now this. im trying my hardest, unfortunately she doesnt have many friends, she tends to alienate them, and her mother "encouraged" those habits because she wanted her to be a beauty queen. so im kind of alone in this fight...

thanks man, i really appreciate all this help

 

[OuchThatHurts]

well her current boyfriend knows about it and does nothing....hes a pussy and wont stand up to her. we have a history and just started talking again recently, now this. im trying my hardest, unfortunately she doesnt have many friends, she tends to alienate them, and her mother "encouraged" those habits because she wanted her to be a beauty queen. so im kind of alone in this fight...

thanks man, i really appreciate all this help

Well regarding your fight there, just remember what your fight is. The possible eating disorder/OCD/BDD (whatever) going on there is HER fight, not yours. Your fight is learning to cope and dealing with the fact that it may be something totally beyond your control. You can't save her, only she can do that. The only hero that will come out of this is her if she beats it. Live your life and give what you can to her in terms of your support but you could be in for a lot of heartache the closer you get to this and I'm not sure if you need to fall on that grenade so early in your own young life. It's a noble thing sure but remember the story of Icarus? He flew to close to the sun and his wings melted and he fell to his death? I recommend not flying too awful close.

 

[oldfella]

SV, i replied in the female forum and did not see it here!

 

[bigshadow]

SV. Ouch gives some really great advice here. I think a lot of people have been in your shoes. She needs to get help for this...and as OTH said, you need to be at peace when you have no control. No Control=No Responsibility. You are not responsible for the outcome my friend.
Sometimes, we want to get in and try to fix things or fix people...especially when we have so much knowledge in an area like nutrition or health(as you have). If you've confronted her about it, then you've done all that you can do which is to tell her that you don't agree with it. Tell her she needs to seek treatment. That is about all you can actively do... Then try to be a good role model and influence for others and most importantly yourself and live your life. I'm sure this is very tough medicine to swallow at the moment, and I know just how hard it can be when you are caught up in it. I remember when I was in college, the national average for college girls with eating disorders was 1 in 4!
The thing is SV. This is more than just some eating disorder and desire to be crowned queen of the world. It goes much deeper than that, and if this person does not get help, then you will continue to see her hurting herself and those around her in other ways...